Transcription:
Mental Health: Stages of Life

Melanie Cole: Well, if you're anything like me, you know that there's a mental health crisis going on right now in the country. There's a mental health epidemic among our teens, among our older folk. There's so much going on. But as we think of mental health and we think through the ages, when are you most worried? When are you most scared? When are you at your most relaxed? That's what we're going to talk about today, is mental health through those stages of life.  

Welcome to Say Yes To Good Health with Memorial Hospital. I'm Melanie Cole and today joining me is Heather Ross and Melanie Sharpe.

They're both mental health counselors with Memorial Hospital. Ladies, thank you so much for joining us today. So Melanie, I'd love to start with you and great name by the way. Great name. Not many of us around.

Melanie Sharpe: Thank you.

Melanie Cole: But as I said in my intro, families around the world are really feeling this stress and anxiety due to COVID and work and school being online. What do you see as a mental health counselor happening right now with families?

Melanie Sharpe: Well, that's a good question. You know, I can talk from personal experience. I can talk from coworkers. We specialize in the geriatric population, so we don't see that as much maybe in our face in our counseling world. But definitely in my personal world, I know that everyone's a little tapped out, everyone's a little burnt out from constantly adjusting and changing and adapting. And so a lot of people need more self-care and definitely need a break.

Melanie Cole: Well, I certainly couldn't agree more. And Heather, when we're in our 20s, I don't know how old you ladies are, but we tend to think that we have our whole lives to get healthy. And mental health doesn't seem to be top of mind nor does exercise. And I'm an exercise physiologist. And I remember quite clearly that that was not a first priority. It's a little different today. But as we get older and we're in our 20s, what do you want us to be thinking about as far our mental health and the quality of our mental health, what you see for people right now, what we should be doing?

Heather Ross: I think it's important to really focus on self-care. And that stage of life that's 18 to 40 years old, we';; kind of lump that together into one of these life stages. And that's a challenging time for many. But I think a common theme throughout all these stages is focusing on self-care. And right now, especially over the last year, that's been a really important thing that we've had to do because most times self-care will include some human interaction and being with other people, being with the ones we love and we haven't been able to do that for much of the last year.

So I think as you're getting into your 20s and all of this stress and responsibility is being piled upon you, you're beginning your adult life on your own and thriving, you know, I think taking time to take care of yourself mentally and physically giving yourself a break, finding relief from stress, finding time to reduce your anxiety and healthy ways to do that is really important because you can take those skills throughout the rest of your life and through the other stages of life, and just always being mindful to focus on self.

Melanie Cole: Melanie, as we're talking about the 20s to 40s, how do things like body image contribute or detract from our mental health? Self-esteem, maybe you're getting a new job. In your 30s, you're working, maybe you've had some kids, you've still got parents. There's a lot of pressure on people in this age group. Tell us how body image and that work-life balance, all of this is going on. And while you're telling us that, is this an age when there's a link between substance abuse and mental health?

Melanie Sharpe: Well, I would definitely say this is a huge stage of our lives, right? A lot of people through the 19 years old to 40, this is when we are forming relationships. We are figuring out who we are. In our teens, we're kind of figuring out, but it's more solidifying, you know, in our 20s. And especially in our 30s, getting families going, getting our career, we're doing so many things at the same time.

And not only, me growing up during that time, I'll have to say I'm 42, and so I had a little bit of a different experience than say the 20-year-olds and 30-year-olds do now with so much social media. And that comes down to the self-esteem comparison. Not just your body, you have to look a certain way because it's projected out there all the time. But also you have to have this perfect family life. You're seeing it on Facebook. And we have to remember we're always putting our best days out there. And I think people get a little lost seeing that and being inundated with it. And so it's just really important to focus on what are real things, a family, connection, fulfilling relationships that, again, like Heather said, will carry with you so that you can have more of a satisfying end of life stage.

Heather Ross: And just to add to that, that 20 to 40-year-old age group, that is the time when you're investing in a commitment to others and you're building those long-term loving relationships that make you feel safe. So this is a very important stage that kind of sets the stage for the rest of your life.

