Selected Podcast
The Mental Impact of Negative Self Talk
We all feel bad about our selves every now and then. However, sometimes, we let those feelings fester and grow. We may start encouraging more inner bad feelings about ourselves by negative self talk. Dr. Dave Miers discusses how this type of thinking impacts us, and how to stop the negative self talk so we can feel better about ourselves and retain that positive energy that helps us all carry on every day.
Featured Speaker:
Dave Miers, PhD, Bryan Mental Health Services
Dr. Dave Miers is the counseling and program development manager for mental health services at Bryan Medical Center. Transcription:
The Mental Impact of Negative Self Talk
Melanie Cole (Host): Do you ever look in the mirror and call yourself ugly? Do you say things to yourself that nobody would actually ever say to you? These are some examples of negative self-talk and here to tell us the impact on our wellbeing is Dr. Dave Miers. He’s the Counseling and Program Development Manager for Mental Health Services at Bryan Medical Center. Dr. Miers, what is first of all, negative self-talk?
Dave Miers, PhD (Guest): Well self-talk is that internal dialogue that narrates our daily experience. So, I often think of it as a digital voice recorder that’s in our brain that’s constantly recording and playing our thoughts. And it is that self-talk that influences our feelings and our behaviors and this internal dialogue can then create patterns in our thinking that we call filters with which we use to see the world around us every day. So, if we have a lot of negative thinking, this can create certain filters then that influence our thoughts and feelings in a way that can create problems for us. So, sometimes even though we don’t even realize our self-talk is negative, because these filters are created from sometimes years or months, years of thinking. So, it’s also important to remember that self-talk cannot change reality but can change how one perceives reality. So, there’s one filter that I want to just focus on and give as an example of negative thinking or how this filter can lead to negative thinking is that emotional reasoning filter.
So, the premise behind this filter is that emotions are not always based on reality but since we are feeling the emotion, we assume the feelings are rationale. Feelings just like thoughts are not always based on facts. So, I’m going to give an example. So, say a friend calls and asks you to join them for a get together at their house. And your internal dialogue says I’m not a likeable person. Nobody cares about me. They are just asking out of self-pity. They are just asking out of pity. They would not want me around to ruin their party. I’m just not likeable and no one cares about me. Which resulted then in me saying no, I don’t want to attend the party. So, that’s how you have got these feelings and then you react on those feelings and you say no, I don’t think I want to go.
Melanie: So, this type of thinking can really impact us negatively in our social aspects, in the way even sometimes other people see us. Is that correct Dr. Miers? Because if we say enough times to somebody, oh well, I just have the ugliest hair or something like that, then will they start to see well yeah you kind of do? Does it work that way?
Dr. Miers: Well, folks will see that in you, they will see that gosh that person is really – does not see themselves in a very positive manner. I mean it’s natural and healthy to have a wide range of thoughts and feelings. But if you are experiencing feelings and emotions that are pulling you down, such as if somebody says something to you and you just keep saying those self-defeating thoughts. It’s important to consider that it could be that internal dialogue that’s leading to the feelings that you are having which then are creating those unwanted feelings and behaviors. So, when individuals have negative self-talk, each person responds individually. So, everybody is different. But in the example, I gave, some individuals may become down on themselves with that type of thinking or they might isolate, become irritable, just not want to go out and do things, where others may react in other ways. I mean they might go, but then they may react in terms of how you are saying that people will say things, but then you have these self-defeating thoughts and you say them out loud to that individual. So, another example is like criticizing yourself is a common example of the kind of self-talk that would impact situations negatively. So, in the example, one could say that this person was criticizing themselves which lead them to isolate when presented that opportunity to interact but then they chose not to. So, this kind of self-talk can impact your individual feelings, our behaviors which them impacts the relationships we have with others around us either at home, work, school, your friendships.
Melanie: One thing I wonder about Dr. Miers is women in particular, we have this propensity for this negative self-talk and if we do it in front of our daughters or our teenaged daughters, will they then have the propensity to do it as well if we stand in front of the mirror and say oh don’t even look at me, I’m so fat? Will our daughters then have that sort of feeling that they are going to do that too?
Dr. Miers: Well, it sets an example, or it sets a pattern that an individual sees another person feeling and saying these things. I mean it can impact another individual. I wouldn’t say it automatically would lead them down that road, but it definitely does make an impact. And there’s things that individuals can do to turn that thinking around and it’s important that we focus on some of those things.
Melanie: Let’s focus on them now then. Please give us ways that we can notice the critic in ourselves and separate that out so that we don’t do this constantly.
