Cheryl Martin (Host): This is Children's Health Checkup where we answer parents' most common questions about raising healthy and happy kids. I'm Cheryl Martin. On this episode, our topic, the impact of overscheduling on a child's mental and physical well-being. Pediatric psychologist, Dr. Hillary Kimbley, is here to tell us how to recognize the signs of burnout in kids and why unstructured downtime is important for healthy development. She's a pediatric psychologist here at Children's Health and an Assistant Professor at UT Southwestern, Dr. Kimbley, so glad you're on to discuss this important topic.

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Hi there. Thank you for having me today, Cheryl.

Host: It feels like everyone's schedule is packed these days. So, why do you think so many families fall into the trap of overscheduling?

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Well, I feel like a lot of families and caregivers and parents, they really mean well. When you think about raising a child, you want to give them the best experiences in life that you can offer. And a lot of times, we want to expose our kids to different life experiences, develop their talents and their strengths, give them a competitive edge in life.

And so, by doing that, we feel like we need to get them involved in a lot of different activities and expose them to things. And so, I really feel like parents are just striving to give their kids the best life that they can offer. And a lot of times they may not know just exactly how to do that. And so, they may end up exposing them to too many activities while they're actually trying to do something beneficial for their child.

I also think that in the parenting culture, there are a lot of messages about how to raise a "successful child." And you'll see this a lot and on social media, on the news, this kind of rigid definition of how to enrich your child's life. And a lot of times, that means packing their schedules with these different activities. And I think parents take to those messages and they want to offer these things to their children. And sometimes, some of the reasons can be cultural. It could be things that parents or caregivers learned when they were growing up, like, if you're not doing anything, that means you're lazy or you're not making the most of your time. And so, some of those internalized messages that can feel like downtime means idle time. And so, they feel like we need to feel every moment with something that they feel like or they perceive as being productive. Because if they don't, that's wasted time. And so, overall, I think parents mean well. But even good things, if not provided in the right doses or in the right way, can turn into something that may not be as beneficial.

Host: So doctor, we know, like you said, parents mean well. So, what can all this busyness do to a child's mental health or development, especially when it becomes constant?

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Yeah. So, constant rushing and being on the go and having all of these packed schedules with no breaks can really trigger the stress response or anxiety in children and teens and youth in general. And so, it can lead to some anxiety, can lead to kids having difficulties regulating their emotions. They don't have a time to pause and think and take a break. They're just going, going, going. It can lead to reduced sleep and recovery time if you have this packed schedule. And then, on top of that, like their school age youth and there is homework or family time, it can leave very little time for sleep and recovery, which can then have even more negative effects on like health, physical or emotional health or things like that.

 It could also lead to weakened family relationships and connections. You're constantly learning and doing something or being stimulated, then that leaves very little time to interact with others. This can in turn lead to burnout and exhaustion and overall family strain or strain with relationships. And also, especially like in younger kids, it can stifle their creativity. If younger kids especially don't have a lot of unstructured playtime, which is critical for their cognitive and social emotional development, it might hinder their creativity, imagination, problem solving in overall independence. And this isn't an exhaustive list, but some of the main negative impacts of busyness on overall mental health or development.

Host: So, we know, of course, that each child is different. How can a parent tell when the child is doing too much? Are there any red flags to watch for?

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Sure. Every child is different. And so, it starts with parents and caregivers just knowing their child. But in general, if they are noticing that their child has an increase in irritability, mood swings, or anxiety, like their mood is changing from what their baseline typically is; if their school age, they notice a change in their academic performance, like they're underperforming or their grades are declining or decreasing; if overall, they seem to be complaining more about being in those activities, losing interest in activities they once enjoyed or complaining about participating in things or even not just structured activities, just things they used to enjoy doing, maybe in free time; if they have a lot of physical complaints like their stomachs, hurting headaches, problems falling asleep or oversleeping; or in general, if caregivers are just noticing they don't really have a lot of downtime, every minute or second of their day is filled with doing something. I think those are signs that parents can look out for.

