Caitlin Whyte (Host): Welcome to Hally HealthCast, the wellness podcast from Hally Health, your partner in helping you live your healthiest life. Every episode on our podcast addresses a new topic important to your health and wellbeing, bringing in expert doctors, therapists and specialists who offer advice and answer your most pressing questions.

Host: December is holiday season. So today, we're discussing how to cope with the annual stress of simultaneously surviving and celebrating the holidays. Here with us are two experts. Dr. John Beck is a psychiatrist and the Medical Director of Health Alliance in Champaign, Illinois. And Devin Richardson is a licensed clinical social worker and supervisor of Specialty Care Coordination Programs for Hally Health in Champaign.

Welcome to you both and thanks for being with us today. So, let's begin today by preparing ourselves for what lies ahead. Dr. Beck, we do a lot of physically preparing for the holidays this time of year, whether it's making travel arrangements, shopping lists, decorating or whatever we need to do. But how do we prepare psychologically or mentally for the added stress of the season? Do we pay enough attention to the emotional preparation we may need to make it through the holidays?

Dr. John Beck: Well, Caitlin, I think holidays are an interesting time, particularly Christmas and holidays where people tend to get together, in that there's a great deal of joy associated with seeing family members that maybe that you haven't seen for a while. But at the same time, it can also be somewhat stressful because you maybe are back around people that you have maybe had conflict with in the past or people that you wouldn't necessarily choose to be around, but that they are family. And I think it's important to recognize that it's a time of opportunity to enjoy yourself, but also, you may have to navigate some tricky water sometimes. And I think it's important to be aware of that and recognize that and, you know, to the degree you can discuss that with your spouse or your significant other, just so they understand maybe if you are struggling with seeing a particular person or a particular situation, that they're aware and maybe can provide support for you as you head into this, because they're very interesting times.

Host: Absolutely. Well, thank you, Dr. Beck. That sure does hit close to home. So, Devin, the holidays seem to affect each of us differently depending on our own personal experiences and background. The emotions evoked by this time of year can range from joyfulness to sadness, to outright hostility, and sometimes a mix of conflicting feelings. Does it help at all for us to take stock of the feelings that come over us during the holidays, and what can we do about them?

Devin Richardson: Yeah, absolutely. I think what you're mentioning about the conflict of feelings and the mixture of feelings is really important. And I think sometimes even just trying to untangle all those feelings can feel overwhelming. So, I do think that looking at each feeling individually if you can, and really trying to understand what you're feeling is a great first step. Because sometimes feelings feel overwhelming because we don't understand them. But I think just acknowledging what you're feeling, labeling it and knowing that it can't hurt you would be a great first step. So, that's step number one. I do think that because there are such a range of emotions during the holidays, that automatically sort of leads into feeling overwhelming. But hopefully, stopping, taking a moment and labeling the emotions, just experiencing them and letting them pass can make things a little less overwhelming.

Host: Wonderful. Some great tips to know. Thank you, Devin. Now, Dr. Beck, I'm sure you've noticed that this time of year also highlights interpersonal dynamics and relationships that aren't otherwise common the rest of the year. We warmly greet strangers we rarely acknowledge otherwise. We are encouraged to openly express our wishes to others that we normally keep to ourselves. We more keenly feel the absences of loved ones no longer with us, inspiring us a new renewed sadness while surrounded by messages of joy. So what can we do to navigate these sometimes difficult circumstances that the holidays can put us in?

Dr. John Beck: Well, I think really to look at them, they're an opportunity to reconnect with people that maybe otherwise you wouldn't be seeing either in your community because you're going back to a community or in your family because maybe they're people you only see once a year. But also to allow yourself some time out. I mean, if you're going back to, let's say, where you grew up. It may be, as Devin was saying, kind of emotionally charged both in a good way and maybe in a negative way. One way to address that too is take time for yourself. So, rather than being surrounded by people, you know, every waking hour while you're there, taking the time off and walk or go shopping or, you know, just go out and eat by yourself just to allow yourself time to kind of decompress a little bit. Because as I said, I think they can be very joyful times, but they can also be pretty intense. And if you have conflict with people or maybe you have an issue that's never really been resolved, I think it's important to step back from that so that you don't get overwhelmed by it, so that you can enjoy the time, enjoy what it offers, but not have it just become so strong that it just kind of overwhelms your ability to kind of really cope with it.