Dr. Miers: Well, there’s several things that we can try ourselves first to see if we can turn things around. The first thing is keeping a journal and practicing what I call self-interrogation. So, you think of that internal dialogue is that digital recording and so if a situation happens, something happens you pretend as you are rewinding that tape and then you are writing down those thoughts in the journal. And then you turn it into a question. So, in that example I gave, the self-interrogation is well what evidence exists that I’m not a likeable person? And have I ever been blamed for ruining a get together with my friends because of my presence? And what you are going to find in the majority of cases is that evidence does not exist. So, that’s the first thing you can try.
Second thing is practicing reframing and that’s where you just turn it into a positive statement. I’m tired of this loneliness and being around my friends is good for me. I can do this. I’m going to try this. Trying affirmations. Things that I tell folks to say three times but then in the third time you turn it into an I statement, so you say you can do this, you can do this, I can do this. You repeat that to yourself.
The fourth thing is imagery, and this is one that I have used a lot just personally that I think is a very powerful one is that you imagine yourself being around in a situation that’s successful. So, in the example I gave, think of yourself going to this get together and just having a really good time and meeting a lot new people and just having a just a great get together but in a personal example; when I played sports in college, I was a part of a team that was very successful in football and folks often say why was that team successful? Well, yeah they had good athletes, good coaching, but there was a lot of other ingredients I think that were part of successful teams or successful individuals and one of the things that we did was imagery where before every game, they played some different music, some different things and kind of went through some scripts where you imagined yourself out there being successful, doing your job out there on the field. And that was very powerful and applying that to your personal life and putting yourself in situations is very important.
Next thing is relaxation. Try deep breathing. Slow that breathing down. Slowing your breathing down is going to slow your thinking down. Then I often always say it’s very important to eat well, exercise and sleep, surround yourself with positive individuals, have fun, laugh, because your thoughts are very powerful and it’s up to us as individuals to make those changes. Nobody can make them for us. And as I said earlier, those thinking patterns are things that we have developed over time, sometime years so it going to take some work to overcome that negative thinking.
Melanie: Can we talk back to ourselves? Can we have that conversation? You say keep a journal and all of these things well can we just tell ourselves to cut it out and that we are beautiful or smart or motivated or whatever it is? Does talking back to ourselves as if we were speaking to someone like you, does that work?
Dr. Miers: That does work, and I would consider that as part of that self-interrogation and what you are describing is what I call thought stopping. So, when you are – when you identify the thinking that’s pulling you down, you turn that around, you maybe put it into a positive statement, but like I was saying earlier that this has developed over time for a long time. So, you can change it once, but then you get into another situation, chances are that negative thought is going to pop up into your head again. So, it is important that you talk to yourself in your mind and say I often just say stop. That’s not true. Catch yourself before you act or – act on that feeling or on that thought. Because you can stop it, but you have to use some of the thought stopping.
Melanie: When does this negative self-talk require intervention from a professional and what resources does Bryan Medical Center provide to individuals who need assistance with managing this self-talk?
Dr. Miers: Well, when you notice that your feelings and behaviors are impacting your everyday life at work, school, home, and you see that this has gone on for about two weeks or more; it’s important to take action and seek assistance from a mental health professional or a physician. For instance, if you think back to the original example, feeling lonely and you find yourself isolating at work, school and your relationships with others, and you find it difficult to reframe your thinking and overcome those feelings, consider seeking the help of a professional. I mean it’s okay to ask for help. I mean there’s hope, there’s help. Talk therapy with a licensed professional can be very impactful. Research shows that working with a trained therapist who utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy to be very effective in helping individuals explore their thinking. So, some of the techniques I was talking about are some things that you can try on your own, but when you meet with a therapist, they are going to go more in-depth with the thought stopping, doing some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and teaching you some different things that you can try in addition outside on your own.
Bryan Medical Center has a outpatient program that we call the Bryan Counseling Center where we have trained psychologists, and independently licensed social workers. A trained nurse will visit with you over the phone and assign you a clinician that they feel will best work with you to meet your needs. So, to learn more about that you would just go to www.bryanhealth.org website and look up the Counseling Center. We also offer mental health screenings that are free. You go on anytime of day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, anxiety, depression, psychosis, post-traumatic stress, alcohol, you name it. There’s just many, many different types of mental health screenings you can take. It’s not a diagnosis, but it gives you heh yeah you do, or you don’t have the symptoms associated with this disorder and it gives you next steps to positively take to help turn things around. So, that’s available to our whole community across the state, anybody can take those. And it’s always important to know that there’s help, there’s hope. Negative thinking can be overcome with practice and in times with assistance with a trained professional from Bryan Health.
