Jaime Lewis (Host): This is BayCare HealthChat. I'm Jaime Lewis. In today's episode, we'll be discussing an important topic for parents navigating the sometimes challenging teenage years, building a meaningful connection with your teen. Today we're speaking with Danielle Lettieri, a board certified pediatric nurse practitioner with BayCare Medical Group, serving the Land O Lakes, Florida community.

Danielle works with patients from birth to age 18 and has extensive clinical experience in pediatric primary care. She's going to share some valuable insights on how parents can strengthen their relationship with their teenagers during this critical developmental stage. Hello, Danielle. Thanks for being on the podcast.

Danielle Lettieri: Hello, Jaime. Thank you so much for having me today.

Jaime Lewis (Host): Of course. Well, let's start with communication, which is often a challenge with teenagers. What are some effective communication strategies that parents can adopt to improve their connection with their teenagers?

Danielle Lettieri: You know, one of the biggest shifts parents can make is simply listening more than talking. Teens often tell me that they don't feel heard, or sometimes it takes the parents to put down their phones, make eye contact, and let them speak without interruption. It also helps to ask open-ended questions. For example, instead of saying like, “Did you have a good day?” maybe ask, “What was the best part of your day?”

And don't underestimate the power of validating their emotions. Even if their worries seem small to us, they are very big to them. And communication really thrives when teens feel safe and not judged.

Jaime Lewis (Host): Well, I know that I ask the question, “How was your day?” And I do notice that I don't get a response that's anything more than a, you know, “Good” or “Not so good” from my teenagers. So that's really helpful and I have found that asking something specific, like, “Who did you sit with at lunch?” or “What did you do for lunch?” or those kinds of questions.

They can fill them out a little bit more. But I always recognize that, you know, the teenage brain is still developing in major, major ways. They make huge leaps and bounds in their development during this time. So how can understanding an adolescent brain, its development, how can understanding that help in building a better relationship with my teenager?

Danielle Lettieri: This is such an important question, Jaime. When we talk about the teenage brain, we need to remember that it is still very much under construction and changing every day. For instance, the part of the brain that controls their logic and impulse is called the prefrontal cortex, and it is not fully developed yet, meaning that our teens often act on emotion or pure influence more than their reasoning.

And it's not about being defiant, it's about developmental stages. So if we remember that, we can respond more patiently with less punishment and more guidance. Understanding that the rational decision making part that's still under construction can really be overloaded by their stress response or their responding to situations as threatening.

For example, something as simple as a parent raising their voice can trigger that fight or flight reaction. The brain says, “Hey, I'm under attack.” And that was never the intention. So once we can calm ourselves down and meet them at a level that we'd like them to be at, it helps to model the behavior that we're looking in response and also helps feel safe in communicating with you.

Jaime Lewis (Host): Right. Well, I mean, I know sometimes that can be really, really, really hard. I, myself, I value therapy and I would imagine that it's probably important for a lot of different parents. But sometimes families need additional support. So what role does family therapy play in enhancing a connection between parents and teenagers?

Danielle Lettieri: Family therapy is like a reset button for communication. It gives everyone a neutral space to be heard without eye rolling or door slamming. The therapist can really help untangle those years of miscommunication and create new, healthy patterns, which is very important. It's not about blaming anyone. It's about learning how to move forward as a team. Teens often open up more in this setting too, because it's a level playing field. Parents can gain insight into what their teen is really feeling.

Jaime Lewis (Host): And everybody's on best behavior, right? Because there's another party there, and that helps make things gentle and calm and equal. My son often says that watching movies together is his love language, which I, at first kind of, was skeptical about that because it would seem that there isn't a place for connection there. But we actually love talking about movies afterward or even pausing it and having a conversation about different aspects of these films.

And so I'm wondering about other examples of activities or hobbies that can help strengthen the bond between parents and their teenagers.

Danielle Lettieri: Absolutely. Sharing experiences are golden when it comes to connecting with your teen. Some things you can do are cooking together or going on a hike. You said you like to watch movies with your son, and not necessarily is it the movie that you would choose, but because you're spending time with him, you're building a connection and a bond with him and that's priceless.

The other big event that happens in our teenage years is driving, and you have to put in that time for them to learn how to drive and spending that time with your child connecting whether it's during their years of learning with their permit or going on a road trip, sitting side by side, you have all these uninterrupted hours or minutes, I should say, that turn into hours of talking to one another. And it helps with easing kind of the stress because you don't have that eye to eye contact constantly, and they feel a little bit safer.

Jaime Lewis (Host): Yeah, because it isn't forehead to forehead, being side by side sometimes can be a lot less threatening, it can flow a lot more easily.

But there's a subject that, of course we have to bring up, which is social media. It's a major part of the contemporary teenager's life. How does social media influence the relationship dynamics between a parent and a child and what can be done to sort of even out any of those negative impacts?

Danielle Lettieri: Social media is a huge part of all teens’ lives these days. And it's how they connect, express themselves, and sometimes even escape. But it also can create a big distance between parents and teens. So the key isn't to control their online life, but to stay curious about it. Ask them about their favorite apps, let them teach you something, ask at the same time to create boundaries together about their screen time that they feel is fair and consistent. Most importantly, model what healthy digital life looks like. If you are glued to your phone, they're likely to notice.

Jaime Lewis (Host): Well that is very convicting because it's tempting to be on the phone, right? But modeling is always the hardest part. So these are all such good pieces of advice, great resets for thinking about how we talk to our young people. So thank you, Danielle, for the discussion.

Danielle Lettieri: Thank you Jaime. I did want to just add for the resources for social media, BayCare Kids On Our Sleeves. We partner with The Kids Mental Health Foundation and there are some really great resources for parents on there to discuss social media and family therapy and ways to connect with your teens. So that's a great resource that any parent could go to for free and download some information.

Jaime Lewis (Host): Perfect. Well, thanks again. We appreciate it.

Danielle Lettieri: Thank you so much for having me today.

Jaime Lewis (Host): That wraps up this episode of BayCare HealthChat. Head over to our website at BayCare.org for more information and to get connected with one of our providers. Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast and all the other BayCare podcasts. For more health tips and updates, follow us on your social channels. And if you found this podcast informative, please share on your social media and be sure to check out all the other interesting podcasts in our library. And thank you for listening.