Leslie Dempsey, BS, CCLS III shares how to talk to your children about having a sibling in the hospital, common fears, or emotional responses your child might have and how to help your child cope.
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How to Help Children Cope When Their Brother or Sister is in the Hospital
Featured Speaker:
Learn more about the Child Life Department.
Leslie Dempsey, BS, CCLS III
Leslie Dempsey has been a child life specialist with BayCare for 10 years. She obtained her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology at the University of Kansas. As a child life specialist, Leslie is trained in the developmental impact of illness and injury on children. She provides evidence-based, developmentally appropriate interventions including therapeutic play, preparation and education that reduces fear, anxiety, and pain for pediatric patients in the hospital environment.Learn more about the Child Life Department.
Transcription:
How to Help Children Cope When Their Brother or Sister is in the Hospital
Melanie Cole, MS (Host): Welcome to BayCare HealthChat. I'm Melanie Cole and today we’re discussing how to help children cope when their brother or sister is in the hospital. Joining me is Leslie Dempsey. She’s a senior certified child life specialist at BayCare. Leslie, I'm so glad to have you on. What an important topic we’re talking about today. Give us some developmental considerations as it pertains to sibling’s understandings of their brother’s and sister’s hospitalization. When a sibling has to go to the hospital, how do the other siblings process it? I suppose it depends on their age as well.
Leslie Dempsey, BS, CCLS III (Guest): Absolutely it does. So a lot of times the focus is on the child that’s in the hospital. So we always want to make sure that we are taking into consideration the other children at home and how they're feeling about their hospitalization as well. So as far as developmentally what to consider, it is based on age. Toddlers, they really don’t have the understanding of what is going on specifically. However, they will feel that separation from their caregiver. So mom or dad is going to be with the child at the hospital. There is a change in routine, the loss of that caregiver and that daily interaction. So toddlers really need that routine and they need to have that parent there. So really for that age group it’s really important to just try to keep the routine as normal as possible for them. As far as preschoolers, their imaginations are really big at that age. They're starting to develop different thoughts and ideas that can be kind of scary. So for that age group, they may think that their brother or sister isn’t coming home. Or they may have fear of their brother or sister dying because they may associate being in the hospital with death and that sort of thing. So really talking to this age group about what is happening with their brother or sister is really important so that they don’t start to create their own stories. A lot of times at this age too they can think the situation is a lot worse than it is. So really having those conversations with that age group on what is going on can really help clarify misconceptions that they might have.
Host: Well, it certainly can. How scary for the sibling once they're kind of old enough to understand. So how can parents, Leslie, have that discussion of the common fears of their siblings when their brother or sister is hospitalized? Again, a lot of this does depend on their age and their developmental consideration, as you just spoke about. How do we start that discussion with our children without letting their imaginations run wild?
Leslie: We really recommend asking the child what they know or how they feel about their brother or sister being in the hospital. So really asking these questions can help give the parent some insight into what they're thinking and what they're feeling. If we start these conversations off without knowing where they're at, we might instill fear that really maybe isn’t there. So really just starting off the conversation with how are you feeling about your brother or sister being in the hospital and then what do you know about why they're there. Then just kind of jumping off from what they know or what they think. Kind of expanding upon that is using books. Books are really great. They have a lot of different books related to the hospital specifically for siblings. So utilizing different books that are going to be at their age level is really helpful too, and it helps kids process things a little bit easier and more age appropriately. So really having those conversations, talking about feelings, and normalizing those feelings. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel scared. Really just, again, normalizing those feelings for them so that they can understand that it’s okay and learn how to kind of cope with those different feelings.
Host: Well that’s certainly true. As you're telling us about typical emotional reactions to a sibling’s hospitalization—and I went through this myself when my daughter had a febrile seizure and my little four-year-old son was pretty freaked out when the ambulance came. So what are some of the things that you want parents to know about working with that child as the siblings emotional needs can be forgotten? What are some things that we can do to make that sibling feel like they matter too, especially in the case of maybe long term care of their sibling where it’s going on for a while and the parents are all caught up in whatever the sibling is going through.