Melanie: Great information Dr. Miers. Thank you so much for joining us again and sharing your expertise on something that people do so often and may not even realize they are doing it or realize the impact that it is having on their quality of life. So, thank you so much again for being with us today and a special thank you to our podcast partner, Union Bank and Trust. If you would like to take the free and confidential online mental health screening that Dr. Miers was discussing you can go to www.byranhealth.org/mentalhealth, that’s www.bryanhealth.org/mentalhealth. This is Bryan Health podcast. I’m Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for tuning in.
The Mental Impact of Negative Self Talk
Melanie Cole (Host): Do you ever look in the mirror and call yourself ugly? Do you say things to yourself that nobody would actually ever say to you? These are some examples of negative self-talk and here to tell us the impact on our wellbeing is Dr. Dave Miers. He’s the Counseling and Program Development Manager for Mental Health Services at Bryan Medical Center. Dr. Miers, what is first of all, negative self-talk?
Dave Miers, PhD (Guest): Well self-talk is that internal dialogue that narrates our daily experience. So, I often think of it as a digital voice recorder that’s in our brain that’s constantly recording and playing our thoughts. And it is that self-talk that influences our feelings and our behaviors and this internal dialogue can then create patterns in our thinking that we call filters with which we use to see the world around us every day. So, if we have a lot of negative thinking, this can create certain filters then that influence our thoughts and feelings in a way that can create problems for us. So, sometimes even though we don’t even realize our self-talk is negative, because these filters are created from sometimes years or months, years of thinking. So, it’s also important to remember that self-talk cannot change reality but can change how one perceives reality. So, there’s one filter that I want to just focus on and give as an example of negative thinking or how this filter can lead to negative thinking is that emotional reasoning filter.
So, the premise behind this filter is that emotions are not always based on reality but since we are feeling the emotion, we assume the feelings are rationale. Feelings just like thoughts are not always based on facts. So, I’m going to give an example. So, say a friend calls and asks you to join them for a get together at their house. And your internal dialogue says I’m not a likeable person. Nobody cares about me. They are just asking out of self-pity. They are just asking out of pity. They would not want me around to ruin their party. I’m just not likeable and no one cares about me. Which resulted then in me saying no, I don’t want to attend the party. So, that’s how you have got these feelings and then you react on those feelings and you say no, I don’t think I want to go.
Melanie: So, this type of thinking can really impact us negatively in our social aspects, in the way even sometimes other people see us. Is that correct Dr. Miers? Because if we say enough times to somebody, oh well, I just have the ugliest hair or something like that, then will they start to see well yeah you kind of do? Does it work that way?
Dr. Miers: Well, folks will see that in you, they will see that gosh that person is really – does not see themselves in a very positive manner. I mean it’s natural and healthy to have a wide range of thoughts and feelings. But if you are experiencing feelings and emotions that are pulling you down, such as if somebody says something to you and you just keep saying those self-defeating thoughts. It’s important to consider that it could be that internal dialogue that’s leading to the feelings that you are having which then are creating those unwanted feelings and behaviors. So, when individuals have negative self-talk, each person responds individually. So, everybody is different. But in the example, I gave, some individuals may become down on themselves with that type of thinking or they might isolate, become irritable, just not want to go out and do things, where others may react in other ways. I mean they might go, but then they may react in terms of how you are saying that people will say things, but then you have these self-defeating thoughts and you say them out loud to that individual. So, another example is like criticizing yourself is a common example of the kind of self-talk that would impact situations negatively. So, in the example, one could say that this person was criticizing themselves which lead them to isolate when presented that opportunity to interact but then they chose not to. So, this kind of self-talk can impact your individual feelings, our behaviors which them impacts the relationships we have with others around us either at home, work, school, your friendships.
Melanie: One thing I wonder about Dr. Miers is women in particular, we have this propensity for this negative self-talk and if we do it in front of our daughters or our teenaged daughters, will they then have the propensity to do it as well if we stand in front of the mirror and say oh don’t even look at me, I’m so fat? Will our daughters then have that sort of feeling that they are going to do that too?
Dr. Miers: Well, it sets an example, or it sets a pattern that an individual sees another person feeling and saying these things. I mean it can impact another individual. I wouldn’t say it automatically would lead them down that road, but it definitely does make an impact. And there’s things that individuals can do to turn that thinking around and it’s important that we focus on some of those things.
Melanie: Let’s focus on them now then. Please give us ways that we can notice the critic in ourselves and separate that out so that we don’t do this constantly.
Dr. Miers: Well, there’s several things that we can try ourselves first to see if we can turn things around. The first thing is keeping a journal and practicing what I call self-interrogation. So, you think of that internal dialogue is that digital recording and so if a situation happens, something happens you pretend as you are rewinding that tape and then you are writing down those thoughts in the journal. And then you turn it into a question. So, in that example I gave, the self-interrogation is well what evidence exists that I’m not a likeable person? And have I ever been blamed for ruining a get together with my friends because of my presence? And what you are going to find in the majority of cases is that evidence does not exist. So, that’s the first thing you can try.
