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It’s important to differentiate between traumatic events and disappointments. Traumatic events are usually harmful and result in a permanent change of one’s psychological makeup. Disappointments come from reaching for something and falling short of that goal.
Children manage disappointments differently over time. Youngsters may be upset and take action; shouting, hitting, crying. As they grow older, they may think about how things could be different.
Invite discussion about the disappointment. Let your child come up with answers. Change the language to suit your child’s age and maturity level.
- "I see that you (had an action) when you (experienced disappointment)."
- "I think you did that because you (experienced disappointment). Is that right?"
- "Next time you (experience disappointment), what would be a better way to let us know you’re disappointed?"
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Arthur Lavin, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician in private practice and an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at Case Medical School in Cleveland, Ohio. He is the chairperson of the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, the entity of the Academy charged with developing policy relating to the psychological and social well-being of the children of America.