Deborah Howell (Host): One in eight women are affected by breast cancer, and one in four women experience pregnancy loss. And though we don't talk about it a lot, it's likely that someone close to you will face one or both of these challenges. I'm Deborah Howell. And today, we'll talk with Sarah Mceneaney, a Fertility Center of Illinois patient and a breast cancer survivor who pursued solo motherhood nearly 10 years after her diagnosis. She's the proud mother of Nicholas, Rory and Frankie. Sarah, it is so nice to have you with us today. Thanks for taking time out to be with us.

Sarah McEneaney: I'm so happy to be here, Deborah. Thanks for having me.

Host: So, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and what brought you to Fertility Centers of Illinois?

Sarah McEneaney: Sure. So, I am originally from Ireland, if you can't pick it up from my accent, but I was living in Boston for quite a long time and had started my solo parenthood pursuit when I was living there and arrived in Chicago, I guess almost five years ago now. And I was pregnant at the time and sadly lost my son Nicholas from that pregnancy. But after grieving that loss and being ready to pick up and try for another sibling, I found Fertility Centers of Illinois on recommendation from my Boston fertility specialist. So, that is how I ended up at FCI and haven't looked back. It's been a wonderful, successful experience for me working with them.

Host: So glad to hear that. You're a young breast cancer survivor. When were you diagnosed with breast cancer?

Sarah McEneaney: I love that you said I'm young, so extra points for that. I was diagnosed in 2009. So at that time, I was 30, so you can do the math on how old I am now, I won't spoil it for you. But yeah, I was very young and I found a lump, the classic story. Right around my brother's wedding, I remember just, you know, in all the getting ready, I noticed something was off. So, got it checked out right after that and, unfortunately, got a diagnosis of grade 3, stage II carcinoma. But thankfully, I'm sitting here today to talk to you and on the other side of this.

Host: So glad to hear that. I'm sure you remember getting that diagnosis. What was going through your mind?

Sarah McEneaney: I do. I mean, in going through the testing to determine what the mass was, the physicians and everybody was very reassuring that they thought it was going to be nothing. But, you know, I just had this feeling that it was going to be something and it was right around this time of year actually, it was around Halloween. And I was at a party and I had just had like a biopsy and nobody knew and I just remember like I was so distracted. And then, a couple days later, I got a voicemail at work. Sorry, that is my baby joining in. He's celebrating.

Host: Welcome.

Sarah McEneaney: Yeah, I got a voicemail at work a couple days later, and I had to just pick up the voicemail like in a conference room at work. It was just awful. To answer your question of what was going through my mind, I think I just was in shock and disbelief. I don't think I kind of was able to put one foot in front of the other in terms of what might the next steps be. But thankfully, I was surrounded very quickly with a wonderful care team and fantastic support from friends and family and we went from there.

Host: If only you'd had a crystal ball and could see the future, you would have felt so much better. Did your physician talk to you about fertility preservation before cancer treatment?

Sarah McEneaney: She did. She was very focused on it, more so than I was. Unfortunately, as I look back on it, my medical oncologist was very much encouraging me to consider fertility preservation, but I was so anxious to get moving on the treatment that I figured I'm not going to be a very good mother to anybody if I'm not alive to see them grow up. So, I made the decision to move straight into surgery and chemotherapy without freezing eggs or making embryos or anything like that. So while I regret not doing it, I certainly would recommend to others to do it. I feel like I wouldn't have ended up with the children I have today if I had gone down that path. So, you know, a little bit of the universe intervening maybe, but I do think it's worth giving it a hard consideration if you're someone who's unfortunately facing that decision.

Host: That's great advice. When did you decide you wanted to expand your family and what was that like for you?

Sarah McEneaney: So as I was approaching the end of my 30s, I more and more became kind of conscious that I had spent so much of my life focused on my career and travel and things that were centered on myself. And I really wanted to explore becoming a parent and decided there was, you know, nothing to be lost in at least having a consultation about it. And my regular OB-GYN actually just suggested to me having some assessments done of my hormones and other levels just to see where I stood in case I could use that data to help, you know, inform next steps.

