Transcription:
The "C" Word, Community not Cancer: Molly's Journey

Ahsan Basha, MD (Host): Welcome back to Conversations on Cancer brought to you by the Riverside Cancer Institute. I'm Dr. Ahsan Basha, MD, a Medical Oncologist and Hematologist at the Cancer Institute. Today's podcast is part of the C Word, Community, Not Cancer series. And today I have a special guest, Molly Wessel, a patient of mine for many years now. And she was originally diagnosed with cancer over five years ago. And basically I've invited her to share her experiences so that she can help others.

Molly Wessel (Guest): Thank you. I'm glad to do it.

Host: So, Molly tell me a little bit about five years ago or so when things first started, what was happening to you?

Molly: I was just like running like a low grade fever every day. Couldn't figure out what was wrong. Just no energy, just tired and went to the doctor. And they gave me antibiotics, you know, and nothing helped. So they sent me to another doctor, a specialist and he looked at me, he goes, we need to do a CT. And then after that, my whole world just crumbled.

Host: Okay. So

Molly: Devastating.

Host: So Molly was diagnosed with kidney cancer, renal cell carcinoma. So kind of elaborate on what you mean by crumbled. What happened to you? What was going on?

Molly: It's just like you, you know, you have people around you, but it's like, you're on your own. You're by yourself. And you don't know which way to turn, you know, and you just, everybody wants to help, but they don't understand. Nothing they do can do something for you, you know, until I met this amazing man. If it wasn't for him and the doctors, I wouldn't be here.

Host: I know. I appreciate that. Thank you so much for acknowledging that. What helped you get through the first part when you first were diagnosed?

Molly: I just said to myself, I'm not going to let it beat me. I'm going to take it on and win. I'm going to win. I've got two kids and I didn't want them to be without a mom. So I had to do it for them.

Host: Yeah. See if you find a purpose for yourself.

Molly: I found a purpose, that's what you need to do. You got to find something that you're willing to put it all out for and fight for.

Host: So originally Molly was diagnosed with stage three cancer, if I remember. So, back in those heady days, we actually did not have a lot of treatments for her kind of cancer. And so it came back about six months or so. And it had spread, right?

Molly: Yes. When I first got the kidney taken out, they told me they had got all of it. So I was thinking, okay, we're good. Three months later, I got it, that it jumped to my chest and in my lung. So here we were.

Host: And we went through a fair amount of treatments originally that did not work for her. And then we finally found one which she is still on to this day. Tell me the experience for you when you're first diagnosed with the cancer having spread, those feelings?

Molly: The feelings of the doubt came back again. But like I showed you when I first met you and I had some pretty crazy things to say, you know, but I mean, that was my way of doing it too was the comedy of it. I'd ask you, can I still dye my hair? With the treatment. So, you know, that was my main thing. So that helped me a lot. The comedy, my family, my friends. I mean, always keep them around you. That's the important part, because no matter you feel alone, but they're there somewhere, and fight it.

Host: And when we first started those oral treatments for you, a lot of side effects, remember how'd you, how did you deal with them?

Molly: Really bad side effects with those. I wasn't really thrilled with those. Caused a lot of blistering in the mouth, a lot of pain. Didn't, a lot of times didn't know where I was, and I didn't handle them too well. I mean, and when we came up with the other treatment, I was so glad. So, so glad because I was tired of eating salad and potato soup, so that's all I could eat. So, yeah. But I mean, for some other people they may work, you know, but for me, no.

Host: Yeah. And that's the thing about cancer. Everybody's a little bit different and everybody responds different. So we found a treatment for Molly which had put her into remission now, and we are going on how many years?

Molly: I think we're going on. I want to say I was on the oral for like two years. So three years.

Host: Yes. I think it was three years. We've been on this treatment. In remission.

Molly: In remission. Yes. And it's awesome. It's awesome. Like I told him, I'll see you in two weeks. Every two weeks. I'll see you.

Host: Yeah. So now that you're on this treatment. And now that we've been through this for three years, what's left for you now?

Molly: Good. It's good. And I mean, I have a bright outlook. I mean, as I was just telling earlier my daughter's getting ready to graduate college and I'll be there for it. You know, and my son and my daughter, when they marry, I'll be there and I'll be there for my grand babies. And yeah, that's my outlook. This ain't going to be me. I've got this. I got this.

Host: Yeah you do, you do. What can you tell other people? Yeah I mean, people who are behind you who are just staring at this thing that, oh my God, I can't.

Molly: So don't give up, don't give up just, I know it's some hard treatments or some are really hard and really brutal. Just don't give up. There's always a reason for you to go on. There's always something that's ahead of you in life. Just keep going when you know, and just don't let it win. Just fight it. Go all the way.

Host: What gets you to that fight?

Molly: My purposes are my family, my friends, me. I like me and I want to stay me. That's the best I can say. I like me. And I just want to keep me around. I have to say it's for me.

Host: Are there any regrets?

Molly: No, no regrets. Well probably, you know, years of smoking. Yeah. That was some regrets. Yeah. But other than that, no regrets on the treatments I've done and I've tried. I mean, I'm very glad we came to this treatment that actually worked and done wonders. And as I said, anybody, that's behind me going to do this, go for it. Just don't be afraid. There's a better road ahead.

Host: What support systems do people need that you may have?

