Caitlin Whyte (Host): Welcome to Hally HealthCast,
the Wellness Podcast from Hally Health, your partner in helping you live your
healthiest life. Every episode on our podcast addresses a new topic important
to your health and wellbeing, bringing in expert doctors, therapists, and
specialists who offer advice and answer your most pressing questions.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. So today we're
discussing domestic violence awareness. Here with us is Bryce Decker. He is the
Director of Programs at Courage Connection, a social services organization in
Urbana, Illinois, that shelters and advocates for those who face domestic
violence.

Welcome and thank you for being with us today. Mr. Decker,
let's start with the basics. Domestic violence is a public health problem that
appears to be approaching epidemic proportions, but exactly how pervasive is it
in our communities today, and who is it affecting?

Bryce Decker: So just some statistics from the
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, on average, nearly 20 people per
minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. One
in four women are going to be a victim of domestic or sexual violence in their
lifetime. One in nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violence.
Intimate partner contact sexual violence, stalking injuries, post-traumatic
stress, all of that. So it's very common and it can happen to everyone. There's
no group that does not experience domestic violence.

Host: Wow. Those are some pretty sobering statistics,
but certainly eye-opening. Thank you, Mr. Decker. Okay. The obvious question
for you then, with so much negative fallout for so many lives, why is it that
so many people stay in these abusive relationships?

Bryce Decker: Safety. A lot of times, exiting these
kind of relationships are the most dangerous times for them. More people are hurt,
more people are killed when they are leaving or when they have left. The other
part is this abuse works to isolate somebody. It takes away their autonomy, it
takes away their independence, whether it's financial independence, takes away,
you know, possessions.

So let's say you live out in a rural community. Well the
person who's hurting somebody else that's abusing them, may disable their car
or take their car, wreck it. That way they can isolate them and keep them
locked into these relationships. So a lot of times to try to get out of these
situations, people have to build up their capacities to get away safely and
also be independent.

Host: Absolutely. Some critically important advice.
Thank you. Well, let's take a moment and look at the other side of the problem
here, the abusers themselves. What can you tell us about how and why some
people become abusers?

Bryce Decker: Well, abuse is a learned behavior. Of
course no one's born to be abusive. These are things that we learn, through our
culture, through our families, and we learn to, you know, emulate them or
expect that they're normal. So if you grow up in an abusive household, and you
see, this is how you control a situation; this is how you treat people. You can
grow up to expect that that's normal. If you're getting those messages in
society, through the media that you consume, through your friend groups, you
know, that can affect how you see the world and how you treat others. And then
there are just some people who want to control others, and they're going to do
that however they can.

Host: Thank you, Mr. Decker. That's some both helpful
and hopeful information. So let's talk prevention. How can we prevent someone
from entering into an abusive relationship, and what are some signs to look out
for?

Bryce Decker: So the best way to, to prevent somebody
from getting into an abusive relationship is to have them know what the signs
are. To have them know, one, what an abusive relationship looks like, but also
know the contrast, know what a healthy relationship looks like. And then when
you're looking at the signs of what is abusive, is somebody always demanding to
know where you are? Are they following you? Are they showing up randomly to
places they shouldn't be, like your work or when you're out with friends? Are
they trying to monopolize your time and isolate you away from friends, family,
support systems? Do they, react in an angry or explosive manner when you set
boundaries? Do they constantly try to push your boundaries? These are what I
would consider warning signs before something may reach the level of physical
or sexual violence.

Host: Mm-hmm. Well, thank you Mr. Decker for those
insights. Also vitally important food for thought. That brings us now to
intervention. What are some ways to help, when we see the signs and have reason
to believe that someone is in an abusive relationship and may be a victim of
domestic violence?

Bryce Decker: One of the best resources is getting
somebody some information. So you might not be able to intervene and maybe you
shouldn't in a given situation, cause we never know what's actually happening
between two people at a given time. But maybe you slip them a phone number to a
hotline for a domestic violence, you know, organization for survivors. Maybe,
you see something happening and you know, you have to call the police to keep
somebody safe at that time. Maybe it's just offering them, you know, support
while they're trying to go through this difficult process of building up their
lives or rebuilding their lives. Sometimes it's just being more understanding
if you're an employer. If an employee discloses something or they're, you know,
having a hard time cause somebody's showing up at work and causing disturbance.
Not blaming the employee, blaming the person who's committing the actions, or
if what they're doing is criminal, committing crimes.

Host: Well, here's hoping that message gets through
to those who need it most. Thank you, Mr. Decker. So last question here. We've
been talking about domestic violence, how to recognize it and how to stop it,
but obviously there is still a need in this country for a domestic violence
awareness month every October.

What do you feel people need more awareness of about this
problem? Or to put it in another way, what message about domestic violence
would you like everyone to hear and take to heart?

Bryce Decker: Oh, that's a good question. I would say
the biggest thing for me is domestic violence is extremely common. Anyone can
be going through it. It can be your friend, it can be your family, it can be
your neighbor. They can be young, they can be old. Domestic violence does not
discriminate against anyone. Everyone is, has the ability to be a, a victim of
domestic violence. And the other part I would say is it's not something we just
have to live with. We can overcome domestic violence. We can build a society
where people can be who they want to be, to the fullest. Where they don't have
to fear that when they go home they're going to be hurt because they voiced
their opinion or they don't meet somebody's expectation in that moment. That's
what I would like people to about every October.

Host: Well, you have truly been a marvelous guest.
Thank you so much Mr. Decker, for joining us today and for all you do every day
at Courage Connection to help so many individuals and families throughout our
communities. That concludes today's Hally HealthCast. Tune in next time as we
tackle yet another topic important for your health and wellbeing.

And remember, Hally Health is your partner in helping you live
your healthiest life. Visit hally.com. That's H A L L Y.com for resources,
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