Transcription:
Self-Care

Melanie Cole (Host):    So, many of us feel stressed from time to time, but how do you know if the stress that you're feeling is really taking a toll on your psychological or your physiological self? Welcome to Say Yes To Good Health with Memorial Hospital. I'm Melanie Cole. And I invite you to join us as we talk about self care, because boy, it's more important now than it has ever been, and the stress that we've all been under could really be taking a toll on our overall health.

Joining me is Mary Jane Clark. She's West Central Illinois, aHEC Director and DIP ACLM Certified Lifestyle Medicine Nurse. Mary Jane, it's a pleasure to have you join us today. I just said in my intro about all the self care or about stress and things that we've been really dealing with this last year. But even before that, tell us a little bit about the stress that we've been under and as a lifestyle medicine nurse, what have you seen that people are doing to themselves because of stress?

Mary Jane Clark, MS, RN, CHES, CHWC ( Guest): thanks for having me here. I'm excited to be talking about this. And like you said, in light of, COVID and changes in our life, we definitely have found out that self care is more important now than ever. Stress takes a toll on our body, and we want to find ways to help us recharge and gain that sense of balance as we're juggling lots of priorities. Things have changed, within our family structure, within the sense of normalcy. And so, as we're starting to get back to that, we want to make sure that people understand that what self care is. And then what are some steps and things that we can do to help us achieve those in all the different dimensions of wellness. And so part of that is that self care is anything that can help us rebuild or sustain our emotional, physical, mental, social, or spiritual balance.

Host: It's an interesting field of study right now, Mary Jane. And I've been doing a lot of shows on self care, but along with self care, and we're going to talk about what that means and what's involved in that and you know, I'm an exercise physiologist. So, this is something that I've been doing for so many years. But along with that, comes mindfulness, meditation, all of these things. Can you explain a little bit for the listeners before we get into actually the nuts and bolts of self care, really, the how to's, can you tell us a little bit about mindfulness, meditation, how these things are really coming around. mean we didn't use to think about them, but now they are something that we realize helps us to center, breathe, take our time. Tell us a little bit about those.

Mary Jane: Like you said, in our society we're key multitaskers. The last generation has grown up multitasking. And so helping people take a step back and really be present in the moment, is quite rejuvenating for those individuals who are chronic multitaskers. And that wears on us. We can find that being centered and being really present in the moment, if you've seen families out to dinner and everybody's on their smartphone and there's no conversation, you know, those individuals are not mindful and present at that moment. They're not present with each other. And part of self-care is that social network. And so we want to make sure that, you know, as we're thinking about self care, that we understand that, you know, meditating and deep breathing and being mindful of your situation and your surroundings actually help.

They're good for calming. They help with anxiety and depression. And actually they're seeing more studies that have shown that it reduces our blood pressure. And so how we then participate in it like you said, deep breathing, taking those calming deep breaths, you know, are not just for when women are in childbirth. You know, we can recenter by taking those deep breaths. There are mindful meditations out there that individuals can use so that they can figure out how to be mindful and present. And it's not about you know, I think that's what we think of sometimes when we think of meditating.

Host: That's, people have always thought of that, which is why they sometimes thought meditation was corny.

Mary Jane: Yes, exactly. And so we want people to understand that it's not about you know, doing those types of things, although that can be part of it. And in some cultures and religion, it is, it's not a religious affiliated thing. It's just being present with where you're at, being present with your surroundings, you know, listening with your ears and engaging all of your senses in what's going on in that present moment. Because if we're always distracted, we're not getting the benefits of that moment.

Host: Interesting. It's true. We do multitask so much that we're not living in the moment. And people have their phones in front of them. I mean, I tell people, Mary Jane, when they have little kids, I always say, take videos and pictures. You know, living in the moment is great, but you don't always remember those moments and life goes by so fast, take your videos and pictures.

Cause you're, you know, don't blink. It goes by so fast, but along the lines of self-care when we're thinking of living in the moment, being mindful, looking inside, paying attention in a bit of a different way, start with our day, what can we do during our day to practice that self-care kind of throughout the day, instead of just necessarily doing something, whatever, start with the morning and kind of walk us through a day where we can incorporate these things and being kinder to ourselves. And you can always include that negative self-talk, which we, women are brilliant at.

