Selected Podcast
Healing from Trauma with Writing
In this episode, we hear from Denise Bossarte, poet, photographer and author. She will discuss her experience, her creative process, and how writing helped her and others in the process of healing.
Featuring:
Denise Bossarte, PhD in developmental neuroscience
Denise Bossarte is an award-winning poet, writer, photographer, and artist. Denise is a certified meditation facilitator and contemplative arts teacher. She is an information technology (IT). Denise holds a BA in chemistry, an MS in computer science, and a PhD in developmental neuroscience. And she is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Transcription:
Angela: A content warning for our listeners: general discussions of sexual violence, including impacts of trauma and healing modalities will be discussed. If you need support or resources, please visit survivors.org
Angela Rose (Host): Well, hello, everyone and welcome to another episode of survivors.org podcast, helping you thrive after trauma. This episode is sponsored by Color Street and Color Street is a creative beauty brand with limitless possibilities. And I'm your host, Angela Rose. I am so excited to have an amazing writer, photographer, poet, Denise Bossarte, who wrote a book all about overcoming sexual abuse. And we're going to hear about what helped her heal and even how writing was able to help her process and help others in the process of doing so. So Denise, thank you so much for being here. Welcome.
Denise: Thank you, Angela. I really appreciate an opportunity to come and chat with you about healing.
Angela Rose (Host): Wonderful. So, was there a moment for you, Denise, that you decided to write a book? Had it been something that you'd been thinking about for a while? Can you walk us through your journey of the book writing, the process of that?
Denise: Sure. Part of my healing journey was, as you mentioned, writing. Initially, it started with writing little beach poems on the beach when we were living in Florida. And I would go to the beach and, in the morning, write the beach poems. And at night, I would write about the experience of my abuse, just as a way to kind of let all that out in a safe space, on a piece of paper. And my husband was very encouraging, saying, "You should share that. It could make a difference." I'm like, "Who's going to want to read a bunch of poems and how am I going to get that published and out there?" And so it kind of stayed down a little bit.
I'm like many survivors of trauma. My traumatic experience, my abuse, I can't really line up with the experiences I had in my regular life because of the way your brain works to protect you that was kind of dissociated even mentally. And so I didn't have like a memoir that I could walk you through. And so I just said, you know, I don't have anything to really offer.
And then, when the Larry Nassar case broke and all of these women were coming forward and these girls, and it was so heart-wrenching to see and to hear about, and I thought, "Wait a minute, I've done a lot of work to help me. Maybe I could write something, write a book, to share with people about what I went through to inspire them and give them ideas of how they could help themselves." So that's really what drove me. And once I started, even though it was incredibly difficult, I had that vision in mind that it would be something that could help other survivors.
Angela Rose (Host): That's beautiful. And you've certainly done that. I know it's an award-winning book and thank you so much for shattering the silence. And so for you, when you were writing this, was it triggering? Was there moments where you had to do some self-care? Because there might be other survivors listening that want to pen their own experience and help other people, but maybe you can give some self-care tips on what you were able to do to keep yourself grounded through the writing experience.
Denise: Right. I think that it's a wonderful thing for survivors to write about their experience in any way they can, even if the intentions not to share with other people. It's very helpful to work through that in your own writing. So I do encourage that for other survivors and that's one of the things I mentioned in my book. But it was incredibly hard to do. It was incredibly triggering, as you suggested.
I had written a fiction book that's sort of a fictionalized version of my abuse. And because it was fiction, I sat down, I had a schedule, I kept to the schedule, you know, chapter by chapter. And with this, I tried to do that and I couldn't get anywhere, I got writer's block. I was just so afraid to do it, and what would people think and is this really going to be helpful? And finally, I just said, "You know what? Just write whatever chapter you can." So I started with the easy chapters and worked my way through all the different things I had done to heal. And those came pretty easy. I actually the introduction last, because that was my story. And it took me a long time to be able to get to that point I could put it on paper. And it may be each of those chapters, I could only write a page a week or something. I just gave myself permission to take my own time and to work through it with that vision and that it's important, it's going to help. And so eventually, over a couple years, it came together. But it was very challenging to do.
