Listen up, A-Rod: The Yankees are bringing you back, but Coach Girardi says you'll have to prove you can deliver an all-star performance without using performance-enhancing steroids. And we're here to help. We suggest you opt for hard work and discipline to get back into shape, and skip professional bodybuilders' latest muscle-bulking craze (don't even think about it!): breast milk.
Yup, bench-pressing behemoths are touting the "natural energy drink" as the best thing since, well, mother's milk. The problem is that it isn't from their mothers. Trolling through Craigslist and other online sites, guys are accessing it from unregulated, unclean sources.
According to a new study in the journal Pediatrics, you're risking more than wasted money when you make such a purchase. Researchers in Ohio examined 101 samples from a popular milk-sharing website and found that that 74 percent were contaminated with staph bacteria and other infectious microbes. Also, HIV can be transmitted through breast milk, although none of the study samples contained it.
So if you're interested in beefing up and having more energy, try our Super Juice instead. It's an A-Rod special that will keep you out of trouble and in shape: In a blender, combine 1 cup baby kale, 1 cup frozen raspberries, 1 cup almond milk, 1/2 cup no-sugar-added vanilla Greek yogurt. Down that with 900 mg of algal oil supplement, and you'll be good to make your run around the bases or take a walk around the park - and you'll be able to keep doing it with joy for many more years.
Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.