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Supporting a Family Member When he/she is Diagnosed With Cancer
Vamsi Koduri, M.D., Medical Director of Genesis Cancer Services shares tips on how to support a family if he or she is diagnosed with cancer.
Featuring:
Vamsi Koduri, M.D.
Vamsi Koduri, M.D., is a hematologist/oncologist with the Genesis Cancer Care Center. In addition to caring for patients, Dr. Koduri serves as the Medical Director of Genesis Cancer Services. He completed his doctor of medicine at the Wright State University Boonshoft School of Medicine in Dayton, Ohio. He completed his residency in internal medicine at the Christ Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. Dr. Koduri then completed a fellowship in hematology and oncology at The University of Tennessee Health Science Center/the West Cancer Center and Research Institute in Memphis, Tennessee. He is board-certified in internal medicine as well as medical oncology and hematology. Transcription:
Scott Webb: Uh, Diagnosis of cancer is life-altering for the patient and their family members and friends. I'm joined today by Dr. Vamsi Koduri, Medical Director of Genesis Cancer Services, and is here to provide advice to family and friends on how we can best support a loved one who's been diagnosed with cancer and each other.
This is Sounds of Good Health with Genesis, brought to you by Genesis Healthcare System. I'm Scott Webb. So doctor, thanks so much for your time. It's great to have you on. We're talking about cancer today, but also how people can help people who are dealing with cancer and support them. So along those lines, what kind of support is important to give a family member who's been diagnosed with cancer?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think it's good to provide both emotional and physical support. When a patient is diagnosed with cancer, it becomes a lifelong challenge. And not only is it challenging to learn about the diagnosis, it's also very challenging to go through treatment, the ups and downs of treatment and the support aspect as well as the physical aspect of taking patients to and from clinics for treatments, being there when they're having side effects and just being there to let them know that they're not alone in this journey by themselves.
Scott Webb: Yeah, that sounds right. And I think we can all, whether we've been diagnosed with cancer or not, appreciate what you're saying, helping on all levels, especially emotional support, just being there for people. And in providing emotional support, are there certain things a person shouldn't say like, "I know you'll beat this cancer" or things like that?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: Always good to remember that we should never minimize a diagnosis of cancer. And that we should always be there to support our loved ones, family members or friends who are going through cancer and its diagnosis and the treatment that follows. We should always validate how they're feeling, the ups and downs that they're going through and be their support system as they go through something they've never gone through before.
Scott Webb: Yeah, I can certainly appreciate that on all those levels. And we've discussed here a little bit sort of the trials and tribulations and side effects. So let's talk about that a little bit. When cancer patients lose their hair from treatment, does it really help when those around them, you know, shave their heads sort of in solidarity?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think it's very symbolic when family members help a patient shave their head. They realize that not only are they there for the shaving of hair, they're also there for, you know, the treatment, the side effects they may experience and their diagnosis. It allows them to realize that they're not alone in this fight against cancer.
Scott Webb: Yeah, as you say, it's very symbolic, but probably very meaningful and props to any family members who do that. It makes me wonder, you know, unless a family member is a cancer survivor, let's say, should a family member try to give advice about what kind of treatment options the cancer patient should try? Or is it really best if we listen more than we talk?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think ultimately the decision on what type of treatment a cancer patient should pursue is really dependent on their own wishes and it should be a group decision between their oncologist and themselves. I think it's important that we don't impress our own wishes upon a family member who has a certain diagnosis because it is the patient who will be going through the treatment and they'll be the ones who will be having some of the issues and the ups and downs of treatment.
Scott Webb: And doctor, I'm sure there are times during a cancer journey, if you will, for a patient where they really resist having support, where they tend to want to push even the closest loved ones away. So how can a family member adjust their support if a patient says that they just don't want their support right now?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think although cancer patients may feel this way sometimes, they themselves do not realize what is coming in terms of their diagnosis, treatment, what the whole journey may entail. So the family member is always important to remain close and check in to see how they're doing, because you never know when they may need you. That's one of the biggest challenges of having the diagnosis of cancer and ultimately receiving treatment.
Scott Webb: Right. It's just sort of being at the ready, because you just never know. They may have told you five minutes ago, you know, they may have pushed you away a bit and then five minutes later, they might say, "Nah, come on back. I need you now," and you just have to be a supportive family member. You just have to be there whenever and however you can. What do you recommend a family member avoid when trying to support a loved one with cancer?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: It's very important to realize that we should never minimize their experience. It's difficult to truly understand the kind of toll a cancer diagnosis can take on a patient and the treatment that follows as well. It's very important to acknowledge their feelings, both emotionally and physically and to also allow them to make their own decisions in terms of their treatment. They're the ones that are going through the treatment. And it's ultimately their decision on whether to pursue a certain type of treatment or not to have treatment at all. And it is up to us to allow them to choose the path they would like to ultimately follow.