Leslie: There's a lot of different things we can do to help the sibling. So, again, it’s really encouraging parents to include the sibling as much as they can. So looking also for different behavior changes. So as far as emotional reactions that you might see, kids are going to feel sad. They're going to feel—sometimes kids can feel guilty that they’ve done something to cause whatever it is that their brother or sister is in the hospital for. It can also be accident-related that maybe the siblings were playing, and one got hurt from the other accidentally. So there can be those feelings of guilt as well. Jealousy, you might see because the sibling is getting all the attention and the entire family unit has kind of changed temporarily. Again fear - they can have fear of all kinds of things, specifically death or that their brother or sister is not going to be okay. So really just kind of checking in with the sibling to make sure that they're emotionally okay and looking for things like regressive behaviors as they call them. So is the sibling more clingy than usual? Are they having more emotional outbursts like crying? Are there any changes in their toileting behavior? Maybe they were potty trained and now they are kind of regressing and having accidents again. Kids sometimes can't really verbalize those big feelings. So those come out with different behaviors. So just keeping an eye on your child and looking for those different emotional reactions—anger, more tantrums than usual.
And then how you can help them cope is really just trying to connect the siblings. So creating that bond still between home and hospital with the sibling. So facetiming with the sibling. Maybe having your children share different letters back and forth to each other or having the sibling at home maybe make a picture to hang up in their brother or sister’s hospital room. So different things like that and still helping them feel connected is really important too. Lastly as far as the parent and the child at home, still carving out quality time with that sibling at home. So whether that’s mom and dad switch for a night from the hospital so that mom can spend time with the child at home. Really just designating that quality time still for the other child is really important.
Host: So tell us what you do, Leslie, as a child life specialist and how the Child Life Department at BayCare can help parents with this situation? They can help siblings cope with one of their siblings in the hospital, giving us creative ideas of ways to support the sibling bond during that hospitalization, how we can keep them connected. Tell us about your job.
Leslie: So my job really is to reduce fear and anxiety as it pertains to hospitalization for children. So helping them cope as best as possible with the situation that they're facing. That is for the hospitalized child, but it’s also for siblings as well. So we really meet with our patients and families and are finding out how they're doing and what are some stressors that they're facing with that hospitalization. So with the hospitalized child, we’re actually engaging them in in play and education and helping them understand exactly what it is that we’re doing to help them and trying to minimize the fear that comes with procedures that they have to have done and empowering them with coping skills to get through these challenging procedures. As far as siblings and helping the parents, we are really just having those conversations with parents on how are the siblings doing at home? A lot of times just having those discussions, parents admit to forgetting about their other child or that they haven’t even thought about connecting the siblings in some way. So it’s really just being an additional support for them that they may not be able to focus on and just giving them, like you said, those ideas and different creative ways that we can still connect them and meet their emotional needs at home. So that’s our overall goal is just to help the patient and the entire family cope as best as possible with that hospitalization.
Host: I love that. That must be such a really rewarding job. Leslie, thank you so much for joining us today. To learn more about the Child Life Department at BayCare, please head over to our website at baycare.org for more information and to get connected with one of our providers. That concludes this episode of BayCare HealthChat. Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast and all the other BayCare podcasts. Thanks for listening. I'm Melanie Cole.
How to Help Children Cope When Their Brother or Sister is in the Hospital
Melanie Cole, MS (Host): Welcome to BayCare HealthChat. I'm Melanie Cole and today we’re discussing how to help children cope when their brother or sister is in the hospital. Joining me is Leslie Dempsey. She’s a senior certified child life specialist at BayCare. Leslie, I'm so glad to have you on. What an important topic we’re talking about today. Give us some developmental considerations as it pertains to sibling’s understandings of their brother’s and sister’s hospitalization. When a sibling has to go to the hospital, how do the other siblings process it? I suppose it depends on their age as well.
Leslie Dempsey, BS, CCLS III (Guest): Absolutely it does. So a lot of times the focus is on the child that’s in the hospital. So we always want to make sure that we are taking into consideration the other children at home and how they're feeling about their hospitalization as well. So as far as developmentally what to consider, it is based on age. Toddlers, they really don’t have the understanding of what is going on specifically. However, they will feel that separation from their caregiver. So mom or dad is going to be with the child at the hospital. There is a change in routine, the loss of that caregiver and that daily interaction. So toddlers really need that routine and they need to have that parent there. So really for that age group it’s really important to just try to keep the routine as normal as possible for them. As far as preschoolers, their imaginations are really big at that age. They're starting to develop different thoughts and ideas that can be kind of scary. So for that age group, they may think that their brother or sister isn’t coming home. Or they may have fear of their brother or sister dying because they may associate being in the hospital with death and that sort of thing. So really talking to this age group about what is happening with their brother or sister is really important so that they don’t start to create their own stories. A lot of times at this age too they can think the situation is a lot worse than it is. So really having those conversations with that age group on what is going on can really help clarify misconceptions that they might have.
Host: Well, it certainly can. How scary for the sibling once they're kind of old enough to understand. So how can parents, Leslie, have that discussion of the common fears of their siblings when their brother or sister is hospitalized? Again, a lot of this does depend on their age and their developmental consideration, as you just spoke about. How do we start that discussion with our children without letting their imaginations run wild?
