Evo Terra (Host): Welcome to The Peds Pod by Le Bonheur Children's Hospital. I'm Evo Terra. And with me today is Katelyn Dailey, a child life specialist from Le Bonheur Children's Hospital. We'll talk about discussing big changes with kids and how to support them through life's transitions. Thanks for joining me, Katelyn.

Katelyn Dailey: Hi. It's nice to meet you.

Host: Can you share with me what it means to be a child life specialist? Sounds like a fun job.

Katelyn Dailey: You know, most of the time, it is fine. Sometimes, it's really, really hard. My goal is to be an extra layer of support for patients and their families while they're at the hospital and really try to reduce stress and anxiety related to their healthcare experience.

Host: Got it. Got it. And I mean, that obviously helps children going through big changes in life, which is what you and I are talking about today, yes?

Katelyn Dailey: That is correct.

Host: Yeah. Yeah. So, in your experience as someone who is a child life specialist and not someone who—me—who is just living-like-he's-still-a-child specialist, what makes big changes so overwhelming for kids? I mean, it seems like an obvious answer, but I would like to hear it from you.

Katelyn Dailey: Well, I think there are a couple reasons. The fact that anything that's out of your routine is going to be stressful for a child, because they're used to things going a certain way. And anytime that that changes, it can be stressful. And then, their brains just aren't fully developed, they oftentimes aren't understanding exactly what's happening, which can also lead to stress. So, big changes are just hard for their little brains to figure out.

Host: Well, let's talk about those big changes, because I know not every child is going to verbalize what's going on. So, what should parents or caregivers be looking for?

Katelyn Dailey: Well, I feel like kids, they might not understand what's happening, but they can tell something is wrong. And so, even if they're not getting told like this is what's happening and this is why our family is different right now, they are picking up that something is different. So, some of the things that I would look out for are them no longer doing what they used to really like to do. So if they used to be really, really involved in a certain activity and now they don't have any interest in it, or if they are regressing, if they had a skill that they had mastered, like maybe being potty trained or sleeping alone in their bed at night and now they are wetting the bed, or they're maybe wanting mom or dad to walk them all the way into school, when they used to be able to just get dropped off at the curb. All of those are signs that they are like showing their stress in different ways that aren't like them verbalizing it.

Host: And I've seen some of those, so that completely makes sense to me. You know, sitting down and having a conversation with a seven-year old—doesn't have to be a seven-year old. Two-year-olds have this problem and 17-year-olds probably have this problem too. But, you know, one of the challenges I think a lot of adults have is having a healthy and honest and approachable conversation with our kids about anything, especially about change. Anything we should do there?

Katelyn Dailey: I am not a parent, so I cannot say what it's like to be a parent. But what I imagine is that you're wanting to protect your child from big feelings, from things that might be scary or from things that might make them sad. And like I said earlier, kids are very intuitive. They know something is wrong, even if they don't know what exactly it is or that something is different.

And so, I think being honest in a developmentally appropriate way is so important. You don't have to give them all the details of what's happening, but being honest is really, really important. And then, validating whatever emotion they're feeling regarding that change. Sometimes that means that you have to help them identify what that emotion is. The Inside Out movies have been really great for personifying emotions and helping kids be able to identify what's going on in their own brain, but having their parents validate that emotion, and then giving them some kind of outlet to make sure that it's an appropriate way that they're expressing the emotion that they're feeling.

So, I feel like the two big things are honesty, sharing what's happening in an appropriate way. So for little kids, you're not going to want to get into huge details. You can give really simple, concrete explanations of what's happening, and then just making sure that they feel supported in whatever their response is to it.

Host: You know, us grownups have learned these coping strategies over time. And some were specifically learned and some were taught, you know, however it goes. But when you're talking with kids, because I know you interface directly with the children sometimes. What are the coping strategies you teach to them?

Katelyn Dailey: Well, a lot of it is education on my part. I feel like educating them on what's going to happen here at the hospital can help them feel a sense of control. Knowledge is very empowering, so helping them understand what's happening to their own body can be really helpful. And so, the same with any change, giving them the knowledge of what's happening can be a coping strategy in and of itself.

