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Your Emotions and Cancer
A cancer diagnosis can affect the emotional health of patients, families and caregivers. Jessica Kilgore, a licensed mental health counselor at BayCare Health System discusses the common emotions that come along with a cancer diagnosis and shares tips on how to manage those emotions.
Featured Speaker:
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP
Jessica M. Kilgore is the Cancer Patient Support Services counselor for St. Joseph’s Hospitals. She earned her master’s degree in counseling and human development from Lindsey Wilson College. Ms. Kilgore is a licensed mental health counselor, a certified clinical mental health counselor, a nationally certified counselor, and an ICEFFT certified emotionally focused therapist. She has more than 10 years’ experience in providing supportive care to patients who have been diagnosed with cancer. Ms. Kilgore provides short-term counseling to patients and loved ones which can include adjustment to diagnosis and treatment, coping with stressors and life changes, grief and loss, sexuality and intimacy, and transitions in care. Transcription:
Your Emotions and Cancer
Intro: This is BayCare HealthChat, another podcast from BayCare Health System.
Caitlin Whyte: Welcome to BayCare HealthChat. I'm Caitlin Whyte. And in this episode, we will be discussing the common emotions that come along with a cancer diagnosis and talking about some tips on how to manage those emotions with Jessica Kilgore, a licensed mental health counselor at BayCare Health System.
So Jessica, this is such an important topic, often overlooked by, you know, the physical aspects of a cancer diagnosis. So to start us off, what are some common emotional experiences you see when someone is first learning that they have cancer?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: When patients are first learning that they have cancer, it is very common for them to experience a myriad of emotions, anything from hope and gratitude to anxiety, feeling of being overwhelmed, confusion, grief, stress, anger, fear, and even denial. And it's very common for patients to vacillate through these emotions from moment to moment, that could be from hour to hour, day to day, even minute to minute.
Caitlin Whyte: And with all of the ups and downs and crossroads that cancer brings our way, tell us about that cycle of emotions that can occur during a cancer journey.
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: Yeah. So the cycle of emotions that can occur is that any time we are experiencing or facing an event that is very uncertain or unknown, such as a cancer diagnosis, and that is moving so fast because we might have to be at another doctor's appointment or there might be another scan on the schedule or chemotherapy, it's common for us to have to shift very rapidly. And so with those emotions, we have somewhat of a rollercoaster in that we can go from, you know, feeling very scared of this new scan to walking away from the scan feeling very grateful, that "Great. I got that done. That's another look at my cancer diagnosis. That's another way of tracking where I am." And even from a sense of peace, you know, "I know what my treatment is going to be. I know what we're going to do" to confusion over, "Wait a minute. There's another new piece of information." And also from things like joy to resentment. It's very common for patients to have moments where this can be very frustrating, it can be overwhelming and it can feel at times even a sense of anger of "Why me, why did this happen? Why now?" And then at the same time, flip back over and say, "But why not me? Why not now? You know, I have the resources." So it's very common for patients to shift back and forth and not knowing that that's coming from one moment to the next.
Caitlin Whyte: Wow. Okay. So let's focus on the patients, the people with cancer themselves. What are some self-care tips or other strategies for dealing with this emotionally heavy time?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: Yes, so for patients, it's really important that they make some space for their emotions. And what I mean by that is allowing those feelings to be present and to be felt. And there's a variety of ways that people can do that. For example, somebody could engage in journaling if that speaks to them, or maybe they could just simply go outside and take a walk or spend some time in nature. Sometimes yoga classes can be very beneficial. Joining a support group for like cancers or just a generalized support group. Reaching out to a good friend who's really a good listener that is going to allow you to walk around in those emotions and not give you those easy answers and just say, "Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be okay," but rather to say, "You know what? This is hard. This is really hard. And I'm so glad that you're able to share that with me." And any type of exercise or even professional help, like speaking to someone who is a mental health provider, can be a great way to do self-care.
Caitlin Whyte: And what are some tips for, you know, friends, family members, maybe a coworker, someone who just knows that someone near them is dealing with this diagnosis. How can they kind of be of support?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: That is a wonderful question and one that gets asked frequently. And I would like to go to something called the platinum rule and the platinum rule is do unto others as they would have you do unto them. And what that means is find out from your loved one, your coworker, your friend, your family member, "What can I do for you right now?" and really ask and listen. If they say, "I just need you to sit here with me in silence," do that for them. If they say, "I need to laugh, I need to have a great time. I just need to forget about all of that," do that for them. If they say, "I need to cry and I need someone to hold me," do that for them. So really it's about finding out from your person what can I do to be most helpful and allow them to express whatever they need to do and just roll with it and have them, you know, share with you any ups and downs that they're going through and just make, again, space for all of that.
