There’s a lot of pressure in our society to be happy, especially during the holidays. However, for many the holidays can be a very stressful time. For parents, the holidays can be especially hectic.
Running around for your children, planning holiday gatherings and making sure everyone is having a great holiday season. But what about you? Are you feeling too stressed out to have yourself a good holiday season?
Joining the show to discuss managing the stress of the holiday season, and some great tips for parents on self care is, Dr. Dave Miers. He is the counseling and program development manager for mental health services at Bryan Medical Center.
Selected Podcast
Stay Ho Ho Hopeful: How to Manage Stress During the Holiday Season
Featured Speaker:
Learn more about Bryan Mental Health Services
Dave Miers, PhD, Bryan Mental Health Services
Dr. Dave Miers is the counseling and program development manager for mental health services at Bryan Medical Center.Learn more about Bryan Mental Health Services
Transcription:
Stay Ho Ho Hopeful: How to Manage Stress During the Holiday Season
Melanie Cole (Host): As we head into the holiday season, celebrations can be a little mired by stress, especially for parents. This can be triggered by increased spending and a reminder of lost loved ones and there's just so much that we’re doing for our kids at this time of the year that sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. My guest is Dr. Dave Miers. He’s the counseling and program development manager for mental health services at Bryan Medical Center. Welcome to the show. What are some of the factors that increase stress for some people during the holidays and especially for parents?
Dr. Dave Miers, Ph.D. (Guest): The holidays are often portrayed as this time of year where it's supposed to be filled with joy, family, generosity, and kindness, and that's true. When we think about though for parents is that emotionally as you mentioned that it's often a time of year that where we're reminded of loved ones who have passed away or relationships we may have lost through divorce, separation, relocation, but stress could be related to other things, such as finding money to buy your children the gifts that they hope to find on Christmas morning. Prepared or attending or carpooling our children to all the added events that the holidays often bring and then keeping up with the regular demands of life, which are general work and school and those types of things, but you add on all these other demands that this time of year brings, that can increase for parents.
Melanie: It certainly can and it gets hectic for everyone, but as you say, there's this added thing that goes on when you have to drive children around and there are parties and events and you have to bake cookies for school and whatever. It just sometimes becomes overwhelming, so the first thing I'd like to ask you is when do you recognize the fact that you do feel overwhelmed and what do you do about that?
Dr. Miers: The first thing that often times when the individuals feel overwhelmed, they just feel a sense of losing interest in the things that they are being asked to do. They just don't have a lot of energy. Often times, they become irritable. Stress can create depression if it's not taken care of. Stress can be good. There are certain amounts of stress that’s good, but when stress becomes overwhelming, you just feel overwhelmed, you feel irritable, you feel this is just too much, and we push ourselves too hard. It’s important that we try to set expectations. The first thing that I often recommend that parents think about is we need to set realistic expectations for ourselves just like we try to teach our children to set realistic expectations. We need to learn to delegate, we need to learn to practice saying no. Gift giving can involve children, that’s a good way to teach them the value of money and money management, creating a budget, sticking to the budget, but setting those expectations for yourselves and practice the boundaries by saying no when we need to avoid taking on too many holiday tasks, and then know how to delegate duties to some other people who might be willing to help or help you. You don’t have to feel like you have to take it all on yourself.
Melanie: You have some additional things for parents to consider to help manage stress. Let’s talk about some of those.
Dr. Miers: Family traditions are very important. Some families have what we call traditions or rituals that they often engage in this time of year, and it’s important that we practice those. Often times, when we get overwhelmed with time commitments of the holidays, we tend to want to take shortcuts and say we’re not going to do that this year, we’re not going to participate in that tradition. It’s important for our children to keep those traditions in place. That’s what they're looking forward to in being consistent with that. If we recently lost a loved one, a change in your life, it’s okay to know that if you need to adjust your tradition, that’s okay. If you’ve lost a loved one, you normally start up that tradition, it’s okay to adapt and say I'm going to change the tradition this year, but then keep it going year after year. Holidays are not a competition with the social media becoming so common in all the different applications that people are going to and you're constantly getting messages that say I bought this for this person and my friend bought this for their loved one – it's not a competition. It's not a focus on the material or static elements of the holiday celebration, but rather the memories that the holidays bring that make this time of year very special.
Melanie: I couldn’t agree more and it is sometimes hard to put that into perspective. Speak about the importance of self-care because as we’re trying not to let the material aspect of the whole holiday season overwhelm us, we’d need to put our own masks on before we put the masks of our loved ones on in a sense because we can't care for them and do the things that we need to do unless we take care of ourselves.
Dr. Miers: There are three areas that are very important that we focus on in terms of self-care and that's our nutrition, the exercise, and sleep. This year around, that's especially during the holidays. Taking care of yourself when we look at stress and all the unhealthy food choices that the holidays bring, it's important to set expectations and limits for ourselves in terms of what we're going to eat, but it's also important to stay with a routine in terms of our sleep, try to get the adequate amount of sleep. It's important to exercise, even if it's going outside and taking a walk around the block or taking your pet for a walk. You're out and about shopping, you're getting some exercise that way, but that's when you're adding to this stress, so it would be better just to get some exercise, do something that you enjoy that's not affiliated with shopping. It’s important to limit your alcohol consumption if there's a lot of parties and things that you're invited to, but that’s something that you can enjoy in moderation, but keep an eye on that. Do the things that you enjoy and really taking care of yourself is very important.
