Something people need to understand is maternity leave is not a vacation. Motherhood is a MASSIVE, UNDERESTIMATED job within itself and a lot of companies do not offer paid leave, or leave in general.

I had six weeks paid maternity leave, but I took an additional four weeks off unpaid as I didn’t feel ready to come back to work yet. I did miss work, as it felt good to be needed or important to something outside of being a mom. When I did go back to work though, I felt like my life was chaos.

My husband and I have this beautiful baby boy, who despite all the challenges, we could not imagine our lives without. But, our relationship, the two of us, was challenged in a new and complex way. 

Having a baby with Chris made me love him on another level, but honestly the first year of Benny’s life was probably the worst year for our marriage. This isn’t uncommon.

My life after giving birth was shifting, and it was altering in ways I never would have expected.

Not only did I move and said goodbye to my carefree fun city life, I was also saying goodbye to my friends. I was the only one married, and now the only one with a baby in my group. I figured I wouldn’t see them as much but I didn’t expect to feel so different from them. 

They can’t relate to what I was (am) going through, and even though they listen at times to news about the baby, it’s like we’re speaking two different languages.

I was told my life was going to change, but I didn’t know exactly how it would change.

The months following the birth of my son Benny was the toughest period in my life. It’s a time that no one really talks about -- that fourth trimester. 

Yes, I heard a few stories about a few common challenges, the lack of sleep being the biggest one, but it was always laughed off like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Let me be the one to tell you, it is.

It’s 3 a.m. and I can feel my eyes burn from exhaustion. 

I’ve already been up four times — feeding, burping, changing diapers. 

My son, Benjamin Allen, born five weeks early, is finally at home. We’re slowly adjusting to our new roles. 

His, new to the world. 

Me, a new mom.

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