And after that, it looked like I might have some challenges becoming pregnant, possibly due to the chemotherapy, the impact of that on my fertility. So, I think it just sort of took on a life of its own after that, and she referred me to a clinic in Boston. And, you know, I went through the assessments and initial testing and, from there, started doing IUI to start trying to become pregnant. I was very motivated to prioritize becoming a parent rather than continuing to wait to find the right partner. And I'm really glad I pursued it solo because who knows if I would have had a husband by now or not.

Host: Yeah. This is definitely your unique path to parenthood. Can you walk us through a little bit more your experience in Boston?

Sarah McEneaney: Yeah. I met with a doctor there, the one who was recommended to me and I just absolutely loved her. And she recommended various amounts of testing and all the standard things to assess kind of what we were working with to start. And then, I went through the process of selecting a sperm donor as necessary as a solo mother to become pregnant. And then, from there, it was just trying to juggle it with my job and travel to start to time it to, you know, there's a lot of waiting, as you may be aware, in the whole fertility treatment. Waiting for your cycle to start, waiting for tests to come back, waiting, you know, to see if you're pregnant, all of that.

So, I was juggling it with a very, very busy career at the time. And I mean that's certainly something that is not easy. And I was successful in becoming pregnant maybe four or five months into it. And then, it was, of course, coinciding with my move to Chicago. So, as I mentioned, I moved to Chicago, I was in the first trimester still at that point when we moved.

Host: And how did you cope after experiencing pregnancy loss? That must have been so tough.

Sarah McEneaney: Yeah, it was the hardest thing I've ever been through and, you know, continue-- you know, I carry it differently now as far as grief, but it's definitely the most formative experience of my life. I can say that with certainty. And even going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment pales to me, at least in comparison to losing a child. It's just been a process of everything from therapy. I do a lot of improv comedy, so that has been very helpful and therapeutic to me, whether it's attending, performing, going to lessons, and just honoring Nicholas and his memory, and that has been very healing for me. I've been so fortunate that my loved ones have engaged in that also and say his name and remember him and include him in family things. So, it's not how I would want the process to have ended up for him or for me, but grief is a complicated one and, you know, continue to deal with it as we move on and celebrate his siblings who are living.

Host: Yes, absolutely. And, you know, my heart goes out to you.

Sarah McEneaney: Thank you.

Host: When did you transition your treatment to Fertility Centers of Illinois and were there any differences in the approach to treatment there?

Sarah McEneaney: I moved on to Fertility Centers of Illinois a couple months after the loss of Nicholas. I had reached out to the clinic in Boston asking them for someone they thought would be a good fit for me in Chicago. And Dr. Jane Nani was recommended to me by my Boston doctor, which was such a good recommendation because I feel like she's just such a good fit for my style and my personality. And I like she works with a lot of data and that's what I do for my job. And it has been a really good partnership and she's so collaborative, which I appreciate.

The differences, I would say mostly the differences in the approach to treatment, I think medically, it feels quite similar. But you know, I'm no expert, but I think the biggest difference is the clinic I worked with in Boston was really small and had three doctors and two locations, and FCI is a really large presence in the Chicagoland region. So just, you know, how you work with a bigger organization just logistically is a little bit different. But, as far as the treatment itself, I certainly felt like it was personalized and I could get a hold of people and I was able to advocate for myself just as well. So, I feel like on a personal level, it met my needs.

Host: Good. I'm so glad. And then, how did it finally feel to be pregnant with Rory?

Sarah McEneaney: I couldn't believe it. I moved on to donor eggs when I got pregnant with Rory. So he was my first cycle with donor eggs. And Dr. Nani was so confident. I'll never forget getting the embryo transfer and she walked in the room and she was like, "You're definitely going to get pregnant today." And I was just so happy she said that. And I'm sure she's probably not supposed to say that, but it gave me so much hope. It felt great. It was during the global pandemic. So that part was a little odd that, you know, going to appointments when the world was shut down and people were wearing masks for the first time in their lives for many people. And that was a little isolating, but I was very hopeful. I mean, I certainly was focused on the, I guess, the PTSD or the lingering, like, "What if I lose this pregnancy?" But I was very hopeful with every passing appointment and ultrasound and, you know, I just really felt like he was going to come earthside, and he did. It was such a low-key pregnancy. It was, you know, no complications. It was just wonderful. It was a very, very healing experience.