Caitlin Whyte: And, you know, patients may reach a point where self-care or friends and family really just can't cut it anymore. You touched on this a few answers ago, but when would it be a time to seek professional assistance with those emotions and how would they do that?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: Sure. So I think one of the great things is that you don't have to wait for a specific time to seek professional assistance. Here at BayCare, we have people in our system who are counselors who work in the cancer patient support services program, who can provide that care from the onset of diagnosis and give you that person on your team right away.
And then, there are other times that we may say, "That's a great service. I don't need that right now," and so here's some of the things we want to be looking for. Are you noticing that maybe you're feeling a lot more down than you used to? And when I say a lot more down, not just a down day, but maybe you're feeling several days that you might feel hopeless or extreme sadness. Maybe even noticing that you're sleeping a lot more, or maybe not sleeping enough that doesn't have to do with medication.
Maybe there's a big change in your energy level that again, doesn't have to do with your treatment. Even a loss of appetite or an increase in appetite. So if you're noticing some big shifts in yourself, that could indicate some depression or anxiety. And of course, if there's a time that you're thinking about death a lot or you're thinking about dying and that would include making plans to harm yourself, those would be times that you would want to seek professional help immediately.
Caitlin Whyte: Jessica, this is a huge topic to cover in one small podcast, but is there anything else we didn't touch on that you want, again, patients to know or friends and family of patients to know just about the emotional aspect of this journey?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: I think a big wrap-around summary statement is that having a wide variety of emotions is common, it's typical. And there's nothing to be concerned about. It's allowing yourself to express those emotions in whatever way feels good to you that's safe and helpful, including speaking with friends and family, professionals, journaling, doing things on your own and also for family members to come alongside and provide that care and saying, "I'm here for you and we will walk this journey together."
Caitlin Whyte: Well, we can't thank you enough, Jessica, for the important work you're doing with those dealing with cancer. And we so appreciate your time today.
To learn more about cancer services at BayCare, visit BaycareCancer.org. And please remember to subscribe, rate and review this podcast and all of the other BayCare podcasts. For more health tips and updates, you could follow us on your social channels. This has been another episode of BayCare HealthChat. I'm Caitlin Whyte. Stay well.
Your Emotions and Cancer
Intro: This is BayCare HealthChat, another podcast from BayCare Health System.
Caitlin Whyte: Welcome to BayCare HealthChat. I'm Caitlin Whyte. And in this episode, we will be discussing the common emotions that come along with a cancer diagnosis and talking about some tips on how to manage those emotions with Jessica Kilgore, a licensed mental health counselor at BayCare Health System.
So Jessica, this is such an important topic, often overlooked by, you know, the physical aspects of a cancer diagnosis. So to start us off, what are some common emotional experiences you see when someone is first learning that they have cancer?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: When patients are first learning that they have cancer, it is very common for them to experience a myriad of emotions, anything from hope and gratitude to anxiety, feeling of being overwhelmed, confusion, grief, stress, anger, fear, and even denial. And it's very common for patients to vacillate through these emotions from moment to moment, that could be from hour to hour, day to day, even minute to minute.
Caitlin Whyte: And with all of the ups and downs and crossroads that cancer brings our way, tell us about that cycle of emotions that can occur during a cancer journey.
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: Yeah. So the cycle of emotions that can occur is that any time we are experiencing or facing an event that is very uncertain or unknown, such as a cancer diagnosis, and that is moving so fast because we might have to be at another doctor's appointment or there might be another scan on the schedule or chemotherapy, it's common for us to have to shift very rapidly. And so with those emotions, we have somewhat of a rollercoaster in that we can go from, you know, feeling very scared of this new scan to walking away from the scan feeling very grateful, that "Great. I got that done. That's another look at my cancer diagnosis. That's another way of tracking where I am." And even from a sense of peace, you know, "I know what my treatment is going to be. I know what we're going to do" to confusion over, "Wait a minute. There's another new piece of information." And also from things like joy to resentment. It's very common for patients to have moments where this can be very frustrating, it can be overwhelming and it can feel at times even a sense of anger of "Why me, why did this happen? Why now?" And then at the same time, flip back over and say, "But why not me? Why not now? You know, I have the resources." So it's very common for patients to shift back and forth and not knowing that that's coming from one moment to the next.