Angela Rose (Host): Well, I follow you on Twitter and I see that you do talk a lot about how the body does keep the score. We know that book. You know, I think there's just been a lot of research to show that mind-body connection. So I would love to speak to you a little bit about that today. What's been your experience? What have you learned through this book writing process about that mind-body connection after trauma?
Denise: Right. So one of the things I like to do in my book was share all the different activities and experiences that I brought together for myself. Not with a plan in mind at first, but over time, I discovered things like yoga and meditation and other things I could do that would help. And yoga was one of those body activities that was really important for me. And I found that kind of first in my healing journey. And it was totally about how do I reconnect with my body. My body was my enemy from my experience as a child. I'd dissociated from it, I treated it like a machine. And so, yoga was the first step for me to really start feeling safe in my body, to explore what it was to be positive about my body, to learn to like my body, love my body, treat it well.
And it also was important for processing. There's so many things that we store in our bodies emotionally from the trauma that you need to be able to find a way to release that. And for me, it was yoga. Now at first, it was a little challenging because some of the poses were very scary. Because the positions you were in, I felt very vulnerable. But I was able to work with my yoga teacher and work through that. And eventually, everything opened up that I could actually feel comfortable doing all kinds of poses and it's part of my regular practice. Every morning, pretty much, I try to get in a little bit of yoga to sustain that work I've done to and keep me going in a healthy way, keep me healthy.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. And we share that passion for yoga. I know my day is completely different when I make that time for myself in the morning just to do that. And for anybody listening on survivors.org, we have this incredible trauma-sensitive yoga instructor who's done a lot of different classes. They're all free at survivors.org if anybody wants to try. For me, it was very healing as well, Denise, so that's wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. And for you on your healing journey, was there other ways of processing? I know you used poetry, photography. Can you speak to a little bit of the way that you were able to use the creative, expressive arts to heal yourself?
Denise: It was really critical for me because my abuse started when I was very young, elementary school. And so I really got disconnected from that natural creativity we all have, and that we express so freely when we're young. So that got stolen away from me. And I just started taking some classes about art. I started doing a practice called contemplative photography, which is really about the process of opening up to your world and seeing more clearly, without worrying about the end result. And it was through those processes that I would slow down and I could just play. You know, tapping into being able to play and not worry about perfectionism, which I had a problem with that and just saying, "Okay, let me just explore and see what brings me joy?" You know, that's really what it was about. What brings me joy? What brings me happiness? What do I enjoy doing? And it's a way to get out of your analytical mind and be in that creative space where you have a place to feel safe to be creative and explore and enjoy. And a lot of times, beautiful things come out of that you can share with other people. So it's an incredibly powerful way to really heal in those deep places that might have been injured when we were put through what we were put through.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that, just reconnecting to play and to the innocence. And one thing you mentioned a couple times is this notion of dissociation, which a lot of survivors experience during the abuse and even after. So for some listeners or maybe even some loved ones of survivors that don't really understand, can we dig a little bit deeper on this notion of dissociation? What did that feel like? How did that manifest itself? And I would love to chat with you a little bit about that if we could.
Denise: So for my experience, what happened was I was very small and it was overwhelming when the abuse was happening. So it's something that your mind does for you naturally to protect you from the experience. So for me, it was out of my body and just blanked out the experience. I didn't actually feel what was happening to me physically. But unfortunately, your brain, especially when you're young, learns things very quickly. And so my brain learned to do that all the time. You know, that was the natural pattern. And so I never was fully in my body, what it was feeling, how I was emotionally feeling, all of that was just like there was a huge distance between what was really happening to me in my daily life and where I would want to actually respond to that and understand that I was here. All I had was the mental and, you know, putting myself in my studies, but everything else was pushed aside, because it was too overwhelming to deal with. And it's just a way to separate out. And it's almost split yourself in two. So there's the person who's showing up in the world. And then there's a person who, unfortunately, is not able to feel the things that you should feel as a normal child, as a normal adult.
