Transcription:

Scott Webb: It can be so challenging to remain positive in a negative world, but joining me today to help us all be more mindful and positive is Dr. Howard Beazel. He's a Psychologist at Genesis Behavioral Health. This is Sounds of Good Health with Genesis brought to you by Genesis Healthcare System. I'm Scott Webb. So Dr. Beazel, it's so great to have you on today. I want to talk about in a negative world, which I know is such a broad topic, but there just is a lot of negativity in the world right now. And you're a doctor who can help us with this. So let's just start here. Why do you think people are so negative right now?

Dr. Beazel: Some of what I'm going to say is going to seem pretty obvious. The whole COVID-19 thing, it's pretty stressful. You know, when you hear 135,000 people in America dying, that's the reality that, you know, we have to face. So part of my answer to the question is recognize the reality. Some people just get so tense about it. They don't know how to think about it. But they're 330 million people. So the odds are still fair to not get it we hope. So, part of my response is it's such a big unknown, and there's so much uncertainty associated with it. So part of the response to that would be to, you know, you can learn a little bit more about it, but, you know, there's the reality of what's called social distancing. I think probably should be called physical distancing. Because part of what I want to say is we don't want to really social distance. We want to physical distance. We want to keep some room between us and other people, but we need to keep talking and being around other people as much as we can and be safe.

So recognize the reality. It's okay to be a little distressed, that's healthy to recognize the reality of it. Recognize what you do have control over. I mean, I don't have control over my neighbors or people in the street, but I can wear a mask. I can wash, those silly little things that your mother told you to do when you're in kindergarten, you know, wash your hands, be careful. Now she didn't say wear a mask, but if we'd have thought of it, then we might have, you know, recognize what you do have control over. Because that control gives you some sense of competency. And that tends to lead to more positive things. I was talking to a young fellow the other day whose wife was pregnant and everybody at his work was going really negative about, Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness COVID-19. And it stressed him out because he was about to have a baby. And so he had to distance himself from them. So part of the answer is if you get around some people who are so negative, it's okay to move away from them.

One of my primary responses though, is that we need to make extra effort to be as sociable as we can because the COVID-19 situation is making it so much harder. I mean, there are ways to be sociable. I've a daughter who lives in Singapore, we communicate fairly regularly by telephone and FaceTime and things like that. And it helps, you know, we need to keep connected with the people that we love and care about. And at times like this, we probably need to make a little extra effort to do so

Host: I couldn't agree more. And I was really sort of dismayed that social distancing you know, kind of stuck. I think you're absolutely right. I think we really should have called it physical distancing and perhaps more than ever, we need more social interaction, more social closeness, if you will. And that's where I wanted to head next here. How can we just be more positive in general, whether it's COVID-19 or not, what can we do in life when we wake up in the morning, what can we do to be more positive to improve our outlook on the day?

Dr. Beazel: I think there are a number of things you can do. One of the sort of classic examples is evaluate what you think makes you happy. You know, I mean, I'm a male in America. We're sort of taught early on, you know, the idea of whoever has the most toys wins, but there's the old joke about the old fellow who's approaching the end of his life. He never says, gee, I wish I had more stuff. Many of us tend to pursue money. We think money will make us happier. And of course in the short term, a little bit of extra money does tend to make us feel better, but in the long-term, it really doesn't. I mean, we learned back in the seventies and eighties with lottery winners, by and large people who win the lottery, and this is hard for me to say out loud sometimes, but by and large people who win the lottery are not happier later. They were happier before they won the lottery.

The exception to that of course, is people who won the lottery and did charitable things with it, or people who won the lottery and decided to use that money to do more meaningful things. But just having more stuff and more money tends to not make you happy. So part of the answer is evaluate what your idea of happiness is. And, you know, part of my answer to that for most of us, most of the time is engaging with other people more meaningfully. You know, I mean, if you were going to write a prescription out to help people feel better, generally, you would say spend more time helping other people, even little things, you know, hold that door for somebody. Say something nice. I mean, again, some of the stuff your mother taught you in kindergarten, or that you learned at a very young age, be nicer and keep track of it.

You know, and I may say a number of things today, but one of the underlying things that I want people to keep in mind is a lot of this is obvious, but a lot of it also means we have to practice it. We tend to get better at things if we practice them. I mean, if you tell somebody, you know, think positive, everybody's heard that, but they're, you know, if you practice thinking positive, keep a log of positive things that help you. You know, our species is sort of designed to survive, which means we tend to focus more on negative things that could interfere with our survival. So we may need to focus a little more on the positive stuff. I once saw a little boy whose mother brought in an entire tablet, like almost a hundred pages of everything he had done wrong for the previous couple of months. And I asked her to do the same thing, but in a positive sense.

And at first she thought I was one of those crazy psychologists with crazy ideas, but I convinced her to do it. And the little boys started doing more positive stuff. I mean, that wasn't the only part of the treatment, but it was a big part. She was monitoring the negative stuff so much, she was rewarding, the negative stuff. So we all tend to focus too much on the negative. We need to intentionally look at the positive and practice it. You know, one of the ways of practicing it is just keep a log, keep a log of nice things you do for other people. You know, there are lots of ways, but we kind of need to do it intentionally because we, many of us go through life and don't do it intentionally.

