Scott Webb (Host): Almost everybody experiences stress at some point in their lives, and parents are certainly no exception, and my guest today has some suggestions and tips for how parents can manage their stress and make the most of our time with our kids and families. And I'm joined today by Dr. Kimberland Anderson.

She's a Board Certified Family Medicine Physician practicing at Franciscan Health.

 This is the Franciscan Health Doc Pod. I'm Scott Webb. Doctor, it's really nice to have you here today. I was mentioning to you that I am a parent. I have two kids. I've had some stress along the way, parental and otherwise. So it's great to have you here. Nice to speak with you. Nice to meet you and go through some things. Before we get rolling here, just tell us a little bit about yourself.

Scott Webb (Host): What do you do? How do you do it? What's your approach to patient care? All that good stuff.

Kimberland Anderson, MD: My name is Kimberland Anderson. I'm a family practice physician at Franciscan Health Network. And, I have a clinic here in St. John, Indiana. And a little bit of background about myself as well. I also have two children, certainly understand some of the struggles that come along with balancing work and life and all the challenges that that entails.

 So I look forward to our discussion today.

Host: Yeah, I have been looking forward to this as well. I'm just going to start maybe with one of the most maybe obvious questions for an expert like yourself, you know, what are some of the most common signs or symptoms of parental stress that people may not recognize, and how can parents identify these in themselves, and maybe also others, their significant others or whomever.

Kimberland Anderson, MD: It is challenging because certainly being a parent at all the stages, whether we're talking about parenting infants or toddlers or adolescents, teenagers, so with all of the stages, a lot of times you just feel tired. And it's really difficult to be able to determine, am I tired because I'm so busy? I'm going to soccer practices or basketball and preparing meals and doing all the things? Or is there something more going on? So a lot of times, tiredness or fatigue can be, one of the initial signs that, yeah, there is some stress going on for the parent. And there are some other things that certainly can take place.

 Sometimes we start to lose some interest in things that we really love to do or used to do. And sometimes it's a question of do I just not have time for those things anymore, or do I not have the desire for those things? So, certainly those are some of the initial signs that parents can experience.

Host: Yeah, I see what you're saying, right? Am I just tired because I'm tired? Maybe I didn't sleep well, or is there more going on? Is there more sort of churning in the background, if you will? And, you know, doctor, I've hosted a lot of podcasts about stress in our kids, right? Pressures on our kids, teenagers, especially, but how about the other way?

Like, does a parent's stress impact the mental health of children? And can our parental stress impact their development and wellbeing?

Kimberland Anderson, MD: Yes, it can, absolutely. There have been studies that have shown when parents are feeling stressed, particularly if we start exhibiting some of the other symptoms like, you know, feeling overwhelmed or being more irritable or being impatient or, having some of those things. The kids directly can see those things and, it can impact their future mental health. It can impact how they deal with their friends, how they approach school, if they have any extracurricular activities that they're in, that could be affected as well. So certainly our children can take on, some of that stress. And sometimes they're just worried about mom and dad, you know, sometimes they're just worried about their parents. So, they certainly can feel that stress and that angst.

Host: Yeah. They worry about mom and dad. They see mom and dad tired and stressed out and they maybe carry that around a little bit themselves and starts to weigh on them. Interesting stuff to think about. I'm both being a parent here and being a podcast host, right? So I'm thinking through things as a parent, as a dad, and then also I gotta, you know, be the host.

 What are some of the effective stress management techniques that you recommend that maybe we can incorporate into our daily lives? You know, yoga, pickleball. What do you recommend?

Kimberland Anderson, MD: Yes, yes, absolutely. It is a challenge to you know, sort of find that time. We certainly can really take up our whole day engrossed in all the things that it means to be a parent. But it is so key to find some moments throughout the day where you can take a little bit of time for yourself.

And, I think meditation in the morning is a good exercise to do, maybe only 10 or 15 minutes because again, I know that time is of the essence sometimes. Taking a walk, trying to get better sleep, and really if there are things that you can engage your kids with that you also enjoy, sometimes that can be therapeutic, and that can manage stress.

And so depending on their ages and so on and so forth, but if you like riding the bike, sometimes riding bikes together can help manage stress. And so, of course, spending time with friends and family, and sometimes therapy. Sometimes we need some extra help in figuring out how to cope through life.

Host: Yeah. I think Doctor, one of the hardest things about being a parent, and it's, it's the best job we'll ever have, but it's the hardest job I've ever had, is, you know, even when I'm feeling stressed, I know that as a parent, my responsibility is to still create a supportive and nurturing environment for my kids, which is difficult because I'm tired and I'm stressed and I'm whatever, frustrated. How do we do that? How do we still, you know, meet our obligations as parents, even when we're the ones feeling stressed?

Kimberland Anderson, MD: It is a difficult process sometimes. I mean, it is a challenge and it is key to really allow yourself to have some of that grace. So, many times parents feel guilty, for needing some personal time and, but that really does help in facilitating a nurturing environment and communicating, talking to your kids.

And, that really helps and say, you know, mom's just feeling a little bit, I'm just feeling a little bit stressed right now, you know, or, dad, I'm just feeling a little bit stressed right now. So can we just have, you know, 10 minutes of quiet time and then we're going to, have some fun and go outside and throw around the ball or whatever the case may be.

