Deborah Howell (Host): You know, gestational carriers provide an invaluable service for those who dream of becoming parents, but face challenges doing so biologically. Being a gestational carrier is a profoundly altruistic and a deeply personal journey.

In this episode of Time to Talk Fertility, we explore the extraordinary journey of parenthood through the eyes of Alyssa, a gestational carrier who has generously assisted patients of Fertility Centers of Illinois in achieving their dreams of building a family.

This is the Time to Talk Fertility Podcast. I'm your host, Deborah Howell. Alyssa, it is so nice to have you on with us today.

Alyssa: Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Host: I've really been looking forward to this one. So, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your background before becoming a surrogate?

Alyssa: I live in a small town, South Dakota. I was from a small town, Iowa. It was always just me and my mom, my dad and two older sisters. I'm a dental assistant now here in town. I am a single mom to a six-year-old, and he's just kind of my everything.

Host: Aww. So, what motivated you to become a surrogate?

Alyssa: So, ever since I was younger, I've known, sadly, quite a few people that have had all their own infertility stories. People that took them a while to get pregnant, couldn't get pregnant. It's just out there a lot and something that was always on my mind. And when I got divorced in 2020, I wasn't going to be having my own kids. So, I thought, why not now? Let's do this for someone that really deserves it.

Host: Oh, well, good on you. Good on you. Can you walk us through the process you went through to become a surrogate?

Alyssa: When I was first thinking about it, I had known a gal that did it, and she kind of hooked me up with the agency she used. I didn't want to like Google some random stuff. So, I started with her agency. And basically, it's kind of like their website and you fill out a bunch of yes or no questions. I don't quite remember everything the questions entail. And then, that agency reaches out to you. You have like a little phone interview. And then, if everything goes good, they make you a profile, we kind of joke like a dating profile. Some pictures, things about you, what's important to you about being a surrogate, that kind of thing.

Host: Interesting. So, are there any real criteria you had to meet before you were considered as a surrogate?

Alyssa: So, you have to have like your own healthy, natural pregnancy before being considered a surrogate. You can, I believe, have a C-section. I had my first child vaginally, so I don't remember if that was an actual criteria or not, but I do believe you can have a C-section and still be a surrogate. Don't quote me on that, though. They do look at things like did you have gestational diabetes? How is your blood pressure during pregnancy? You have to have a healthy BMI, can't be a smoker, all those things. And then, I do believe your OB has to clear you too. My second journey, I know my OB cleared me. I just can't quite remember my first journey if they did or not.

Host: Okay. This is something I'm very curious about. What was your relationship like with the intended parents?

Alyssa: So good. So, my first journey was just a single mom. And she's, oh my gosh, the sweetest thing. Absolute sweetest thing. We talked here and there before baby. And then, after baby, we still stay in touch. She's always making sure we're doing okay. She keeps me informed on what they're doing, sends me pictures all the time

Host: It's wonderful that you get to see the photos and kind of, you know, can keep up on those key life moments.

Alyssa: Yes. The parents, they are such a dream. Same thing, sweetest people. The mom is always checking in on me. And I suspect, after this baby, we'll stay in touch too. That's our plan anyways. And so far, I think that's going to be the plan after baby two.

Host: I absolutely love it. Were there any specific requirements or requests from the intended parents that you needed to fulfill?

Alyssa: Nothing too crazy. Basically, kind of the same things I have already done with my own pregnancy, like the no caffeine, stay away from the deli meat, all that kind of stuff. Try and eat healthier. My current IPs, they want me to try and eat more on the organic side. So, I just try and change some things out here and there, and nothing too drastic.

Host: Okay. Good. Can you still have the occasional donut?

Alyssa: Yes.

Host: That would be key for me.

Alyssa: Yes, you can still have snacks.

Host: Can you share a little bit about how you felt during some key moments of the journey, like maybe during embryo transfer or finding out you were pregnant?

Alyssa: Yes. Almost kind of nerve-wracking. Waiting to find out you're pregnant is-- oh my gosh, so many feelings. Transfer, kind of same thing. It's like, "Oh my gosh, this is happening. We made it here." It's such a big milestone just to get to transfer. My second journey, I had the IPs in the room with me, and it was just like, "I'm going to have your baby." Oh, it's amazing. There is a lot of emotions.

Host: A lot of emotions, but also misconceptions. What were some of the biggest misconceptions you encountered about surrogacy?

Alyssa: I would say probably the biggest one was there are people that assume that the egg was mine. These embryos that I carry, or these babies I carry, they are not my DNA at all. If I'm growing a baby with my DNA, I'm going to keep it. There are different scenarios, though, but that's not my story. And these babies are none of my DNA. My second go-around, it's mom and dad's baby, nothing to do with me.

Host: What about the most rewarding and challenging parts of being a surrogate?

Alyssa: The most rewarding is probably, definitely have to be delivery. I've obviously only had one delivery so far. But in that moment, mom's in baby's arms, and you forget there's another world outside that delivery room. It's just, like, "I just did that."

Host: Oh man, I can't even imagine how that feels.

Alyssa: It's a whirlwind.

Host: What a gift, what a gift. Looking back, Alyssa, is there anything you'd wish you'd known before becoming a surrogate?

Alyssa: I don't really think so. In my head, I knew how it went, and nothing really took me by surprise, I don't think, getting into the process,

Host: And what's the one piece of advice you'd give someone considering surrogacy?

Alyssa: I'd say just do it. If you find it in your heart that this is something very important to you, just don't think about what others are going to think about it. You need to do what's right for you. And you never know what doors it might open. I never thought I'd be here doing a podcast for it.

Host: Oh, Alyssa, what a gift you give to this world. This is such great information. We want to thank you so much for being with us today to share your journey and good luck on the second surrogacy.

Alyssa: Yes. Thank you. Super excited for it.

Host: That was Alyssa, a gestational carrier at FCI. You can schedule an appointment to talk to a fertility specialist at 877-324-4483 or visit fcionline.com for more information. And if you enjoyed this podcast, you can find more like it in our podcast library, and be sure to give us a like and a follow if you do. I'm Deborah Howell. Have yourself a terrific day.