Transcription:
Digital Detox for Kids

Intro:  It's Your Health Radio, a special podcast series presented by Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital. Here's Melanie Cole.

Melanie Cole: If you're a parent, the children and teens have been confined during the pandemic and many have been spending hours and hours and more hours on their phones or computers. And yes, they've had to do it for school, but they're also doing it because that's what they do. And as we're coming out of the pandemic, what as a parent can we do to help our children transition from this virtual world that they tell us, "Sorry, I have to do this for school" to "Okay. Let's limit the screen time just a little bit."

Welcome to It's Your Health Radio with Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital. I'm Melanie Cole. And, parents, today, we're talking about digital detox for our kids. Joining me is Dr. Neela Sethi. She's a pediatrician on the medical staff at Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital.

Dr. Sethi, it is such a pleasure to have you join us today and what a great topic. So what's happening with our kids, they're worldly, maybe smarter than certainly I was at their age, but can they become addicted to this virtual world in which they're living right now?

Dr. Neela Sethi: Yes. And I wish I could say, "Well, maybe no," but the answer is, yes, they can get addicted and they are addicted. They really are. They're addicted to the digital world. They're glued to their phones. They're glued to the computer screen and it's our job to teach them how to take a break.

Melanie Cole: Like reading a book would be just a great thing for them to do. But yeah, alas! So, as a pediatrician, what's the impact that you might have noticed when you're having well visits or talking to teens about too much social media, too much mobile phone use? What have you been seeing?

Dr. Neela Sethi: I think there are three big categories that I bring up with parents. Number one is that it can lead to mental health concerns. And I think that's the biggest and the most important thing, is that when you're spending that much time glued to a screen and you're not exercising and you're not out and about in the world and you're decreasing your social interactions and it's disrupting your sleep-wake cycle, guess what? Then, it can lead to mental health disorders.

Two, it really does disrupt sleep. It makes them stay up late. It makes them sleep in. Their normal sort of circadian rhythms are off. And you know how much sleep you need when you're a teen, and they're not able to get that. Especially during COVID, I'm noticing that they're up very late, because they're on their devices. And then school starts at eight in the morning and they're on their devices and they're just half there, half paying attention, to those early morning classes and then falling behind in school, which then affects their mental health.

And then third, it's the social comparison. It's this logging on and seeing everybody have what seems to be this perfect life and doing these fun things and enjoying all these holidays and they're not getting that. And everyone is skinnier and everyone's richer, and everyone has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and everybody seems to be comfortable with their looks. And everyone went through an awkward teen phase and nobody's portraying that on social media. And so, they have their acne and their awkward body that they're uncomfortable with and their awkward sort of sexuality, and it just puts them in a funk and creates this abnormal reality that's just not good for them.

Melanie Cole: What great points you brought up, because I saw in my children everything that you have been discussing here. Absolutely. So I guess the big question here is we know that it's affecting their schoolwork, possibly their mental health, certainly their social abilities, all of these things together, their exercise. What do we do about it, Dr. Sethi? I mean, I do these shows and I'm an exercise physiologist. And I thought I can do that, I can take care of that with my kids. But I'm having as much trouble as any other parent getting my 18-year-old out of a room and off her phone.

Dr. Neela Sethi: I completely sympathize. And what I tell parents is in the end, you're the boss, you're still the boss. And as much as they go kicking and screaming and, as hard as it seems, you have to take a break. If it means that you have to take their phone away, you take their phone away. If it means that you have to plan a family activity, even though they come kicking and screaming, you plan an activity. And it may be difficult and it may be hard and it may be stressful for you, but plan a beach trip, plan a day away, plan a hike, plan for a socially distant interaction with grandparents or with friends. Make it so that you tempt them with things that are going to get them off their phone.

And sure, they're going to roll their eyes and sure, it's going to be painful to get them in the car, but I guarantee you that day is going to stick out to them much more than a day spent on social media. And there has to be a time and a place for you to get them off their phone. If that means that they don't sleep with it in their room, if that means they take breaks intermittently through the day, whatever you have to do, it physically has to be removed from being in front of them in order for them to have a period of detox.

There is no teen that I've ever met that has said to me, "Hey, Dr. Sethi, I think I'm on social media too much. I think I know. need a detox. Can you help me do that?" It's the same way that we are. I mean, if our phones there we're checking it. And I'm sure that you guys have heard about and/or seen The Social Dilemma. They are trying to get us on our phone. It's a business. They want to have the refresh button so that you feel like you're having FOMO. And the more FOMO you have, the more you're going to check it and the more money they'll make. So we have to be the parent and we have to be in charge and we have to lead by example.

Melanie Cole: One-hundred percent agreed. And those are all really great suggestions. Remember, back in the day, it was a punishment if you were told you couldn't go outside. "Well, what do you mean I have to stay in?" Now, it's the other way around, "What do you mean I have to go outside?" So also you're right on, they are staying up so late. They sit there on TikTok or Instagram, whatever it is, Snapchatting their friends, my God, until two in the morning. So you've suggested that we try and get them out and we try and role model obviously. We don't want to be on our phones all the time. Get them to exercise, take a hike, do something. If they won't, when is it time to call our pediatrician? I mean, the fights are going to happen. Parents listening know the impending doom of fights. They know if they say, "Don't sleep with your phone in your room."

Dr. Neela Sethi: I know. And I'm telling you I hear you and I'm here for you, but you have to think about short-term pain for long-term benefit. When do you know that it's too much? Well, one, follow your paternal or your maternal instinct. What your gut tells you -- no one knows your kid better than you -- is usually correct.

