Maggie McKay (Host): Welcome to Wellness in Reach, a Mount Carmel podcast. I'm your host, Maggie McKay. If you've ever tried to lose weight, you know how difficult it can be. Joining us is Rachel Rush, a patient at Mount Carmel Health System to share what her journey to losing weight was like with the bariatric surgery process.

Thank you so much for being here today, Rachel.

Rachael Rush: Thank you so much, Maggie, for having me. It's an honor to be on the podcast.

Host: I'm looking forward to hearing your story. My cousin did this same surgery years ago, like 20 years ago, so I'm interested to hear how different it is two decades later. So what was the turning point in your life when you decided to pursue weight loss surgery?

Rachael Rush: Well, I think one thing to note is that it wasn't one big turning point. It was a combination of multiple things that were happening every day. The fear of sitting on a chair and fearing it would break, the fear of taking the stairs when the elevator's broken. And the biggest thing was, my brother, who's two years younger than me, finding out he and his wife are pregnant and I didn't know if I'd be able to keep up with this child and I wanted to be a part of that life. I really, ultimately, biggest turning point was, was I don't want to live life not living my life. I want to be an active participant. And so with a little bit of grit and some tears, I swallowed my pride and I asked for help, and it was the best decision I've ever made.

Host: Good for you because for just being aware that it's not taking over your life, but getting there to that point, just being aware, I think, is a big block for a lot of people. They can't even realize how much it affects their life. So can you describe the emotional journey you went through before, during, and after the surgery?

Rachael Rush: The emotional journey, I think is the hardest part. The surgery is hard because it, you are going in, they're doing a laproscopic surgery. So your surgeon is using basically a machine to make it looks like a perforated piece of paper across my stomach now, because I think I have six incisions and they're going in and using cutting edge technology, but there's this emotional fear that's always kind of tethered to you like Peter Pan's shadow of what if this fails too? And so there's a lot of emotional strain, the leading up to, the during and the after. What if I fail again? I think a lot of people, and I'll speak specifically from my point of view, this isn't our first time trying to lose weight, change our weight.

There's a lot of yo-yoing happening, and so there's this imminent fear of, well, what if I fail again? What if the weight comes back? I think something that was very encouraging throughout the whole journey was the huge support system that Mount Carmel's Bariatric Center offered the whole way.

It was very transparent. There's a huge community of people who are leading up to surgery, considering surgery and years past surgery in maintenance that we're all kind of battling our own personal demons, but we relate to each other because we've all gone under the knife and now we're seeing what our body feels like, and that's very emotional.

The other thing is that I see it as an addiction, which is very emotional too. But unlike alcohol or a substance, you have to eat to survive. We have to drink water. We have to eat. We have to sleep. So when your addiction, and I think food is very emotional, what do we do when we celebrate? We eat. We get together and eat.

What do we do when we're mourning a loss? We eat. So, I think the emotional journey might be the hardest one, but I would recommend it to anyone who asks me, would you do it again? I would, without hesitation say, it's worth it every single time.

Host: Well, that's good to hear. And also the fact that Mount Carmel supports you after your surgery because that's gotta be a whole nother journey. What are the biggest changes you've experienced since your surgery?

Rachael Rush: I found my confidence. I think for the first time ever. I am smaller than my lightest weight in high school. My class ring is too big and I was always the fat girl and I feel healthy. We have this tendency, I have this tendency to think it's all about the scale. It's about the number, it's about the pants size or dress size, and it really isn't.

It's something we call in the community a non-scale victory. I can sit with my legs crossed. Like, I'm one of the pretty girls I can sit with my legs crossed. I can go up and down stairs and not emotionally be worried about it because I would be going into a building or I'd know, oh my gosh, there's two flights of stairs I have to take.

