Maggie McKay (Host): Welcome to Stoughton Health Talk. I'm your host, Maggie McKay. There are books about it, websites, TV shows, and counselors. But until you have to declutter or downsize, it can be a daunting task, especially as a senior. So today, client relocation consultant Alesha Filiatrault will answer questions on how to get started and how to help your parents if they need it. Thank you so much for being here today, Alesha. I cannot wait to hear about this because I need this help myself, and I know a lot of seniors who do too, so this is going to be fun.

Alesha Filiatrault: Well, thank you for having me and letting me talk about one of my favorite topics.

Host: Absolutely. Let's start with what challenges do seniors commonly face when they're trying to downsize?

Alesha Filiatrault: Downsizing can feel daunting at any age, but seniors do face unique challenges. First of all, there may be health issues or physical limitations that slow efforts or make some impossible on their own. So, that's one issue. But probably the biggest one is the fact that, especially here in the Midwest, we have people that have lived in their homes for 40, 50 or even more than 60 years.

During that time, they have collected the things that they love or they've inherited things over the decades. And each of those cherished pieces tell stories of their lives. So the other side of that though is that that means more. So more stuff, more decisions. And oftentimes we're looking at things like decision fatigue that can be physically exhausting after making so many decisions in a short period of time. The final issue is sometimes family isn't available to help. You know, busy careers, raising kids or distance issues may limit that support.

Host: I love that expression, decision fatigue. I completely understand what that means. In your experience, Alesha, do adult children often keep their parents' belongings or do they tend to decline them? What factors influence their decision?

Alesha Filiatrault: Well, this actually could be another challenge that seniors face today. When I got my first apartment, the only thing that I bought was a rug for my bathroom and some candles. Everything else came from my parents' home and my grandma's home, and I think I was in my forties before I bought my first piece of living room furniture.

So, that was life many decades ago when I was getting started. But today's adult children don't necessarily want or have the home space to take the things that their parents are downsizing. So that can be a challenge. One of the things that we try to encourage families to do is to have open and honest conversations around what they are and are not interested in taking or can or can't take, and that the seniors actually accept that. So that can be challenging because it feels sometimes personal. So as long as they understand that it's not necessarily because people don't want the things, it may be because they can't have them or they can't get them, but they may also surprise you, those adult children.

I often see the most interesting things, the things that the parents may never even consider, that the children would want. Like the old Folgers tin with the fresh baked cookies from their childhood in the back of the cupboard that hasn't been used in 20 years. And they might be more interested in that than say that formal dining room set.

Host: I was just at a party the other day and we got talking about how kids today don't want stuff. They're kind of minimalists and they don't even want the China. And so we're all sitting around like, what are we going to do with these four sets of China? I mean, I guess you donate it. So where do you recommend seniors start downsizing?

Alesha Filiatrault: My first tip is where you don't start downsizing. I recommend not starting with the things that seniors are most attached to. Those highly sentimental items, the things that they collected, the things that they may have inherited or been gifted. Those are hard places to get started.

So I recommend staying away from the things with a lot of emotional attachment until you kind of build up your momentum of making decisions. So start off with the things that are kind of low stakes. So things like towels in the linen closet that you've been meaning to get rid of for years or the things in the bathroom linen closet in the back, your old shampoos with dust on it, that's dust is usually a pretty good indicator that things haven't been used for a while, and that helps kind of build momentum and kind of figure out how you want to proceed.

Host: So what are some common emotional roadblocks that seniors face when they're letting go of their belongings and how can they work through that?

Alesha Filiatrault: Well, emotional attachment. No surprise there with what I just said. So, people are attached to those memories that their things signify. So the rocking chair that they rocked their babies in, the travel souvenirs, the wedding gifts, that sort of thing. Guilt can be a huge roadblock as well, like the inherited or gifted things, so oftentimes it's helpful to kind of sit down and consider what are the feelings behind the roadblocks. And then just maybe talk to yourself if you can, or write it on a piece of paper or put it on a t-shirt. That the memories aren't the objects themselves, the memories are in your heart.

