Katharine Button, MD (Host): Hello and welcome to For Peds Sake, the podcast where we bring expert insights, heartfelt patient stories, and practical tips to parents and caregivers. I'm your host, Dr. Karie Button, and today we are diving into a personal and relatable topic; Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Parent. Becoming a parent is one of life's greatest adventures, but it comes with surprises that no one can truly prepare you for.

 Joining me to share her unique perspective is Dr. Melanie Suaris, a Pediatrician here at Nicklaus Children's, who sees patients at our primary care pediatric locations in Cutler Bay and at Nicklaus Children's at Galloway.

Dr. Suaris, welcome back to the show.

Melanie Suaris, MD: Thank you, Dr. Button. I'm so excited to be talking about this really important topic, especially as a pediatrician and also importantly as a mom.

Host: Perfect. Well, let's get right into it then. Dr. Suaris, what brought on the idea for this topic?

Melanie Suaris, MD: I'll be really truthful. I was thinking about this topic actually at a dinner with some girlfriends where the topic just kind of naturally came up. All of us were moms at the table and we were just naturally, as moms away from their kids naturally do, we start talking about our own children. So this topic actually came up.

So that's kind of in the spirit of where it all came from. I was just thinking to myself that there's just so much information out there, and even myself, I'm very fortunate, I had medical training, I'm a pediatrician, but once I had my first baby, I was woefully underprepared for what to expect when becoming a parent.

There's just so many books and blogs and social media, so much pressure out there to just be the perfect parent. So, as a pediatrician, as a mom of two, I'm hoping that some of these personal insights can help out some expecting parents out there.

Host: That's fantastic. I love the inspiration for the topic. It's perfect. So let's kind of dive right in. What are some of the points that you'd like to share with our listeners?

Melanie Suaris, MD: Sure. So one of the first things I do want to talk about is what a baby actually needs. The baby market out there in lack for a better word is quite predatory. I think that there is, as we mentioned before, between social media, between blog posts, parents are almost bullied into thinking that they need so many things for their babies when it comes to like a diaper wipe warmer or a crib that costs thousands of dollars. There's just so much out there.

But as a pediatrician, the only thing that we need to make sure that your babies have, is that they could get changed. So something for your diapers. That they have somewhere to sleep and that we have all the fundamentals for feeding ready to go at home. Everything else is honestly just bonus, it just makes your nursery look super cute, but definitely not needed.

So what I mean by these things is, you know, you have your diapers, your wipes. If you want to use cloth diapers, you get educated on that. There's a bunch of different things when it comes to diapering the baby. We want to make sure that they have a safe space to sleep. We always recommend, especially per the AAP, they say at least the first 6 or 12 months of life, for you to be room sharing, but not bed sharing, right?

We want them to be in a bassinet next to you, and that's also just super easy when it comes to those early or slash late night feedings. And then, of course, then a crib to transition them to once they start rolling and those types of developmental leaps. And then finally, something that just helps with the feeding, whether or not you're breastfeeding, if you've got a breastfeeding pillow, a pump, if you're going to formula feed, bottles, XYZ. Your pediatrician definitely can walk you through those things.

But in summary, just diapering, some place to sleep, and just to feed safely. That's all that really matters. And also a car seat, I suppose, so that you could go back and forth between the pediatrician, right? In addition to that, everything else is just kind of extra. Something that I wish I definitely knew about becoming a parent was what I needed to do before actually delivering.

And one of those things I did for my second one, but not necessarily for my first, was meal prepping, because, you know, in my head for the first time around, I'm like, Oh, I'm going to be home. The baby is sleeping. I'm definitely going to have time to make these wonderful, beautiful home cooked meals, for my husband, for my toddler, X, Y, Z.

But no, that's definitely just not the case, um, from a realistic standpoint. Even if you're listening as someone who's not an expectant parent or even someone who's just maybe thinking of getting pregnant or has a friend that's pregnant, that's probably one of the biggest gifts you could give someone is the gift of food, the gift of giving them some meal prepped foods.

And, if you are expecting just to have a couple meals in the freezer, that's super important. The next thing I do want, just really briefly, I want to touch upon is kind of the postpartum recovery period. Despite going to medical school, being a pediatrician, I did not really expect what was going to happen to me postpartum when it comes to the changes my body was going to make, all the hormones, the bleeding and all of that.

So I think definitely just being prepared with soothing pads, especially if you're going to be doing a vag, if you're expecting a vaginal delivery, high underwear so that it covers up your C-section scar. Whenever I see new parents in the office before they give birth, I say, why don't you make two different Amazon lists and you just click go to cart the moment you give birth, whether or not you have a list if you did a vaginal delivery. You have a list if you do a C-section and you just have your husband in charge and whatever ends up happening, you click, go deliver next day. Easy. That way you have all your postpartum materials ready afterwards.

The other thing that I think I was expecting it, but not quite to the degree was more so when I had my second child and that's the mom guilt. When you have your first kid, you and your partner, or anyone else who's taking care, you know, that kid is spoiled. That kid is just the center of your universe and everything you do is just for that child. And then suddenly you're pregnant and you're expecting a second child and you're like, how can I divide my heart into two now so that I could give that equal amount of attention to both babies, and I'm here to say that you don't divide your heart, your heart literally multiplies.

