Maggie McKay (Host): Welcome to the Parent-ish Podcast, where experts at Children's Mercy, Kansas City talk about the little everyday things parents experience with their babies, teens, and in-betweens. I'm your host, Maggie McKay.

As parents and educators, we often focus on health, education, safety, and more when it comes to our children, as we should. But what about the importance of play in overall well-being? It is crucial. And today, we're going to find out why with Dr. Robin Shook, Director of the Kansas City Healthy Lifestyles Collaborative and Associate Professor' Amanda Porter, Child Life Program Coordinator and Facility Dog Handler; and Dr. Gissandaner, Clinical Psychologist and Assistant Professor. Thank you all for being here today. We really appreciate it.

Tre Gissandaner, PhD:  Happy to be here.

Host: Dr. Shook, let's start with you. How does regular play contribute to a child's physical development?

Robin Shook, PhD: Well, one quote that I really like is play is the work of childhood. And I think that that's a really nice way to think about play and the goals of play for kids. So, play has a lot of different roles in development in kids, as we're going to talk about today.

I kind of think of it in a couple different baskets. There's free play, free supervised play. Like I supervise my kids when they're playing in the backyard. There's structured play where I'm actively engaging with my kid as they're playing. And then, there's free and unsupervised play, which a kid kind of is off on their own playing. And those all have very different benefits.

I'll talk just right now though about the physical development regarding free supervised play, especially around motor development. So, motor development and motor development skills are things like running, jumping, hopping, skipping, throwing, kicking, and striking objects. And these are actually very important skills that are learned through play that will impact a child's ability to be physically active as a kid. And actually, the data has shown to translate to carrying forward physical activity habits into adulthood.

Now, free play is great for a lot of different reasons, but free supervised play, structured play also has a lot of role in those motor development things. So when you're outside playing with your kid, rather than just letting them run around, think about some of those things like running, jumping, hopping, and skipping. So, you can maybe race your kid to the end of the block. You can practice throwing the ball at a tree. You can practice jumping over this stick or from this rock to that rock. All of those things are good, just play things, and they also will contribute to good physical development.

Host: I remember when my son was in preschool and the teacher told all the parents, " The only job of your little one is to play." That is all they have to do every day, day in and day out. And it always stuck with me because I thought, "Darn, I want to be a kid again." Amanda, in what ways does play impact a child's mental and emotional well-being?

Amanda Porter: Yeah. Just to kind of go off a little bit about what Robin was saying, and you as well, Maggie, I like to think about this quote that says, "Birds fly, fish swim, and kids play. That's what they do best." Whether they're in school, at home, even in the hospital environment, allowing kids to play provides them with a safe outlet to be able to express themselves. It helps teach them self-regulation, really learning how to control and manage their frustrations or different emotions that they're having. When kids are able to play and experience different scenarios, we are able to teach them that they can do hard things and overcome tasks that maybe they otherwise wouldn't be able to overcome or understand.

We also know that it really helps reduce stress. It encourages laughter and fun, which we know is so vital for kids to allow them to just be kids. I've also seen where it helps build self-confidence and self-esteem. It gives them the ability to gain mastery and control environments, which research will tell us helps expand into their adulthood, adult years. And it really helps provide them with life experiences, and it gives them a sense of belonging and connection, which we all as humans are striving to have. And I think getting that early on in life sets them up for success and allows them to be emotionally stable humans, as they continue to grow and develop.

Host: Absolutely. Dr. Gissandaner, why is it important for parents and caregivers to actively participate in their child's play?

Tre Gissandaner, PhD: I think there's many reasons why it's important. I think most importantly is it can help parents, caregivers build that strong bond with their child. It helps create a sense of joy between parents and children. Play is fun. So, I think Amanda, Dr. Shook have already kind of pointed out that play can be a stress relief for children and for parents. So, just as an adult may golf or fish to relax, playing with a parent does that for a child as well. It helps them regulate, helps them relax from a stressful day. Children have stressful days too.

I think beyond that, it can also help with brain development. Dr. Shook mentioned motor skills, but it can also help with attention and focus. It also tends to make oppositional or defiant children comply more with directions from adults. So, it can just give parents an opportunity to model behaviors for their child. So, teaching children how to play with others in a positive way, like taking turns and sharing are a couple of examples.

Host: Dr. Shook, what types of physical activities are most beneficial for children at different ages? Do organized sports count as play when kids are getting older?