And the practices I came up with were to try to reintegrate, so there wasn't a separation, to be fully myself, fully embodied in my body through yoga and meditation, fully emotionally aware and able to deal with things and challenges as they came and be balanced emotionally, and then mentally sharp that I could be okay to remember things and have those experiences. So it's really, you know, the 360 person that we're talking about that we want to have fully aware and alive and present because that's what we're here for, right? We want to live a full life full of joy and positive experiences. We're human beings. It comes and goes, ups and downs. And we want to be able to just live through that without being triggered, without having to dissociate, without having to use these coping mechanisms that maybe were important and necessary and helpful at one point in time. But now, we can put those aside and become fully ourselves.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. And I think that notion of those healthy coping mechanisms bringing forth these, the yoga, the meditation, everything just really helps to bring us into that present moment. Because for all of us that have been through trauma, oftentimes that is, you know, a way a survivor described it to me in terms of dissociation was like physically you're here, but mentally and emotionally, you are completely somewhere else. And so, you know, like you said, that was a body's defense when we've gone through the trauma, but it doesn't serve us now. And so I love that you've been able to take a lot of these different types of practices to really regain that feeling of control over your body, safety in your body. So congratulations.
I also wanted to touch on something that you mentioned earlier. You said that you were married and you had a healthy relationship. You mentioned, you know, your husband really supported you through this process. And so for a lot of survivors, learning how to love and be loved after trauma can be very difficult. So I would love any advice that you have for other survivors on kind of attracting a healthy partnership.
Denise: I think part of it is all the work you're going to do for yourself. For me, I had some bumpy relationships before I met my husband and I had started really trying to make a change for myself. He came at a time when I was doing my healing work and starting to see change. Now, we came at a rough point and we managed to work through it together. But I think for survivors, unfortunately, a lot of work has to happen on yourself first because you're going to attract like to like. And that's just the rule of the world. And so if you can work on yourself and get to a point where you like yourself, even hopefully love yourself, you're going to have that energy and that's going to come with you when you're relating to people, meeting people. And so you're going to find someone who can appreciate the person you are.
Now, it may be like me and, fortunately, the universe sends on a person that's there to help support you through what you're going through. But I would say, just be really cautious and careful about committing to any kind of deep relationship, because you are someone who has been vulnerable and suffered before. You just want to be a little more cautious and thoughtful about who you're going to give your energy to and your time and yourself to. So work on yourself, really choose wisely and thoughtfully, and then work with that, build your trust with them. I write my book when and how to share your experience with that partner. So that's something that you can plan for and be very careful about. And then, just always building that open communication and that trust and that sharing so that you have that foundation that no matter what comes up in your experience out of your past that sometimes will show up, there is that communication and openness that you'll get the support from that partner.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. Thank you for sharing that, Denise. I also would love to see from you, like what was the biggest lesson that you learned? I know you have a lot of research, a lot of different examples of different books that have been written in our movement. So was there a couple of aha moments? Maybe you can share a couple of nuggets of things that you really learned in terms of takeaways through your writing process. What were some aha moments for you?
Denise: I think some of them came just through my own personal experience of what I was trying to do, like the yoga to realize, "Oh my gosh, my body isn't my enemy. It's something that's a part of me that I can enjoy and relish and be happy to have, and that I can be central, that I can have those types of loving relationships, that I'm allowed to do that. I can have those and I'm worthy of those," that was the flip, right? It's not just I can, but I'm worthy of those and getting past that. And working through the shame, that's the key thing I think to really having the healing journey progress, is working through shame and there's some wonderful books. Beverly Engel has a wonderful book on shame that I read. It's just mind-blowing about how to work through that, because that's one of the things that holds us back from so much in our lives, is the fear and the getting through that and realizing it's not your fault, it was never your fault and you can find a way to put that aside and move forward without the shame, which is totally empowering for people if they can get to that point.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. I think that's so important. I have always said if I had a magic wand, if there was one thing that I could do in the world, it's remove the shame. Because I think that really limits our God-given potential, like you said, for being joyful and happy. And that notion of self-worth is something I think so many of us survivors have dealt with at some point in our journey. So anyway, thank you for sharing that. And so my last question for you is what advice do you have for other survivors just in general to embark on a healing journey, possibly pen their own experience, or what could you offer as advice for other survivors that might not be where you are today?
