Gina Kaye (Host): Welcome to Health Dose, a podcast series from MyMichigan Health. I'm Gina Kaye, and with me is Lexi Schafer, behavioral health therapist with MyMichigan Health, as we talk about back-to-school anxiety, what it looks like, how to tell when it's more than just first-day nerves, and what families can do to support kids throughout the transition. Welcome, Lexi. It's great to have you.

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: Thank you. Happy to be here.

Host: So, this is obviously a very timely topic as we prepare to say goodbye to summer and hello to fall, also known as kids-are-back-to-school season. Let's dive into our questions. What do we mean by back-to-school anxiety in kids, and how is it different from normal first-day jitters that most children feel?

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: I think the most important thing is that some nervousness about going back to school is going to be completely normal. The child might have butterflies in their stomach, trouble sleeping the night before, or even say they don't want to go. But that's not necessarily a sign that something's wrong. The difference is really in the intensity, the duration, and the impact of the anxiety. Those normal first-day jitters are usually connected to the fact that something is new or uncertain. They're nervous, but they want some assurance, reassurance, and support that they're generally able to move forward.

With the more significant anxiety, the worry can become overwhelming or start to interfere with their everyday life. You might see them worrying about school weeks before, frequent stomach aches, headaches, not sleeping, the changes in eating, crying, refusing to go to school, or even becoming extremely distressed upon that separation.

One thing that's important is that anxiety doesn't always look like fear. Sometimes it looks like anger, irritability, arguing, shutting down, or saying that they just don't care. The biggest distinction is that jitters say, "I'm nervous about something new," and anxiety says, "I don't know if I can handle what I'm afraid is going to happen."

Host: Great. So, what are some common signs, maybe physical, emotional, and even behavioral, that a child's back-to-school stress might be serious enough to worry about?

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: Yeah. So, physically, children might start complaining of stomach aches, headaches, nausea, fatigue, maybe some difficulty with sleeping or changes in their appetite. Of course, we don't want parents to assume that every stomach ache comes anxiety. There can be medical reasons behind it. But if these symptoms are repeatedly showing up around school and seem to disappear when the child doesn't have to go, that's worth paying attention to.

Emotionally, you might see excessive worry, crying, irritability, fear, a lot of reassurance-seeking, or a child who seems super overwhelmed by the thought of going back. Behaviorally, you might see school refusal, difficulty separating from the parent, avoiding school-related activities, withdrawing from their friends, or changes in their academic performance.

I'd pay attention to changes from the child's normal behavior. At the end of the day, parents know their kids. So if your child is normally social and suddenly doesn't want to leave the house, or your normally easygoing kid is having meltdowns, that's information to pay attention to.

The other thing I'd emphasize is that we're not looking for one isolated symptom. We're paying attention to a pattern. How often is it happening? How intense is it? How long has this been going on? Is it interfering with school, sleep, friendships, or their family life?

Host: Those are really heavy items that you just listed out. So, what are some practical things families can start doing maybe a few weeks before school even starts to help prevent or reduce the back-to-school anxiety?

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: One of the best things parents can do is take uncertainty out of the equation as much as possible for their kids. A few weeks before school starts, maybe start gradually moving into the back-to-school routine, adjust their bedtime and wake up, get back to regular meal schedules, start practicing the morning routine.

You can talk through what the first day is going to look like. Where are they going to go? Who's going to drop them off? What happens if they can't find their classroom? For younger kids especially, you can actually just practice. Have a day or a couple days where you walk through the morning routine, visit the school if that's possible, look at the classroom, practice getting ready to get on the bus. These little things can make an unfamiliar experience feel a little bit more predictable.

I'd also encourage parents to listen instead of immediately trying to fix the worry. If a child says, "I'm scared nobody will like me," we might instinctively say, "Of course, they'll like you. Don't worry." That's good intention, right? We want to be there for our kids. But sometimes it can be more helpful to say, "That sounds really scary. What are you most worried about happening?" That gives us information. And then, we can help develop a plan.

Finally, I'd say try not to communicate your own anxiety. Kids are really good at picking up on our emotions. We can acknowledge that school can feel hard while also communicating that confidence. "It's okay to be nervous, and I believe you can handle this. We're going to help you."

Host: So when do you think a parent or caregiver should consider talking to maybe their pediatrician, school counselor, or mental health professional about their child's back-to-school anxiety?

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: I would say don't wait until the child is in crisis. If that anxiety is persistent, getting worse, or interfering with their ability to attend school, sleep, eat, socialize, all of those normal activities, that's a good reason to reach out. Pay attention to the functional impairment. In other words, is the anxiety getting in the way of my child doing the things they normally need or want to do?

I also think parents should trust their instincts. If you know your child well and you're thinking, "This doesn't feel normal, this doesn't feel like normal nervousness anymore," that's worth a conversation. The school can be a great resource. Teachers, counselors, social workers, other trusted professionals in the school can identify what's happening during the school day that parents aren't seeing. Pediatrician can help rule out if there's any physical causes for symptoms like headaches or stomach aches. And if anxiety is significantly affecting their functioning, a mental health professional can help the child develop those coping skills and work through the underlying concerns.

Most importantly, asking for help doesn't mean that you've failed as a parent. Anxiety is something children experience, realistically we all experience, and getting support early on can make it a lot easier to manage.

Host: All right. If a listener remembers only three key takeaways about helping kids with back-to-school anxiety, what would you want those to be?

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: I'd say number one, don't dismiss the feeling, but don't let fear run the show either. We don't want to teach children that they have to avoid everything that makes them nervous. Instead, we can keep the conversation open, acknowledge what they're feeling, and reassure them that we're there to help.

Second, I'd focus on preparation and connection. We can prepare kids for what's coming without overwhelming them with every possible thing that could go wrong. Create those predictable routines, practice things that feel uncertain, and identify those people they can go to for help.

And number three, I'd say don't be afraid to ask for help. If anxiety is interfering with school, sleep, friendships, eating, or family life, you don't have to wait until things become a crisis. Talk to the school, your pediatrician, or reach out to a mental health professional.

Host: I would imagine that anxiety from the children causes anxiety with the parents. So as we wrap up, are there any parting words of wisdom you'd like to leave our listeners on this topic?

Lexi Schafer, L.M.S.W: I would say our goal isn't to make sure our children never feel anxious. That's impossible. Our goal is to teach them that they can feel anxious and they can still be safe, supported, and capable of moving forward. To me, that's one of the most important lessons we can give our kids, not just for the first day of school, but for life in general.

Host: Wonderful. Lexi, thank you very much for sharing your knowledge and your time. Thank you for listening to MyMichigan Health's Health Dose Podcast. If you found this information helpful, please share it on your own social media channels. Thanks for listening.