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How To Talk With Your Child About Puberty
UK HealthCare's Dr. LaTawnya Pleasant discusses the best approach to addressing puberty with your child.
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Learn more about LaTawnya Pleasant, MD
LaTawnya Pleasant, MD
LaTawnya Pleasant, MD is a Pediatric physician at UK HealthCare Kentucky Clinic South.Learn more about LaTawnya Pleasant, MD
Transcription:
How To Talk With Your Child About Puberty
Another informational resource from UK Healthcare. This is UK HealthCast, featuring conversations with our physicians and other healthcare providers.
Joey Wahler (Host): If you recall going through puberty, you know how uncomfortable and even confusing it can be for kids. Well, how about for parents when broaching puberty with their children? That too can be challenging. So we're discussing how to talk to your child about puberty.
This is UK HealthCast, a podcast sponsored by UK Health. I'm Joey Wahler. Our guest, Dr. Tawnya Pleasant, a pediatrician at UK Healthcare Kentucky Clinic South. Doctor, thanks for joining us.
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Thank you. I appreciate you guys having me today.
Joey Wahler (Host): Sure. And I know that before we get started, there's one clarification you wanted to make about our discussion today, right?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Yes, please. So, I recognize that there are some children that do not identify with their gender at birth. There are some children who may identify as non-binary. I am talking about the biological changes that occur with puberty. Without any intervention, these biological changes will still occur naturally. Therefore, I will focus on the biological changes only that occur during puberty for today's discussion.
Joey Wahler (Host): Understood. So speaking of which, as we touched on a moment ago, doctor, puberty can be a difficult subject for parents to tackle. So, first off, in what age do you usually suggest they begin talking with their children about it?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: So parents should talk comfortably comfortably with their children so that their child does not feel uncomfortable or awkward. For girls, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends beginning to discuss puberty with their children near around the ages of eight to nine. This can start with the conversation of, "Wow. You have gotten taller, or "I have noticed that you were developing breasts." For boys, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends beginning near ages 10 to 12. This conversation can start with, "Wow. You have gotten taller" or "Have you noticed pubic hair?" For both, it may vary slightly depending upon how mentally or emotionally mature your child is. So for instance, if your son, you feel that he is more emotionally mature around the ages of eight to nine, then you can begin to discuss the changes of puberty with him.
Joey Wahler (Host): So we hear from time to time about "kids nowadays" developing, entering puberty faster than years ago. Is that true? And what is the average age, if there is such a thing, for both male and female puberty to start?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: That is correct. So it used to be many years ago that the ages or puberty for females was actually older than what it is now. For most girls, the changes start between the ages of eight to 12. The breast growth typically begins first followed by pubic and underarm hair developing. On average, the girls start having their periods near the ages of 12. It's also perfectly normal for a girl to have her first period anywhere between the ages of 10 to 15. For most boys, puberty starts a bit later, between the ages of 10 to 14. Hair will typically begin developing around the genitals and the armpits and on the face. And as puberty progresses in boys, the penis will grow longer and wider, the testicles continue to enlarge and the voice deepens. Nocturnal erections or wet dreams began to happen towards the end of these changes since the male body is maturing sexually, and that indicates that he is able to produce sperm and semen.
So the timing of onset varies amongst races. You shouldn't worry if your child reaches puberty before or after their friends. This process can take up to four years.
Joey Wahler (Host): So having said that, should parents typically wait for their child to start asking questions about it? Or should they be more proactive and talk about puberty beforehand?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Absolutely not. It is so important to begin addressing these questions with your child. Many children feel uncomfortable discussing the emotions that they are experiencing regarding puberty, which results in them becoming hesitant to provoke these conversations. The issue with this is that many children will search for answers through other unreliable sources, such as their peers or nonmedical websites. You'll be surprised what children can find on social media and the internet.
Joey Wahler (Host): So, what are some tips you have for parents to keep in mind when they're talking to their child about the changes in their body?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: I have several tips. The age of your child is key to being aware of when to begin the discussion of certain topics regarding puberty. As I mentioned before, for girls, it can be as early as eight and nine and, boys, it can be as early as 10 to 12, but again, it should be addressed based off their mental and emotional maturity. For instance, with younger children, you may consider beginning a discussion with something along the lines of, "I've noticed that when you play a lot outside, that you are sweating more and having body odor. Let's talk about the use of deodorant." Or you can remember for adolescent females near the age of menses, you can start a conversation with, "I have noticed that you were developing breasts. Let's talk about wearing bras" and consider a trip to the store to include them on the purchase of bras. For adolescent males, you may begin a conversation with, "I have noticed that you were getting taller. Have you started to develop pubic hair?" These conversations may at first be uncomfortable for some parents, but the earlier and more frequent you discuss these topics with your children, the more comfortable the both of you will be.
