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Angela: A content warning for our listeners: general discussions of sexual violence, including impacts of trauma and healing modalities will be discussed. If you need support or resources, please visit survivors.org

Angela Rose (Host): Well, hello and welcome to another episode of PAVE's Survivors.org Podcast, helping survivors to thrive after trauma. I'm your host, Angela Rose. And this episode is brought to you by Color Street Nails and Color Street is a creative beauty brand with limitless possibilities. I am so excited about my friend, our guest Allison Kratz who currently is Miss Pennsylvania, United States. She's also an attorney. She's an advocate. She's very passionate and I am so excited to have her here today. Welcome Allison.

Allison Kratz: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here Angela.

Angela Rose (Host): Thank you. So let's talk a little bit about yourself and your journey. Tell me just a little bit about yourself and what you do for fun.

Allison Kratz: Yeah. So as you said, I Miss Pennsylvania United States that comes with a lot of volunteer and community work, which I love so much being involved in my community. Outside of that, I'm a little bit of a grandma. I like crocheting and reading. So not, Over the top hobbies. But just anything that allows me to kind of ground myself and relax on my downtime, art, things like that.

Angela Rose (Host): That is amazing. And now you're gonna be competing in the national stage. So tell us a little bit about that.

Allison Kratz: Yeah. So the United States national pageant system while I'll be competing in Memphis, Tennessee in October, and the system is very platform focused. My platform is from pain to power and it focuses on my journey in healing as a survivor, as well as helping other survivors find healing in their journey.

Angela Rose (Host): That is so powerful. Thank you, Alison. And we are so proud to have you as a PAVE ambassador for so many years. And so tell us, you mentioned a little bit about grounding and I know that has been very helpful for you on your healing journey. So if you can share that with our audience of kind of finding that and how that helped you heal.

Allison Kratz: Yeah. So a lot of what I do grounding wise has been some hobbies that allow me to just be mindful of what I'm doing. So with crocheting, you can kind of get lost in what you're doing. You know the feel of the yarn as silly as that sounds. But some of it has also been techniques, grounding techniques that I've learned, over the years in my healing process.

One of my favorite ones is actually the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. It's great in bringing you back to the moment. If you're having, an anxiety attack or flashback, something like that, it is five things that you can see, four things that you can touch. Three things that you can hear. Two things that you can smell. And one thing that you can taste.

So you identify things in your environment, and it really helps to bring you back into the moment instead of where your mind is headed at the moment.

Angela Rose (Host): That's great. So let's dig a little bit deeper on that. So is it something that you're supposed to physically go in touch and then one thing to physically?

Allison Kratz: Yes , it is. So it really brings your senses in. So for me, if I were to do it right now, I would say, five things that I can see. I can see the computer in front of me. I can see my phone off to the side, a candle, my mug, and a book. And then four things that I can touch. I have, again, my mug here, I have my AirPod case.

I could touch my jacket. I could touch my phone. And then three things that you can hear. So for me, I can hear they're doing construction down the street. There are some cars driving by. And it sounds like there are some birds chirping outside. And then two things that you can smell. I can smell my coffee and I can smell.

I have a candle on my desk. So I would actually pick up the candle and smell the candle. And then finally, one thing that you can taste so I can have the sip of my coffee and it really helps to just ground you back into this moment where you're safe and you're present. And you're okay.

And that's been huge for me in getting over a lot of the anxiety and stress that I felt through my healing process. And even helps me today.

Angela Rose (Host): That's amazing. And I think it's so important for people that might not be survivors that are family members of survivors, that they understand sort of what we as survivors often deal with. And sometimes that's this dissociation or, post-traumatic stress. So can you maybe walk us through a little bit of what you dealt with internally after your trauma and how grounding helped that.

Allison Kratz: Yeah, sure. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. And so that came with flashbacks of the things that I had experienced. And so it almost felt like I was real time back in the experiences that I had, which of course you can imagine is incredibly difficult and brings you back into not a great head space.

And so being able to have somebody with me who knew that that's what was happening, could see the signs of that. For me, I kind of zoned out and my body would move as if I was back in that moment. So having those closest to me, see, oh, this is what's happening now. And being able to kind of get my attention and say, Hey, this is where you are.

You're safe. It's okay. And help me kind of unwind and bring me back into the moment of where I was instead of where I had been years prior.

