Amanda Wilde (Host): Outside of home, school is at the heart of daily life for kids, and it comes with its own set of challenges. Clinical psychologist Dr. Monique Winnett, is here for a discussion on how parents can support kids' development in school and help navigate the challenges. Welcome to St. Joseph's Health MedCast, a podcast from St. Joseph's Health. Dr. Winnett, it's great to have you here today to talk about this timely topic.

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Hi. Thanks for having me.

Host: Well, first, let's identify some of the common stress factors for kids in school. What are some of the common emotional challenges children face at the start of a new school year?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Yeah. The start of a new school year is a big transition. It obviously varies a bit depending on if the child is just moving up a grade versus if they're changing schools, varies based on if they have a teacher they're familiar with or there's children in their class that they've been in class with before. But for every child, it's a transition nonetheless.

Host: So, the comfort level is going to be dependent on familiarity a bit. How can parents help create a supportive home environment that encourages learning and emotional wellbeing at school?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Yeah, I think it can be very helpful for parents to be optimistic and encouraging about the start of school year to help kids feel emotionally prepared, mentally prepared, even just logistically prepared, like helping them start acquiring school supplies, you know, a little bit in advance and helping them get excited and posing this as it being something that's positive and fun, as opposed to parents giving the message that it's something they should be worried about or something they should be dreading.

Host: But if something isn't going right, what signs should parents look for that might indicate that their child is struggling either socially or academically?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: I typically tell parents to just anticipate that the week prior to school starting and the first week or so of school starting to expect some bigger emotions, maybe more meltdowns, maybe kids coming home more fatigued because it is a transition.

That being said, if we're getting two, three weeks into the academic year and you're still noticing more emotional behaviors, more outbursts, more isolating, wanting to sleep more than usual. Some of those might be signs too that something about the transition isn't going great and it might be worth following up with your kid and/or with some people in school to see if there might be something that's being missed.

Host: I'd like to kind of divide into younger children and older children now. Talking about younger kids, what role does routine play in helping younger kids feel secure during the school year? You were saying the comfort level is very important and the encouragement to look at this enthusiastically and as a positive experience. What role does routine play in that?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: I am glad that you ask. It's important, it's exceedingly important. One of the things that tends to exacerbate anxiety is things feeling uncertain. And so, getting into routine with our children is something that we can do just on a day-to-day basis that helps things feel more predictable. And as much as it's tempting as parents to hang on to the last day of summer, as much as you're able to start easing children back into that routine, whether that be transitioning to slightly earlier, wake up times, slightly earlier bed times, more consistent meal times, things like that can help students feel prepared for going into school. And then, as much as parents are able to keep up that routine throughout the school week and even to some extent on weekends, that can be exceedingly helpful.

Host: And if kids do experience separation anxiety or general fear of going to school, how can parents support those children?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: It is common for children. One of the things that we do know about anxiety, however, is that the more someone is allowed to avoid something that makes them anxious, that actually perpetuates the anxiety. So, I know that it's hard for parents if their kids are having a tough time struggling or being tempted to avoid going to school. But the more that you let kids avoid those things, it actually makes it worse. So, this is a place where communication with school can be exceedingly helpful. Touching base with the school guidance counselor, school social worker, classroom teacher. Letting them know that your child is anxious about this, and then being able to do that handoff in a way that's comforting and supportive, but also where the parent is really being firm about, "School is a safe place for you. School is an okay place. School is a good place. And so, I'm going to leave you here even though I know you're feeling anxious."

Host: So, modeling that avoidance is not the way in reiterating the safety aspect of school.

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Right.

Host: Now, what are some age appropriate ways to talk to young kids about academic expectations, but without creating something that's going to make them feel pressured?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: It's an important question. I think one good way to do that is just to really encourage a student's sense of pride, right? Instead of external demands about we're expecting certain grades or we're expecting certain things, when your child comes home with something that they did well on or even if it's just well compared to what their baseline is, you know, something that's just progress for them; really eliciting how does that make you feel? How are you feeling about that? And really kind of trying to pull out some of that pride that can help kids learn to be intrinsically motivated to make some positive academic strides as opposed to just trying to meet somebody else's external expectations.

Host: You really have to grow those inside of your child.

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Yeah. And just really encourage and support that. You know, most teachers are really great about that. And as much as we can support that, taking the time to look over, you know, your kids' schoolwork when they bring it home and having them talk to you about it and teach you about it, can give them a sense of ownership and pride over the work that they're doing.