Remember the conversations about ever changing bodies should be ongoing and reflect every stage of life, so use your best judgment with being appropriate. And use actual body part language for genitals. For girls, the general area around the vagina is called the vulva. For boys, there's the penis and the testicles. And keep things short when talking to younger children. Their attention span is very short. So you shouldn't continue to talk about things at the same time. Use day-to-day situations to trigger conversation. Kids will ask questions. My six year old daughter, every time I pick her up from kindergarten, she's full of questions. Always take the opportunity to answer your child's question. Don't wait to have the talk. When I was growing up, it was called the talk. It's never too early. Kids are getting exposed to these topics in school and on TV a lot sooner than you think.
And two more points, puberty is a normal part of growing. Remember to remind your kids that there isn't anything wrong with the changes that their bodies are going through. Fake it till you make it. Try not to look uncomfortable or embarrassed, so your kids don't feel that way either.
Joey Wahler (Host): Wow. Very good advice. And I'm sure the fact that your daughter asks questions on our own makes your job with it a lot easier. How about this? Should parents address puberty in both genders when speaking to their children or only address puberty changes that child will experience?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: I think it depends on your level of comfort. I personally recommend focusing on your child's gender. Now, with that being said, a parent that has boys and girls in their household, if they feel comfortable addressing both children at the same time, that is completely appropriate as well. But in general, I recommend to focus on your child's gender.
Joey Wahler (Host): How about helpful resources that may be out there for parents to use when explaining puberty to their kid?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: For younger children, I really like It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie Harris, as well as What's The Big Secret? is great for younger children. For older children, I like What's Happening To Me: A Guide To Puberty from Peter Mayle and It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health by Robie Harris.
My other child, when she was eight years old, I purchased a book called The Care and Keeping of You. It's broken up into volumes one and two, and it's by the American Girl Doll Company. And it was great for her and I highly recommend that as well.
Joey Wahler (Host): Excellent. So in closing here, doctor, since as we've covered, this can be a little overwhelming for parents depending upon their own comfort level to bring up with their kids, so what's the main message based on what we've discussed for a parent out there to keep in mind if they're about to take this step?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Conversations should occur early regarding puberty and sexual health, so that children feel comfortable discussing their feelings and their emotions with their parents or guardian. You will be so surprised what children learn from their peers at school at a very early age. So the sooner you talk about puberty and sexual health with your child, you are actually protecting them from learning incorrect information.
Joey Wahler (Host): Well, some very worthwhile advice. We really appreciate it. And we hope, folks, that you're now better prepared to talk to your child about puberty, Dr. Tawnya Pleasant. Thanks so much again.
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Thank you. I appreciate it.
Joey Wahler (Host): Same here. And for more information, please call the UK Healthcare General Pediatrics Program at 859-323-6211. That's 859-323-6211. If you found this podcast helpful, please do share it on your social media. And thanks as always for listening to UK HealthCast, a podcast sponsored by UK Health. Hoping your health is good health, I'm Joey Wahler.
How To Talk With Your Child About Puberty
Another informational resource from UK Healthcare. This is UK HealthCast, featuring conversations with our physicians and other healthcare providers.
Joey Wahler (Host): If you recall going through puberty, you know how uncomfortable and even confusing it can be for kids. Well, how about for parents when broaching puberty with their children? That too can be challenging. So we're discussing how to talk to your child about puberty.
This is UK HealthCast, a podcast sponsored by UK Health. I'm Joey Wahler. Our guest, Dr. Tawnya Pleasant, a pediatrician at UK Healthcare Kentucky Clinic South. Doctor, thanks for joining us.
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Thank you. I appreciate you guys having me today.
Joey Wahler (Host): Sure. And I know that before we get started, there's one clarification you wanted to make about our discussion today, right?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Yes, please. So, I recognize that there are some children that do not identify with their gender at birth. There are some children who may identify as non-binary. I am talking about the biological changes that occur with puberty. Without any intervention, these biological changes will still occur naturally. Therefore, I will focus on the biological changes only that occur during puberty for today's discussion.
