Erica Rawson: Hello and welcome. My name is Erica Rawson, and I'm a clinical mental health counselor and the health and wellness coordinator here at San Juan College's Health and Human Performance Center. If you're local, you might know it as the HHPC. I'm glad you're here today. If you're listening, you're likely a caregiver. Whether you're supporting a loved one, working in health care, or offering emotional and physical care to those around you, you are doing important work. Your role is essential, and the care you offer makes a difference in the lives of others.

Here's the thing, you cannot care for others if you're running on empty. Sustainable caregiving requires intentional, compassionate self-care. But many times, we confuse self-care with something that feels a little easier in the moment, self-comfort. Today, we're going to talk about the difference between the two and explore how we can reframe how we care for our bodies and minds, especially as caregivers.

As we dive in, I want to remind you of something important that I talk about all the time. And that is filling our toolbox before we need it. Think about it like this. When you're building a house, you don't want just a hammer, you need a variety of tools for different tasks. Self-care works the same way. It's about proactively equipping yourself with a range of strategies to handle life's challenges before you're already running on empty.

What is self-care? Self-care is often thought of as a set of actions: exercise, sleep, hydration, and mindfulness that helps sustain our long term health and well-being. It's the practice of intentionally caring for our physical, emotional, and mental health, helping us remain resilient over time.

According to Psychology Today, self-care is foundational to maintaining your overall wellness. It's about replenishing your energy and nurturing your body and mind, not just indulging in temporary comfort. Practices like regular exercise, adequate sleep, nourishing food, and hydration are all forms of self-care that help build the resilience we need to show up for others.

Self-care is something that over time fills up our personal well-being bank account, if you will. It's about finding meaning in life and doing things that support our growth. Self-care is when you are craving self-respect, connection, and alignment. And when we build our self-care habits before we hit rock bottom, we create a solid foundation of health and balance that helps us navigate stress with strength.

So, what is self-comfort? It is often confused with self-care. Self-comfort is what we seek when we're looking for immediate relief or distraction from stress, pain, or discomfort. It feels good in the moment, but it doesn't replenish us in the long term. Self-comfort is important. It is good for short-term problems, what we need in the moment. It does not necessarily help us move forward or remedy the situation. It helps us get a handle on the surface level issue in the moment. It is when you are craving warmth, pleasure, or a break.

While self-care isn't inherently bad or wrong, it can be problematic if it becomes our go-to method for coping with stress. So, here's where it can become tricky. As caregivers, we are often exhausted. Our reserves are low. And in those moments, self-comfort is the easiest option. Over time, relying on self-comfort can leave us feeling more drained because it doesn't build our resilience or replenish our energy.

As Restoration Psychology noted both self-care and self-soothing or self-comfort are essential, but they serve different purposes. Self-soothing offers that relief in the moment, while self-care helps us prepare and manage for stress in the long-term. Caregivers, by the nature of the work that we do, are often tired and stretched thin. The demands of caregiving are unrelenting. And when we're exhausted, we reach for what's easiest. Just imagine, after a long day of caregiving how good it feels to sit on the couch and just turn on the TV. Maybe eat some junk food or other comforts that help us escape. They are not inherently bad, but they don't really restore energy. They just kind of delay the inevitable. So when we're already exhausted, it is natural and normal to create that immediate relief. But I'd like to help you recognize that this constant reliance on self-comfort just won't serve you in the long-term. It's like putting a Band-Aid on a wound instead of allowing it to heal. Over time, it can lead to burnout and physical and emotional exhaustion.

When I had two little kids that were barely a year apart, someone said to me, "You drown and you drown and you drown until you grow some gills." The point here is that we don't often prioritize self-care until we're in deep water gasping for air. But here's the good news, we can and we often do grow those gills before we're drowning. So, self-care is about building that strength and resilience proactively, equipping ourselves with the tools we need before the stresses of caregiving overwhelm us. And sometimes, no one's coming to save us or to help us swim, which is why it's important to evolve our habits and practices, taking the time to care for ourselves in advance, so we're prepared and strong when the challenges arise.

So, how do we kind of compassionately shift from self-comfort to self-care? I would guess if you're listening to this, you might realize you've been leaning on self-comfort, and that is okay. This isn't about blame. Those things are important. It's just about self-compassion. It's about caring for your future self as well as your present self. So, the key to that sustainable caregiving is learning how to shift back to more self-care practices, especially when we're exhausted.