So there's this vicious cycle in my head. Now I take stairs, it's no big deal. I ran, I run on a treadmill on purpose. On purpose, and those are things that you take for granted or don't even realize. I've never slept so well in my life. The quality of life is what really is the turning point because when you're so heavy, I remember, and this I think is a turning point, going back to the first question, I didn't realize how I felt stuck in a fat suit. And that's not to shame anyone who is heavy or in a bigger body, but to feel free is, I think the biggest takeaway for me.

Host: So true. How did your support system play a role in your weight loss journey Rachel?

Rachael Rush: Well I'll tell you, I knew for sure there were certain people in my life that were, you go get 'em. You go do that thing. And then I had people in my life reveal to me that it was very difficult for them to support me.

 And I think that's part of the emotional journey is realizing I'm gonna reference mean girls. You have to suck the poison out. It's like a snake bite. So you might encounter people that see you succeed with the weight coming off and think, well, you're cheating. That's cheating. And it's not. It's a tool. And like any tool, if it's used properly, it can make your work so much easier. If it's used in a improper way, it can damage you.

So I had a great support system in my partner. I had a great support system, in my brother and sister-in-law and now my nephew who's four, he's so excited for me. My parents, but coworkers, other women who are, I think as women, and this is from my specific point of view, we have a lot of opinions about weight and the women closest to you, maybe even men; it's almost like this invisibility cloak is shed. Being fat is like a hiding camouflage mechanism. So when people see you for the first time, it's almost like they treat you differently. So the support system you have is very important because there are going to be days that you're like, this was a mistake.

Why did I add more work? But at in the end, it is, you have to be your strongest support system. You kind of become a Phoenix, you burn through it, and you get this new skin that's stronger. But the support system within the bariatric community, the team, the nurses, the nutritionist, my surgeon, they have been incredible.

And in the times that I feel so alone going to that community and talking through, oh, my food is always cold because I can't eat it fast enough. Or I can't believe I have this many leftovers and I have to throw them out because I can't eat them fast enough. That is really the best support system you can have, is someone who understands that journey.

Host: And what are some misconceptions about weight loss surgery that you'd like to address?

Rachael Rush: Oh, there's so many, but let's go with the biggest one. It is a cop out, it's a cheat and it certainly is not. I remember waking up from my surgery and the nurse woke me up very gently and she's like, you did it. You did it. You made it. It went okay. And I'm like, pain thirsty. And I remember looking at my body for the first time and they have like the glue on you and the bandages, and I'm like, what did I do?

Fast forward to a month later, three months later, six months later; best decision I've ever made, but people see it as a cheat. And the thing is, is it's not, it's a tool. You are asking for help in a way that there's so many health related reasons why just eating healthier, drinking your water and exercise just doesn't work for everyone.

I've heard from different bariatric brothers and sisters in the community that I've exercised so hard. I've starved myself. I've drank so much water, and still the weight doesn't come off. I gain weight or it doesn't work. So this is a tool that enables all of that effort you're pouring into your own vessel, your body to start to work, and I think that's the biggest misconception.

It's also, you get through the surgery, you still have to put in the work. There's no, okay, that was easy. I pushed the button. It doesn't work like that. It's where the journey just begins is the waking up from surgery.

Host: You still have to work out and eat right? Correct. After.

Rachael Rush: Yes. So basically for me, I had gastric bypass, so they gave me a smaller stomach. Imagine a weekender bag. That's a big bag. You're packing for a trip. I now have a coin purse, so my stomach got much smaller. And because your stomach is smaller, you now have nutritional deficiencies. So I have to take a vitamin every day because eating high protein food and greens isn't enough.

I have to think about what I'm eating. Your tolerance for eating in the way you ate before doesn't work anymore. So as a past emotional eater and continued emotional eater, thinking you're going to eat that whole bucket of chicken, for example, that doesn't work anymore. You have two bites, you're full, but then you're hungry again later.

You learn how to work with the body you have, but with new hardware, a new stomach, you have to drink water. But I will tell you, once you kind of crack the code and figure out how to fuel this new stomach, it's like, you are the most pure version of yourself. You're clean. You are feeling energized for really the first time in your life.

