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Deborah: This year, the whole world fell prey to a deadly pandemic and it's taken its toll in so many ways. In this episode, we'll dive into the psychological and emotional impacts of the pandemic and offer a roadmap to staying positive. I'm Deborah Howell and our guest today is Dr. Tiffany Edwards, Fertility Centers of Illinois's, Licensed Clinical Psychologist. This is the Time to Talk Fertility podcast. I'm your host, Deborah Howell. Dr. Edwards, now that we're many months into the pandemic, how are people doing?

Dr. Edwards: You know, that's kind of difficult to answer. Because I think it's based on a lot of different factors, including what you've dealt with up until this point. Maybe you've dealt with the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one. So you still may be struggling. But I think for a lot of us, we've started to adjust to new routines, to new ways of staying and connected with loved ones. We're trying to pay attention to the guidance that's like that's being given in regards to safe and best practices. So I think we're adjusting to some of that initial uncertainty and that's maybe lessened. But I do think that as we approach going into the winter months, a lot of people may be getting more nervous because we're seeing numbers start to increase. I think a lot of people too, may just be tired. You know, we are nine months into this, the quarantining and distancing, working from home. So I think we're still kind of adjusting, but I think we're also managing as best as we can at this point.

Deborah: Absolutely. I agree. Now you work with patients dealing with infertility. What kinds of concerns and worries are they expressing?

Dr. Edwards: I think a lot of patients they're really wanting information on the ways that COVID might impact their plans in regards to treatment, whether their plans might be cancelled, whether there's going to be a postponement. I think they're also wanting information on the way that their experience with their clinical team and treatment in general might differ based on COVID restrictions. I think many patients, they're also wanting to know more about the impact of COVID on their own health, the health their child, their health if they were to get pregnant, if you will, and I also think patients are really wanting information on their exposure threat, you know, is it safe to go back to work? Is it safe if their spouse goes back to work? If they have kids, is it safe if their kids go into a school setting? So they're just really wanting to manage their own risk, the risk of their family and wanting more information on ways to effectively manage treatment and what those risks might be also.

Sure,

Deborah: now the response to the pandemic is different from person to person, of course. And which includes those in a relationship or marriage. How can couples navigate this?

Dr. Edwards: You know, that's a really interesting question and it's a really good question too, because I do find that a lot of couples, will mention to me that they respond differently than their partner to the pandemic. And I think that's one thing that's important for us all to really kind of recognize that we all respond differently. This is a new threat. This is a new experience that none of us have ever really gone through. And so a lot of times I think people are shocked at their own way of coping with the pandemic and their own response patterns also. So I think it's a really good idea to kind of step back and recognize that you and your partner may respond differently and you may respond differently than you have in the past to other stressors also.

So I think the more that couples can really face that, really accept and acknowledge that you may react differently than your partner, and there is no one right way to react, but I think if you can both just give each other space and time and really recognize and talk through what your differences are, what your worries, fears and concerns are, that would help in just sort of managing better as a couple.

Deborah: It's all about communication and that's kind of the answer to everything, right?

Dr. Edwards: You're absolutely correct.

Deborah: So I’ve heard that you have some recommendations for a simple strategy that patients can use to manage or cope with stress.

Dr. Edwards: I do. When it comes to coping with stress, the one thing that I recommend for anyone is just to really focus on your breath. And I know that a lot of people say that and it's just become a lot of common knowledge if you will. But I think it's really important and it's really effective. You don't need any extra tools or strategies. Really just kind of sit back and take a minute or two, even just to really focus on your breath. There's a lot of different strategies that can be used for working with your breath. But if you ask me, the most basic is just to sit back, take a couple of deep breaths in and a couple of deep breaths out. You want to hold it for a few seconds, four or five seconds with your inhale, pause then your exhale, a couple seconds there, but just take time. It doesn't need to be a long period. It can be literally as quick as one minute or maybe two to just kind of sit back and focus on your breath. That will do wonders in regards to allowing you to just relax and calm down and just take that extra minute.

The other nice thing too, is that something that you can do throughout your day, so if you feel like you're getting overwhelmed or you feel like you're getting kind of panicked, that's a nice opportunity. But, even if you feel calm and you're just within your day, you can just take a minute or two to just take that breath and focus on your breath throughout the day. It's really effective in terms of managing stress.

Deborah: I was doing that as you are talking about it. And I was lifting my shoulders during the intake and lowering them during the exhale and, you know, it's a difference. It's a mental difference for sure.

Dr. Edwards: It really works. And I love that you were doing it then, because I think a lot of people feel like you have to set aside time to go in another room or not be engaged in the activity that you're doing, but you can literally be in conversation with another person and still be focusing on your breath. They would never know.

Deborah: You can also do it while driving as long as you keep your eyes open. Now I've heard, you mention the five, four, three, two, one coping technique. Can you explain this for our listeners and when this might be helpful to use?

Dr. Edwards: Yes, this is another strategy that I really like, and I tend to encourage this when I'm talking with patients that tell me that they are experiencing issues with panic or feeling very overwhelmed. And this is a strategy that's really effective because it really, it keeps you present-focused and it keeps your body and your mind in the present. And so basically if you're feeling really overwhelmed, if you're feeling panicked, if your mind is kind of racing, what it is is you focus on five things that can see. So you just kind of step back and say that I can see my television. I can see the floor. I can see a chair. I can see a book. So focus first on just five things that you can physically see.