Robin Shook, PhD: Yeah, this is a great question. So, one thing to keep in mind is play can happen at any age. And I'm not talking about just childhood, this is even into adulthood. Play can happen at any age and play has different purposes based on which age you're talking about. So when we're talking about young kids, like for example, I have a one-year-old, the purpose of play with my one-year-old is obviously not to learn a sport or anything like that, but it's mostly around bonding with my child and modeling behavior. So, we do things like swimming together. We go around walks together, we swing together on the swings. So even a child who has very few motor skills can still do physical play.

For like two to five-year-olds, we're talking more around play, where we're learning those motor skills. So, you want to do activities that are not necessarily sports-based. They can be things like Keepy Uppy where you try to keep the ball or the balloon up in the air. You might be kicking or throwing or catching or doing like an obstacle course, which those can be fun games, but they're not necessarily sports. Another important thing is something like learning to ride a bike. So even in two to five-year-olds, you can start riding things like a strider bike.

Five to 10-year-olds, that's where you're starting to learn some sports skills so you can start enrolling your kids in some sports activities. But the key if you're doing that, is that should be focused on fun, number one, and skill development, number two. Winning competition should not be part of what you're looking for in like five to 10-year-olds. And then, when you start to get into your teens, that's where you can start doing competitive sports, where you're really looking at high level of competition, if that's what your kid wants to do. And if your kid doesn't want to do competitive sports, any type of sports that they can do with their friends is going to be something that they're going to want to do.

Just some other key things that I want to just mention is that always, always, always ask the kid what they want to do, and that's from when they're young, two-year-olds all the way up to they're 18. We shouldn't be forcing kids into a certain sport that they may want to do or an activity that they want to do.

And I've said this several times, the other thing you want to focus on is fun. Fun, fun, fun. We actually did a survey of over 4,000 kids in the Kansas City region. And the number one reason they participate in sports is not competition or winning. It is to have fun and to be with their friends. So, keep those things in mind, no matter what age you're talking about.

Host: That is awesome information to know. Dr. Gissandaner, how can play strengthen the bond between a child and their parent or even their caregiver?

Tre Gissandaner, PhD: Yeah. So when parents engage in play with their children, it communicates affection, it creates a nurturing environment for the child. I think Amanda mentioned that earlier. And children typically want attention from their parent or caregiver, and when it comes through play, it lets the child know that the parent is interested in the child and essentially is a way for children and parents to build a strong attachment through that playtime. And I think Dr. Shook said it perfectly that following the child's lead and engaging in the activity that the child wants to do is important and making it fun for the child is important for building that bond, because then that child associates that joyful experience with the parent and then also vice versa. The parent will also associate that with the child, furthering that attachment.

I also think it can be a good time to repair any emotional distance that may come up between a parent and a child during the day because maybe something happened that strained that attachment. So, maybe the child does something that upsets the parent and then the parent has to discipline the child. Then, the child gets upset with the parent because of that discipline. And now, both parties are upset with each other, and that can maybe kind of put a strain on that relationship during the day. But play can be a chance for the parent and the child to really reset that bond with each other for the strain that happened before. So, that's another, I think, important way that play can reinforce that bond between parent and child.

Host: Absolutely. Amanda, what are some creative ways that parents can engage and play with their kids even if they feel they aren't naturally playful?

Amanda Porter: Yeah. I think a lot of times parents feel like they have to lead the play with the kids, and I think it's really important to kind of-- as both Tre and Dr. Shook have talked about-- but allowing kids to lead the interactions, really allowing them to choose how they want to engage in that play, what they want that play to look like. Oftentimes it's not going to look like we expect it to look. But I think that's the goal of play is for it to be freeing, and provide them a sense of safety.

Also, another really important way is to allow it to be a part of your daily routine. I often think about when I was a kid and what kid likes to do chores, but my mom would make them fun. It would be a game. And she would use different tasks that I had to do throughout the week as a way to engage me in play. I think oftentimes families are so busy, getting to different activities or with work or various needs of the family. And so, I think if families are able to set aside intentional time, oftentimes we think that has to be an hour or 30 minutes. But even if parents and kids are able to set aside 10 to 15 minutes of play, putting away those distractions and really being able to focus their full attention on that, it allows kids who maybe aren't naturally playful to incorporate that into their daily lifestyle, which I think is really helpful, and things that I have seen with kids that I interact with in various settings.

