Maggie McKay (Host): Welcome to the Parent-ish Podcast, where experts at Children's Mercy, Kansas City talk about the little everyday things parents experience with their babies, teens, and in-betweens. I'm your host, Maggie McKay. When it comes to overbooking ourselves, adults aren't the only ones. But how do we manage our children's extracurricular activities? Where's the balance? Dr. Simone Moody, Clinical Psychologist and Director of Psychological services for the ADHD Specialty Clinic at Children's Mercy is here to share some practical strategies. Thank you so much for being here, Dr. Moody.

Simone Moody, PhD: Thanks for having me.

Host: Yeah, so back in the day you might have been on one team, maybe you were also in the school play, but usually not more than like two major activities, at least when I went to school, not more than two at one time, but now it seems kids are so busy it's hard to keep up. So what are some signs that a child might be overextended with extracurricular activities?

Simone Moody, PhD: You're right. It is a lot. And some signs that they might be overextended is if they're telling you they're feeling overwhelmed or stressed or worried about managing their activities. They may also start just expressing a disinterest or just be reluctant to attend some of their activities, or you may notice a change in their mood, maybe being more irritable, or overly tired, and that might suggest that maybe they're not having enough time for self-care tasks like sleeping, eating, and relaxing.

Host: How can parents determine the right number or type of activities for their child, especially when every opportunity seems valuable?

Simone Moody, PhD: It's tough. You, as a parent you want to give your child all the opportunities possible, and kids can get really excited about many of those opportunities. So trying to narrow it down can be really difficult. I think it's helpful to consider a child's interest and their goals. So if your child wants to be an artist or their favorite sport is soccer, those could be activities that you prioritize.

It's also important to consider your family's values. So if music is really important in your family and learning how to play a musical instrument, you may have a conversation with your child to see does this align with their interest and their goals? It's also important to consider time and effort that it takes to participate in the activities.

So just looking to see, do I have enough time in my schedule? How much energy is it going to take for me to do this activity? And how does that fit in with other activities in the family? It's also important to consider family support. And so how are they going to get to and from the activity, who's going to be able to attend?

Are parents able to do that? Do we have a carpool going or are there extended family members or friends that can help with that? And also looking at budget too. So there are more activities now than ever, and those activities have become more expensive. So what's in your family's budget and how can you make that work and what's that right number or type of activity that's going to fit with your family. I think it can be helpful too, to look at the history of how your child participated in activities in the past. Was last season too much for them? Was last semester, too many activities or not the right kinds of activities? And using that information to determine which ones are the most valuable to your child.

 It's also helpful to involve kids in the decision making and making sure you're giving them choices, when possible. Because then they'll be more excited and more motivated to participate. And also helping them set some boundaries around how much is too much and what types of activities they're participating in.

Host: What role does a child's personality or temperament play in how they handle busy schedules?

Simone Moody, PhD: That's a good question. You know, I work with a lot of strong-willed children and they're definitely more likely to assert their feelings about their schedule in terms of what they're interested in and how much is too much. I also think about children with an anxious temperament that might have difficulty expressing their preferences or maybe making decisions about what they want to do. Another thing that I think about relatedly is just behavioral health conditions and how that can complicate a child's ability to handle busy schedules. We know that different behavioral health conditions are very common, and so it's important to consider what your child's going through.

So if your child, for example, has ADHD, they might have difficulty with transitions or managing their time or being prepared. If they have anxiety, they might be easily overwhelmed or maybe more reluctant to participate. Or on the flip side, they may overcommit to activities because they don't want to disappoint others.

 A child with depression, they may shut down or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed or experience some withdrawal from ones that they love. So those are important things to consider in terms of how a child handles a busy schedule. I would say, generally speaking, when we think about individual characteristics, we want to think about a child's motivation and their interests and also what their skillset is. So what kind of coping skills do they have? How good are they at managing their time and planning? And that can really help factor into their ability to manage a busy schedule.

Host: How can families create a healthy routine that balances school activities, downtime, and even sleep?

Simone Moody, PhD: I really like time management calendars that can help kids and parents visualize how you're spending your time every day and every week. And so sitting down and blocking off times in your calendar when you're going to be at school or when you're in this required activity and then fitting in the other activities that you're interested in to see if you have enough time to transition to those activities, to eat, to sleep, and also have relaxation time. Those are really important things to consider, and having a visual representation can be extremely helpful.