Then you focus on four things that you can touch. So I'm touching my laptop. Now I'm putting touch on the table. I'm touching my coffee mug. I'm touching my phone. So you focus on four things that you can physically touch. Then you focus on three things that you can hear. So I can hear my television. I can hear my fridge. I can hear my children playing. Then you focus on two things that you can smell. So you might smell a scent in the air. You may smell food cooking, if you will, and then focus on one thing that you can taste. So I can taste the toothpaste that I used this morning, so I can taste the food that I just ate. By stepping back and being able to focus on these five, four, three, two, one things, it keeps your mind present and it keeps you present in the moment and it avoids you getting caught up in any anxious thoughts or any thoughts of fear, just overwhelmed. So that's a really good strategy if you're feeling very overwhelmed, if you're feeling panicked in the moment, it's a way to recalibrate and bring you back into the present.

Deborah: I really love it. Thank you for that. Now the holidays are ahead, of course, which are usually a joyous time. So do you think they'll provide a bit of distraction from everything or maybe be another source of stress for people?

Dr. Edwards: You know, I think it might be a little bit of both. And so what I mean by that is I know this can be a stressful time, particularly and for patients that are dealing or that are in treatment for infertility, because this is that time of the year when we all get together with family and they may be asking questions like, are you expecting, are you planning? What's going on, get us in the loop. And that can be very stressful for a lot of people, especially if they aren't in the phase that they want to be in, if they've just finished a plan that didn't work out. So that can be very stressful because you're just inundated with questions. You're around other family. They might be announcing their own news. So it's a stressful time. So with everything that's going on with the pandemic, we might be seeing less of those engagements and those interactions, so that can lessen that stress and that anxiety of going into that. But at the same time with, the restrictions due to the pandemic in terms of distancing it also leaves people feeling very isolated also, and not being able to spend time with loved ones and family members. So I think it's a little bit of possibly both. And we also don't know if people might be dealing with other stressors. Like if they lost their job, lost loved one, or they're having some insecurity in their life or in their relationships. So, I think there's a lot that people might be dealing with as we go into this time of the year, so it might just be both time of joy, but also pain for some.

Deborah: Hey, that's life in a nutshell, you know, joy and pain, right?

Dr. Edwards: Yeah. You've got that right.

Deborah: Frankie Beverly and Mays right.

Dr. Edwards: I love it.

Deborah: All right, for those who are having hard time, at what point do you recommend they seek help?

Dr. Edwards: I think that's really going to be based on when you feel you need it most. But what I always say is if you feel like the coping strategies that you would normally use aren't as effective or they aren't working, that might be a good time to go and speak with a person trained in this area that can either engage you in different coping strategies, or just try and talk through what you're dealing with. If you also notice that if you're feeling any stress or anxiety or feeling overwhelmed, or maybe you're sad and your mood is down and it's interfering with your ability to cope and deal with day-to-day functioning, that's also another great opportunity to maybe get some additional help.

Deborah: And during this time, what are the three R's you recommend following?

Dr. Edwards: The three R's, one being, is to have a routine. So try and stick with something that you do every day, so whether that's getting up at the same time, going to bed at a certain time, making sure that you're eating meals that are good for you. Those things are going to incorporate care tactics that are effective for you to make sure that you're at your best functioning throughout this time. That's number one. Then I think it's good to also reach out and to others. Not only for your own benefit, but the person's benefit also, I think it's good just to make sure that we're staying in contact with one another and keeping those relationships going. And then I think it's good just to sit back and reflect maybe on our own strengths. What is working for us individually and showing empathy and compassion for others also.

Deborah: Yeah, final question for you wonderful, Dr. Edwards, can you share some words of hope with our listeners?

Dr. Edwards: I would say there is no wrong or right way to cope during this time of just increased stress. You know, I think people feel like should be feeling or doing things in a certain way. And this is new all of us. There's really no right way to cope and react to any of this, but I just always encourage people to be kind and to yourself, cut your own self a break, be compassionate and empathetic towards others. And the other good thing is we're seeing advances made every day. So we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel. So I just really encourage people to maintain hope and we will all get through this with each other, working together.

Deborah: I agree, a hundred percent. And I read the other day that you can increase your actual life expectancy by doing random acts of kindness every single day. So, there

Dr. Edwards: you have it.

I firmly believe that as well. I really do.

Deborah: Well, this is some really excellent information. Dr. Edwards. I've loved our time together. Thank you so much for being with us today and inspiring us all.

Dr. Edwards: Thank you. It's been my pleasure.

Deborah: That was Dr. Tiffany Edwards, Fertility Centers of Illinois's, Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Find out more about the services FCI provides for patients by calling (877) 324-4483, or visit us@fcionline.com to learn more about our services. We offer telemedicine visits too. And if you enjoyed this podcast, you can find more like it in our podcast library, and be sure to give us a like, and to follow if you do. This has been the Time to Talk Fertility Podcast. I'm your host, Deborah Howell. Have yourself a terrific day.