Host: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, as a father myself, you know, I try to do that with my kids and I try to, you know, keep mental notes and I actually use social media, you know when Facebook reminds you of a great memory from a year ago or four years ago, and you know, it is kind of nice to look back and say, Oh yeah, that was great. That was a really positive moment in our lives, you know? And what a great idea to keep a log of the positive things, to make sure that we're noting them, that we're rewarding them. You know, I know it can be difficult just ourselves, as you say, you know, setting that sort of agenda and what makes us positive and trying to focus on those things. But then when we start talking about our friends and our families and our sports teams and all of those kinds of things, how can we help others, friends, family, and so on? How can we help them to be more positive?

Dr. Beazel: Well, I'm going to go back to part of an earlier answer, keep in mind what you do have control over. You know, I think it helps if you're more positive around those people, we have a much better chance of controlling how we react and how we respond than inducing other people to respond the way we want to. And of course, everybody sort of knows that, but we still try sometimes. And that can be frustrating. I think it just, you know, sort of teach by example, sometimes I'll go golfing with some buddies and somebody will be really negative. You know, they'll hit a bad shot and be upset and it's like, yeah, but look at what a great life we have here. We get to complain about some little thing on a beautiful golf course, on a beautiful day, with the sun shining with friends, life's pretty good to us. Hitting a bad shot, nobody's going to remember. Having a good time, if you focus on it, you may remember. So, you know, sort of try to help focus on the positive and you can encourage other people to, it's hard to make them do it. And if you try to make them do it, it may backfire.

Host: So let's talk about negativity, cause we're sort of contrasting here, positivity, negativity, negativity, and just being negative on our lives, but especially our physical health, not just our mental health. So how does negativity affect us?

Dr. Beazel: Well, there's lot of research on this, I studied it for months of the last 30 or 40 years. The classic example is the more negative we tend to be, the more stressed we tend to be, sort of kicks in our autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system is the part that helps us either relax or kick into overdrive, what's actually called the fight or flight response. And it sort of makes sense in a more primitive world, if you're walking along in the woods and you hear a growl in the bushes, you know, that could be a bear, your bodies got to prepare itself to run. But in modern times we still have the same physiology that fight or flight thing kicks in pretty easily. And sometimes it's kicking in when we're just stressed or thinking negatively. So it can lead to all kinds of problems, everything from high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart problems, etcetera, but it can also just lead to, you know, headaches, upset, stomachs, and other less severe kinds of things.

So, you know, I recommend almost across the board, if you don't know how to relax, remove yourself from, you know, the tension of the moment, learn a way to relax. You know, even if it's just, you know, deep breathing or, you know, people can take relaxation, training. Some people, you know, exercise, obviously exercise helps a lot, but you can't always go out and exercise, but you can learn ways to help yourself relax. I mean, I've seen people in traffic who are so tense because they can't get to where they're going and you know, being tense doesn't make that car in front of you go any faster, it just hurts your health. So at some point you need to say, well, no matter how tense I am, it's not going to make that guy go any quicker. So I'll just take a deep breath, try to relax a little bit and I'll get there at the same speed at the same time, I had a good role model, my father, who was an extremely physical powerful man had a heart attack in his sixties, maybe seventies.

And he was sort of the patriarch of the extended family. And I got to go in and see him first. And I walked in, asked him how he was and said, you know, there's a bunch of people out there worried about you. He literally looked at me now, this is a man who survived World War two and everything. He looked at me and smiled and said, well, either I'm going to be okay or I'm not. And all of their worrying, isn't going to affect that one way or the other. So tell him to stop worrying. And I remember that, and that was like 30 years ago. It helps me sometimes. He was right now, of course, what I want, what I probably should have said was a lot of people out there love you dad, but I misstated it, but he gave me a really good response that I've used a number of times since sometimes worrying not only doesn't help, it makes things worse. You know, it gives me a headache.

Host: Yeah. So Doctor, as we wrap up today has been a pleasure talking to you. I w we could talk for hours I know, but what are you doing in your own life to deal with negativity and what's your best advice for everybody else?

Dr. Beazel: Well, I'm doing some of the things I've mentioned and I have to do it on purpose again. I think we all need to do things on purpose, especially at times like this. I mentioned, you know, I communicate with my, I have four daughters and they're tremendous help to me, but I have to stay in touch with them. I do what I can with him. I admit I have a great, very supportive, caring wife and probably even more fun as I have grandchildren that I get to spend a little bit of time with. And I focus on the positive, you know, I do it on purpose. Although, you know, sometimes it's pretty easy playing with the grandkids. So, you know, sometimes I have to practice and step back and say, wait, let's take a breath. Let's relax. Let's look at this differently. Let's see if there's a better perspective here. That'll work better for me. Sometimes I just need to go burn off some calories and exercise and you know, the same things I suggest to other people I try to do myself. Try to engage meaningfully with others, try to, you know, get moving and try to see things from another perspective.

Host: It's all great advice, you know, and I'm just sort of taking note of what you've said here today of, you know, sort of taking stock and inventory of things, being purposeful, being mindful being social you know, not being too distant and making time for all the things that matter to us, whether it's kids, grandkids, golf, whatever, it might be. Really great talking to you today during this time that is confusing and filled with positivity and negativity and confusion and all of that. And it's actually really, although you're not going to charge me, it has made me feel better today for our session and, you know, stay well.

Dr. Beazel: Well, thanks. I very much appreciate the opportunity. It was a pleasure talking with you.

Host: For more information or to book an appointment, call Genesis Behavioral Health at 740-454-4615 or visit genesishcs.org. And thanks for listening to Sounds of Good Health with Genesis brought to you by Genesis Healthcare System. If you found this podcast helpful, please share it on your social channels and check out the full podcast library for additional topics of interest. I'm Scott Webb. Stay well.