They're in your photos, they're in your stories. So honor the memories. And don't keep the stuff or don't get stuck. Maybe that's a better way to say it.

Host: Right. It's so true. I have a lot of friends who lost everything in the fires recently, in California. Almost all of them say the only thing they really regret not thinking to take were their photos. They said, everything else I can live without it. But the photo albums was interestingly kind of across the board, the thing that people regret forgetting to take.

But you mentioned decision fatigue. It can be overwhelming when you're sorting through a lifetime of belongings, as you've been saying. So what advice do you have for making that process easier?

Alesha Filiatrault: A lot of what we're talking about today is not rocket science. I don't have enough material to come up with like a new book or something like that. It is just some common sense. Start early and if I could do subliminal suggestion, I, I just keep saying today, start today. Start today.

So you can chunk things out over a longer period of time so you don't overdo with the decision fatigue or get decision fatigue because you're trying to do too much at one time. This also allows you to maybe do things like just work at it for 15 minutes. Sometimes that's all seniors can do in a day because it is such a difficult task.

The other thing is, like I said before, start with the things that you don't have a lot of sentimental attachment to it. A work through with that would be to do a first pass of areas where you are removing the things that are kind of obviously, or easily justifiable. So damaged or broken items, duplicate items.

Sometimes we have duplicate appliances. We get a new, smaller coffee maker, but we don't get rid of the bigger one. And it's, again, gathering dust. The dusty shampoos, the expired food, expired spices, that's a big one. You know, the old ones kind of live in the back, and believe me, you don't want them, they don't taste the same.

And I know this because that was one of the things I inherited, were a whole bunch of spices from my grandma. And then I moved and all our stuff was in storage and it was going to be a while before we got it. So I had to go buy some spices and my was I surprised that a new fresh spice tasted vastly different than things that were 20 years old, but they were in cool tins.

And then expired medications. Expired medications has a couple of purposes, so obviously expired foods can cause health issues, but expired medications can often get accidentally put back into rotation with the ones that you're currently using. So there's a couple of reasons for going for those.

And then just working through things like while you're doing that, then you're kind of figuring out how long you can last in a day, what kind of techniques you want to do, how you want to come at it. Some people do a drawer at a time or a cupboard at a time. Others like to work in a room at a time.

I kind of like going around the clock, starting at whatever I think noon is in the room, and then just working my way around to kind of keep track of it, or pick a theme for the month. We have a monthly downsizing calendar just for example, January is linen, February's electronics. You can come up with your own categories, but that's another approach for it.

And then again, kind of be talking to yourself if I haven't used this item in two years, it's probably time to let it go or if I forgot I had it and that wasn't a joy that came to me when I realized when I found it, then I probably have been good to live without it and I can probably let go of it.

Host: What's the biggest piece of encouragement that you'd give someone who is feeling stuck or overwhelmed?

Alesha Filiatrault: Well, first of all, you're not alone. Most people are feeling that sense of anxiety. I do seminars on downsizing, and the moment I say the word anxiety, people look at me and they're so relieved to hear that they're not alone. So sometimes it's just that easy. You are not alone. Give yourself grace.

This is progress. We're going for progress, not perfection. I see a lot of people that think that everything needs to be done just so. They want everything documented. They want spreadsheets, they want labels, and they kind of push themselves right out of being able to complete a task because they just have this idea in their head of the right way to do it.

But then I have a couple of fun ones, so sit in the good chair. Wear your best jewelry or jacket and use those fancy dishes.

Host: Absolutely. Well, thank you so much, Alesha. This has been so informative and useful. I can't wait to implement some of these ideas. I really like the around the clock room idea and I've heard that one about chunks of time, but somehow that didn't work for me.

I like the clock idea. Thank you so much.

Alesha Filiatrault: Get to know yourself and what works for you. Because what works for me may not work for you.

Host: Again, that's Alesha Filiatrault. To find out more, please visit wellrive.com. That's W-E-L-L-R-I-V-E.com. And if you found this podcast helpful, please share it on your social channels Check out our entire podcast library at stoughtonhealth.com for topics of interest to you. Thanks for listening to Stoughton Health Talk.