Intro: Duly Noted, a health and care podcast, is the official podcast series of Duly Health and Care. Each podcast features physicians or team members discussing groundbreaking topics and innovations that help listeners re-imagine and better understand an extraordinary health and care experience.

Jaime Lewis (Host): This time of year, many students are headed off to their first year of college, which is a huge adjustment for both them and their parents. Today, we'll talk with Debbi DelRe, Director of Clinical Workforce and a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner about how to manage some of the anxiety that comes with heading off to school. This is Duly Noted, a health and care podcast from Duly Health and Care. I'm Jaime Lewis. So Debbi, I know from experience, as you probably do too, that the transition from high school to college can be a really big one.

Some moms and dads might be becoming empty nesters and their children will be launching into an entirely new kind of independence. So, can you tell us how parents and guardians and their kids can navigate this new stage of life together? What kinds of conversations might be helpful to have?

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: So parents can really help with this transition by facilitating open conversations about how they themselves, but also with the, with their child, how they're feeling about this transition. What are they looking forward to? What scares them? What worries them about starting this new chapter? It's helpful too that the parents establish some boundaries and expectations with their child.

How often can they expect to hear from their child? How often is the child expecting the parents to reach out? Just so it's very open and there's a good understanding as both the parents and the child are making that transition. Some honest conversations with each other between the parents or guardians about how they both want to support their son or daughter during the transition so they are on the same page is also helpful. It's really a balance for the parent or guardian between letting the child be independent and letting them figure out how to do things independently and then being supportive and helpful when needed. It's definitely a balancing act. You know, in high school and in earlier years, the parent, the guardian, we do everything for our children in our care. And we provide their housing, their food, we care for them when they're sick, we help them manage situations at school, we manage the financial obligations.

And we're always making sure they have what they need. And now it's up to the student, their child, who is now essentially going into adulthood, to navigate a lot of that on their own. And for many of these students, it's the first time they're having to navigate all of it on their own. So there's so much new for them at one time.

New routines, new surroundings, new people. And all those comforts of home and familiarity aren't there anymore. So this is scary for them. It can cause some anxiety, some fear and some frustration. So as a parent, letting them know that you have confidence in their ability to manage the transition and all that's going to go along with it.

Host: In your experience, what do you consider the hardest part about this adjustment period?

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: So, as a parent who just actually went through this last year, but also as a professional who I work with a lot of college age students as well as parents; I think the hardest part, as the parent or the guardian is really the wanting to jump in and rescue and fix anything that might not be going their way.

So, your child's having a problem with their roommate. You want to jump in and fix it. Or their computer's not working. Or they're struggling with a class. Or they're sick and they're miles and miles and miles away, or they're having problems with the professor, financial aid issues. All those things.

It's, you want to jump in and you want to fix it. And, that's not really the best thing. And sometimes you just can't. And so, enabling them and empowering them to find those ways to fix those things and address those things on their own is where the parent can be really supportive.

Host: How can parents help their kids as they transition into this new stage of life and also make sure they're prioritizing their own needs?

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: Well, there's lots of different things I think. Trying to find a new routine without having the child at home anymore. I keep calling them a child, but essentially, they're moving into adulthood. But we feel obligated to do the same things, the same way all the time. Staying in the routine, we think, helps us move forward. And it's not always the best. It's okay to change things up. Maybe dinner isn't the same without our child at the dinner table. So maybe we do it differently. You can do it the same again when they come home and they visit, but sometimes the routine is too much of a reminder of them being away or it's just not the same without them there.

So giving ourselves some grace as the parent or the guardian and say, it's okay, we don't have to continue to do things the way they were because maybe it just doesn't feel the same.

Host: Now for the parents with the child, how can parents encourage autonomy for them to set them up for success as they transition into a new phase of life?

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: It's really about empowering them to be independent and reinforcing to them that you believe they can do this, you got this! And also reminding them of all the ways that they are ready for this next step and helping them find the resources. There's so many resources available on college campuses, whether it's a community college or the student is going away to school, there is an abundance of resources, in terms of different ways that they can seek out help to answer all of their questions. So empowering them to go out and find those resources and encouraging them and supporting them is really key. And again, letting them know, like, I believe in you and you can do this.

Host: You touched on this earlier, but if a parent or guardian feels a sense of emptiness or like they lack purpose once their child goes to college, what are some of the ways they can fill that void and how long might that last?

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: Well, we have to remember we still have a purpose as parents and the guardian. They still have a purpose and the kids still need them, but they need them in a different way now. Their kids need their parents to be there to listen, to ask questions, to be available to them if they're not understanding something or not sure how to navigate something.

The kids need the parents there to offer support and essentially to be their cheerleader, to instill confidence in them that they can navigate this new chapter, but also acknowledge that this is hard, and it's okay to acknowledge that it's hard. But again, we still have a purpose, it's just in a different way now.

And as far as how long does that feeling lasts, there's really no prescribed window of time. It's really, I think, going to depend on how often the student and their parents are communicating, how often they're seeing each other, and that the feeling can last a while though, and that's okay.

Host: Speaking of communication, so what are some ways parents and their young adults can stay connected and maintain a healthy relationship even when they aren't physically together every day?

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: So this is where technology really is our friend. So we have so many different platforms, which really does make it so great to be able to stay in contact and connected. There's FaceTime and Skype and Zoom and really any platform where you can see each other. Sometimes just being able to see each other, offers a different type of connection versus just having a phone call. But also texting, phone calls, mail, sending things good old fashioned mail. If you're missing your son or daughter, write them a note, send them a little card. They love to get that kind of stuff when they're not at home. And when you're having those conversations and you're connecting with each other, talk about how things are going, ask the student how's your roommate, how are your classes, ask about their new experiences, and really try as much as we tend to want to micromanage or parent from afar; this is the child's time to really spread their wings and use all that those parents and guardians have taught them to be an independent person. And so really using those opportunities when you're connecting with them to be inquisitive and be excited and be curious about how that experience is going for them.

Host: Well, this has been so great, Debbi. Thank you for shedding light on something so many of us are living through right now.

Debbi DelRe, APRN, PMHNP-BC: Well, thank you for having me.

Host: I'm Jaime Lewis and this has been Duly noted, a Health and Care podcast from Duly Health and Care. For more information on how you can prepare for a smooth transition into fall and beyond, visit dulyhealthandcare.com. Thanks for listening.