Transcription:
Supporting Youth in Achieving Digital Wellness: A Youth Perspective

Scott Webb: Emerson Hospital has teamed up with Turning Life On, a local grassroots movement to create a digital wellness program. Digital wellness is using technology with intention to achieve optimal physical, mental, and spiritual health, enhance relationships, safety and privacy, and increase our ability to learn and be productive.

The goals of this partnership are to increase awareness of the many impacts that devices have on youth today. And to provide research-backed tips that empower families to make healthy choices about digital media use. Through this podcast, our guests will discuss the six pillars of digital wellness and how we can support our youth in balancing their device use to optimize their overall health and development.

This is the Health Works Here podcast from Emerson Hospital. I'm Scott Webb. This episode will feature Aliza, a senior at Arlington High School, who is here to give us a youth perspective on digital wellness. And Aliza, what have been your experiences with social media and digital devices?

Aliza: So I first got an iPhone when I was in sixth grade and it was mainly for babysitting and my parents had held off on giving me a phone beforehand. And then at the end of eighth grade, they finally relented and got me an iPhone. And at the end of seventh grade, I got Instagram, which I didn't have a smartphone at that time. So I use Instagram on other devices. And growing up, it's always been really prioritizing human and family connection over screen connection.

And once phones were introduced into my life and for my younger sister, it was always put phones away at dinner and keep phones in my parents' rooms overnight. No social media apps on phones. And so I've really grown up with the kind of regulation around social media and device use, that sort of given me this perspective on the importance of wellbeing and how crucial it is, especially for kids growing up in this era of constant connectivity to have that insight into whether social media is helping them feel good or not so good, and their relationships with devices and working towards creating healthy tech-life balance.

And in the fall of my junior year, so one year ago, I went to The Mountain School, which is a semester school program in Vermont and I went four months without my phone. And upon return to my large suburban public school, it was just really just this culture shock, realizing how dependent my peers and then myself, once I was back in assimilated to this world, are on our digital devices. And so since then I've become a digital wellness youth activist, really working to create change in this realm and help empower people to work towards the human, not screen-focused world.

Scott Webb: You know, you said you got Instagram at the end of seventh grade. So tell us more about that experience.

Aliza: So my peers have been getting social media since fourth grade. I remember that's the first time I heard of Snapchat and my parents were always hardcore against Snapchat. And eventually, after asking and asking and asking, they let me get Instagram. And I used my dad's old phone for Instagram, and I got it at the beginning of a family vacation. And 30 of my cousins-- it's an annual family vacation. And at this point, I was 12 years old at the end of seventh grade.

And during vacation when people were at the beach or you're at the pool or having family time together, or even time alone, that was generally spent reading or decompressing, I would bolt right up to my room and check Instagram. And that I feel like so captures this pull of social media and how I was just 12 years old at the time and trying to navigate all of the things that come with being an adolescent and a preteen, and then Instagram was thrown on top of that. And I really just didn't have the skills or the perception necessary to interact healthfully with that.

And so I sacrificed a lot of what was generally a really wonderful family vacation to go delve into this virtual world. And I would take my dad's old phone around with me to take pictures of the beach. And I remember we were down on a dock by the marsh one time with my cousins and I had a Coca-Cola bottle. I don't even like Coca-Cola, but I had a Coke bottle and a shell, and I was doing this whole photo shoot and my cousins were there crabbing and laughing and talking, and I wasn't participating fully in it because I was so enamored by Instagram.

Scott Webb: Has social media impacted your relationship in other ways as well?

Aliza: Absolutely. And not all of those have been awful. And so at the beginning of ninth grade, my best friend, Lily, and I deleted our Instagrams together. And we had both over the course of the year that we've had Instagram, we both recognized the toll it was taking on us mentally and socially. And so together we put in our passwords at the same time and pressed the delete button at the same time. And that was such an empowering experience to take a step away from social media with my friend. And I really, in retrospect, I think it would have been incredibly difficult to muster up the courage necessary for removing oneself from something that's such a core part of the culture. But in doing so with a friend, it was incredibly powerful and it felt a little easier to do.

And one time in freshman year after we had deleted our Instagrams, Lily and I were walking home with another one of our good friends and she said, "I so wish I could delete Snapchat and get off of Instagram, but I feel like other people are relying on me to have those social medias." And this is something I've thought a lot about in terms of, regardless of if the individual wants to remove themselves from social media platforms and is noticing the negative toll it's taking, it feels like it connects you to other people.