If you find that the things that bring them joy normally don't; if you find that they're either not sleeping or sleeping too much; if you find that they are crying, feeling sad and not able to express themselves; if you feel like there is nothing that you can do. Even if you bring them in front of their friends, they're not lit up or they're not happy, then you know that it's time to seek medical help or seek help from a medical professional.

And that's not saying that we're diagnosing your kid as depressed and we're going to be putting them on meds. That's what a lot of parents think. They come and see me and say, "I think my kid's depressed, but I don't want meds." I understand that. I empathize with that. But there's so much that can be done with therapy.

And it's our job as the parent and as the professional to de-stigmatize the idea that you see somebody for your mental health. You go to the pulmonologist for asthma. You would go to a sports medicine doc if you pulled your ankle. Why wouldn't you go to a professional when your brain is acting up? It's the most important organ of the body.

So I'm really in my clinic and in my life trying to de-stigmatize the idea of seeking help from a therapist. Just being able to talk to someone that's not your parent and say, "I don't know why I'm sad. I don't know why I'm feeling anxious." And anxiety and depression go hand in hand. So sometimes they feel nervous when they're depressed and sometimes they feel sad when they're anxious. And it's very difficult to piece that out as a parent. So it's just your job to, you know, they say like you can lead a horse to water. You be the person that leads the horse to the water and then let them take a sip. Because they don't always want to talk to us about stuff and that's very normal, although I know it's very hard.

Melanie Cole: You are right on. Now, can our pediatricians help us find someone in this age of televisits. A lot of therapists are doing telehealth, but they also can be difficult to find for our teenagers. Is that something we can ask our pediatricians?

Dr. Neela Sethi: Absolutely. That is the whole point of being a general pediatrician, is being able to sort of triage and be able to seek medical care when necessary. You know, here at our office, we have an entire group of people that we use, that helps us with telemedicine. We have a whole group of therapists that we can reach out to. And yes, in the world of COVID most of those visits are telemedicine. They're on their devices anyway, so I tell the mothers and the fathers, "They're on their devices anyway. They're FaceTiming their friends all the time, all day, every day. Why not add in a one-hour session once a day, where they FaceTime someone that actually supports their mental health and can actually help them getting better?"

Melanie Cole: It's true. And some insurance companies, if the listeners check with their insurance companies during COVID, some are waiving the copay for televisits with mental health professionals. I think that's very important to note. Final thoughts, Dr. Sethi. You're such a great guest and you really understand it. You really get this. Best advice on getting our kids, not off social media, but to tone it down just a little bit, to digital detox our kids.

Dr. Neela Sethi: Think to yourself, "How can I create joy in their life?" Like I said, previously, you know them best. So why not try an art class? Why not do a virtual cooking class together? Why not explore in this time where we're slowed down? Why not explore some of the things that they're passionate about and figure out if there was a way you can bring those to life?

This is the time to do the adventures that you've never done before. And maybe it's a kayaking class. Maybe it's your first time doing a yoga class outside. Maybe it's the first time that they're taking a sculpting class. Maybe it's the first time that you're taking them to the art supply store and letting them sketch, letting them do canvases. Maybe it's just hiking. Whatever it is, every teen out there has a passion. And if they don't, that's a red flag. Think about how most of the world, I mean, it runs with the passion they have and the intensity they have and how strongly they feel about things. So just as they may have negative thoughts, think about where their positive and their happiness lies, and really lean into that.

And also be imaginative. Seek help. Reach out. And there's so many things that you can do. Maybe it's rollerskating, maybe it's rollerblading, maybe it's just a day at the beach where you just lounge around. I would much rather them be sitting outside, getting vitamin D having the ocean air in their face versus them being inside.

Once you start doing that, it's the part of a detox process, once they start getting off their phone, more and more, they will want to be off their phone more and more. They will want to do more things. But it's your job as a parent to lead. It's your job as a parent to say, "This is what's happening today, and this is what we're doing." And not necessarily bossy, but being a leader and really digging deep and thinking about the things that you loved as a kid too, and that you would want to try. I mean, I know with my kids, I've taught them to make friendship bracelets. We've all learned how to cook. We've been really crazy about making puzzles.

My daughter's really into arts and crafts. She's almost 12 and it's been a rough road. She's had a hard time this year being home so much. Joanne's probably way too much getting fabric for her to cut and to sew and to just make things and just kind of instill that creative process in her. And that's an hour or two that she's not wanting to be on her iPad or not wanting to FaceTime friends. And I think that's important.

I will end with don't shy away from in-person friends. I think a lot of parents think, "Okay, well, if I get them off the phone, it has to be one-on-one time." And yes, that's great and you can build to that. But to start, have a couple of their friends over and take a couple of their friends to the beach with you or to the park with you or to an outdoor dining place or whatever is safe and COVID-friendly, but start with that. So just to get them out, however you can, be their advocate and get them out of the house. And I promise you the more that you do that, the better they're going to do and the more they're going to seek that and want to do that.

Melanie Cole: What great advice. Absolutely. Parents lean into their passions. That actually really does work when you try and bring that out and you see what makes your kids sparkle. Great advice, Dr. Sethi. Thank you so much for joining us.

And to take a teens and social media quiz, you can always visit our website at library.henrymayo.com and see how that comes out. Maybe take it with your teen and see how you both do.

That wraps up this episode of It's Your Health Radio with Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital. Please remember to subscribe, rate and review this podcast and all the other Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital podcasts. Also parents, share this show. Share it with your friends and your family, because we all need this advice right now and we're learning from the experts at Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital. I'm Melanie Cole.