Mary Jane: Oh, absolutely. Actually studies have shown that laughing decreases pain. So, finding joy in moments throughout your day can be important. Using positive emotions, and just like you said, that self-talk it decreases our stress hormones when we have positive emotions and we have that positive talk. So, reframing those things as part of that, and then building emotional strength and emotional self care. And whether that's journaling, finding a coach or a friend or a partner or somebody that you can relate to, or a mentor, to help you move through things and have some additional support. For some people it's creating art, you know.

And so how we do that. We know it's important because it helps us perform in our best. We want to make sure that we have decreased stress levels, decreased hormones, that cortisol in our body is that stress hormone. And so if we're constantly, between cortisol and epinephrine, we're in that fight or flight mode, we're constantly at a stage of stress.

And so some stress is good, like when you're competing, it's called use stress. In the overall scheme of things, we don't want to live in that chronic level of stress. And so part of that is that whole self care piece where we're putting on our oxygen mask before we take care of others. And I'm guilty of this as a mom of putting everybody else's needs before my own.

Host: We all that. We all do it. It's just our nature.

Mary Jane: Very well, very much so, and then being a nurse on top of that, that adds to that, and that I want to take care of other people, but we really need to take time to reflect and figure out how we can take care of ourselves within our emotional self care, which I talked about journaling your feelings, maybe it's physical self-care, and that doesn't have to be just in being physically active, but, you know, in drinking plenty of water and having a healthy diet and sleep, which we're going to talk about in another episode, which I'm super excited about, how important sleep is and how it impacts our life.

Getting a massage or having a regularly scheduled thing that makes you feel good. Some people enjoy bubble bath. Some people enjoy dancing. And some of that is based on how we recharge and recharging can be based on whether we're an extrovert or an introvert. If we like and get recharged by being around people, then we might want to schedule a social outing with our friends because that's how we're going to recharge. We may want to go out and be part of something. Where your introverted people, we want to sit at home and read. Or have a bubble bath or just have some quiet time because that's how we recharge. So, one it's important for you to know how you recharge your batteries. And two, you have to know what kind of things you could do within that.

And for some people, like I said, it's being out and about in that social setting and having a sense of purpose and being okay with setting boundaries, even extroverts sometimes have to set boundaries and saying no, that it's okay to say no. As we talk about spiritual self-care being connected to something greater than ourselves, whether it's a religious or spiritual or community-based, giving back creates a sense of self care too.

Host: I'm glad brought up gratitude, giving back.

Mary Jane: Yeah, giving back, being thankful, thankful, grateful heart is a healthy heart. And so we want to make sure that we enjoy those little things in the moments. And just as much as us taking care of our physical self, taking care of that emotional and spiritual self is important.

Host: Well, I agree with you and I, and also I think one of the overlooked aspects of that gratitude thing, we're all so involved and there's so much. Oh speed. You know, if our internet's too slow, if our, this is that, we get so frustrated so easily these days, Mary Jane and I find it with myself and I can tell the listeners when you're talking about gratitude, when I feel like a spoiled brat or my kids, I think they're acting like spoiled brats, if they're not appreciating something or whining about something that either we have no control over or something so small, that it really is not something that we need to raise our heart rates about and stress out and get upset. And then I remember my blessings and I say, my God, I'm so lucky. Knock on wood. I do all my little, you know, to tweat twear things and it helps. It really, truly does work. Counting your blessings really works. If you stop all the noise and the frustration of the little things right.

Now, tell us a little bit before we wrap up for the break, just about self care, as far as exercise, things that we can do that make our bodies feel better.

Mary Jane: Well, there's lots of things that we can do, whether we're doing yoga, whether we're doing straight, in just doing stretching in general, whether we're doing the weightlifting, it does help with stress levels. And so being physically active, whether you're going to the gym or you're just taking a walk, walking your pet, maybe you have a dog. And like I said, walking has great benefits for people who can't maybe do more. And so it still has great benefits, just moving, do things that you enjoy to move, and start small.

Maybe you've never tackled that. So, part of that is I'm going to do this today and maybe in a week, I'll add more to it and that's okay. But self care in a practical sense, can be as simple as organizing or catching up on your emails, arranging your living space to make you feel like there's been a change and that it's fresh and new, setting out your work clothes in advance and really thinking about, you know, your week and planning.

Some people are big planners. I said, spending time with a pet or an animal or doing something like that you enjoy. And it could be as simple as meal prepping. We don't, some people would think that would be stressful, but when we have a plan, it does help. And so think about areas of your life, where you could develop a plan and that, that will help in some instances. Like I said, some people that's not part of their personality. And so that may be more stressful for them. And if it is, that's okay. Find something else that you can do for self care for you.