Denise: I would say that trust yourself, that you're strong enough to start or continue the journey that you're on. You got through everything that happened to you. Like I said, maybe there were some coping mechanisms you had to bring into play that you want to release now. But think back, you made it through, you were strong enough to get to where you are today. You're strong enough to start a journey and continue. And for me, it's explore, find what makes sense. Read books, get therapy, go to groups, do things that bring you joy like yoga, meditation, art, whatever it is, find that, and spend time cultivating that, nurturing that because that's going to nurture you and provide you self-care, but it's your healing journey.
Get ideas from other people there's no right or wrong way to do it, but find what works for you because that's what's going to keep you on the path to healing and moving from victim to survivor to thriver.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. Thank you so much, Denise. Thank you for sharing your journey and your time with us today and helping us to always remember that our body is ours, it's safe and we deserve a happy, joyful life after trauma. Thank you so much for being with us today. And where can they find your book?
Denise: So the book is on Amazon if you want it an ebook, paperback, hardback version. I actually did the audio book recording myself, so you can hear me reading my book. So any of those flavors. And it's on Apple and iTunes, it's on Google. It's pretty much everywhere. So you just have to look for my book. Is it okay if I share the cover?
Angela Rose (Host): Of course, please do.
Denise: Okay. So this is what you're going to look for, Thriving After Sexual Abuse, Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love. And I not only talk about the things I did, but I have questions for the readers so that you can go through and you can start exploring things through the questions. And it's not just for survivors, it's for families, partners of survivors, friends survivors, mental health professionals. It's just a resource to get you started and trying to find a way that you can tap into that joy and live the life you love.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that, Denise. Thank you so much for your time today. And you've been such a ray of light. I appreciate you so much. Thank you, all of you, for joining us today. Remember to love yourself, respect each other, and together we can change the world. And thank you to our sponsor for today, Color Street, and have a beautiful day.
Join us again for another episode of survivors.org podcast, helping you thrive after trauma. Thanks.
Angela: For all survivors and their loved ones tuning in, please remember that you are not alone and it's not your fault. If you need support or resources, please visit us at survivors.org.
Angela: A content warning for our listeners: general discussions of sexual violence, including impacts of trauma and healing modalities will be discussed. If you need support or resources, please visit survivors.org
Angela Rose (Host): Well, hello, everyone and welcome to another episode of survivors.org podcast, helping you thrive after trauma. This episode is sponsored by Color Street and Color Street is a creative beauty brand with limitless possibilities. And I'm your host, Angela Rose. I am so excited to have an amazing writer, photographer, poet, Denise Bossarte, who wrote a book all about overcoming sexual abuse. And we're going to hear about what helped her heal and even how writing was able to help her process and help others in the process of doing so. So Denise, thank you so much for being here. Welcome.
Denise: Thank you, Angela. I really appreciate an opportunity to come and chat with you about healing.
Angela Rose (Host): Wonderful. So, was there a moment for you, Denise, that you decided to write a book? Had it been something that you'd been thinking about for a while? Can you walk us through your journey of the book writing, the process of that?
Denise: Sure. Part of my healing journey was, as you mentioned, writing. Initially, it started with writing little beach poems on the beach when we were living in Florida. And I would go to the beach and, in the morning, write the beach poems. And at night, I would write about the experience of my abuse, just as a way to kind of let all that out in a safe space, on a piece of paper. And my husband was very encouraging, saying, "You should share that. It could make a difference." I'm like, "Who's going to want to read a bunch of poems and how am I going to get that published and out there?" And so it kind of stayed down a little bit.
I'm like many survivors of trauma. My traumatic experience, my abuse, I can't really line up with the experiences I had in my regular life because of the way your brain works to protect you that was kind of dissociated even mentally. And so I didn't have like a memoir that I could walk you through. And so I just said, you know, I don't have anything to really offer.