And so in finding a community and a support system, in order to achieve a tech-life balance and to work towards being okay with putting social media away, it's so crucial to have other people involved who are on the same page as you. And so I think that if one is struggling in which I did to sustain healthy relationships when Instagram and other social medias are an in-between factor of that to turn to people who are feeling similarly and together take a communal step of moving away, because then it's guaranteed that you won't feel alone because you have somebody who's going through it with you.

And so by deleting Instagram, I didn't lose all of these social connections. I had Lily, I had my friends I saw at school and then I could build up more friendships and relationships in a way that felt more meaningful to me and to the people on the other side of that friendship.

Scott Webb: So we've talked a lot about social media and spending time and devices, how it's impacted our mental health, which is one of the digital wellness pillars. So can you share how using social media has impacted your mental health?

Aliza: So I got Instagram in the seventh grade and I had it for a little over a year. And eighth grade was an incredibly difficult year for me. And it's the last year of middle school. It's a hard year for many people, but in retrospect, I think a big part of that was because of my Instagram use. And I was constantly turning to this platform in search of fulfillment, in search of real meaningful friendships. And that's what I expected of it, but that's not what I was getting. And so it took me a long time to realize that.

And at the end of eighth grade, I was having a fight with one of my friends at the time and on her Finsta, which is a fake Instagram and people don't post their pretty edited photos, it's more just their raw emotions. And she posted something with a really cruel caption that I felt was directed at me. I had a big cry over that. And in thinking back on it in the weeks and months following, it just kind of felt like a punch to the stomach to think of that caption.

And so I feel like that moment really captures a lot of the ways I felt when I had Instagram, just not as happy as I normally was. Not being able or feeling able to participate in the activities that generally brought me so much joy and constantly going back to Instagram, even though I had the sense that platform is what was really contributing to my absence of happiness.

Scott Webb: That's really interesting. And thank you so much for sharing that story. What are some practical tips you have for promoting and protecting our mental health through the use of devices and social media?

Aliza: So I think first of all, just really taking time to reflect on how social media is making you feel because there's no one-size-fits-all for this. It's such an individualized experience. And so giving yourself the space to process and reflect and feel, "Okay, today, the times I checked Instagram, the times I sent my Snap streaks. Do those moments, feel like they were promoting my wellbeing? Or was there a spot in that where I started to feel sad or I started to feel just incredibly upset, but I kept staying on the platform?" And this is true for everything. You have to find a balance, everything in moderation. And so I think that's true for digital use too.

I feel like there's this misconception about digital wellness, that it means all devices are bad, turn off technology, throw your phone away. And that's so not true. And practically we need our devices in order to stay connected with this modern day world and to make new friendships and to sustain relationships. But that doesn't mean that has to be the focus of where we put our time and our energy. And so to think of ways that will bring you fulfillment that aren't on devices is also really crucial.

And for myself, that's art. I turn to art if I'm having a bad day. I turn to art if I just want something to do. But that can be so many different activities and it really varies per the individual. So to try out healthy, safe, fun, fulfilling ways, or just activities that aren't on screens can also be really beneficial.

And I know a lot of my friends bake or they read. Going outside is a big one for me too. Exercise, which is a proven mood booster. Making music or listening to music. Doing a random act of kindness. Playing with a pet. There's so many things that you can just try out for size and see if it brings you the fulfillment that I feel like a lot of us are searching for when we turn towards our devices and much of the time we don't actually get.

Scott Webb: What advice do you have for teens who want to balance their time on social media with more meaningful connections, especially during COVID?

Aliza: So that's kind of the ultimate question. And right now, when it's a safety hazard to interact in the ways we've been so accustomed to, it's difficult. And I'm so lucky to have a wonderful friend group. And in my friend group, we really prioritize each other over our screens, but that wasn't an overnight process. And so I feel like if teens, if individuals, are feeling this want to remove themselves from screens a little more, to take that step individually, and then by bringing that to your friend groups, by bringing that to your family, I truly believe that other people will take you as an example and follow suit.