Host: What a great message we're giving out in this show today. So, Mary Jane, we've been talking about self-care things we can do. You talked about exercise a little bit and we're going to get into even some what we put into our bodies and how that helps us, but speak to us for a minute about resilience, because I find that being able to weather the storm as it were, and I don't know if you're like me, but I watch this show called Call the Midwife. And one of their quotes is, "love is the constant and it can help you weather any storm." And, and I just think of that all the time. Tell us about resilience and how self care can help us to weather these storms.

Mary Jane: Well, part of that is just our capacity to recover quickly. I mean, that's what resilience is. It's developing that emotional coping, you know, whether it's crisis or precrisis that we're dealing with. And so having positive coping strategies in your world is definitely part of building resilience. You know, like you said, when you don't sweat the small stuff, thinking through is this something that I can change? Is this something I have control over? And if not, what can I do for myself? And so to get either get through it, or develop those positive coping strategies, maybe when you're stressed out, you're going for a run.

Maybe you're reading a book or trying a new hobby. Maybe that's your outlet. So, really finding those positive coping mechanisms that help you release that stress is helpful in building that resilience.

Host: Release, that's important because we definitely need to, and we need to build resilience in our kids too, because they've been suffering through COVID and all of these things themselves. I mean, I have a senior in high school, who's well, now she's going to be a freshman in college, but her senior year was really a bizarre senior year, wasn't it, sports and graduation and classes online. It was a bizarre year. So, we want to teach our kids the same. So, now tell us about managing our stress, because self care cannot work unless, and we can use gratitude. You gave us a lot of great tips, Mary Jane, but, it's none of it's going to work unless we kind of get that stress level down.

So, I'd like you to speak to us about things that we may be abusing, alcohol, whatever I know during COVID, that happened a lot. And just ways that we can reduce our stress so that we can practice that self-care because they go together right? You can't have one without them.

Mary Jane: Well, and it just depends on your background. And like you said, this has been the craziest year for people and what you mentioned, like, you know, using alcohol or illicit drugs or anything like that as part of maladaptive coping strategies and as what we call it in the healthcare world. And so that's just negative ways that we try to manage stress. And so, as we're building resilience in our kids, if they're worried about something, you know, do we have them journal? Do we have them do things that help them feel better about an anxious situation? Do we talk about it? Are we spending that time, having those conversations? Because for some kids, that's what they need.

And again, it's about knowing how they recharge and what is positive for them. Whether they're an extrovert or an introvert. An introvert may need to go spend some time alone, you know, reading a book or something like that. Whereas somebody who is an extrovert may want to go hang out with somebody, you know. And that was tough during COVID for those extroverts. The introverts loved it because they didn't have to be out around anybody. So, now the stress is just the opposite. The extroverts can't wait to get out and be and mingle with their friends and family. And the introverts are -

Host: And I'm telling people I'm still quarantining so that I don't have to

Mary Jane: Right. Exactly. And then the introverts are going, do I have to go back and socialize with people?

Host: Do I have to go social world. I think I'd be socially awkward now at this point.

Mary Jane: Exactly. Exactly. So, that brings up different stresses and different anxieties. So part of, like you said, with kids, part of it is knowing what their personalities are and finding out what works for them and part of good coping strategies and stress relief and dealing with anxiety is exercising or we think caffeine, we need more caffeine, but caffeine can actually be counterproductive for us. And so sometimes we may need to even reduce our caffeine intake because that could be something else, you know, journaling. All of us can benefit from writing down five things that we're thankful for each day. And that's something I do with my coaching clients, sometimes is that, you know, find five things. What five things are you grateful for each day, and that helps change that stress and anxiety. Again, being able to look at a situation and go, okay, what can I control? What can I change? What can I let go? My dad's favorite saying was we won't know it a hundred years from now, anyway. And so is it a big deal?

Is it something I need to get worked up over and helping our kids think through those things is really important. You know, should I be upset about this and, and helping them process. That's huge for kiddos as they're doing that. As adults, you know, we may not have had good role models in this, but find somebody who's really good at it. That's another way to kind of figure out, or talk to a friend who's really good at helping you think through something, you know, relaxing all your muscles is another good way, you know, practicing relaxation techniques. Again, we talked about deep breathing. We talked about slowing down. It's okay not to be running at Mach speed. And I think COVID really helped us take a step back and not be moving at Mach speed all the time. And so that's okay. And then taking a break, you know, maybe you need to set regular schedules for lunch. Maybe you don't normally get a lunch. And so maybe there's things that you can do around that.

