According to new research from the University of Texas, humans seem to have evolved to keep testing their relationships with the struggle to search for better long-term options.
Humans are very sexual creatures. We are genetically programmed to seek and find a mate, reproduce with that person, and maintain a good relationship for the complete rearing of children. Deep in our evolution, humans didn’t live past age 30. Finding the right partner to help accomplish human biological needs might have meant moving along for something better.
But, our lifespans are longer now.
If you’re married, you may want to renew your marriage every 15 years. This acknowledges that you’re two different people. What do you want from the relationship now? What have you been through in the past 15 years? How have you changed individually and together? Look honestly at what you want now.
Most people have had some level of trauma while growing up. They enter relationships with these old wounds. The wounds reopen during relationships, but they aren’t spotted as having earlier sources. These wounds are opportunities for healing present and past relationships.
Individuals typically don’t look for help until they run into a crisis. Evaluate your expectations for your relationship. Relationships take work. It can be rewarding to put in the work to heal each other.
Listen in as Dr. Jed Diamond discusses how you can get what you want out of your relationship.
Jed Diamond, PhD, is the Founder and Director of MenAlive, a health program that helps men and the women who love them. He is one of the world’s leading experts on mid-life marriage, with more than 40 years of counseling experience.