Host: No, that alone time is so critical. To me, myself, I know as well I need to kind of step back every so often. So, thank you for that, Dr. Beck. Now, Devin, let's dive into these family get togethers over the holidays a bit more. I mean, they make up an entire category of seasonal stress all by themselves sometimes. So, do you have any survival tips for us on getting along with our relatives, even for the short time we have to spend together, or at least not stressing out while we do it?

Devin Richardson: Yeah. Well, I certainly think every situation and every family's going to be a little bit different. But Caitlin, I think what you're really bringing up is this idea that whether we recognize it on a regular basis or not, sometimes family relationships really boil down to relationships of obligation, and sometimes that can feel like a burden to us. So if you are going to be interacting with folks in your family or perhaps your chosen family that seem to be stressful when you're interacting with them, maybe just letting people know ahead of time," Hey, I'm only going to be able to come for this amount of time" or "Hey, I'm really looking forward to seeing you, but I really would prefer if we didn't bring up X, Y, Z topic." Just putting those boundaries in place before you get to the gathering, so that everybody can sort of have a level playing field when you're interacting with one another. And it's always okay to decline getting together with, you know, your loved ones if it's just not good for your stress or your mental health. Maybe next year will be different. And certainly taking care of yourself first is, I think, paramount. So, it just boils down to great boundaries. And boundaries are hard to set sometimes, but people that really love and trust you will understand that you're setting them, I think, for good reason.

Host: Well, thank you, Devin. Definitely a recipe for some happier holidays. Dr. Beck, with all that's going on around the holidays and all the potential stress that we've been talking about, you mentioned this earlier, but how important is it that we practice that self-care so that our physical and mental wellbeing don't suffer? And what are some ways we can do that?

Dr. John Beck: I think it's important, as you say, to practice that self-care because there's a lot of good that can come from interactions with families. You know, it's often complicated, you know, families are complicated, relationships and families are complicated. But I think that doesn't necessarily mean that you always avoid them. But I think, as we've talked about, it means to be aware of maybe particular topics like Devin was saying that you politely avoid talking about, or maybe there are certain people that you shy away from spending a lot of, you know, one-on-one time with. But at the same time, see it as an opportunity to visit with people maybe that you haven't seen for a long time or may not see again, you know, if you're talking about elderly family, you don't know when the last time you're going to see them is. So, like I said, it's complicated. And I think it's being aware of your own limits.

And as I said earlier, when you feel like you're reaching a point where it's a little too much, as Devin was saying, maybe setting some limits, time limits or topic limits, just so that you come out of it able to enjoy, I think, the good things that family, you know, either chosen family or your birth family, bring to you. But at the same time, not getting caught up maybe in conflict that maybe has been going on for a long, long time. You know, people often kid that, you know, when you get together with your siblings, you just kind of pick up where you left off. You know, it's like you're back in junior high or high school again. And there's some truth to that. And so, you just need to be aware of it and being able to kind of step back from things like that, so it doesn't taint the whole time that you're spending with people.

Host: I'm the oldest of three, so I absolutely understand, kind of falling back into that mindset with siblings. So, thank you, Dr. Beck. Great to just keep that reminder near. Well, Devin, how about you? Do you have any personal approaches to recommend for staying positive and stress-free during this time of year? I mean, how do you recharge your own batteries in this season of light?

Devin Richardson: Yeah. Season of light, I think is a great call out for me. I like to sprinkle in some moments of lightness throughout. So, maybe I have to get through some tasks for the holidays that aren't my favorite, I'm going to make sure that I remember that I have another thing like driving around looking at lights or something like that to look forward to. So, trying to kind of offset the obligations with the things I really enjoy.

I also feel a lot better if I can make a list. I get a big kick out of being able to check something off of a list. So, that for me, personally, does help my stress level. But other than that, I think Dr. Beck's recommendation to take time to enjoy and try to be in the moment as much as possible and those things that you are enjoying is a great antidote for all the stress that can come for the holidays.

Host: I love those suggestions. Thank you so much, Devin. Now, I'd like to dig into the message of the season itself, Dr. Beck. You know, peace on earth, goodwill towards people. Is it any help in coping with holiday stress to realize that it is after all just a season, and that like any season, this too shall pass, or that it is a season of giving and therefore the perfect time to give ourselves a break, to go easy on ourselves while going easy on others as well?

Dr. John Beck: Yeah, I think it's a good point in that, you know, if you look at the holidays, they're kind of a wrap up of the year. You know, you kind of think back on the year, what you've done, what's happened that's good, and maybe accomplishments for yourself or your family, or maybe losses, you know, people that have passed. And I think it's a good time to kind of reflect on the year. And it can be stressful because often you're traveling, you're packing cars, you're flying places, which can be very stressful. But I think it is important to keep in mind that it is a time to connect with people, and maybe separate from the hubbub a little bit and talk with people that maybe otherwise you wouldn't really have the opportunity to talk to, you know, if it weren't for the holidays. You know, there would be a lot of family members you probably would never see because they would never be a priority to go see, either going back to where you grew up or getting together in a particular area where people have access to it.