The support system through Mount Carmel, a lot of it is tethered and centered and grounded, in education. The week before your surgery, you have your surgery date, you go in and you do a full class. That's almost a whole day breaking down every step of what to expect, what's going to happen, but what is coming on the other side and how you take care of this new stomach that you have.

Host: Rachel, you addressed this a little bit, but what would you say your self-perception and confidence is like now since the surgery? How has it changed? What's the biggest way?

Rachael Rush: I went from being socially, a doormat to just saying, yes, I will do that, even at my cost of my own wellbeing and happiness; to someone who now is it's okay to put my needs first. Granted, I am still very much, I'm going to help my sister, my friend, my colleague, but nope, I can't sit all day. I can't be a couch potato.

I need to go walk. My body yearns for it. It yearns for exercise. My body yearns for nourishment. The confidence is very big. It may not be the case for everyone. I still very much have body dysmorphia. I'm like, this can't possibly be my pants. These aren't my shoes, these aren't my underwear. Like who shrunk my stuff?

But I see myself in videos or I, oh, I fit. I don't have to ask for the seatbelt extender on the airplane. I have room, I can take up space, but in a way that isn't, I'm so sorry I'm so fat. I'm in the way. You know, it's oh, I'm here now. And I think the biggest piece is that kind of leading into the misconception.

It is something I'm very passionate about. So if someone is confused or isn't that kind of gross, or why did you cheat yourself? Don't just go to the gym, get a gym membership. I have no problem very kindly saying, education is the best olive branch you can offer to someone, because it's about reaching them on a human level.

We all live in a human body. We all have to eat, we all have to sleep and drink water, hopefully. So the confidence is big. Some people, it takes time. For me, it was like, and I'm here.

Host: That's awesome. I'm so happy for you, Rachel. That's really a huge milestone, I would think. In closing, what would you say to someone who is considering weight loss surgery?

Rachael Rush: I think the biggest thing to consider is you have to want it most. I have met other people in the bariatric community that they were guided down the path of bariatric surgery, whether it be the sleeve or the full bypass because they have to lose the weight to get to the next surgery, or there's some sort of quality of life issue, and this might be for older patients.

I had my surgery at 33, so I'm a bit younger, but you have to want it the most. Because it is a big emotional, it's a lifestyle change. Let's just put it that way. You are now thinking about food in a way that isn't, I am craving food. I'm a slave to food. Now it's, no, I'm telling you what to do and I'm assigning you your job, and you have to put yourself first.

And I think that that is one of the hardest tasks for people. I will see people get their surgery date and be like, I don't know if I want it. And you have to want it the most. That's the key is if you're considering it, you need to be doing it for you, not anyone else.

Host: I love that. Put yourself first and weight loss surgery or not, that's a hard thing for a lot of people to do in life in general, so that's good advice. Thank you so much, Rachel, for sharing your story and being so candid. I'm sure you're going to help a lot of people who are on the fence about getting this surgery and congratulations.

Rachael Rush: Thank you. Can I share how much I've lost today?

Host: Yes. I didn't know if that was appropriate to ask, but I wanted to

Rachael Rush: I, I think that's very sweet. It's hard to go up to someone like. Are you having a baby? Are you losing weight? You know, so it's 156 pounds as of today, and I think of that as another part of me, another part of Rachel. She was great, but she can go be somewhere else. I will love her forever, but now there's more room for me.

Host: That's amazing. Wow. Wow. That is such an achievement. Congratulations

Rachael Rush: Thank you so much.

Host: Visit MountCarmelHealth.com/bariatrics for more information on weight loss options and a pre-screening application. If you found this podcast helpful, please share it on your social channels and check out our entire podcast library for topics of interest to you. I'm Maggie McKay. Thanks for listening to Wellness in Reach, a Mount Carmel podcast.