But then, talking through like what emotions we're feeling and going from there. So if you're really, really, really angry about what's happening, giving them an appropriate coping strategy, going outside and screaming, hitting a pillow, those are safe ways to get out anger. If you're really, really sad, making sure that you're coming to mom or dad and sharing your emotions. Maybe journaling is a way to express some of the emotions that you're feeling.

Host: Some of those behaviors you mentioned, like, hitting a pillow and, you know, acting out in various things. I mean, these are common. These are what kids are going to do, especially when they're facing big changes in life. What about red flags? What should we be really looking for to know that maybe we as caregivers aren't ready to do all of this on our own?

Katelyn Dailey: I was talking earlier about regression of milestones. And so, if you're seeing that things are consistently staying in a they're not "bouncing back" from things, or if they're expressing harm to themselves or expressing harm to others, those would all be reasons, red flags that I might get a mental health professional involved.

Host: Yeah, that's a good idea. You work for a hospital. And so, I'm thinking about specifically medical challenges, medical changes that are taking place either in the child's life or in another family member's life. How do we talk to kids about that stuff?

Katelyn Dailey: So, I actually work in same-day surgery, so I talk to kids about surgery all day long. So when I'm preparing kids for surgery, I talk through the sequence of events for the day so that they can know what to expect next. I let them see pictures of the OR so that they know where they're going to go next. Like I said, knowledge is power. So, I feel like giving appropriate information is the most important thing you can do.

Host: And it's great you are there to do that for the kids at the hospital. But look, that may not happen every single time and us, as caregivers, you know, either grandparents or parents or whoever, we'd like to do some of that as well, helping our kids get ready and not putting all the weight on your shoulders. So, what should we do as the families to help prep our kids for an upcoming change, whether it's a surgery or just something simple as a move?

Katelyn Dailey: Yeah. So, I actually have a couple resources that I wanted to talk about on this podcast. Sesame Street has a wonderful website. It's sesameworkshop.org. They have a whole list of activities and interactive things that they have on their website and that refer to grieving, moving divorce, loss of a job, displacement, that's a big issue that's going on in our country right now. Then, also just like social emotional things too. So, they've got a ton of resources that you can look over as the parent or the caregiver, and then you can work through with your child. It's an interactive thing that I was looking at one and it was called My Two-Hug Day. And it is when a child is having to go back and forth between two parents if they are separated, and it's an interactive book that you can go through on the website. And so, there's just a whole lot of resources like that on the sesameworkshop.org.

And then, another resource that I wanted to talk about was the Invisible String Book. This is specifically if you are going through a life change, maybe divorce separation from someone that you love or even, if your family is grieving a death, because it talks about how you were still connected to the people, even if you were not physically present with them. It's a great book that goes through that. And then, they also have different activities that you can do together as a family.

Host: Wonderful. I think those resources, especially those that are age-appropriate, are really going to set for the kids very well. All right, Katelyn, this has been fascinating information any last thoughts, any resources you want to hand out or things you definitely want to make sure caregivers know?

Katelyn Dailey: I just want parents to believe that they can help their kids. I know that it seems really, really scary, especially when you yourself are going through the life change as well. But you are your child's comfort person. And so, if you are able to have a simple developmentally appropriate conversation with your child, you're going to help them feel better about the experience as well.

Host: And what I try to remind my son all the time is that kids are very resilient. You know, generally speaking, obviously, there's always exceptions, but kids are pretty resilient and what's impacting them very strongly right now today will be fine tomorrow, honestly. And we've all seen that. We know that kids do that. So, trusting yourself and also trusting the kids' resiliency is probably good advice. Do you agree?

Katelyn Dailey: Yes, absolutely.

Host: Yeah. Well, Katelyn, this has been a fascinating conversation. I'm glad you're there to do this for the kids there at Le Bonheur, and thanks for all the important takeaways for the things that we know are going to come up in our child's lives, because change is the only constant in this world. So again, Katelyn, thanks very much for being here.

Katelyn Dailey: Of course.

Host: Once again, that was Katelyn Dailey. For more information on supporting the kids in your life, please visit lebonheur.org. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it on your social channels and check out our entire library for topics of interest to you. I'm Evo Terra. And this has been The Peds Pod by Le Bonheur Children's Hospital. Thanks for listening.