Cheryl Martin (Host): Becoming a mother can bring many changes and challenges in planning priorities and purposes. And it's so easy for the new parent to take care of everyone else except herself. So, how can she reclaim her identity and strike the right life balance? Well, here to answer that question and more is Sarah Mallonee. She's a registered nurse, mother of two young children and a childbirth educator here at Infirmary Health.

This is LIFE Cast, a podcast from Infirmary Health. I'm Cheryl Martin. Sarah, delighted to have you on to offer some self-care tips for new mothers.

Sarah Mallonee: Yeah, it's great to talk to you today.

Host: So Sarah, how can a woman reclaim her identity after motherhood?

Sarah Mallonee: So when it comes to reclaiming yourself after motherhood, I would suggest getting back into some of the things that you were into before you had babies. So, something that I think is helpful is to get back into your hobbies. Did you like to bake? Did you like to read? Were you a painter? Anything like that. Something to do specifically for yourself and not for anybody else's benefit, just for you.

Host: So, what if that mother instinctively says, "I need to just kind of devote all of my time to my newborn, let's say, and my family." So, how do I make time for this?

Sarah Mallonee: When you're taking care of new children, a lot of your time, energy, and attention goes to those children, and then subsequently to everyone else in the household, maybe it's your dogs, your family members that live with you, maybe your older children. And it's easy to lose the energy to take care of yourself, but you can't pour from an empty cup. So if we don't fill ourselves back up, it's hard for you to take care of everyone else.

Host: Any other suggestions for what the new mother can do to take care of her own mental and physical health?

Sarah Mallonee: So when we're talking about our own mental and physical health, a good thing to do is to also reach out to other parents. I think sometimes being able to relate to the people around you is pretty helpful. Making sure that we are paying attention to our emotions, our thoughts, our feelings. If we're having trouble taking care of ourselves, going back inward to our family, to our closest people, to our loved ones, letting them know if we're having a difficult time so that they can help support you through the transition of becoming a parent and dedicating so much time to your children. Sometimes they can be a big help whenever we're talking about the people around us and our village and our support system so that we can take care of ourselves.

Host: I'm glad you brought up support from family and friends. So, you are encouraging the mother to let them know how she feels. So on the opposite side, because you've been there. How can they best be supportive of a woman who wants to reclaim her identity after motherhood, family and friends?

Sarah Mallonee: Specifically, when you have friends that have had children and they are trying to find themselves in motherhood, they're trying to find themselves, again, a big thing is to make sure to check in on your friends. It's a small thing, but checking in on them makes a big difference and letting them know that you are thinking about them, and that goes a really long way.

Try planning things with them. They may not always be able to accept your invitation, but getting the invitation nonetheless is appreciated. Try planning things with them that are easier for them to attend. It may be as simple as coming and hanging out and watching the newest episode of something that's coming out with them so that they don't have to leave the house. These little gestures go a long way in making you still feel connected to your old life and still feel connected to your friends and your family.

Host: Sarah, you've spoken about postpartum depression and anxiety in your monthly Bump and Beyond blogs, which are produced by Infirmary Health. What are some signs and symptoms that patient's should be aware of?

Sarah Mallonee: So, initially, in the very beginning of the postpartum period, in the first three weeks or so, women are susceptible to baby blues. At first, baby blues looks like, as a whole picture, being tearful, easily irritated, feeling overwhelmed, maybe a little bit more anxious. It just sort of feels like something's wrong.

But the good news about baby blues is this is short-lived. The current statistics indicate that this happens to about nine out of ten women, so a lot of folks. But as far as postpartum and depression and anxiety goes, postpartum depression looks a little bit like feeling withdrawn, mood swings, loss of identity, lack of interest in yourself, your baby or others. And postpartum anxiety looks a little different, pretty similar, with feelings of doubt, difficulty sleeping is one, intrusive thoughts, agitation, and then being overly concerned with cleanliness, health, or safety.

Host: So, what are your recommendations for a woman? She hears you and say, "Yes, that's me." What should she do?