Caitlin Whyte: Wow. Okay. So let's focus on the patients, the people with cancer themselves. What are some self-care tips or other strategies for dealing with this emotionally heavy time?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: Yes, so for patients, it's really important that they make some space for their emotions. And what I mean by that is allowing those feelings to be present and to be felt. And there's a variety of ways that people can do that. For example, somebody could engage in journaling if that speaks to them, or maybe they could just simply go outside and take a walk or spend some time in nature. Sometimes yoga classes can be very beneficial. Joining a support group for like cancers or just a generalized support group. Reaching out to a good friend who's really a good listener that is going to allow you to walk around in those emotions and not give you those easy answers and just say, "Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be okay," but rather to say, "You know what? This is hard. This is really hard. And I'm so glad that you're able to share that with me." And any type of exercise or even professional help, like speaking to someone who is a mental health provider, can be a great way to do self-care.
Caitlin Whyte: And what are some tips for, you know, friends, family members, maybe a coworker, someone who just knows that someone near them is dealing with this diagnosis. How can they kind of be of support?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: That is a wonderful question and one that gets asked frequently. And I would like to go to something called the platinum rule and the platinum rule is do unto others as they would have you do unto them. And what that means is find out from your loved one, your coworker, your friend, your family member, "What can I do for you right now?" and really ask and listen. If they say, "I just need you to sit here with me in silence," do that for them. If they say, "I need to laugh, I need to have a great time. I just need to forget about all of that," do that for them. If they say, "I need to cry and I need someone to hold me," do that for them. So really it's about finding out from your person what can I do to be most helpful and allow them to express whatever they need to do and just roll with it and have them, you know, share with you any ups and downs that they're going through and just make, again, space for all of that.
Caitlin Whyte: And, you know, patients may reach a point where self-care or friends and family really just can't cut it anymore. You touched on this a few answers ago, but when would it be a time to seek professional assistance with those emotions and how would they do that?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: Sure. So I think one of the great things is that you don't have to wait for a specific time to seek professional assistance. Here at BayCare, we have people in our system who are counselors who work in the cancer patient support services program, who can provide that care from the onset of diagnosis and give you that person on your team right away.
And then, there are other times that we may say, "That's a great service. I don't need that right now," and so here's some of the things we want to be looking for. Are you noticing that maybe you're feeling a lot more down than you used to? And when I say a lot more down, not just a down day, but maybe you're feeling several days that you might feel hopeless or extreme sadness. Maybe even noticing that you're sleeping a lot more, or maybe not sleeping enough that doesn't have to do with medication.
Maybe there's a big change in your energy level that again, doesn't have to do with your treatment. Even a loss of appetite or an increase in appetite. So if you're noticing some big shifts in yourself, that could indicate some depression or anxiety. And of course, if there's a time that you're thinking about death a lot or you're thinking about dying and that would include making plans to harm yourself, those would be times that you would want to seek professional help immediately.
Caitlin Whyte: Jessica, this is a huge topic to cover in one small podcast, but is there anything else we didn't touch on that you want, again, patients to know or friends and family of patients to know just about the emotional aspect of this journey?
Jessica Kilgore, M.Ed., LMHC, CCMHC, NCC, CMHIMP: I think a big wrap-around summary statement is that having a wide variety of emotions is common, it's typical. And there's nothing to be concerned about. It's allowing yourself to express those emotions in whatever way feels good to you that's safe and helpful, including speaking with friends and family, professionals, journaling, doing things on your own and also for family members to come alongside and provide that care and saying, "I'm here for you and we will walk this journey together."
Caitlin Whyte: Well, we can't thank you enough, Jessica, for the important work you're doing with those dealing with cancer. And we so appreciate your time today.
To learn more about cancer services at BayCare, visit BaycareCancer.org. And please remember to subscribe, rate and review this podcast and all of the other BayCare podcasts. For more health tips and updates, you could follow us on your social channels. This has been another episode of BayCare HealthChat. I'm Caitlin Whyte. Stay well.