Host: Yeah. After all your obstacles, I'm so glad to hear that it was smooth. And then, when did you decide to expand your family again? Was your experience different with your third child?

Sarah McEneaney: It was such a hard decision, Deborah. I debated for, I don't even know how long. I mean, the nurses at FCI could tell you how long I went back and forth of, "Do I want to do it? Do I want to just stick with Rory?" But I had one remaining frozen embryo and I just felt like, if that embryo is meant to be my baby, we'll transfer it and we'll see. And I'm so glad I did. But it really was a hard decision to me, as a solo parent in particular, to feel like, do I want to be voluntarily outnumbered? Frankie, we know--

Host: Right on cue there.

Sarah McEneaney: Yes, he's making sure that everybody knows he is happy to be here. So yeah, I transferred Frankie's embryo in June 2022, and he was born at the end of February this year. So, yeah, I have two little boys in the house now. And yeah, absolutely, no regrets. I'm so happy. But I think no remaining frozen embryos, and I am not getting any younger despite your compliments, so I think this is it for our family.

Host: Job well done, may I say.

Sarah McEneaney: Thank you.

Host: But you've been through so many highs and lows. What gave you hope throughout the process?

Sarah McEneaney: There are so many ways to become a parent. And I knew that, like, at some point, one of the avenues was, you know, hopefully going to work for me. And I just felt so-- I don't know what the right word is but I guess tenacious with like, I felt like I could keep going. And, you know, genetics was not a very important factor to me, so moving on to donor eggs was not a big decision for me, and that gave me hope. And, you know, I felt confident that I could carry a pregnancy so I just felt like it was just getting the right embryo at the right time. You know, I just believed that it would work. I think having distractions is also healthy. Like, I think it was helpful to be so involved in improv. And whether I like it or not, my job is very busy. So, yeah, I think, I don't know if that gives you hope as much as it just gives you kind of the strength to keep going. And then just support of everyone around me between the medical team, family, friends, other patients or people who had come out the other side and had their rainbow baby. I think all of it, you know, I believed that it would work and it did.

Host: So much of it is attitude. I mean, it's so important. I mean, a lot of it is science, but man, without that positivity, you know, outcomes vary. Are there any words of wisdom you'd like to share based on your experiences?

Sarah McEneaney: I would say particular to people who are pursuing solo parenthood, it's daunting if you think about it logistically, like, "How am I going to get these kids into car seats and on a plane and bath time every single day?" And, you know, all of that type of thing. But if you put that aside and focus on like parenting is so much more of a long game, and, you know, you can do it. So, I think a lot of people I've talked to who've been considering solo parenthood or sort of just overwhelmed at the enormity of taking it on without a partner, people do it and some people unfortunately end up as solo parents not by choice and you know also do a wonderful job. So, I would say for solo parents, candidates in general, like if it's something that you feel like you're called to, I would go for it. And then, just more broadly for anyone pursuing fertility treatment, I would say the biggest advice I would have is just advocate for yourself. You know, you know your body. You may not be a doctor, but you know what feels good or if you need to take a break or if you feel like something isn't working or needs to be adjusted, you know, I feel like the physicians and nurses at FCI have been, at least in my experience, really wonderful at listening to me and being open to trying different things and, you know, being complimentary when it then, you know, has worked.

So, I feel like being an advocate for yourself, it's so important in a medical environment, especially something so intimate to feel like you have a provider that listens to you and takes the time to answer your questions. And I think I certainly found that at FCI.

Host: All right. Great words of wisdom from Second City. You're such a strong and beautiful, determined survivor. Sarah, thank you so much for being with us to share your beautiful story.

Sarah McEneaney: My pleasure. Thanks for having me. I hope it helps somebody.

Host: And thank you, Frankie. We appreciate you being here.

Sarah McEneaney: He says high five.

Host: And you can schedule an appointment to talk to a fertility specialist at 877-324-4483 or visit fcionline.com for more info. And if you enjoyed this podcast, you can find more like it in our podcast library and be sure to give us a like and a follow if you do. That's all for this time. I'm Deborah Howell. Have yourself a terrific day.