And then, when the Larry Nassar case broke and all of these women were coming forward and these girls, and it was so heart-wrenching to see and to hear about, and I thought, "Wait a minute, I've done a lot of work to help me. Maybe I could write something, write a book, to share with people about what I went through to inspire them and give them ideas of how they could help themselves." So that's really what drove me. And once I started, even though it was incredibly difficult, I had that vision in mind that it would be something that could help other survivors.
Angela Rose (Host): That's beautiful. And you've certainly done that. I know it's an award-winning book and thank you so much for shattering the silence. And so for you, when you were writing this, was it triggering? Was there moments where you had to do some self-care? Because there might be other survivors listening that want to pen their own experience and help other people, but maybe you can give some self-care tips on what you were able to do to keep yourself grounded through the writing experience.
Denise: Right. I think that it's a wonderful thing for survivors to write about their experience in any way they can, even if the intentions not to share with other people. It's very helpful to work through that in your own writing. So I do encourage that for other survivors and that's one of the things I mentioned in my book. But it was incredibly hard to do. It was incredibly triggering, as you suggested.
I had written a fiction book that's sort of a fictionalized version of my abuse. And because it was fiction, I sat down, I had a schedule, I kept to the schedule, you know, chapter by chapter. And with this, I tried to do that and I couldn't get anywhere, I got writer's block. I was just so afraid to do it, and what would people think and is this really going to be helpful? And finally, I just said, "You know what? Just write whatever chapter you can." So I started with the easy chapters and worked my way through all the different things I had done to heal. And those came pretty easy. I actually the introduction last, because that was my story. And it took me a long time to be able to get to that point I could put it on paper. And it may be each of those chapters, I could only write a page a week or something. I just gave myself permission to take my own time and to work through it with that vision and that it's important, it's going to help. And so eventually, over a couple years, it came together. But it was very challenging to do.
Angela Rose (Host): Well, I follow you on Twitter and I see that you do talk a lot about how the body does keep the score. We know that book. You know, I think there's just been a lot of research to show that mind-body connection. So I would love to speak to you a little bit about that today. What's been your experience? What have you learned through this book writing process about that mind-body connection after trauma?
Denise: Right. So one of the things I like to do in my book was share all the different activities and experiences that I brought together for myself. Not with a plan in mind at first, but over time, I discovered things like yoga and meditation and other things I could do that would help. And yoga was one of those body activities that was really important for me. And I found that kind of first in my healing journey. And it was totally about how do I reconnect with my body. My body was my enemy from my experience as a child. I'd dissociated from it, I treated it like a machine. And so, yoga was the first step for me to really start feeling safe in my body, to explore what it was to be positive about my body, to learn to like my body, love my body, treat it well.
And it also was important for processing. There's so many things that we store in our bodies emotionally from the trauma that you need to be able to find a way to release that. And for me, it was yoga. Now at first, it was a little challenging because some of the poses were very scary. Because the positions you were in, I felt very vulnerable. But I was able to work with my yoga teacher and work through that. And eventually, everything opened up that I could actually feel comfortable doing all kinds of poses and it's part of my regular practice. Every morning, pretty much, I try to get in a little bit of yoga to sustain that work I've done to and keep me going in a healthy way, keep me healthy.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. And we share that passion for yoga. I know my day is completely different when I make that time for myself in the morning just to do that. And for anybody listening on survivors.org, we have this incredible trauma-sensitive yoga instructor who's done a lot of different classes. They're all free at survivors.org if anybody wants to try. For me, it was very healing as well, Denise, so that's wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. And for you on your healing journey, was there other ways of processing? I know you used poetry, photography. Can you speak to a little bit of the way that you were able to use the creative, expressive arts to heal yourself?