Melanie Cole: Well, it certainly does. And Heather, just to expand a little bit on this, let's talk about stress management for people in this age group, if you would. Now, sleep is one thing, certainly in your 20s and then in your 30s, if you've got little kids, sleep is sometimes elusive. Tell us a little bit about stress management, some stress management techniques that you work with patients on, the importance of a good quality night's sleep.

Heather Ross: Well, as Melanie had said before, you know, we work with the 65 and older population. But something that is equally as important in all the stages is definitely your sleep hygiene, your quality of sleep because we see that if your mind and your body aren't recharged at night, it's going to negatively impact your functioning during the day. And we really encourage relaxation methods and techniques to use and good sleep hygiene that might include drinking caffeine after lunchtime and not having a TV on while you're sleeping, sleeping in a dark room without any lights on, maybe you meditate at night or listen to relaxing sounds. We practice guided imagery as a way to help relax our minds and bodies.

And the great thing now is that we all have access to these techniques through things such as the internet and YouTube. There's all different kinds of breathing techniques and guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation. These are all very effective techniques to relax our bodies and promote a healthier night's sleep. And as I said, that is going to fuel your mind and your body to function properly and at maximum capacity during the day.

Melanie Sharpe: And I would also add, I think the 19-year-olds through 25 think they don't need sleep. You're invincible. And just getting that regular routine will really impact your routines later. So I think it's really important not being a night owl, which is hard sometimes. But like Heather said, you can't be your best, you can't be emotionally or mentally clear if you're not recharged.

Melanie Cole: Certainly true. And that is something that is difficult for people. And as you say, with all the social media and everything. So just tell us, Melanie, as we kind of wrap up this portion of our show, what would you like people in their 20s to 40s to know about these mental health stages, the challenges, what they can do to keep themselves healthy and strong, stress management, kind of give us a real nice summary.

Melanie Sharpe: I really think it comes down to intention every day, setting your intention for what you're going to accomplish and so that you feel more content. And that's something that I aim for a lot with our patients, is not this idea of happiness and sadness because we're going to feel both. We're not going to be happy all the time. So where can you find your peace and contentment? And really it's back to that grounding, what is the real things that make us who we are? And that's, you know, our family, that's our friendships, that's bonding with people at work and finding fulfilling work to do.

But, you know, at the same time, it's that balance that I think our society forgets. We applaud everyone for working too much. And that really has to stop because it's not good for families. It's not good for your brain, physically or emotionally. So I think it's changing and hopefully because of social media, I think there's more awareness of the importance of taking care of yourself, not pushing too hard because that's where a lot of disease comes from, it's that constant push.

Melanie Cole: I think it's a long game, right? We have to pace ourselves. We can't try and have everything right away. And I guess the older you are, I'm 57, ladies, so I realize as much as I wanted it in my 20s or 30s, that it is a long game. Otherwise, you will drive yourself absolutely bonkers and it's too hard to try and do it all. And, at some points, you sort of break a little bit. So in that age group, we're taking care of everybody else. And we have to, you know, this is a little bit ironic right now, but put our own masks on before we put the masks of our loved ones on. What would you like us to know about self-care at this time, so that we're not trying to take care of everybody but ourselves?

Heather Ross: Well, I think it's important in that the 40s, as you said, to not stress if you can't find the time to fit it all in. You know, this is a time where people strive to do well and be productive on the workfront. But you may just have to wait and be patient for your children, you're raising your children and getting them through their teenage years and kind of wait until things quiet down to when your life isn't so demanding.

And also, this is stage of life from 40 to 65, we lump that together, where you want to contribute to the community and you're kind of finding your place in the world in that way, because when those kids do leave the house, you will find a different sense of purpose and meaning, other than raising children.

But then again, you also have your aging parents, it's kind of that sandwich generation, you're taking care of both generations there. And I think it's really important to just pace yourself. As you said, it's the long game, it's in enduring and it's important to take things one day at a time. And that's kind of something we stress with our patients every day, is living in the here and now, being mindful. We like to practice mindfulness in enjoying the here and now.