And then encouraging, you know, the kids too. Certainly like we discussed earlier, because our children can start to display concern or worry about us or, may be at risk of mental health issues in the future, really that's a good opportunity to have those discussions of, how are you feeling? How is your day going? It's okay sometimes if it's not all fun. It's okay if you know, you don't feel the best or a friend upset you and kind of take that opportunity and that will create that nurturing environment as well.

Host: You mentioned earlier, you mentioned there too, you said grace. I think that's such a good word, allowing ourselves some grace, you know, just a moment to sort of catch our breath, take a breath, meditate, whatever it is. But you also mentioned earlier about, professional help. And wondering, what are some of the benefits of seeking professional help for the stress that we all feel as parents? And maybe, when is it a good time to consider therapy or counseling?

Kimberland Anderson, MD: A good time is anytime you have your own coping ways of dealing with life and most of us have something. Some of us like to read a book, some of us take a warm bath, some of us go on walks. So whatever the normal things are that just kind of help you cope with life, if you find that those things are no longer as helpful as they once were, or I went on that walk, but, you know, now today I'm still feeling this way.

So if it's only temporary, that's a good opportunity to say, I think I'm going to talk to someone, because sometimes it really helps just talking about all of the concerns that you have to someone who is a professional, who's not directly connected to your life where you feel like, well, there are things I'm, you know, I can't share with you because I don't want you worrying about me, like such as with your friends or your family.

And so being able to have those open discussions and maybe leave with some coping skills, some other things that maybe you hadn't considered can be quite helpful.

Host: Yeah, as you're saying there, just somebody impartial, right? A professional who's impartial, who's not there to take sides at all. You know, Doctor, we're all, as I'm, working right now as you're on the clock still, right? We're doing this podcast. Just, we think about the balance, the demands of work and family life.

I'm sure you want to get home to your family right now while we're recording. It's so fast paced for all of us. What, what strategies do you have to kind of alleviate some of the work related stress? I have to confess, Doctor, hosting podcasts is not a terribly stressful job. You know, I'm in my home, I'm very comfortable, but I certainly had those stressful jobs. So what do you recommend?

Kimberland Anderson, MD: My recommendation is a couple of things. One is to set boundaries. And commonly we think about setting boundaries as, you know, if we're working outside of the home, 9 to 5, or even inside of the home, we want to make sure that our coworkers or, our managers are aware of our time.

And so, if it's 9 to 5, it should be 9 to 5 as best as possible. I know certainly there are some situations where that may not be ideal, but if that boundary can be set, that is key. And then putting a boundary on ourselves, right? Many times we, we will take work home, we will check that work email, and now we're down a rabbit hole of work, and so really being able to set those boundaries are key, and planning, you know, really planning some time, whether it's vacation time with family or just certain activities, in advance or taking off, if it's a couple of hours a month and going to the spa or going hunting or whatever it is that tends to rejuvenate and relieve that stress, I think that helps with the work life balance.

Host: Yeah, rejuvenation is good for all of us. This has been really helpful today, Doctor. This is one of those conversations that we could go on and on and on. But as I mentioned, you want to get home to your family and you know, we want to be mindful of the clock for listeners. So just finish up today and ask you, when we think about through the lens of things we've all faced, financial difficulties, economic uncertainty; how do we, as parents, cope with these stressors, provide for our families, and maybe not put that on the backs of our kids?

You know, my daughter plays travel basketball, wants to play basketball in college, and it's all very expensive. And I try not to ever talk about those things with her, you know, because I don't want her taking those things on the court with her, if you will. So how do we do that, Doctor?

Kimberland Anderson, MD: There are some ways that we can do that. I mean, I think one certainly is, of course, looking at, okay, what is our budget? How do we, you know, plan out our finances if we know that we have kids who are in clubs or travel sports, trying our best to be able to plan for that. But then also looking at, okay, maybe there are some ways where, some things can be cut.

We don't necessarily need to have those discussions with the kids. We may decide that, okay, we're not going out to eat as often, but we can present to our children, let's just spend more time together. I'd like us to cook together as a family and really be able to build that unit. And that's our time. You know, we only have so much time during the day. So, being able to present it that way, can be helpful so that our kids are not taking on that financial stress because there have been studies that have shown that when kids are raised in a really stressful financial situation, they tend to have more mental health problems as they grow up.

So, I think that there are some creative ways to be able to try and work around those financial difficulties. Certainly in this economy, this is a really rough time. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't feel it on some level. So really being able to devise a plan and really just try and encourage that family unit and togetherness, I think is helpful.

Host: Yeah, well that's great advice from an expert today. I really appreciate your time, your expertise, your compassion. It was nice meeting you. As I said, I know we could go on and on and on, but hopefully we scratched the surface today for listeners. Thank you so much.

Kimberland Anderson, MD: Thank you so much, Scott. You have a good day.

Host: And to find a family physician who can support the entire family's needs, visit franciscadocs.org and search family medicine. And if you found this podcast helpful, please share it on your social channels, and be sure to check out the full podcast library for additional topics of interest. This is the Franciscan Health Doc Pod. I'm Scott Webb. Stay well, and we'll talk again next time.