Scott Webb: Yeah, that sounds like good advice. And it can be difficult I'm sure for family members, when they think that maybe a decision that the person suffering who has been diagnosed with cancer is making, when we think that maybe that's the wrong decision for them, but we have to allow these loved ones of ours to make these decisions. These decisions, as you say, are theirs to make, and we just have to support them in any way that we can. And if a family member with cancer has a primary caregiver who is providing most of the physical support like taking the spouse to doctor's visits, helping with medication preparing meals and so on, what can the other family members do to help that primary caregiver?
Um,
Dr. Vamsi Koduri:
oftentimes as the primary caregiver, one can become worn down from the various tasks that needed to be done to take care of a family. With the cancer diagnosis.
And if an additional family member can help with getting their medications or taking them to the clinic for treatments, this allows the primary caregiver to rest recharge and rejuvenate and allows them to. Get back to providing even better care to their family member with a cancer diagnosis.
Scott Webb:
yeah. That just sounds like sound advice because we need to be there for them emotionally, physically. And if we get worn down and, you know, our lives begin to suffer, it's going to be more difficult for us to be there for them or to even be the primary caregiver. So really great advice today. I think as you and I were discussing, there is no right or wrong, you know, there's no one-size-fits-all, but just some great advice from you today.
And as we wrap up, what would be your takeaways about helping a family member, perhaps a spouse who has been diagnosed with cancer. What are your key takeaways for us as family members, as loved ones? What can we do to support them?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: Having a diagnosis of cancer is life changing. life-changing. We have to be there for our family members, emotionally, physically, and mentally. We have to allow them to express their emotions at the time of diagnosis during treatment and after. We also have to allow them to make their own decisions in terms of what type of treatment they would like to pursue. And if they wish to forgo treatment altogether, we have to realize that it's their choice. We are there to be their support and allow them to be themselves.
Scott Webb: Yeah. It's just great advice today, this is never easy. A cancer diagnosis is never easy on the patient, loved ones, doctors, nurses, and so on. And as I said, there's no one-size-fits-all, but some great advice from you today, doctor. Thanks so much. You stay well.
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: All right. Thank you.
Scott Webb: For more information on Genesis cancer care, visit Genesishcs.org/cancer. hcs.org/cancer. And thanks for listening to Sounds of Good Health with Genesis, brought to you by Genesis Healthcare System. If you found this podcast to be helpful, please be sure to tell a friend and subscribe, rate and review this podcast and check out the entire podcast library for additional topics of interest. I'm Scott Webb. Stay well.
Scott Webb: Uh, Diagnosis of cancer is life-altering for the patient and their family members and friends. I'm joined today by Dr. Vamsi Koduri, Medical Director of Genesis Cancer Services, and is here to provide advice to family and friends on how we can best support a loved one who's been diagnosed with cancer and each other.
This is Sounds of Good Health with Genesis, brought to you by Genesis Healthcare System. I'm Scott Webb. So doctor, thanks so much for your time. It's great to have you on. We're talking about cancer today, but also how people can help people who are dealing with cancer and support them. So along those lines, what kind of support is important to give a family member who's been diagnosed with cancer?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think it's good to provide both emotional and physical support. When a patient is diagnosed with cancer, it becomes a lifelong challenge. And not only is it challenging to learn about the diagnosis, it's also very challenging to go through treatment, the ups and downs of treatment and the support aspect as well as the physical aspect of taking patients to and from clinics for treatments, being there when they're having side effects and just being there to let them know that they're not alone in this journey by themselves.
Scott Webb: Yeah, that sounds right. And I think we can all, whether we've been diagnosed with cancer or not, appreciate what you're saying, helping on all levels, especially emotional support, just being there for people. And in providing emotional support, are there certain things a person shouldn't say like, "I know you'll beat this cancer" or things like that?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: Always good to remember that we should never minimize a diagnosis of cancer. And that we should always be there to support our loved ones, family members or friends who are going through cancer and its diagnosis and the treatment that follows. We should always validate how they're feeling, the ups and downs that they're going through and be their support system as they go through something they've never gone through before.
Scott Webb: Yeah, I can certainly appreciate that on all those levels. And we've discussed here a little bit sort of the trials and tribulations and side effects. So let's talk about that a little bit. When cancer patients lose their hair from treatment, does it really help when those around them, you know, shave their heads sort of in solidarity?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think it's very symbolic when family members help a patient shave their head. They realize that not only are they there for the shaving of hair, they're also there for, you know, the treatment, the side effects they may experience and their diagnosis. It allows them to realize that they're not alone in this fight against cancer.