Sarah Mallonee: One of the things that I speak about in my Bump and Beyond blog, whenever it comes to this, you're hearing me, you're like, "Yeah, I think that's me. This feels a little bit like what's happening to me," I need you to contact your obstetrician. They are interested, they want to help you. This is part of your healing and part of your pregnancy journey in general. They want to get you connected with the resources to help you get through this.

Some of the current data is telling us right now that postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression can last up to five years after having your baby. So, this isn't something we can just tough out and wait for it to go away. That's a long time. And that's a big effect to your day-to-day life.

So, I would tell you to contact your obstetrician, let them know what's going on. For me personally, this looks like a little bit of medication and a little bit of therapy, but it goes a long way. And addressing the problem head on versus trying to hide it made me feel so much better versus just trying to tough it out as people say.

Host: And it's nothing to be embarrassed about, is it?

Sarah Mallonee: Absolutely not. It's something that you can't help in the slightest. it's really chemical changes that have happened due to pregnancy hormones. So even if you haven't had any issues with mental health before pregnancy, you're susceptible to this after pregnancy just due to being pregnant. It's not anything that you did or anything that you could have done to prevent it.

Host: Sarah, as I mentioned, you're a mother and you just had your second child last year. Congratulations. So, what are some tips you can give another mother, especially those like you with more than one child?

Sarah Mallonee: Balancing two children. Yeah. So, I had my daughter last year. She just turned one. I'm really so glad to add her as a member of our family. That is another topic that we discussed on my blog was what I did in anticipation of having a second baby and what we were doing six months later. It has been a fun transition, but also just an interesting thing to learn to balance, not just taking care of my newborn, but also my toddler and myself and everyone else.

What I would tell people is that I don't have all the answers and I wish I did. What I think is helpful is checking in with myself, making sure that I am taking care of myself. If I ever find anything going to the wayside if I feel like I'm not taking care of my hygiene needs or anything, in the earliest periods, I was good about recognizing those things and talking to my partner about it and letting him know that I was having issues and seeing where he can come in.

Sometimes it's effective for partners to communicate to each other in the means of percentages. So, sometimes I can tell him, "I'm 50% today, and you might need to be the other 50%." So, that's a pretty helpful communication tool just in the means of how much energy do I have. But it's something that you take day by day. And as time goes on, you do feel like things are getting better. Have you ever heard of the concept, Cheryl, of getting your pink back?

Host: No. Getting your pink back?

Sarah Mallonee: Yeah. So, an interesting thing that happens with flamingos is that they lose the pink hue to their feathers because they transfer the pigment-rich nutrients to their chicks. This causes them to fade until they replenish their diet. And I think that that's kind of an amazing thing, that it's something that you can actually see in another creature. And it's something that I think happens with all parents. We do dedicate a lot of our time, energy, focus to running our households and the things around us. And it is taking something away from us. But slowly as things get easier to manage, you get your pink back just like a flamingo does eventually get their pink back.

Host: That is so encouraging. So, where can we learn more on topics like this one and also read the Bump and Beyond Blogs?

Sarah Mallonee: So, the Bump and Beyond blog, I'm always promoting it. It is a passion project of mine, and I absolutely love when people get to go in and read about some of my personal and professional experiences. Whenever you visit infirmaryhealth.org and you click in the news section, you can read blogs from Infirmary Health, including mine, which is Bump and Beyond.

Host: And Sarah, any other advice for new mothers you'd like to share, just for taking better care of themselves?

Sarah Mallonee: I'll share this. I'm in the same boat with you. I've been in the same boat with you. And it does get better and it may not be today, but it's coming and you will get that pink back.

Host: Sarah Mallonee, thank you for sharing some encouraging and practical advice for others to prioritize their physical and mental health. Very informative. Thank you.

Sarah Mallonee: Thank you.

Cheryl Martin (Host): As the first choice for healthcare for the Gulf Coast region, infirmary Health is here for you, here for life. Visit us at infirmaryhealth.org to get more information. If you found this podcast helpful, please share it on your social media. You can also check out the entire podcast library for other topics of interest to you. This is LIFE Cast, a podcast from Infirmary Health. Thanks for listening.