Host: First of all, Amanda, I love your mom. She sounds like such a good mom to make chores seem fun. I love that. What are some strategies for encouraging play that supports emotional resilience and stress relief?

Amanda Porter: Yeah, that's a really great question. I've really noticed in my role as a child life specialist that when kids are given an opportunity to engage in play where there's a low pressure environment. It allows them to utilize their creativity. It can be done both in an individualized play where a child is playing by theirself, but also in what we call cooperative play where they are interacting with others. Allowing time to engage with kids in play. Also, models healthy emotional expression, which I think we've talked about several times throughout this podcast. But kids are observers, they learn from what they see. So if they are observing themselves, allowing to express their emotions, it really empowers them to do the same.

There are times where I might be doing something as simple as coloring with a kid and I might go out of the lines and it frustrates me, right? But allowing them to see that it frustrated me, but I was able to move on really helps set them up for success. It teaches them that they don't need to hide their emotions, right? Our body's response to various things in life is normal. And so, allowing them to have a space that they can do that.

As Child Life Specialists, we do a lot of what we call healthcare play. That's allowing kids to really explore items that they see in their hospital environment so that they can create that mastery and that positive coping. And I think that can be true of anything that's even not in the hospital. So if you're going to be doing a new sport or a new school or whatever it might be, something new, and they're feeling overwhelmed, if we are able to bring in familiar items that they're going to see and engage those and play with them, it allows them to feel confident, comfortable in that new space. And I think can help relieve the stress that comes with any type of new environment and allows them to really embrace the emotions that they might feel with these new tasks that they're taking on.

Host: Dr. Shook, would you please share some tips for incorporating more physical play into daily routines, especially for busy families, which most are?

Robin Shook, PhD: Yeah, it's so hard to find time, isn't it? Well, I think you've kind of heard today, any time is a good amount of play. So even in my family, we designate five minutes of playtime per day with each of the parents. So, even just a five-minute chunk is fine.

Here's some other tips. One, and you heard this come up before, make it a game. You can make just about anything fun if you make it some sort of competition. Number two, try to do it together. I cannot stress enough how important that playing with your child or having an adult play with the child is in modeling behavior and providing appropriate development for the kid. Tip number three that I have is keep a bag of sports gear in your car. I personally keep a basketball, a baseball and a frisbee in my trunk at all times, Just in case you have a free minute and you pull over and want to play in a park or something like that

Host: And bubbles.

Robin Shook, PhD: Or bubbles. Yes, that's a great one. I should add that one. Bubbles are very popular in my house. Bubbles and balloons, very low tech things that are very fun play things. And then, the other tip is just to be a good role model for your kid. Your kid is like a sponge. They soak up everything that they see other people do, both good and bad. So, try to be a good role model for your kid. You don't have to be a marathon runner. You can just do any little things to play with your kids.

And then, this is not just a tip, just another general recommendation I tell everyone, is ask kids what they want and make it fun. If you want some more good resources, I go to Move Your Way. You can just google Move Your Way. That's the federal government's program to get people moving. My team also has some resources available on social media where you can find us at Move Together KC, and that's on Instagram and Facebook.

Host: Perfect. Thank you so much for those resources. Amanda, did you want to add anything to that?

Amanda Porter: I think I really just want to echo kind of what was the theme of all of this, which is finding the time, whether it be 5, 10, 15 minutes. It doesn't have to be a lengthy amount of time, allowing kids to have choices. A lot of kids' choices are taken away for various things, whether they're at school or different things. So, giving them the opportunity to choose what they want to do, what they want that play to look like. And then lastly, like Robin just said, engaging with them, allowing them to see that, yes, you're their mom, yes, you're their dad, or yes, you're their caregiver, but also you can still be fun. You can still have a good time. And again, even in those everyday routines, whether it's chores or whatever that looks like for your family, just utilizing what you're already doing and allowing it to be a playful setting.

Host: Well, thank you all for your time today, and sharing your expertise and such great ideas, useful practical ideas that we can, actually use. So, we really appreciate you being here.

Robin Shook, PhD: Thank you.

Amanda Porter: Thank you.

Host: Of course. Yes. Thank you. Again, that's Dr. Gissandaner, Dr. Shook and Amanda Porter. If you'd like to find out more, you can visit childrensmercy.org/parent-ish. That concludes this episode of the Parent-ish Podcast. For more parenting tips and tricks, again, visit us at parentish.org where we help you celebrate the craziness and challenges of parenthood.