Scott Webb: Yeah, as you say, it's very symbolic, but probably very meaningful and props to any family members who do that. It makes me wonder, you know, unless a family member is a cancer survivor, let's say, should a family member try to give advice about what kind of treatment options the cancer patient should try? Or is it really best if we listen more than we talk?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think ultimately the decision on what type of treatment a cancer patient should pursue is really dependent on their own wishes and it should be a group decision between their oncologist and themselves. I think it's important that we don't impress our own wishes upon a family member who has a certain diagnosis because it is the patient who will be going through the treatment and they'll be the ones who will be having some of the issues and the ups and downs of treatment.
Scott Webb: And doctor, I'm sure there are times during a cancer journey, if you will, for a patient where they really resist having support, where they tend to want to push even the closest loved ones away. So how can a family member adjust their support if a patient says that they just don't want their support right now?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: I think although cancer patients may feel this way sometimes, they themselves do not realize what is coming in terms of their diagnosis, treatment, what the whole journey may entail. So the family member is always important to remain close and check in to see how they're doing, because you never know when they may need you. That's one of the biggest challenges of having the diagnosis of cancer and ultimately receiving treatment.
Scott Webb: Right. It's just sort of being at the ready, because you just never know. They may have told you five minutes ago, you know, they may have pushed you away a bit and then five minutes later, they might say, "Nah, come on back. I need you now," and you just have to be a supportive family member. You just have to be there whenever and however you can. What do you recommend a family member avoid when trying to support a loved one with cancer?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: It's very important to realize that we should never minimize their experience. It's difficult to truly understand the kind of toll a cancer diagnosis can take on a patient and the treatment that follows as well. It's very important to acknowledge their feelings, both emotionally and physically and to also allow them to make their own decisions in terms of their treatment. They're the ones that are going through the treatment. And it's ultimately their decision on whether to pursue a certain type of treatment or not to have treatment at all. And it is up to us to allow them to choose the path they would like to ultimately follow.
Scott Webb: Yeah, that sounds like good advice. And it can be difficult I'm sure for family members, when they think that maybe a decision that the person suffering who has been diagnosed with cancer is making, when we think that maybe that's the wrong decision for them, but we have to allow these loved ones of ours to make these decisions. These decisions, as you say, are theirs to make, and we just have to support them in any way that we can. And if a family member with cancer has a primary caregiver who is providing most of the physical support like taking the spouse to doctor's visits, helping with medication preparing meals and so on, what can the other family members do to help that primary caregiver?
Um,
Dr. Vamsi Koduri:
oftentimes as the primary caregiver, one can become worn down from the various tasks that needed to be done to take care of a family. With the cancer diagnosis.
And if an additional family member can help with getting their medications or taking them to the clinic for treatments, this allows the primary caregiver to rest recharge and rejuvenate and allows them to. Get back to providing even better care to their family member with a cancer diagnosis.
Scott Webb:
yeah. That just sounds like sound advice because we need to be there for them emotionally, physically. And if we get worn down and, you know, our lives begin to suffer, it's going to be more difficult for us to be there for them or to even be the primary caregiver. So really great advice today. I think as you and I were discussing, there is no right or wrong, you know, there's no one-size-fits-all, but just some great advice from you today.
And as we wrap up, what would be your takeaways about helping a family member, perhaps a spouse who has been diagnosed with cancer. What are your key takeaways for us as family members, as loved ones? What can we do to support them?
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: Having a diagnosis of cancer is life changing. life-changing. We have to be there for our family members, emotionally, physically, and mentally. We have to allow them to express their emotions at the time of diagnosis during treatment and after. We also have to allow them to make their own decisions in terms of what type of treatment they would like to pursue. And if they wish to forgo treatment altogether, we have to realize that it's their choice. We are there to be their support and allow them to be themselves.
Scott Webb: Yeah. It's just great advice today, this is never easy. A cancer diagnosis is never easy on the patient, loved ones, doctors, nurses, and so on. And as I said, there's no one-size-fits-all, but some great advice from you today, doctor. Thanks so much. You stay well.
Dr. Vamsi Koduri: All right. Thank you.
Scott Webb: For more information on Genesis cancer care, visit Genesishcs.org/cancer. hcs.org/cancer. And thanks for listening to Sounds of Good Health with Genesis, brought to you by Genesis Healthcare System. If you found this podcast to be helpful, please be sure to tell a friend and subscribe, rate and review this podcast and check out the entire podcast library for additional topics of interest. I'm Scott Webb. Stay well.