Host: It's so true about the downtime. Forget everything else. Kids especially I think, need downtime. I mean, adults do, so why wouldn't kids? So what are some strategies for having open conversations with kids about things like stress and pressure, or wanting to even quit an activity?

Simone Moody, PhD: Developing a strong parent-child relationship is really the foundation for children feeling comfortable sharing their feelings. So if as a parent or caregiver, you can invest as little as a few minutes per day connecting with your child, it can really open the door to having those hard conversations.

So one way that you can do this is join them in their play during the day or while they're participating in their preferred activities. Or you can also dedicate a certain chat or connect time during the day to share how you're feeling. So that might be on the way to school in the morning or maybe 10 minutes before bedtime.

And having this strong foundation, these opportunities connect, will really help you check in regularly with your child about how they're managing their activities, how they're feeling about their activities. We know that kids change their mind a lot, that it can happen that way. And if you're checking in regularly, you can get a feel for any patterns about their interest in different activities or how they feel about how their time's being managed.

 I think it's important to consider when you're doing those regular check-ins, timing can really be key. So you want to make sure you're having those discussions when your kids are calm and regulated as opposed to a time when maybe they're leading more with their feelings if they just lost at a game or a competition.

It's also helpful to ask more open-ended questions. So instead of saying, do you like this activity? Do you want to do it again? Yes or no? What do you like about this activity? What do you wish was different in your schedule? Those will give you more information to help guide how your child's doing.

 we want to ask those questions. We also want to limit the number of questions we're asking because kids can get annoyed when we ask them too many questions and they can shut down, right? And so, we want to be mindful of focusing on connection and listening and having your child lead discussions so that you're getting the best information and the most information possible.

Host: Those are all really good ideas. I wonder how parents' behavior is a model for kids. I mean, like, maybe you have a parent who takes a lot of downtime during the day, or one that uses every minute of the day. How can parents model healthy boundaries and time management for their own kids? Because kids do what their parents do. They see what they do.

Simone Moody, PhD: Yeah, I really appreciate this question. We know that kids learn through their experiences, but they also learn through watching others. And as parents and caregivers we're their number one teachers, so it's important to show them the tools that you use to manage your time and manage your schedule and talk to them about it.

Tell them how you set boundaries. How do you decide to participate in something extra? When do you decide to say no? And so that's going to give your kid valuable skills for a lifetime. You can also give them examples of times when you've overcommitted to activities and how that's impacted you.

And you want to consider, obviously, what's developmentally appropriate to share with your child, but it can also give them some useful information.

Host: That's so true. Overcommitting. I think a lot of us are guilty of that. Are there long-term mental health implications of chronic overscheduling in childhood?

Simone Moody, PhD: Potentially. Chronic overscheduling can make you more susceptible to things like stress and anxiety, depression, burnout. So it's really important to recognize these signs early and do those regular check-ins. Pay attention to what your child's doing, how they're acting. That will give you some good data to help inform the next round of extracurricular activities. And when it comes time to signups, you'll have a better sense of if you need to cut things out, or maybe you can add something.

Host: Anything else in closing that you'd like to add that maybe we didn't cover that you'd like people to know?

Simone Moody, PhD: Yeah, I guess I'd like to say that extracurricular activities are really important and valuable. It gives kids an opportunity to explore things that they're really interested in, and we want them to be doing things that they can be successful in and that will really help to build their self-esteem. Especially if you have a child that isn't so great at school, that's not their number one thing, or they don't like school very much. It's, it's really helpful to have that balance of extracurricular activities that they can be successful in.

Host: Well, thank you so much for sharing your expertise and giving us a lot of good, useful information to carry out strategies that sound very effective. So we really appreciate your time and your expertise.

Simone Moody, PhD: Thanks for having me.

Host: Again, that's Dr. Simone Moody. To learn more, please visit children's mercy.org/parent-ish. That concludes this episode of the Parent-Ish Podcast. For more parenting tips and tricks, again, visit us@parent-ish.org where we help you celebrate the craziness and challenges of parenthood.