Leslie: We really recommend asking the child what they know or how they feel about their brother or sister being in the hospital. So really asking these questions can help give the parent some insight into what they're thinking and what they're feeling. If we start these conversations off without knowing where they're at, we might instill fear that really maybe isn’t there. So really just starting off the conversation with how are you feeling about your brother or sister being in the hospital and then what do you know about why they're there. Then just kind of jumping off from what they know or what they think. Kind of expanding upon that is using books. Books are really great. They have a lot of different books related to the hospital specifically for siblings. So utilizing different books that are going to be at their age level is really helpful too, and it helps kids process things a little bit easier and more age appropriately. So really having those conversations, talking about feelings, and normalizing those feelings. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel scared. Really just, again, normalizing those feelings for them so that they can understand that it’s okay and learn how to kind of cope with those different feelings.
Host: Well that’s certainly true. As you're telling us about typical emotional reactions to a sibling’s hospitalization—and I went through this myself when my daughter had a febrile seizure and my little four-year-old son was pretty freaked out when the ambulance came. So what are some of the things that you want parents to know about working with that child as the siblings emotional needs can be forgotten? What are some things that we can do to make that sibling feel like they matter too, especially in the case of maybe long term care of their sibling where it’s going on for a while and the parents are all caught up in whatever the sibling is going through.
Leslie: There's a lot of different things we can do to help the sibling. So, again, it’s really encouraging parents to include the sibling as much as they can. So looking also for different behavior changes. So as far as emotional reactions that you might see, kids are going to feel sad. They're going to feel—sometimes kids can feel guilty that they’ve done something to cause whatever it is that their brother or sister is in the hospital for. It can also be accident-related that maybe the siblings were playing, and one got hurt from the other accidentally. So there can be those feelings of guilt as well. Jealousy, you might see because the sibling is getting all the attention and the entire family unit has kind of changed temporarily. Again fear - they can have fear of all kinds of things, specifically death or that their brother or sister is not going to be okay. So really just kind of checking in with the sibling to make sure that they're emotionally okay and looking for things like regressive behaviors as they call them. So is the sibling more clingy than usual? Are they having more emotional outbursts like crying? Are there any changes in their toileting behavior? Maybe they were potty trained and now they are kind of regressing and having accidents again. Kids sometimes can't really verbalize those big feelings. So those come out with different behaviors. So just keeping an eye on your child and looking for those different emotional reactions—anger, more tantrums than usual.
And then how you can help them cope is really just trying to connect the siblings. So creating that bond still between home and hospital with the sibling. So facetiming with the sibling. Maybe having your children share different letters back and forth to each other or having the sibling at home maybe make a picture to hang up in their brother or sister’s hospital room. So different things like that and still helping them feel connected is really important too. Lastly as far as the parent and the child at home, still carving out quality time with that sibling at home. So whether that’s mom and dad switch for a night from the hospital so that mom can spend time with the child at home. Really just designating that quality time still for the other child is really important.
Host: So tell us what you do, Leslie, as a child life specialist and how the Child Life Department at BayCare can help parents with this situation? They can help siblings cope with one of their siblings in the hospital, giving us creative ideas of ways to support the sibling bond during that hospitalization, how we can keep them connected. Tell us about your job.
Leslie: So my job really is to reduce fear and anxiety as it pertains to hospitalization for children. So helping them cope as best as possible with the situation that they're facing. That is for the hospitalized child, but it’s also for siblings as well. So we really meet with our patients and families and are finding out how they're doing and what are some stressors that they're facing with that hospitalization. So with the hospitalized child, we’re actually engaging them in in play and education and helping them understand exactly what it is that we’re doing to help them and trying to minimize the fear that comes with procedures that they have to have done and empowering them with coping skills to get through these challenging procedures. As far as siblings and helping the parents, we are really just having those conversations with parents on how are the siblings doing at home? A lot of times just having those discussions, parents admit to forgetting about their other child or that they haven’t even thought about connecting the siblings in some way. So it’s really just being an additional support for them that they may not be able to focus on and just giving them, like you said, those ideas and different creative ways that we can still connect them and meet their emotional needs at home. So that’s our overall goal is just to help the patient and the entire family cope as best as possible with that hospitalization.
Host: I love that. That must be such a really rewarding job. Leslie, thank you so much for joining us today. To learn more about the Child Life Department at BayCare, please head over to our website at baycare.org for more information and to get connected with one of our providers. That concludes this episode of BayCare HealthChat. Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast and all the other BayCare podcasts. Thanks for listening. I'm Melanie Cole.