Second thing is practicing reframing and that’s where you just turn it into a positive statement. I’m tired of this loneliness and being around my friends is good for me. I can do this. I’m going to try this. Trying affirmations. Things that I tell folks to say three times but then in the third time you turn it into an I statement, so you say you can do this, you can do this, I can do this. You repeat that to yourself.
The fourth thing is imagery, and this is one that I have used a lot just personally that I think is a very powerful one is that you imagine yourself being around in a situation that’s successful. So, in the example I gave, think of yourself going to this get together and just having a really good time and meeting a lot new people and just having a just a great get together but in a personal example; when I played sports in college, I was a part of a team that was very successful in football and folks often say why was that team successful? Well, yeah they had good athletes, good coaching, but there was a lot of other ingredients I think that were part of successful teams or successful individuals and one of the things that we did was imagery where before every game, they played some different music, some different things and kind of went through some scripts where you imagined yourself out there being successful, doing your job out there on the field. And that was very powerful and applying that to your personal life and putting yourself in situations is very important.
Next thing is relaxation. Try deep breathing. Slow that breathing down. Slowing your breathing down is going to slow your thinking down. Then I often always say it’s very important to eat well, exercise and sleep, surround yourself with positive individuals, have fun, laugh, because your thoughts are very powerful and it’s up to us as individuals to make those changes. Nobody can make them for us. And as I said earlier, those thinking patterns are things that we have developed over time, sometime years so it going to take some work to overcome that negative thinking.
Melanie: Can we talk back to ourselves? Can we have that conversation? You say keep a journal and all of these things well can we just tell ourselves to cut it out and that we are beautiful or smart or motivated or whatever it is? Does talking back to ourselves as if we were speaking to someone like you, does that work?
Dr. Miers: That does work, and I would consider that as part of that self-interrogation and what you are describing is what I call thought stopping. So, when you are – when you identify the thinking that’s pulling you down, you turn that around, you maybe put it into a positive statement, but like I was saying earlier that this has developed over time for a long time. So, you can change it once, but then you get into another situation, chances are that negative thought is going to pop up into your head again. So, it is important that you talk to yourself in your mind and say I often just say stop. That’s not true. Catch yourself before you act or – act on that feeling or on that thought. Because you can stop it, but you have to use some of the thought stopping.
Melanie: When does this negative self-talk require intervention from a professional and what resources does Bryan Medical Center provide to individuals who need assistance with managing this self-talk?
Dr. Miers: Well, when you notice that your feelings and behaviors are impacting your everyday life at work, school, home, and you see that this has gone on for about two weeks or more; it’s important to take action and seek assistance from a mental health professional or a physician. For instance, if you think back to the original example, feeling lonely and you find yourself isolating at work, school and your relationships with others, and you find it difficult to reframe your thinking and overcome those feelings, consider seeking the help of a professional. I mean it’s okay to ask for help. I mean there’s hope, there’s help. Talk therapy with a licensed professional can be very impactful. Research shows that working with a trained therapist who utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy to be very effective in helping individuals explore their thinking. So, some of the techniques I was talking about are some things that you can try on your own, but when you meet with a therapist, they are going to go more in-depth with the thought stopping, doing some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and teaching you some different things that you can try in addition outside on your own.
Bryan Medical Center has a outpatient program that we call the Bryan Counseling Center where we have trained psychologists, and independently licensed social workers. A trained nurse will visit with you over the phone and assign you a clinician that they feel will best work with you to meet your needs. So, to learn more about that you would just go to www.bryanhealth.org website and look up the Counseling Center. We also offer mental health screenings that are free. You go on anytime of day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, anxiety, depression, psychosis, post-traumatic stress, alcohol, you name it. There’s just many, many different types of mental health screenings you can take. It’s not a diagnosis, but it gives you heh yeah you do, or you don’t have the symptoms associated with this disorder and it gives you next steps to positively take to help turn things around. So, that’s available to our whole community across the state, anybody can take those. And it’s always important to know that there’s help, there’s hope. Negative thinking can be overcome with practice and in times with assistance with a trained professional from Bryan Health.
Melanie: Great information Dr. Miers. Thank you so much for joining us again and sharing your expertise on something that people do so often and may not even realize they are doing it or realize the impact that it is having on their quality of life. So, thank you so much again for being with us today and a special thank you to our podcast partner, Union Bank and Trust. If you would like to take the free and confidential online mental health screening that Dr. Miers was discussing you can go to www.byranhealth.org/mentalhealth, that’s www.bryanhealth.org/mentalhealth. This is Bryan Health podcast. I’m Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for tuning in.