Melanie Cole: Well, I certainly understand that. And you learn things like that the laundry doesn't have to be done or folded right away or, you know, you learn the house doesn't have to be spotless as it was when they were little babies. And, you know, it does all sort of change and rotate. And Melanie, as we're in these age groups and you and I are both in this age group, prioritizing our health, having a good social network certainly can help. But tell us about depression screening. How can we recognize the need as we're talking about these mental health stages? What about things like depression at this time? We're trying for that superwoman thing, we can't achieve it, so we negative self-talk ourselves. I mean, we do, all of us do, right? What can we do about that? And how do we recognize that we're doing it?

Melanie Sharpe: Yeah. That's a really good point. I'm glad you brought that up. It's that self-talk, if you're not aware of it, it can take you down because sometimes it comes just part of your internal dialogue every day. And to be aware of it is the huge first change. And, just like you were reflecting on, you know, the 19 to 40, that's a lot of little kids maybe. But now, we have teenagers and how can we lessen, maybe, the stress we put on ourselves. And maybe at this age, you kind of relax a little bit.

But getting back to depression at that age, What is to look for maybe in yourself is a change in your sleeping patterns. If you're sleeping too much, not enough, if you're finding yourself being unmotivated. You know, I say, if someone says, "Hey, I'm taking a Disney World." And you literally are like, "I could care less." There's nothing that excites you. You are finding that low energy, irritability especially when you're really busy. You're going to notice you might have a little bit more road rage or snap at people when you normally wouldn't. And so those things are definitely what to look out for. And then, go get help or talk to somebody who understands you or is empathetic.

Heather Ross: Right. And I think another thing to look out for in regards to the depression is withdrawal, social isolation and the loss of interest in the things that we once loved. You might see folks doing that, and that's why it's so important, for everyone to really understand mental health, because we can pick up on our neighbors and our friends who, you know, we may have not heard from for a while, may have not seen for a while, we noticed their behavior changing. Maybe it's a loved one that is isolating. And I think it's important to reach out because some folks just will not reach out. And it really takes that helping hand or someone to recognize that, to get them maybe into treatment or get them to talking to a counselor and kind of helping them through that rough patch.

Melanie Sharpe: And I also wanted to add too that I think this is something that's kind of looked over as well. We're still in the stage where we're getting older, this stage goes to 65. And some people will assume, "Well, I'm getting older. This is how I'm supposed to feel." I think that is something that people believe sometimes that, "Oh, this is just kind of how it's going to be," or, you know, loved ones will say, "Well, they're just slowing down." You know, we have to be much more mindful of as people age what is a normal aging process and then what is something that is depression symptoms or anxiety.

Melanie Cole: What great points you both made. And now into the area where you both specialize and me as an exercise physiologist, I've always been working with people in the over 65 crowd myself. So as we get into that age, we obsess a little bit more about our health because, you know, you wake up, things hurt. As you said, you start to slow down a little. Maybe you've got to have mammograms now and colonoscopies now and you see a doctor every year, when in your 20s, maybe you skipped a few years. As we're trying to retire and enjoy things, Heather, tell us a little bit about some of the challenges, the stress, the mental health challenges that you have spotted. What are they worried about at that point?

Heather Ross: Well, people at this stage of life are often reflecting back on the events of their life and kind of taking stock and reflecting on the life that they'd lived, but they may also have disappointments and regrets. And that's where we kind of see people coming into treatment with depression. Maybe they're in despair. Those who look back on a life that they feel it was well lived will feel satisfied. But those that look back with regret, they're going to be fearful and they're going to feel that they were unaccomplished and not done the things that they should have.