So, here are a couple of simple, sustainable ways to integrate self-care into your busy life as a caregiver. Five-minute movement breaks. It doesn't take much, just a five-minute walk, preferably outside. My mom always used to say, "There's no bad weather, there's just bad equipment." and there really is a lot of truth to dopamine release. Dopamine is a chemical hormone that makes us feel happy. There's truth in that being found when we have sunshine hit our body, even on a winter day. So, a five-minute walk outside if possible.

Stretching, deep breathing, physical activity, even in small doses can help you reset your nervous system. And they also just create a commitment to yourself that you're worth caring for as well. Sometimes I think as caregivers, we lose that reminder that we're also worth caring for. Drinking water before coffee. Don't come at me. Hydration is essential for energy and focus. But we often skip it for caffeine. Maybe try to make a habit to drink some water before your first cup of coffee to help your body stay energized throughout the day. I am not a coffee drinker, but my favorite thing in life next to my family is probably Diet Coke. And so, what I've done to commit to myself is that instead of creating any shame around drinking it, because shame doesn't do any of us any good, I tell myself, "Drink ounce for ounce." So for every can of Diet Coke I drink, I try to drink some water. Something like that. Anytime we're on a health or wellness journey, it's better to add something to our routine instead of take something away. So where could you add some water? Where could you add an extra fruit or vegetable? That type of thing. Stretching before bed. Stretching before bed helps release the tension that you build up in your muscles all day, and it's an easy way to prepare your body for restful sleep and start the next day feeling refreshed.

Also, when it comes to bed, another great technique is to create a small routine, it doesn't have to be big, but doing the same thing each night kind of tells your mind we're getting ready for bed. It helps us be more restful. So, maybe you do the same thing, it doesn't even have to be at the same time, because I know caregiving people have schedules that don't necessarily always align daily. But maybe no matter what time you start your bedtime routine, it just goes in the same order. That could be something as simple as brushing your teeth and then using a lotion on your hands that signals sleep to you, something with lavender. Or it could be brushing your teeth and then listening to a song that helps settle you down, anything like that. It doesn't have to be a big routine. But when you start doing it in the same order, it helps your body recognize that it's bedtime.

So, these kind of habits, they're small, but they can be transformative in how you manage stress and care for yourself. It's about finding what works for you, building up your self-care toolbox before you need it. When I'm teaching yoga or weightlifting class, I always remind everyone in that class that if we try a position or an asana, as we call them in yoga, and it doesn't seem to work for you, that is not failure. That is just data collection. So, just think of these practices, these little ways that you're going to try to add some more self-care into your routine. If you try something and it doesn't seem like it's helpful for you, that doesn't mean you failed, it's just data collection. Now, you know one more thing that didn't work.

So, what is a quick takeaway that we can have for our talk today about self-comfort versus self-care? I just thought I could guide you through a simple little body scan that will help you tune into your physical state and identify what kind of care your body needs right now. So if you're in a safe place to do it, let's begin by taking a deep breath, inhaling through your nose. Holding at the top and exhaling through your mouth. Now if you can keep a low eye gaze, meaning looking down at the floor or even close your eyes, just take a moment to notice any tension, discomfort, or tightness in your body. And I don't want you to feel like you have to get rid of it. Just take a deep breath in and come to that word acceptance. Just accept that tension or that tightness for a moment.

And as you're scanning your body, ask yourself, what does my body need right now? Could I use a stretch, some rest, a glass of water? Take a deep breath again. And as you're exhaling, think about what action you can take whether it's stretching your arms, taking a moment to relax, making a plan to pick up the phone for a call that you've been putting off. Just think about it as you breathe nice and slow. So, just that one quick minute.

I like to remind people that you're a human being not a human doing. And even if you have a busy schedule, maybe especially if you have a busy schedule, it's important to just be, just take that one minute and let you know you deserve to scan your body and identify what you need.

So, thanks for joining me today. I hope today's episode helped you reflect on the difference between self-care and self-comfort. Remember, building your self-care toolbox before you need it will help you stay strong, resilient, and energized, ready to care for yourself and others. You are worth the time and effort it takes to prioritize your well-being. Take a moment to check in with yourself daily and practice compassionate self-care. And please, remember you're doing important work. Thank you for listening, and be well.