Because I remember thinking to myself, how am I possibly going to love something as much as I do my firstborn? But love finds a way, your heart just grows. A thing that really helped with that transition going into baby number two, is by preparing, my son was about two, two and a half, when my second baby was being born.

And, you know, when the baby was born, I would ask simple things, you know, go get me the diaper, help me with the wipes, make sure that we're incorporating him into the routine of the new baby. And it just made the transition super seamless.

And then lastly, something that I wish I definitely did with my first one was just the power of asking for help. I was the type of parent that I said, I am going to be the best mom possible. And in order to be the best mom possible, that means I need to do everything by myself. And I think that probably a lot of women can probably identify with that statement, but that's just not the case.

And I think that it ended up affecting my mental health ultimately, even with my first one. And it wasn't until I started leaning into my husband, into my in-laws, into my family, into my friends, when I started actually, accepting help is when things just got so much easier. When I was having breastfeeding issues, I was so hesitant to even go see a lactation consultant because I felt that I'm the mom, I should be on the lily pad.

This should be such a beautiful experience. But it wasn't at least, for me. So after I started reaching out for help is when things just got so much easier. If you have the benefit of having a village around you, definitely use it.

Host: This is such great advice and so honest and so humanizing, Dr. Suaris. We really appreciate this. I especially love the messages about thinking about what the babies really need, truly need, versus what's just extra and nice to have. I love the notion of the heart multiplying. It's such a beautiful way to put it and then asking for help.

It's just such great advice. I think lots of parents, especially first time parents, often feel that they have to do it all on their own. What would you say to someone who struggles with accepting help? And you talked a little bit about it, but what would you say to those parents? 

Melanie Suaris, MD: Just like kind of piggybacking off of what I was saying earlier. But this is all a team effort. There is no I in team, even though yes, it feels like I was the one who gave birth. I'm putting in all this work, but you need time to heal. You need time to just kind of get it all together. And it just makes you human to be able to ask for help. I feel like sometimes we feel like we're the exception. If I see a friend in need, if I see a friend that's postpartum, I'm going to hope that they accept my help.

But then suddenly, somehow for me, I won't ask for the help. It's definitely a double standard that many of us kind of hold for ourselves. But the people around you want to help you and accepting their help just allows you just to be well rested and just be the best version for your baby.

Host: This is such a great perspective. Thank you for that. Let's talk a little bit about managing expectations. So parenthood and having newborns often look so different from what we imagine, what we read about, or even what we think it should look like. How did you navigate that and how can you help parents navigate that? 

Melanie Suaris, MD: I say that when you're becoming a new parent, I feel that there's a certain image of parents, of moms, of dads, that's definitely portrayed out there, particularly for my generation of parents who's giving birth right now, we're all over social media. So we see these perfect scenarios, the perfect nursery, as kind of we mentioned before, just all these products that we think we need in order to be the most efficient parent. But ultimately, the only things you need is stay flexible. There is no schedule. There's just routine and just to be compassionate with yourself. Things don't always go as planned. And for me, being type A personality, that was something that was definitely difficult for me to adjust to. I wish both of my babies had manuals that there was some sort of beautiful flow chart that I could just follow to know exactly what was going on.

But unfortunately, that's not the case. And, we said before, every child is just so different. You focus on your small victories, let go of being that perfect parent. It just doesn't exist. Reflect a little bit on your own parents, reflect on how you were raised and what are the things you want to keep, what are the things you want to change and what kind of parent do you want to be for your baby?

And I think that's a great conversation to have with your village or whoever's going to help you raise that child.

Host: I love that. Such a beautiful reminder. And every newborn is different and I would say each of them is perfect in their own way. So thank you for that. Before we wrap up today, what's one piece of advice that you would like to leave our listeners with? 

Melanie Suaris, MD: The biggest things, as probably something that many older people will say who've also had their time with children and sounds very cliche, but it's true. You just have to enjoy every little moment that you have with your children, because it's only such a short period of time that they just view you as your whole world.

There's going to be a day and sometimes it's hard for me to even think about it now because I still have two kids that, at least I hope, view me as their whole world. They rely on me so much, but one day they're going to be teenagers. One day they're going to have those attitudes and I'm just going to miss these days where all they wanted to do was cuddle and that I was able to provide them with that comfort and that kind of just love and, when it comes to just their first smiles. The first time they laugh, those are the things that you're going to really going to think about 10, 15 years from now.

And this actually just kind of happened to me just last night. My 10 month old was, is kind of going through a sleep regression. That's for another, another topic for another day. But it was three o'clock in the morning. She was just kind of in my arms and we were just rocking and I was just thinking to myself, man, like if I could just freeze time.

Granted, I wish it wasn't three o'clock in the morning between you and me. But still such a beautiful moment that I know I'll remember always.

Host: Dr. Suaris, you speak from the heart and we so appreciate your thoughts, your advice. So thank you, thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom with us today.

Melanie Suaris, MD: Thank you so much for having me.

Host: And thank you to our listeners for tuning into For Peds Sake. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe or leave a review and share it with others. And join us next time for more parenting tips and insights. And remember, at Nicklaus Children's, your child matters most.

Until next time, take care and enjoy the journey of parenthood. Bye for now.