Host: We sometimes think boredom is bad, but you believe that unstructured time is actually good for kids.

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Yes, I do believe that. A lot of people believe that boredom is bad. When kids say they're bored, parents feel like they need to constantly entertain their kids, because we are in a society of instant entertainment, easy access to information, a lot of screen time, things like that, our kids' brains are constantly stimulated, and so they rarely have a time to just be bored. But boredom can be very beneficial to a child's developing brain.

There's some specific ways that research has noted that boredom can be beneficial, such as boredom can help stimulate creativity and imagination. When kids aren't being directed to do something or they don't have a tablet in front of them, you will start to notice that kids will start to make up their own games. They can create. They have a lot of imaginative play. They make up stories. They will start drawing a lot of creative things.

Boredom can also encourage independence and problem-solving. Youth just kind of figure out what to do with their time. Like for younger kids, a box becomes a castle. For older kids, they can dream and aspire and think about their different interests and values. Boredom can help with emotional regulation. Kids actually learn how to sit with the discomfort of being bored or disappointed that they don't have something to do or to entertain them. And that's definitely a skill to learn to have frustration tolerance and to have patience and to learn how to find ways to do activities outside of the norm.

And then, boredom helps the brain just to rest and recover and, in turn, kind of helps to build attention when there's not something constantly stimulating the brain. It's easier to, learn how to attend and stay on task and less stimulating or less interesting task, which is really beneficial for kids in the school setting when things might not be as entertaining. But because they've had an opportunity for their brain to be bored, they're able to attend better and it can boost their attention.

Host: Now, you've shared some great things of what can happen when there is some unstructured time for kids. Any realistic ways then that families can add rest or breathing room into their routine during the school year or even over summer break, where the parents are very deliberate about this?

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Yes, and I like the word deliberate. Parents really need to be deliberate or intentional about actually scheduling downtime or free time into their daily routine. Just like they would schedule any of these extracurricular activities, it's just as important to schedule some downtime or to make room for some unstructured time in their routine.

And that could be a weekly night with no activities or just setting aside an hour of free play or family time. And so, it will be really important for parents to and caregivers to prioritize focusing and setting aside a time for their youth or their child to focus on activities that that are not adding stress, and they're very unstructured. Parents can communicate with their child, and that means having regular check-ins about how they're feeling emotionally and physically, how they're feeling about their schedule if they feel like it's too much or it feels overwhelming, and if they want to adjust their schedule, extracurricular activities in any way, if one week maybe they'd like to miss a practice or things like that.

Parents can also model balance. They can lead by example and show how to manage responsibilities and prioritize self-care, downtime, and then be mindful of their messaging to youth. Like, do they get upset if they see that their child is sitting around and resting? Or are they praising that self-care, Parents can, like we kind of talked about earlier, watch for signs of stress. If they're noticing there are changes, that can be their sign to make some, adjustments in their adding rest or breathing room into their routine.

Host: So, what is one thing you hope parents take away from this conversation above all about finding balance? What would that be?

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Busy isn't always better. If you think about even childhood, just thinking about balance for anyone at any age. it is a mix of enrichment and achievement and hard work, but also rest and downtime is very essential. To have time for self-care without pressure, without competitiveness, without busyness, it is essential to our overall well-being and childhood in general. It's not just go, go, go, teach, teach, teach, expose, expose. It's a mix of learning and enrichment, but also free time and connection and rest.

Host: Dr. Hillary Kimbley, thank you for sharing your insights and just giving us some great advice for overcoming, overscheduling and finding balance so it helps our children. Thank you.

Hillary Kimbley, PhD: Yes. Thank you for having me, and highlighting this very important topic.

Host: Our pleasure. For more information on how to support your child and their mental health and development, visit childrens.com/mentalhealth. Thank you for listening to Children's Health Checkup. If you found this podcast helpful, please rate and review or share the episode and please follow Children's Health on your social channels.