And a lot of the reason why people pull out their phones is because they're feeling uncomfortable and they need that instant gratification that comes from seeing a new like or texting someone, and it's a way of removing oneself from the discomfort of the moment. However, if you're in a situation and nobody else is on their phones, it suddenly becomes okay. It becomes more comfortable. "I'm making new friends here, I'm breaking the ice and it's okay not to turn to my phone." And so to work up the courage -- and it is a step outside of one's comfort zone, it was for me, it still is for me sometimes -- to not immediately turn to your phone and instead turn to the people around you, because if you start up a conversation with someone, odds are they're going to respond and engage in conversation.

And so I'm a senior right now and I've had a struggle recently thinking about this is my last year of school with people I've been going to school with for the past however many years it's been. I've been in the same school for my whole life sans last fall. And there's so many people I feel like I've wanted to be friends with, but have always been waiting and pushing it off. And now I don't see them in person.

So I've actually gotten some people's numbers from my friends who know them and texted them and said, "Hey, want to go grab a cup of coffee or go for a socially distanced walk?" That definitely is nerve-racking. And that is a leap outside of my comfort zone, but it's worked and I've made new friends because of that willingness and that little leap of faith to assume that other people want more friends too, because this is a tolling time on everyone. And so to consider the fact that no one's going to turn down a request for a new friendship. And so I really recommend if you feel willing and able, to reach out to people you think you could be friends with. And walks are just a wonderful way of connecting with people.

And if you're in a situation with your friends, hopefully socially distanced and people are on their phones, you could always drop the line of, "We are literally sitting in front of Zoom for six hours a day, plus all of our homework on top of that. Can we use this time right now to be with each other, please?" That's been effective for me. It's hard to balance the social aspect with friend groups, but I really genuinely believe that people want to be connecting on a human level before connecting on a virtual level.

Scott Webb: It's interesting you bring up the addictive nature of our phones and how it's so difficult for youth and really everybody else to disconnect. What advice do you have for parents and youth about setting those boundaries around device use?

Aliza: So I believe that creating phone-free spaces and phone-free activities are really central for working towards digital balance, both on an individual level and within families. And so phone-free spaces, I talked about this before, having the dinner table be a time where everyone, parents and kids put their phones away. And as a team, it's really frustrating if parents are saying, "Get off your phone, get off your phone. Be more present," And then they pull out their phones. And I understand parents have to work. They're earning money trying to support a family.

However, if possible, to dedicate spaces and moments where everyone commits to being off their phone can feel really powerful. And so using that half an hour of family dinner as a time for everyone to talk together, to not worry about notifications. Turning ringers off is really important and then having screen-free spaces.

And so my room is a phone-free space. I, during virtual school -- my school is all virtual right now -- I keep my phone out of my room and that's one less way for me to get distracted. And during homework, I don't have my phone in my room. And then especially at night, giving space from devices in order to decompress, relax, and then fall asleep, because sleep is so crucial to just overall wellbeing. And so my sister and I both put our phones in my parents' rooms and my parents had started leaving their phones out of their rooms. So I think for everyone in the family, it's just really helpful and sort of relieving at times. This is a moment or this is an area in which I don't have to be on my phone and everyone involved in the situation will be okay with it.

Scott Webb: Thank you so much. Any closing thoughts?

Aliza: Never underestimate the power that you have as an individual to create change. And the process of working towards healthy relationships with screens, it really isn't easy. And as a digital wellness activist, I've struggled with it. I still struggle with it on the daily. But if you're noticing this want for a digital balance, you are able and you have the power to make intentional decisions that will get you there.

And so by changing your choices, you're not only shaping your life and improving your wellbeing, but you're also impacting those you care about. And so that's how long-lasting difference is made. And to really know that each one of us holds that immense power to change our lives, to change our relationships with devices. And by doing so, we positively impact so many other people.

Scott Webb: Aliza, it's been so great having you on you are really inspirational. And I hope this really helps our listeners, both parents and teenagers. And thank you so much and you stay well.

Aliza: Thank you, Scott. You too.

Scott Webb: Turning Life On and Emerson Hospital are working together to convene teams of parents, teens, clinicians, and mental health professionals to discuss digital media use, challenges and best practices specific to our digital wellness pillars. This work will offer anecdotal evidence to further support our research-based suggestions.

And if you're interested in getting involved with this project or learning more, please visit EmersonHospital.org/digitalwellness. And thanks for listening to Emerson's Health Works Here podcast. I'm Scott Webb and make sure to catch the next episode by subscribing to the Health Works Here podcast on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify, or wherever podcasts can be heard.