Molly: I get a lot of support from my doctors, my nurses, my family, my friends I've actually had strangers. When my family put it on Facebook, that I was diagnosed with this, I had strangers like praying for me and coming for me, you know, and helping me. And it was nice. I mean, it was really nice, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Host: What kind of feeling did you get?

Molly: No. And I'll start crying again. I mean, I, it was just a warm feeling that I meant something. That I was important enough for somebody to take out of their day.

Host: Yeah. And you are, right?

Molly: Yeah. I said for me now, for me, I'm important. I am.

Host: So how's your family doing with all of this and the last, like how they dealt with everything in the last five years?

Molly: Generally, most of them has been okay. But sometimes a lot of them don't understand your emotions, your feelings, what you're feeling. They think because they're there, it's okay. But they don't understand what your inner, you're going on inside you. Well, you know, your thoughts, your mind, you know, like before, when I came to you, my outlook was five years. And as that five years approached, I was falling apart. Nobody knew that. But I did. The day I walked in the fifth year, I was like, is that off the table now? Are we done? I sat on the table, but I was the one that was fighting that inner, you know, the inner, like tug and nobody knew it because I kinda kept it to myself because I just felt like I've already laid all this on you before. And I don't want to put it on you again. I mean that just me.

Host: Yeah. Going back to that, in that situation where you're kind of dealing with all this stuff inside of you and you got family who doesn't understand you, is there something you would do in terms of trying to get people to help those other, like either from the, telling something to the family person or something to the other patient?

Molly: I would try to talk to the family about it and it's really hard. Because I'm sorry, but you talk about your illness and they'll come back with their illness and it's like, well, wait a minute. You're not allowed to talk about me. But I talked a lot with my nurses at the treatment center.

They were very understanding because they weren't emotionally into it. So they had a little more, you know, a little more listening to them. So I would like talk to them a lot. Well more than I would my family I'd think, because my family had too much invested where they, you know, they were there, but they didn't have so much invested in me. So yeah, I mean, confide in your nurses and your doctors. They're, you know, that's what, they're there for.

Host: Find team wherever you can find team.

Molly: That's true. There's no I in team.

Host: There, that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah. So you know, for those listening, I mean, as you've heard with these podcasts, everybody has a little different strategy in dealing with their illness or in their communications and each one's going to be different. So this whole idea of sharing is that people can see how different people have experienced it, not to make any judgements, but I'm glad that it's about you, right?

Molly: It is.

Host: That you've looked for places to find support, whether it's with family, family is providing you your purpose in many ways, besides yourself, it's finding your purpose. But you're also finding other people outside can give you that backup, right?

Molly: Yes, definitely. Yeah. I mean, there's all kinds of people you can turn to outside of your family that would understand and listen a little stronger, I think, or different, maybe different and stronger. Yeah. Yeah.

Host: We know your family loves you.

Molly: Oh yeah. I mean they do, but it's just, they're too emotionally in on it. And sometimes you need that step back to somebody that not got all that in you, that's not going to burst into tears in the moments like I do. You know how, when you tell them something.

Host: And that's wonderful and all this is great advice for other people going through it, you know? Again, everybody's different. Everybody's cancer is different. Everybody's treatment is different. Molly went through quite a bit before getting to where we are now, and we always hope that she continues doing really, really well. Just as a little aside, you know, we've offered Molly the chance to come less often. She likes to come

Molly: Every two weeks.

Host: Is that something you hang on to coming every two weeks?

Molly: It is. Yeah, it is. It's a believe it or not, it's kind of like a break. It's like a relief, I come in there and I said, and I watch TV or whatever, you know, and I talk to the nurses and we've actually grown quite close, I think, yeah, me, you, the nurses, you know, the girls that check me in and everything, you know, it's just nice people there. That's what you need.

Host: Yeah. wonderful. I appreciate everything you've told me. So if we can kind of summarize it basically, when you're first given this diagnosis, it's hard. It crumbles you. And you as a patient often tend to have to go searching for what's going to get you through this, you know you find a purpose. Family. Yeah. Yourself, obviously you have to learn to fight for yourself. That's what it's going to take. Yes. And then to support yourself, you find the people who are going to give you that, listening to what you need. Sometimes it'll be family and sometimes it'll be the nurses, the staff around you, sometimes may be a stranger on Facebook. You have to find what, what brings you that strength to move on, right. Instruct yourself. That's true. Yeah. And then the hope you keep onto that hope.

Molly: There's always hope. Hope is always there. No matter what. I mean, when I first heard it at first, you lose that hope. I ain't going to lie. You lose it for a moment, but then when you find that purpose, that hope comes up and it comes up fast and it comes up hard. So, it pushes you to do it.

Host: Yeah. Yeah. No. Great. I so appreciate your Molly. Been a wonderful partner and patient to the last five plus years. Okay. And nothing's off the table at this point. That we know.

Molly: Cancer's off the table for right now. It's off the table for right this moment.

Host: Yeah. At this moment. Yeah. So I appreciate you coming in. I appreciate your sharing your story and giving the world a chance to understand who you are, what people go through and how people have different ways of getting through this.

Molly: No problem. I'm glad to help.

Host: Yeah. So I want to thank not only Molly, but I want to thank the listeners on this podcast. The C Word, Community, Not Cancer and the whole Conversations on Cancer podcast library. I encourage you to listen to all the stories when you can and look forward to many more.