Angela Rose (Host): Oh, it's so true. It sounds like you had a pretty good support network. Can you talk a little bit about that? How did you find support after?

Allison Kratz: Yeah. So originally I didn't tell anybody for, I want to say about three months afterward, it was a lot of internal processing and. Kind of getting a grasp on what I had been through. And the first person I told was my title IX coordinator at my school. I had gone to her weeks prior, under the guise of my friends had been assaulted and I thought we needed more education around it, as a student body.

And so I had worked with her on creating campaigns for my college campus. And after that campaign, I went to her and said, oh, by the way I wanna make a report. This is what happened to me. After I did that, she connected me with some resources with our school's wellness center. But I had friends who were survivors who knew very intimately what I had gone through.

And so being able to connect with them and help each other when we were going through flashbacks or just general stress around seeing those people on campus, that was huge for me because they understood. And I didn't, have to explain because they already knew. Years later I would explain to friends and family, here's what you can look out for because I had known better myself at that time.

But for a long time, it was really just me and other survivors, helping each other through what we had been through and community was probably the biggest part of my healing.

Angela Rose (Host): I can relate to that on so many levels, just finding people around you that understand you is so profound. And one thing that we've talked about before is we also share like healing through activism and advocacy. And so as you were on your college campuses, creating these campaigns and getting involved, would you say that helped your healing process?

Allison Kratz: I think it did at the time. I've always been somebody. Once I go through something, I want to be someone who stopped other people from going through that. I want to do my part. I want to do what I can. And that worked for about three or four years. I was heavy into the activism. I wanted to talk to everybody about it and be, at the forefront of training other people.

And that it really did pull me out of those initial dark times because I could see the impact that I was making, which was fantastic. However, with that, there's also a side of not necessarily taking care of yourself and your mental needs when you are so active in advocacy, right after what you've experienced, before you've really even had the opportunity to process what happened.

Angela Rose (Host): And did you learn that you needed to take a little step back and put your own mental health first? And what did that look like for you?

Allison Kratz: Yes. I actually in undergrad was pre-med and had planned on going to medical school up until my senior year. And that was after the assault. And I decided to go to law school to be specifically in this area, sexual assault advocate. And then I worked with a couple different organizations while I was in law school.

And it was at the height of Me Too. And my whole life 24/7 was just talking about this really heavy, traumatic thing that had happened to me and hearing all of the opinions of people in the media, people in my family, my friends on. These very public cases and whether these survivors were believed or not.

And so all of that together really did take a toll on my healing on my mental health. And I remember. Halfway through law school, sitting back and going, I can't do this full time for the rest of my life. I will not make it. It's not healthy for me. So at that moment, I pivoted and said, I don't think I want to do this for my career.

I care very much about it. And it's something that I wanna be involved in. Part-time. So I really scaled back and said, we'll go in a different direction. We'll keep this near and dear to my heart. But right now I have to prioritize my healing over my advocacy work.

Angela Rose (Host): That's so powerful. And what did that feel like in your life when you did that?

Allison Kratz: Honestly, at first, not fantastic. I felt like I was letting people down, letting future survivors down who will experience things that nobody should have to ever experience. And taking that step back felt like I wasn't being their champion anymore. And it took me a while honestly to say, no, I have to be my own champion too.

I have to be okay, in order to advocate for others, you have to put yourself first sometimes. So it took, I don't know, a year or two into that process to really say no. It's okay. It's okay to put yourself first. If you're not okay, you can't be there for others.

Angela Rose (Host): That's so powerful and what a great role model you are for other people to advocate for themselves, because it is so taxing sometimes. And I think boundary work is also really important because as survivor advocates, oftentimes we have a lot of people that disclose, which is such a gift of course, but also comes with, a lot of emotions behind it.

So maybe you can give some tips on how you were able to create some boundaries and make sure that you weren't internalizing and taking on other people's trauma, like vicarious trauma?

Allison Kratz: Yeah. One of the things that I think was most important for me was one, having a conversation with the people who were in my immediate circle and saying, hey, unless I bring this up, unless I talk to you about this, please don't bring it up to me. I am in the process of healing and dealing and working with a lot of things.

And so, this is a boundary that I'm putting out there. I don't wanna have those conversations unless they're on my term. The other thing was I limited my social media time because this was happening at the height of Me Too. And I had thousands of people on my feed putting their opinions out there on whether survivors were credible.