Denise: It was really critical for me because my abuse started when I was very young, elementary school. And so I really got disconnected from that natural creativity we all have, and that we express so freely when we're young. So that got stolen away from me. And I just started taking some classes about art. I started doing a practice called contemplative photography, which is really about the process of opening up to your world and seeing more clearly, without worrying about the end result. And it was through those processes that I would slow down and I could just play. You know, tapping into being able to play and not worry about perfectionism, which I had a problem with that and just saying, "Okay, let me just explore and see what brings me joy?" You know, that's really what it was about. What brings me joy? What brings me happiness? What do I enjoy doing? And it's a way to get out of your analytical mind and be in that creative space where you have a place to feel safe to be creative and explore and enjoy. And a lot of times, beautiful things come out of that you can share with other people. So it's an incredibly powerful way to really heal in those deep places that might have been injured when we were put through what we were put through.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that, just reconnecting to play and to the innocence. And one thing you mentioned a couple times is this notion of dissociation, which a lot of survivors experience during the abuse and even after. So for some listeners or maybe even some loved ones of survivors that don't really understand, can we dig a little bit deeper on this notion of dissociation? What did that feel like? How did that manifest itself? And I would love to chat with you a little bit about that if we could.
Denise: So for my experience, what happened was I was very small and it was overwhelming when the abuse was happening. So it's something that your mind does for you naturally to protect you from the experience. So for me, it was out of my body and just blanked out the experience. I didn't actually feel what was happening to me physically. But unfortunately, your brain, especially when you're young, learns things very quickly. And so my brain learned to do that all the time. You know, that was the natural pattern. And so I never was fully in my body, what it was feeling, how I was emotionally feeling, all of that was just like there was a huge distance between what was really happening to me in my daily life and where I would want to actually respond to that and understand that I was here. All I had was the mental and, you know, putting myself in my studies, but everything else was pushed aside, because it was too overwhelming to deal with. And it's just a way to separate out. And it's almost split yourself in two. So there's the person who's showing up in the world. And then there's a person who, unfortunately, is not able to feel the things that you should feel as a normal child, as a normal adult.
And the practices I came up with were to try to reintegrate, so there wasn't a separation, to be fully myself, fully embodied in my body through yoga and meditation, fully emotionally aware and able to deal with things and challenges as they came and be balanced emotionally, and then mentally sharp that I could be okay to remember things and have those experiences. So it's really, you know, the 360 person that we're talking about that we want to have fully aware and alive and present because that's what we're here for, right? We want to live a full life full of joy and positive experiences. We're human beings. It comes and goes, ups and downs. And we want to be able to just live through that without being triggered, without having to dissociate, without having to use these coping mechanisms that maybe were important and necessary and helpful at one point in time. But now, we can put those aside and become fully ourselves.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. And I think that notion of those healthy coping mechanisms bringing forth these, the yoga, the meditation, everything just really helps to bring us into that present moment. Because for all of us that have been through trauma, oftentimes that is, you know, a way a survivor described it to me in terms of dissociation was like physically you're here, but mentally and emotionally, you are completely somewhere else. And so, you know, like you said, that was a body's defense when we've gone through the trauma, but it doesn't serve us now. And so I love that you've been able to take a lot of these different types of practices to really regain that feeling of control over your body, safety in your body. So congratulations.
I also wanted to touch on something that you mentioned earlier. You said that you were married and you had a healthy relationship. You mentioned, you know, your husband really supported you through this process. And so for a lot of survivors, learning how to love and be loved after trauma can be very difficult. So I would love any advice that you have for other survivors on kind of attracting a healthy partnership.
Denise: I think part of it is all the work you're going to do for yourself. For me, I had some bumpy relationships before I met my husband and I had started really trying to make a change for myself. He came at a time when I was doing my healing work and starting to see change. Now, we came at a rough point and we managed to work through it together. But I think for survivors, unfortunately, a lot of work has to happen on yourself first because you're going to attract like to like. And that's just the rule of the world. And so if you can work on yourself and get to a point where you like yourself, even hopefully love yourself, you're going to have that energy and that's going to come with you when you're relating to people, meeting people. And so you're going to find someone who can appreciate the person you are.