Melanie: It’s so important. What resources does Bryan offer that can exist individuals that may be feeling overwhelmed?
Dr. Miers: It’s important that if you're not quite sure if the stress is leading to depression or anxiety or whatever might be going on, we do have free online depression and anxiety screenings at bryanhealth.org. You can go on, answer some questions, it’s free and confidential, we have no way of knowing who’s taking the screening, at the end it tells you whether or your symptoms are consistent with the signs of a mental illness such as depression and anxiety. Not a diagnosis but it gives some idea if that’s what's going on, and it gives you some direction as far as what resources are available. We have counseling resources here at the medical center, we have psychologists and independently licensed social workers on staff. If it’s a situation where it’s a crisis and you feel like you need to get in to talk to somebody right away, determine if your depression is more severe and you might need hospitalization, we do have the 24 hours, seven day a week mental health emergency department that’s available just inside our main emergency room here at Bryan West.
Melanie: The holidays typically are seen as a happy time, but not for everybody. Some people suffer true depression at this time of the year. Can you give us some red flags that professional help might be needed if the stress becomes too much?
Dr. Miers: Depression, anxiety, mental illness, we're talking about them if the symptoms are creating problems in your everyday life for a period of two weeks or more. Sadness is something that we all experience, but it's when the things happen to us and we're just feeling overwhelmed for a period of two weeks or more and it's causing us to lose interest in the things we normally like to do. We see a change in our weight, we're gaining or losing weight, we're sleeping too much or too little, we're having a hard time concentrating on things, just feeling that worthlessness, that guilt, and we're feeling those symptoms. As a person, if we notice somebody else that's becoming withdrawn or isolated, it's important that we ask them questions and get them connected to resources and not to leave them alone if we're concerned about them, and ask questions. When an individual is going through a tough time, they want somebody to understand what they're going through, so ask questions and be a good listener and know that you can get them connected to resources.
Melanie: Wrap it up for us. Your best advice. At this time of the year, and all year round, about the importance of self-care and tips of parents to not stress out so much at the holiday season.
Dr. Miers: This is the time of year where it is filled with happiness and joy, and it can be for all of us. Set some new traditions, volunteer – it’s the season of giving; we can give up our time and not have to give financially. We can go out and help other people through volunteer efforts, donating items, those types of things, but self-care is very important and it feels good to give. We can give in other ways, but it’s also important to sleep, get good nutrition and really focusing on that self-care is very important.
Melanie: Thank you so much for being with us today. For more information about mental health services at Bryan, you can go to bryanhealth.org. That’s bryanhealth.org. This is Bryan Health Podcast. I'm Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for listening.
Stay Ho Ho Hopeful: How to Manage Stress During the Holiday Season
Melanie Cole (Host): As we head into the holiday season, celebrations can be a little mired by stress, especially for parents. This can be triggered by increased spending and a reminder of lost loved ones and there's just so much that we’re doing for our kids at this time of the year that sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. My guest is Dr. Dave Miers. He’s the counseling and program development manager for mental health services at Bryan Medical Center. Welcome to the show. What are some of the factors that increase stress for some people during the holidays and especially for parents?
Dr. Dave Miers, Ph.D. (Guest): The holidays are often portrayed as this time of year where it's supposed to be filled with joy, family, generosity, and kindness, and that's true. When we think about though for parents is that emotionally as you mentioned that it's often a time of year that where we're reminded of loved ones who have passed away or relationships we may have lost through divorce, separation, relocation, but stress could be related to other things, such as finding money to buy your children the gifts that they hope to find on Christmas morning. Prepared or attending or carpooling our children to all the added events that the holidays often bring and then keeping up with the regular demands of life, which are general work and school and those types of things, but you add on all these other demands that this time of year brings, that can increase for parents.
Melanie: It certainly can and it gets hectic for everyone, but as you say, there's this added thing that goes on when you have to drive children around and there are parties and events and you have to bake cookies for school and whatever. It just sometimes becomes overwhelming, so the first thing I'd like to ask you is when do you recognize the fact that you do feel overwhelmed and what do you do about that?
Dr. Miers: The first thing that often times when the individuals feel overwhelmed, they just feel a sense of losing interest in the things that they are being asked to do. They just don't have a lot of energy. Often times, they become irritable. Stress can create depression if it's not taken care of. Stress can be good. There are certain amounts of stress that’s good, but when stress becomes overwhelming, you just feel overwhelmed, you feel irritable, you feel this is just too much, and we push ourselves too hard. It’s important that we try to set expectations. The first thing that I often recommend that parents think about is we need to set realistic expectations for ourselves just like we try to teach our children to set realistic expectations. We need to learn to delegate, we need to learn to practice saying no. Gift giving can involve children, that’s a good way to teach them the value of money and money management, creating a budget, sticking to the budget, but setting those expectations for yourselves and practice the boundaries by saying no when we need to avoid taking on too many holiday tasks, and then know how to delegate duties to some other people who might be willing to help or help you. You don’t have to feel like you have to take it all on yourself.