And so with our population of geriatric folks, we see a lot of people isolating, a lack of emotional and social supports. We see a strong inability to cope with change, financial stress, they're on a fixed income. There is a lot of conflict with adult children and just extended family. And so we get these folks through help with primary care physicians and some adult children just at a crossroads of not knowing what to do with their elderly parents. And this is a place where they come into counseling and feel safe and reflect on, although they may have regrets, how can we move past that? How can we process that? And to get a general feeling of satisfaction in the life stage that they're in now and kind of have some, we refer to it as integrity in this stage of life, and kind of feel that they do have that satisfaction and wisdom to move on where their life will take them from here.

Melanie Sharpe: Yeah. And to add to that, one big selling point of getting people into treatment here that are elderly is you're going to be around people that are your age and they're going through some similar, not exactly, but similar things. And so then it normalizes these feelings and it lessens, it makes that available. "It's not just me. I'm not the only one going through these troubles," and so that's really important for change when they are struggling with this.

Melanie Cole: So before we wrap up, I want to give you each a chance for a final thought. And Melanie, I'd like to start with you. Please give these older folks, the folks in this age range, some either resources in the community and what you recommend as far as eating well, maintaining those relationships, giving something back, gratitude, activity. What kinds of things do you recommend that can help them to maintain independence, but also reduce some of that fear, those stressors? What do you recommend?

Melanie Sharpe: We are in a rural area and there can be restrictions with social outlets that they can attend to. You know, I do believe that there are senior centers, they will get a part of that, have some food. Now that things are opening back up, what can they do there? Volunteer here at the hospital. Find some meaning and find a purpose. I think a lot of people at this age lose maybe their identity through their job. And so they have to find new purpose and maybe that purpose can be in helping others, which in turn will improve self-esteem. So I think that's important.

And again, getting out, getting socialized, putting yourself out there. And you have time now. Spend more time with your family. Think about this stage as not just an ending, but it's a new opportunity for maybe things you miss, such as like a grandpa or a dad, obviously that works all the time. Now that he's a grandpa, he can play on the floor with the kids. Like it's a time that they can get back. And so I think that's why being a grandfather and a grandparent in general is so wonderful.

But aside from that, you know, I guess nutrition was the other piece. You know, look for resources here. We have a nutritionist, we have diabetes education, and there's so much resources online for sure. But look to your community for what, you know, free or affordable options are to learn more about how to feel better in this stage is as long as you can.

Melanie Cole: Well, I love that you mentioned affordable options because that is a fear for people in that age group living on a fixed income, for sure. So Heather, wrap it up for us with your best advice for these mental health stages of life and what you want listeners to know as we go through kind of all of them about ways to look inward, ways to reflect on ourselves, meditate, keep active, whatever it is you want us to do so that we can move to each of these stages without always looking back, but looking forward.

Heather Ross: I think it's very important as you process through these stages of life to be mindful. And as I said before, living in the here and now, not working on too much on the future, not too much in the past, not focusing on regrets, but focusing on the here and now and how you can find joy in each day and joy in each stage of life.

As Melanie had mentioned before, we have ups and downs, we're not going to be happy every day, but we always encourage our patients to identify something that brought joy to them today, even if it's something small and to enjoy the little things. And as we do go through the more difficult times in life, to feel supported and reach out. And it can be as simple as a phone call. Our primary care physician can sometimes lead them in the right direction and getting them in touch with a counselor or someone to talk to, because talk therapy is so effective, group counseling is so effective and it just goes hand in hand with medication. And we always say it's 50% talk therapy and 50% medication, but those two items combined can really have a huge impact on improving our mental health. And, you know, I'm so happy that the stigma of mental health is beginning to be lessened and it's more acceptable to talk about our problems and even more acceptable to just accept help.

Melanie Cole: Well, certainly in that age group, they didn't grow up talking about mental health and their worries and their stressors but you ladies have given them the green light really to do this. So for more information on Evergreen Center Senior's Counseling Service, you can always visit our website at mhtlc.org or you can call (217) 357-6516. I'd like to thank you both so much. What a great episode this was, what a great show this was. So much information. So families, I hope you got as much out of it as I did. That concludes this episode of Say Yes To Good Health with Memorial Hospital. We'd like to thank our audience, our guests, and tell you all to stay well. I'm Melanie Cole. Thanks for listening.