And that hit home a lot. And so I intentionally took a step back from social media and said, this is not healthy for me. I'm. Receiving this information anymore. And between those two things, I was able to kind of balance myself out a little bit more than I had before.

Angela Rose (Host): I think that's so important even for right now where there's just catastrophe after catastrophe going on in our world right now and learning that it is perfectly normal, okay, and healthy to unplug from technology and get into to nature and just to get back to ourselves. And like, I love that you crochet finding. Things that set your soul on fire and these creative outlets I think is so important.

So thank you for sharing that with us. And what has it been like to use this platform? Here you are this amazing, brilliant pageant queen talking about these issues. Have you had a lot of people reach out and thank you for choosing this as your platform over the years?

Allison Kratz: Yeah. I have like you said, advocacy work usually comes with people, sharing their stories with you, which has been so incredibly powerful over the years. And admittedly, it's something that keeps me involved in advocacy work, because I know that there are so many people out there like me who have experienced the things that I have.

And I know that they need help. They need resources, they need an ear. And being able to be that for them is a really powerful pull into doing this work in the first place. I love being able to talk to community members about it. I've spoken in schools about it.

And even with, other girls judges at the pageant, being able to share what's truly on your heart and close to you, is something so special that I wish, a lot of people got to experience because you really do get to make a difference. If you are open and talk about the things that you've lived it really does have an.

Angela Rose (Host): That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. One thing that comes to mind as we're talking is one of our other PAVE ambassadors. Marie P. Anderson has been involved in the fashion and beauty industry for years. She discovered Cindy Crawford. And so she has always brought up to me how much risk is associated with the modeling industry, perhaps pageants.

And so I was just wondering if you had any thoughts on that and maybe what is a society we could be doing different or what people need to look out for?

Allison Kratz: I do think that there is a bit of risk. I will say I take precautions in going to events and going to photo shoots. I don't go anywhere alone. I think that is very important, not just for pageant girls, for models, but for most women, there are dangers associated with just walking through the world, unfortunately.

And so being aware of your surroundings and really doing what you can to protect yourself. Unfortunately there are people with bad intentions out there and we're not able to stop that right now. I do know that, the pageant world is a small place. And so if that is happening, most of the time, it will come out and come out rather quickly, which is great.

It's not super frequent. But we are opening in this new world post Me Too. And that movement people are more willing to talk about their experiences. Pageant world included fashion world included. And so we have a better understanding of what's going on and kind of addressing that issue as we come to it.

Angela Rose (Host): That's great. Yeah. The world has changed and continues to change. And so I just want to ask you, lastly, what advice do you have for other survivors that might not be at the place that you're at now? Maybe they're just starting their healing journey as you and I both know, sometimes you don't even realize what happened to you was an assault or, sexual violence, whatever that is.

So maybe you could give a little bit of advice to other survivors that might not be where you're at quite yet.

Allison Kratz: I think the biggest thing that I would say is find community in somebody who understands, even if it's just one person, find somebody who is understanding and we'll sit there and listen, when you need them and help you connect to resources that you need. There is a ton of community. There is a ton of resources out there and PAVE is a great example.

There is education on there for anybody who wants to better understand how to support survivors, who wants to have bystander intervention training. PAVE has free resources. So connect with those free resources and most importantly, find that person or people will help support you through this process. It is a long process. It will impact you. That's okay. Take your time and heal on your own time.

Angela Rose (Host): Beautiful. So well said, well, Allison, I want to thank you so much for being with us, what an amazing role model you are. And can you give us some ways to find you or connect with you for any of our listeners?

Allison Kratz: Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. You can find me on TikTok or Instagram at Miss PA United States or my personal one at Allison Kratz.

Angela Rose (Host): Beautiful. Well, thank you again so much for your time and thank you all for listening, please make sure you tune in again for another episode of the Survivors.org Podcast. Again, this episode is brought to you by Color Street, a creative beauty brand with limitless possibilities. Until then, please remember to love yourself, respect and take care of each other, and together we can change the world. Thank you all. Have a beautiful day.

Angela: For all survivors and their loved ones tuning in, please remember that you are not alone and it's not your fault. If you need support or resources, please visit us at survivors.org.