Transcription:
Prioritizing Self-Care and Well-Being

Maggie McKay (Host): Welcome to Happily Ever After 40, a podcast brought to you by ProMedica, where we discuss midlife health and wellbeing. In this episode, we'll talk about the importance of prioritizing self-care and wellbeing. I'm Maggie McKay, and my guest is Jackie Vanzile ProMedica behavioral therapist. Welcome, Jackie. It's so good to have you here. I cannot wait to hear more about this.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Hi. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited.

Maggie McKay (Host): Great. Let's dive right in. So to start, how do we set ourselves up for a healthy future? how does what we do now impact our future healthy aging?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Absolutely. Every decision you make, that's usually one of the things I get started with a lot of my clients is, what can you do today that tomorrow you'll thank yourself for? And so when we start thinking about it in those terms, it becomes a little easier, whether it's something little, like earlier today I was just talking about maybe packing your lunch, and having healthy food to eat for tomorrow rather than, running out last minute and hurried and getting, something quick to eat and maybe something not as nutritious or healthy.

Right. It's really just the small stuff every day that really does make a differe. Right up there with having your team together. I have my wellness team, which is my primary care doctors and, specialists that I need, perhaps a therapist, to have someone to talk to, not to plug therapy, but of course we're big fans. It's just setting yourself up for a healthy future, you have a lot of time in front of you, and to live a quality life is a very important thing.

Maggie McKay (Host): You're You're so right. I think, a lot of people's mindset is, well, when I get older I'll deal with being healthy and I'll eat better and exercise then, But by then you might not have that luxury of choice. So why is self care so important?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: So I think that sometimes defining self care a little bit nowadays is pretty important because it's getting a little mixed up with things like self-indulgence almost, like spend your money now. And sometimes I look at just kind of defining that first and it's, creating a life that you don't feel like you have to escape from. It's creating a life that, you find yourself nurturing yourself, parenting yourself, knowing your limits, knowing your boundaries, and just kind of rebalancing yourself when you just feel a little out of balance. You need to de-stress and we de-stress, and it's just taking care of yourself because you're important and you're worth it.

Maggie McKay (Host): Just yesterday I was having lunch with a friend and she was saying that she just went through a divorce. Her son just went off to college and she finds herself with all this free time. Even though she works full time. I said, That's where self care comes in . And she's like that seems so indulgent. And I said, No, It's like the basics. You have to do it now. Because She's about to turn 60. I think that's why we were having that conversation. But I think, a lot of working moms, I mean, I know they're working dads too, but, working moms have a lot on their plate. When you hear self care, you might think, Oh, that's selfish. I don't have time for that. I don't want to sacrifice something else to make time for myself. But I think if you don't make time for yourself, other things will suffer. Right?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Absolutely. Absolutely. I was talking to someone the other day and I said, you know, as soon as your stress levels increase, so should our self care, so should taking care of ourselves. And a lot of the times that's the first thing to go is self-care like, We stop doing the things that make us happy because of time or pressure or stress. So yeah, that just makes sense. But we're not always taught that we are kind of taught that it's selfish and taking care of ourselves should be like the lowest on your priority list, and that's just not the case.

Maggie McKay (Host): So how do we find balance? How do we achieve that?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: I love that question, there's actually something that we used to use as a tool, and it was called a wellness wheel. And what it did is that it looked at those different areas of wellness and it asked specific questions, do you feel balanced in these areas? And then those specific questions will kind of help you understand what that means. And so you can just kind of look at that and be like, Okay, in what area might I need a little bit more balancing, whether that be financial or occupational or physical health, emotional health, where is it?

And generally if you work on one of those areas, the rest of those areas improve with it. it's so interconnected, which is both a blessing and sometimes once you realize that everything gets impacted, you really wanna try to take care of it the best that you can. So there's no perfect way to do it. I wanna be clear. Like expecting perfection is just not realistic. And once we realize that nobody expects us to be perfect, things get just a little bit easier.

Maggie McKay (Host): And when people say, Ugh, it's too expensive to say, join a gym, or, I don't have time, or I can't go get a massage in the middle of the day. Self care doesn't have to be that dramatic. Right? It can be as easy as taking a walk.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Absolutely. One of my clients, she goes, I heard self care is kind of like wearing clothes that fit you. Just something as simple as that. Being comfortable. I said, Yeah, that, that sounds like a great idea. Just, feeling good about yourself and. It's not spending all your money on that one item that's sure to make you happy. It's just sometimes just something small. like last night, oh my gosh, I was sitting down, I was trying to organize myself and I was trying to figure out, I'm like, Why can't I focus? What is going on?

And then I realized that my living room is a bit of a disaster area. I have a lovely daughter. She's two, so she's a little bit of a tornado. and so I'm sitting there and I looked around and I realized my environment just is not organized. And maybe that's the first easiest thing for me to do, to organize my mind. So cleaned up all the blocks, put some of the stuffed animals away, sat down, and it's just like a breath of fresh air for your brain.

Maggie McKay (Host): You're so right. I just did it this morning before I talked to you. I thought, Okay, I wanna be centered and not thinking about the laundry and emptying the trash and cleaning up the kitchen. So I did it all before I, spoke with you and I felt like, Okay, great. Now I can take on the day. That stuff's behind me.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Absolutely. Yeah. Something off that little checklist in your brain, you know, like, Oh, I can't forget to do this, and it's just astounding how many people I'll talk to and I'll be like, Look, a lot of the times, we don't realize it, but we have multiple jobs. You work full-time or part-time, that's one job. You come home and you do housework, that's two jobs. Taking care of the home and the household, the finances, that's two. If you have children, If you have a spouse, I mean, that's three to four different types of jobs, that's a lot of pressure.