Host: Well, thank you, Dr. Beck. Some great thoughts there. Devin, most of us are aware that the so-called holiday blues are real. And that for some people, this time of year can be downright depressing. In fact, studies have shown a significant number of people with diagnosed mental illness experience a worsening of their condition over the holidays. Even those of us who are supposedly mentally well can experience sadness, dissatisfaction, and stress at the holidays. So, what do you recommend for people who are feeling down at this time of year and how can we help ourselves and each other get through that?

Devin Richardson: So, I think this time of year is really unique because we're supposed to be joyful. That's what our culture is telling us, you know, and grateful and all these things. And yet it's a big reminder as you mentioned previously, and Dr. Beck also commented on, you know, a lot of our loved ones may not be around to celebrate with us, or holidays may look very different than they did in the past. So, there's a lot of grief that comes along with the holidays and it's a really poignant reminder of those things.

But also a lot of us, especially the Midwesterners, are in a season where our sunlight is changing and it does have real effects on our mental health and our physical health, and it's colder and all of these other environmental impacts. So, really taking stock and acknowledging that all of these things may be at play and there isn't necessarily one true cure, instant fix for all of these things. While it may not feel good in the moment, it's a good reminder that what you're feeling is probably kind of normal to some degree and hopefully that can be a reassurance to those people that are feeling really down. I liked what you said earlier, Caitlin, about this too shall pass. If the holiday season and wintertime isn't your favorite season for any reason, then maybe that's the time that you take a stock of what you're going to do when the weather gets warmer, and what garden you want to plant in the spring and those kinds of things, and keep kind of focusing forward. But if you do find yourself in a situation where the holiday blues, so to speak, are really impacting your day to day, always please reach out to, you know, one of your providers, a therapist if you have one, or check in your local community to see if there's any support groups for holiday-type depression. Chances are you're not the only person feeling that way.

Host: Absolutely. Another great reminder for this time. Thank you, Devin. And Dr. Beck, my last question for you, we've discussed all sort of ways of coping with stress at the holidays. So, can you give us your personal prescription for a mentally healthy holiday season? What do you do to keep your head on straight during this time of year?

Dr. John Beck: For me personally, you know, it really involves family. You know, I'm being part of my family and the routines and the rituals and the gatherings of my family. And, you know, supporting my spouse in any way I can and also being patient with her, and that understanding there's a lot of work that gets done, a lot of work behind scenes and it's stressful for everybody and just really giving everybody the kind of the benefit of the doubt in terms of this is a fun time. But at the same time, it's often a lot of work and people are really out of their routine. So, just getting through more of the organizational aspects of it and really try to enjoy the time when you're actually with family, and make sure you go and talk with family members that maybe I haven't seen for a while, or I'm not going to see any other time of the year than this and enjoy that as much as I can and try to step back if I find myself getting involved in maybe hurt feelings that I have with someone that goes back years, maybe trying to step back from that as much as I can. And like I said before, if I find myself getting a little overwhelmed, you know, just step back a little bit, spend some time alone, or spend some time with my spouse just to reground myself before you step back into the hubbub again.

Host: Yes. Well, thank you for sharing, Dr. Beck. You've given us some incredible insight this episode. And Devin, the same final question for you. From your own personal as well as professional experience, what's your favorite way to beat the holiday blues?

Devin Richardson: My favorite way to beat the holiday blues is to decorate my home. It's a chance for me to see objects that remind me of holiday's past and really reflect on that. But I just love the beauty that the holiday season can bring for all of us. But I also think professionally, as Dr. Beck mentioned, surrounding yourself with the people that you love and care about the most whenever you can is a great thing to do and a unique and wonderful opportunity for the holidays.

Host: Terrific answer. You both have truly been such wonderful guests. Thank you so much, Dr. Beck and Devin, for joining us today and for all you do every day at Health Alliance and Hally Health to help so many individuals and families throughout our communities. That concludes today's Hally HealthCast. Tune in next time as we tackle yet another topic important for your health and wellbeing.

And remember, Hally Health is your partner in helping you live your healthiest life. Visit hally.com, that's hally.com, for resources, information, tips and much more. Let us help keep you and your family healthy and well. Thanks for listening. We hope you tune in again.