So again, it just depends on your situation. What's going to work for you. you can, you know, take a break or, you know, make some time for your yourself to unwind and whatever that might look like, making time for hobbies. That was one of the things that I really enjoyed throughout COVID was I had time to do some things that I needed to do or wanted to do that I didn't have time to do before. And so, again, that helps our sense of joy and peace if we're doing things that make us happy and things that we are then able to have a passion about. Sometimes, it's finding your passion.

Host: Well, it's true. You got to find your passion. And you're right Mary Jane, with this COVID time, it did give people a lot of time to reflect on jobs they had that maybe they hated, or the way that we work now, which is so different. I mean, we really found out, especially the healthcare systems found new ways to be creative and innovative with Telemedicine. And we found out that we don't all have to go into an office, or in my case, a studio so that we don't all have to do it. A lot of this stuff can be done. So we learned different ways of doing things, which is what we're really talking about today for ourselves. Self-care, different ways of looking at things, different ways of, of telling our minds that we need to care for ourselves. As you say, we can't put our masks on until we've put on the masks of our loved ones. And we can't care for our loved ones till we've cared for ourselves. Right?

Mary Jane: Absolutely.

Host: One of the things I mentioned in our earlier segment was self-talk. We women are terrible to ourselves. We say things to ourselves that we would never tolerate someone saying to us.

Mary Jane: Or that we would never say to a friend.

Host: We would never say to a friend. But we would look in the mirror and say, my God, you're so fat. Look at those thighs aggh, God, what's going on with the arms. We say the most awful things to ourselves. You're a lifestyle medicine nurse, tell us before we're going to wrap up here, because I think such an important aspect of self-care is to, you know, we've talked about gratitude, we've talked about mindfulness, all of these things, but I think an important aspect is to love ourselves or at least accept ourselves. How can we stop being so mean to ourselves?

Mary Jane: Well, part of it is just recognizing it. When you're trying to change those behaviors of how we talk to ourselves, one, you have to recognize that you're doing it. There's people that do it and don't even realize that they're doing it. And then, it's finding ways to change that conversation. Like you said, we say things that we would never, ever say, or tolerate for somebody else to say to them, but we say it to ourselves.

And so changing that conversation, one, takes awareness, knowing that you're doing it when you're doing it, is it when you're stressed that you do it more? Are you a perfectionist and every time you mess up, you have a conversation with yourself about how inadequate you are. All of those things. All those conversations that we have, we need to reframe them. So, when we are - when we're talking to ourselves in our head, you know, and maybe even out loud sometimes, you know, whether you're looking at yourself in the mirror or you're comparing yourself with someone else, we need to remember that we need to pause, figure out what the real issue is. If there is a real issue there and then figure out how to reframe that in a positive way.

And some of it goes back to that gratitude piece. Thank you that I have legs that move. Thank you that I'm out of bed today. You know, and having that gratitude for our own bodies helps. And there's a whole thing we could do on body image and what that looks like and what that means. But self-care is the start of that, you know, taking some time to do those things that bring you joy, scheduling them into your day.

If you are a scheduled person, you know, not waiting till the last minute and procrastinating, because that creates lots of stress for everybody involved. And so, just thinking of ways that you yourself, that fit into your lifestyle, how you can arrange your time and your day to incorporate some of these things that we've talked about, whether it is physical self care, you talked about you know, the things that we put in our bodies, whether it's alcohol, whether it is junk food, take note of how you feel when you put those things in your body.

Most of us have lack of energy. It may feel good for a moment. Maybe we're a binge eater and we're enjoying whatever it is and we eat too much and then we feel miserable. And then so really being self-aware is part of that, so that you can make changes to move forward.

Host: What great advice. It's so important that we all hear what Mary Jane was saying. You're such a great guest and yes, you are going to be coming back on. We have many things to discuss with you. We'll talk about sleep hygiene coming up with you. So, that's really exciting. I'm looking forward to that show and listeners, I hope that you are too. Thank you so much for being with us, Mary Jane. That concludes this episode of Say Yes To Good Health with Memorial Hospital. For more health tips, you can always visit our website at mhtlc.org. Or you can call us to get connected with one of our providers. We'd like to thank our audience and invite you to download subscribe, rate, and review these things, these podcasts, and these shows on Apple podcasts, Spotify and Google podcast, really anywhere that podcasts are played.

So, thank you so much again for listening. I'm Melanie Cole and stay well.