Maggie McKay (Host): Don't forget the dog.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Of course the animals. How could I forget?

Maggie McKay (Host): That's a big one.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: They are a big responsibility. As much as they bring love and joy into your life. They are. They do take some work.

Maggie McKay (Host): So, what suggestions do you tell people who come to you for help, ways to balance, We talked about balance a little bit, but, actual activities like yoga, meditation, What are your suggestions?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Oh, absolutely. yoga, meditation, if anything, if people are like, Oh, I just don't have time for that kind of stuff, we usually practice what we call diaphragmatic breathing, right? The deep breathing from your diaphragm to just kind of help center you. We'll practice, different things like a superhero pose, just standing tall with your hands on your hips and looking out into the distance. And as much as it might be a bit of a laugh, it does help kind of center and help you take in those deep breaths that slow you down.

Which is wonderful. but then there's like other things too that can be very helpful. keeping some sort of schedule or having a structure for yourself is usually very helpful for the brain. there's different phone apps out there that are free, which can be extremely helpful in trying to help slow you down and get you to take a pause and maybe then start some of that breathing that I had just mentioned.

Maggie McKay (Host): Right? I think is Calm one of them

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Yeah. Finch is another one. Just this little, app that will send a notification here and there, mine the other day, said I'm, settling in for the day. How are you doing? So just a split second to interrupt what's going on and, take that deep breath, .

Maggie McKay (Host): Yeah. I think we're all overbooked and life goes so fast these days and there's just so much. How do we prioritize ourselves and our interests, Jackie, and our growth?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: I think it just starts back to that, it's not selfish to take care of yourself. And a lot of the times I'll tell people that you are just as important as whatever is on your priority list. Whether it be other people or the activities of the day, what the responsibilities are, you are just as important. And so, It's not a competition, we take care of ourselves because our life is worth living rather than just surviving. So I mean, there's little things to do as well. Can I congratulate myself for things that I've done? Can I validate myself? Even if it's just something as like patting yourself on the back, taking time to acknowledge that I did that. It's not a selfish thing to do.

It's being a little cautious of a fear of the unknown. I find that theme a lot for us growing up, that we are going through new experiences and we are going through things that we have no frame of reference for. Nobody really teaches us how to do some of these things. So for us to learn by doing is a great way to have some experience, but also you're doing for yourself. Nobody can take that away from you. That's a big deal. So congratulating yourself on those things, no matter how simple they may be, is a great step towards taking care of yourself as well.

Maggie McKay (Host): Those are all great tools. what do you say to someone who comes to you and is overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start? Like, I watch Home Edit, the organizing show and I think, oh my gosh, where are they gonna start? And somehow they make it work. But I'm thinking like in real life, if you're feeling overwhelmed and you wanna prioritize yourself, but you don't know where to start, how do you advise someone on that?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: So that's actually one of my favorite things when people come in to see me and they're like, I don't know what to tell you. I go, Oh, that makes both of us. So we'll just kind of sit and I would just want them to sit for a minute, And if your mind feels a bit like I mentioned a tornado earlier, just kind of sit for a second and just breathe. And before you know it, it'll start to kind of settle and then whatever comes into your mind first is that the first easiest thing for us to focus on and do? Is this the priority or is this just something I can jot down real quick to get it out of my head?

And then therefore just kind of externalize it, so I can look at it instead of it chasing itself around in my head and just giving me a little bit of stress. But I, love it when people come in and they're like, I don't know what to talk about. I'm like, well, that's kind of why you see somebody maybe outside of the family or friends, because that's the point. Having a sounding board or having somebody to bounce ideas off of or try to understand something better, it's a lovely experience.

Maggie McKay (Host): In closing, Jackie, what are some practical takeaways that you would like people to think about or use in their life after listening to this?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: As far as practical takeaways go, we talked about having a structure or some sort of schedule for yourself. Also scheduling in some of that time to yourself. I usually recommend about five minutes a day just to kinda recollect yourself. Decompress maybe a little bit. No interruptions, just to center yourself, right up there with some of those phone apps we talked about right up there with the, deep breathing that we talked about.

Looking at those areas of wellness, if you get a chance to explore more into some of those areas and truly what those areas mean and what could I balance? What kind of action could I take to help myself feel better? Because that's generally something that really helps improve mental health is action taken to have purpose and with purpose. So it's something that we put a lot of value on is purpose. And then of course having those rest days, there's a day where I just wanna exist, be like a robot and it's all about balance and beautiful self-awareness that we can develop it's much easier to give from a cup that's full than it is from one that's empty.

Maggie McKay (Host): True and sleep is crucial. Am I right?

Jacquelyn Van Zile: I mentioned a two year old earlier. Yes. Sleep is very crucial.

Maggie McKay (Host): Because when you're sleep deprived, nothing works.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: No. it's interesting. I'll see people and, like I said, they'll come in and they'll be like, I don't know where to start, and I'll look at them. I'm like, Have you been sleeping? Oftentimes I go, sorry to come across as a bit of a parent all of a sudden, but sometimes that's part of this too. Can I parent myself? Am I taking care of myself? Can I start with the basics? the bare minimum necessity of sleeping, eating well and having a structure for myself, but yes, sleep. I am a big advocate of sleep.

Maggie McKay (Host): Me too. I'm with you Jackie. Thank you so much for sharing your time and knowledge with us on how to build a healthy future and make ourselves and our wellbeing a priority. We appreciate you.

Jacquelyn Van Zile: Great. Thank you so much.

Maggie McKay (Host): To find out more, please visit promedica.org. And for more topics of interest to you, check out our entire podcast library. Thank you so much for listening until next time. Stay Happily Ever After 40.