Host: And for older kids, teens as a group have some unique stressors in school. How can parents help them cope?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: This is a great opportunity for parents to model good coping skills, right? Which is something that we can do throughout their lives and being able to verbalize and express when we're feeling stressed or overwhelmed or frustrated by something, and then having those conversations and engaging in some healthy coping skills. You know, "I'm feeling really overwhelmed by this. I'm going to go take a little 10-minute walk to cool down," or "I'm going to go give myself a five-minute breather because I'm feeling stressed." So, these are skills that we can model for children throughout life.

I think another big important thing is just having that open communication with your kids. So when they're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, or excluded or whatever it might be, that you've laid the groundwork that that can be an open dialogue. Because what tends to make stress worse is when we feel like we have to hold it in and contain it ourselves, as opposed to being able to share that with somebody that's trusted and let them help us navigate the situation.

Host: So, the stressors we should be aware of, particularly with teens, can be exclusion and being overwhelmed. We know there's like the social media piece of this. Is there anything you can tell us about those stressors?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: This varies a lot based on the kid and how driven they are and what their goals are for themselves. But certainly, academics become more rigorous as we get older, right? Kids are expected to do more, there's more homework, assignments are more challenging. Instead of it being a homework assignment that's necessarily due the next day, sometimes there's homework assignments that they need to be planful about how do I break down this assignment over the next week or two weeks until it's due? So, helping with some time management things definitely becomes more of a factor as kids get older.

For kids who are involved in other activities outside of just academic work, sports, art, those things can be amazing things for kids and can also create an extra source of stress, and as you mentioned, the social aspect of something that's, you know, been a stressor, especially in adolescent, but for all kids, throughout most of time. But certainly, the addition of social media and cell phones has exacerbated that dramatically. And so, anytime the parents are able to encourage breaks from social media, encourage breaks from some of those devices, that just gives your kid a chance clear their head from some of that and gives a little space for breathing and creativity and rest.

Host: So, what's the best way for parents to approach conversations? Especially with teens, you might be talking about grades, performance, future goals. But you don't want to trigger anxiety over that either.

Monique Winnett, PsyD: It's a tough balance, and parents tend to know their kids best. And so, I usually tell a parent to kind of trust their gut or their insight in terms of what's going to be most motivating to their kids. Some kids really need that extra push. Some kids have so much. Internal motivation, that too much extra push from a parent can kind of push them over the edge a little bit.

So, it's about finding that balance and, again, an opportunity for us to model what it's like to put effort into things and to try and be high achieving and work toward goals, and also give ourselves some downtime and some coping skills and some relaxation time. So, just encouraging kids to find that balance.

Host: And how can parents support teens in managing these complicated social dynamics and peer pressure and identity development?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Yeah, it's hard. It's hard and it's different for everyone, and it's going to vary based on their friends and their peer group. But again, just the more that parents can encourage open non-judgmental dialogue with their kids so that when things come up, kids feel comfortable going to their parents to discuss some of those things can be helpful and, again, a place for great dialogue with school, especially if you have concerns. Calling up the school guidance counselor, school social worker, and bringing them and, you know, letting them touch base with your kid can just be another trusted adult where kids can work through some of those developmentally appropriate and stressful things that kids go through, especially during adolescence.

Host: And as parents, we want to support our kids through every stage. But my last question is about these young adults, teens becoming adults, how can parents encourage independence while still providing emotional support?

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Yeah. I see parents struggle with that so much after you've been used to raising this person for 18 years or so, being able to step back and let them sometimes learn from their own mistakes and stumble and fall a little bit or take things in can be difficult. It's a tough balance, and I think it's just kind of titrating. It's baby steps. It's giving them a little bit of independence over one thing first, and then giving them a little bit more and being there to support them and when that need arises, but also giving your kids the message that you trust them enough that you know they're competent and capable to manage these things. And feeling like our parents have that trust in us can go a really long way in terms of encouraging future independence.

Host: Yeah, have that confidence.

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Yeah.

Host: Well, Dr. Winnett, thank you for this very valuable information we can use to encourage our kids' academic and emotional health and wellbeing.

Monique Winnett, PsyD: Thank you.

Host: That was clinical psychologist, Dr. Monique Winnett. Contact the Children and Youth Behavioral Health Clinic if your child needs to talk to a mental health expert. That number is 315-703-2800.

If you enjoyed this podcast, please share it and check out the entire podcast library for topics of interest to you. I'm Amanda Wilde, and this is St. Joseph's Health MedCast. Thanks for listening.