Now, it may be like me and, fortunately, the universe sends on a person that's there to help support you through what you're going through. But I would say, just be really cautious and careful about committing to any kind of deep relationship, because you are someone who has been vulnerable and suffered before. You just want to be a little more cautious and thoughtful about who you're going to give your energy to and your time and yourself to. So work on yourself, really choose wisely and thoughtfully, and then work with that, build your trust with them. I write my book when and how to share your experience with that partner. So that's something that you can plan for and be very careful about. And then, just always building that open communication and that trust and that sharing so that you have that foundation that no matter what comes up in your experience out of your past that sometimes will show up, there is that communication and openness that you'll get the support from that partner.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. Thank you for sharing that, Denise. I also would love to see from you, like what was the biggest lesson that you learned? I know you have a lot of research, a lot of different examples of different books that have been written in our movement. So was there a couple of aha moments? Maybe you can share a couple of nuggets of things that you really learned in terms of takeaways through your writing process. What were some aha moments for you?
Denise: I think some of them came just through my own personal experience of what I was trying to do, like the yoga to realize, "Oh my gosh, my body isn't my enemy. It's something that's a part of me that I can enjoy and relish and be happy to have, and that I can be central, that I can have those types of loving relationships, that I'm allowed to do that. I can have those and I'm worthy of those," that was the flip, right? It's not just I can, but I'm worthy of those and getting past that. And working through the shame, that's the key thing I think to really having the healing journey progress, is working through shame and there's some wonderful books. Beverly Engel has a wonderful book on shame that I read. It's just mind-blowing about how to work through that, because that's one of the things that holds us back from so much in our lives, is the fear and the getting through that and realizing it's not your fault, it was never your fault and you can find a way to put that aside and move forward without the shame, which is totally empowering for people if they can get to that point.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. I think that's so important. I have always said if I had a magic wand, if there was one thing that I could do in the world, it's remove the shame. Because I think that really limits our God-given potential, like you said, for being joyful and happy. And that notion of self-worth is something I think so many of us survivors have dealt with at some point in our journey. So anyway, thank you for sharing that. And so my last question for you is what advice do you have for other survivors just in general to embark on a healing journey, possibly pen their own experience, or what could you offer as advice for other survivors that might not be where you are today?
Denise: I would say that trust yourself, that you're strong enough to start or continue the journey that you're on. You got through everything that happened to you. Like I said, maybe there were some coping mechanisms you had to bring into play that you want to release now. But think back, you made it through, you were strong enough to get to where you are today. You're strong enough to start a journey and continue. And for me, it's explore, find what makes sense. Read books, get therapy, go to groups, do things that bring you joy like yoga, meditation, art, whatever it is, find that, and spend time cultivating that, nurturing that because that's going to nurture you and provide you self-care, but it's your healing journey.
Get ideas from other people there's no right or wrong way to do it, but find what works for you because that's what's going to keep you on the path to healing and moving from victim to survivor to thriver.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that. Thank you so much, Denise. Thank you for sharing your journey and your time with us today and helping us to always remember that our body is ours, it's safe and we deserve a happy, joyful life after trauma. Thank you so much for being with us today. And where can they find your book?
Denise: So the book is on Amazon if you want it an ebook, paperback, hardback version. I actually did the audio book recording myself, so you can hear me reading my book. So any of those flavors. And it's on Apple and iTunes, it's on Google. It's pretty much everywhere. So you just have to look for my book. Is it okay if I share the cover?
Angela Rose (Host): Of course, please do.
Denise: Okay. So this is what you're going to look for, Thriving After Sexual Abuse, Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love. And I not only talk about the things I did, but I have questions for the readers so that you can go through and you can start exploring things through the questions. And it's not just for survivors, it's for families, partners of survivors, friends survivors, mental health professionals. It's just a resource to get you started and trying to find a way that you can tap into that joy and live the life you love.
Angela Rose (Host): I love that, Denise. Thank you so much for your time today. And you've been such a ray of light. I appreciate you so much. Thank you, all of you, for joining us today. Remember to love yourself, respect each other, and together we can change the world. And thank you to our sponsor for today, Color Street, and have a beautiful day.
Join us again for another episode of survivors.org podcast, helping you thrive after trauma. Thanks.
Angela: For all survivors and their loved ones tuning in, please remember that you are not alone and it's not your fault. If you need support or resources, please visit us at survivors.org.