Melanie: You have some additional things for parents to consider to help manage stress. Let’s talk about some of those.
Dr. Miers: Family traditions are very important. Some families have what we call traditions or rituals that they often engage in this time of year, and it’s important that we practice those. Often times, when we get overwhelmed with time commitments of the holidays, we tend to want to take shortcuts and say we’re not going to do that this year, we’re not going to participate in that tradition. It’s important for our children to keep those traditions in place. That’s what they're looking forward to in being consistent with that. If we recently lost a loved one, a change in your life, it’s okay to know that if you need to adjust your tradition, that’s okay. If you’ve lost a loved one, you normally start up that tradition, it’s okay to adapt and say I'm going to change the tradition this year, but then keep it going year after year. Holidays are not a competition with the social media becoming so common in all the different applications that people are going to and you're constantly getting messages that say I bought this for this person and my friend bought this for their loved one – it's not a competition. It's not a focus on the material or static elements of the holiday celebration, but rather the memories that the holidays bring that make this time of year very special.
Melanie: I couldn’t agree more and it is sometimes hard to put that into perspective. Speak about the importance of self-care because as we’re trying not to let the material aspect of the whole holiday season overwhelm us, we’d need to put our own masks on before we put the masks of our loved ones on in a sense because we can't care for them and do the things that we need to do unless we take care of ourselves.
Dr. Miers: There are three areas that are very important that we focus on in terms of self-care and that's our nutrition, the exercise, and sleep. This year around, that's especially during the holidays. Taking care of yourself when we look at stress and all the unhealthy food choices that the holidays bring, it's important to set expectations and limits for ourselves in terms of what we're going to eat, but it's also important to stay with a routine in terms of our sleep, try to get the adequate amount of sleep. It's important to exercise, even if it's going outside and taking a walk around the block or taking your pet for a walk. You're out and about shopping, you're getting some exercise that way, but that's when you're adding to this stress, so it would be better just to get some exercise, do something that you enjoy that's not affiliated with shopping. It’s important to limit your alcohol consumption if there's a lot of parties and things that you're invited to, but that’s something that you can enjoy in moderation, but keep an eye on that. Do the things that you enjoy and really taking care of yourself is very important.
Melanie: It’s so important. What resources does Bryan offer that can exist individuals that may be feeling overwhelmed?
Dr. Miers: It’s important that if you're not quite sure if the stress is leading to depression or anxiety or whatever might be going on, we do have free online depression and anxiety screenings at bryanhealth.org. You can go on, answer some questions, it’s free and confidential, we have no way of knowing who’s taking the screening, at the end it tells you whether or your symptoms are consistent with the signs of a mental illness such as depression and anxiety. Not a diagnosis but it gives some idea if that’s what's going on, and it gives you some direction as far as what resources are available. We have counseling resources here at the medical center, we have psychologists and independently licensed social workers on staff. If it’s a situation where it’s a crisis and you feel like you need to get in to talk to somebody right away, determine if your depression is more severe and you might need hospitalization, we do have the 24 hours, seven day a week mental health emergency department that’s available just inside our main emergency room here at Bryan West.
Melanie: The holidays typically are seen as a happy time, but not for everybody. Some people suffer true depression at this time of the year. Can you give us some red flags that professional help might be needed if the stress becomes too much?
Dr. Miers: Depression, anxiety, mental illness, we're talking about them if the symptoms are creating problems in your everyday life for a period of two weeks or more. Sadness is something that we all experience, but it's when the things happen to us and we're just feeling overwhelmed for a period of two weeks or more and it's causing us to lose interest in the things we normally like to do. We see a change in our weight, we're gaining or losing weight, we're sleeping too much or too little, we're having a hard time concentrating on things, just feeling that worthlessness, that guilt, and we're feeling those symptoms. As a person, if we notice somebody else that's becoming withdrawn or isolated, it's important that we ask them questions and get them connected to resources and not to leave them alone if we're concerned about them, and ask questions. When an individual is going through a tough time, they want somebody to understand what they're going through, so ask questions and be a good listener and know that you can get them connected to resources.
Melanie: Wrap it up for us. Your best advice. At this time of the year, and all year round, about the importance of self-care and tips of parents to not stress out so much at the holiday season.
Dr. Miers: This is the time of year where it is filled with happiness and joy, and it can be for all of us. Set some new traditions, volunteer – it’s the season of giving; we can give up our time and not have to give financially. We can go out and help other people through volunteer efforts, donating items, those types of things, but self-care is very important and it feels good to give. We can give in other ways, but it’s also important to sleep, get good nutrition and really focusing on that self-care is very important.
Melanie: Thank you so much for being with us today. For more information about mental health services at Bryan, you can go to bryanhealth.org. That’s bryanhealth.org. This is Bryan Health Podcast. I'm Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for listening.