Transcription:
How To Deal With Fitness Bullies

Melanie Cole (Host): Some people purposely try to sabotage your fitness goals because they aren’t having the same success, while others might not even realize that their words or actions are having a negative effect on you and they’ve become a fitness bully. My guest today is Jeannie Paris. She’s a registered dietician and certified health coach who practices with the Penny George Institute for Health and Healing at the LiveWell Fitness Center at Abbot Northwestern Hospital. Welcome to the show, Jeannie. How do you learn to deal with people who try and force poor nutrition on you or poor choices? What do you do with those people?

Jeannie (Guest): Oh, that’s a great question. I come across this quite a bit and I can think of probably several responses to that. The first one is, it’s really okay to say “no”. I understand that this is hard for some people but if you really don’t want to eat it, you don’t have to. A lot of people I think they grew up thinking that their parents taught them if somebody offers you food, you need to accept it, like it’s rude if you don’t. But, as times change and we become adults, we can make our own decisions on what we want to eat and what we don’t. I just really encourage people, if you don’t want it, say “no”. Say, “I could eat it but I really am choosing not to.” Another thing, too, that comes to mind on this is that when people are interested in their health and wellness and they’re wanting to care for their body, even just telling people that “I like my food choices to make me feel good and if I eat cake or if I eat that doughnut, I know it really doesn’t make me feel good”. And then, another thing I think of because sometimes when I talk to people they struggle with saying “no” or being a little bit more upfront. So, sometimes I just coach them, you know, if it’s easier for you to just say, “Oh, I’m allergic to wheat,” or “I’m allergic to dairy,” or whatever it might be, that is a good response that most of the time will just stop people from pushing food. So, “I’m allergic or I’m intolerant to wheat or dairy” is just a really good out for someone who feels just not quite as strong about coming forward with that, “no” answer.

Melanie: What is really the term fitness bully mean?

Jeannie: When I think about that, I guess it’s--and I would think of it in terms of probably sometimes a dietician, a fitness or even a food bully, if you will, and I view it as somebody who tries to push their beliefs onto somebody else. So whether it’s about food or whether it’s about a specific fitness approach or certain exercises that you should be doing like, “If you want to lose weight or if you’re wanting to build muscle, you should be doing this”. The way that I look at that and, really, what we know, and research supports is that there is not one diet nor is there one exercise regimen that works for everybody. I mean, there’s just not a cookie cutter approach. That can even be a good response to somebody who is trying to push certain foods or certain exercise routines is just that, “Hey, maybe that works for you but I don’t think that that’s going to work for me,” or, “I know that doesn’t work for me,” if they have tried it in the past.

Melanie: Now, even trainers can be fitness bullies if they try to get you to do something you don’t want to do or maybe they’re just talking to you a little bit differently if you’re someone who has a little extra weight. Have you ever experienced that?

Jeannie: Well, I mean, not so much me personally but I certainly have heard some of the clients that I work with talk about that if they have worked with personal trainers and, certainly, wanting them to do exercises that maybe they have had injuries in the past and know that--say, a physical therapist or an exercise physiologist, has said, “That might not be the safest or the best exercise for you to do”. So, again, I think it’s a matter of really advocating for yourself and saying, “Hey, because of a previous injury or because of a medical condition that I have, I’m not able to do that. I know that that doesn’t really work for me or it’s not safe for me to do that.

Melanie: So, you really have to stand up for yourself. What about when you are your own fitness bully because we all, especially women, Jeannie, we negative self-talk ourselves all the time. What can we do to get that out?

Jeannie: Yes, we do. Oh, gosh, I really see this every day and I would see the majority of the people that I work with are women and, unfortunately, there is a lot of negative self-talk out there. So, when I start to hear that from somebody or somebody is aware of it, I think that’s really the first step is that awareness piece. So, if someone doesn’t know that she is doing that, it’s just a matter of gently trying to point out or even just repeat back to her what I just heard her say so she can actually hear it, and ask, “Hey, do you hear the negativity in that?” And so, that’s really the first step, is to become aware of some of that negative self-talk. And then, I tend to use a practice that’s called “reframing”, and really what that does is help somebody to identify those negative irrational thoughts or beliefs that they might have, and actually write them down and then reframe them in a sense into more positive thought or a positive affirmation. I’m a really firm believer in ‘I am’ statements. Another thing that we know is that the brain really works to prove a thought that we have. So, if somebody is saying, “I am lazy,” the brain is going to find ways to prove that’s true; whereas, if somebody has an I am statement that says, “I am fit and healthy,” then your brain is going to work to prove that. So, oftentimes, it’s a matter of having those positive thoughts or affirmations or ‘I am’ statements that a person might not even 100% believe at the time but if they can just start running that through their minds and maybe even putting it on Post-it notes around places that they spend a lot of time just as a constant reminder, as they start to say those things and think those things, it can completely change their outlook. They can start to see positive things happen and focus more on the positive outcomes and be more solution-focused than problem-focused when it comes to whatever area of their health and wellness that they’re wanting to focus on.

Melanie: What a great way to put it. I always like to say to people, be part of the solution, not part of the problem. So, along those lines and in just the last few minutes here, wrap it up for us. What do you do or what do you tell people if they see somebody else body shaming somebody else? And, if they’re in the locker room and they see some women giggling about another woman, do you stand up to them? Do you keep quiet? What do you tell people? Give us your best advice about being your own best health advocate and avoiding those fitness bullies.

Jeannie: I think everybody is different and so they need to know, each person needs to know, their own personality. For some people, it might be actually standing up and saying something. I would certainly encourage doing it in a gentle and non-threatening manner but just to say, “Hey, do you realize that it might take that person a lot of strength and courage to even get in a swimming suit and come to a water aerobics class? Or, to even come to some type of a gym and work out in front of others?” Otherwise, if somebody really doesn’t feel okay that they want to do that, I think it’s just a matter of really turning that within and just saying, “Okay, I want to make sure that I’m not doing that type of thing, and that I want to really encourage and support people that I see here making the effort to either make healthy food choices or to just get here and exercise.” So, I think it’s just giving that kindness and trying to not pass judgment on others. We never know another person’s story and so it’s just trying to have that kind and encouraging demeanor.

Melanie: Really great advice. Thank you so much, Jeannie, for being with us today. You’re listening to The Wellcast with Allina Health. And for more information, you can go to www.allinahealth.org. That’s www.allinahealth.org. This is Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for listening.