Joey Wahler (Host): Understood. So speaking of which, as we touched on a moment ago, doctor, puberty can be a difficult subject for parents to tackle. So, first off, in what age do you usually suggest they begin talking with their children about it?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: So parents should talk comfortably comfortably with their children so that their child does not feel uncomfortable or awkward. For girls, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends beginning to discuss puberty with their children near around the ages of eight to nine. This can start with the conversation of, "Wow. You have gotten taller, or "I have noticed that you were developing breasts." For boys, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends beginning near ages 10 to 12. This conversation can start with, "Wow. You have gotten taller" or "Have you noticed pubic hair?" For both, it may vary slightly depending upon how mentally or emotionally mature your child is. So for instance, if your son, you feel that he is more emotionally mature around the ages of eight to nine, then you can begin to discuss the changes of puberty with him.
Joey Wahler (Host): So we hear from time to time about "kids nowadays" developing, entering puberty faster than years ago. Is that true? And what is the average age, if there is such a thing, for both male and female puberty to start?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: That is correct. So it used to be many years ago that the ages or puberty for females was actually older than what it is now. For most girls, the changes start between the ages of eight to 12. The breast growth typically begins first followed by pubic and underarm hair developing. On average, the girls start having their periods near the ages of 12. It's also perfectly normal for a girl to have her first period anywhere between the ages of 10 to 15. For most boys, puberty starts a bit later, between the ages of 10 to 14. Hair will typically begin developing around the genitals and the armpits and on the face. And as puberty progresses in boys, the penis will grow longer and wider, the testicles continue to enlarge and the voice deepens. Nocturnal erections or wet dreams began to happen towards the end of these changes since the male body is maturing sexually, and that indicates that he is able to produce sperm and semen.
So the timing of onset varies amongst races. You shouldn't worry if your child reaches puberty before or after their friends. This process can take up to four years.
Joey Wahler (Host): So having said that, should parents typically wait for their child to start asking questions about it? Or should they be more proactive and talk about puberty beforehand?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Absolutely not. It is so important to begin addressing these questions with your child. Many children feel uncomfortable discussing the emotions that they are experiencing regarding puberty, which results in them becoming hesitant to provoke these conversations. The issue with this is that many children will search for answers through other unreliable sources, such as their peers or nonmedical websites. You'll be surprised what children can find on social media and the internet.
Joey Wahler (Host): So, what are some tips you have for parents to keep in mind when they're talking to their child about the changes in their body?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: I have several tips. The age of your child is key to being aware of when to begin the discussion of certain topics regarding puberty. As I mentioned before, for girls, it can be as early as eight and nine and, boys, it can be as early as 10 to 12, but again, it should be addressed based off their mental and emotional maturity. For instance, with younger children, you may consider beginning a discussion with something along the lines of, "I've noticed that when you play a lot outside, that you are sweating more and having body odor. Let's talk about the use of deodorant." Or you can remember for adolescent females near the age of menses, you can start a conversation with, "I have noticed that you were developing breasts. Let's talk about wearing bras" and consider a trip to the store to include them on the purchase of bras. For adolescent males, you may begin a conversation with, "I have noticed that you were getting taller. Have you started to develop pubic hair?" These conversations may at first be uncomfortable for some parents, but the earlier and more frequent you discuss these topics with your children, the more comfortable the both of you will be.
Remember the conversations about ever changing bodies should be ongoing and reflect every stage of life, so use your best judgment with being appropriate. And use actual body part language for genitals. For girls, the general area around the vagina is called the vulva. For boys, there's the penis and the testicles. And keep things short when talking to younger children. Their attention span is very short. So you shouldn't continue to talk about things at the same time. Use day-to-day situations to trigger conversation. Kids will ask questions. My six year old daughter, every time I pick her up from kindergarten, she's full of questions. Always take the opportunity to answer your child's question. Don't wait to have the talk. When I was growing up, it was called the talk. It's never too early. Kids are getting exposed to these topics in school and on TV a lot sooner than you think.
And two more points, puberty is a normal part of growing. Remember to remind your kids that there isn't anything wrong with the changes that their bodies are going through. Fake it till you make it. Try not to look uncomfortable or embarrassed, so your kids don't feel that way either.
Joey Wahler (Host): Wow. Very good advice. And I'm sure the fact that your daughter asks questions on our own makes your job with it a lot easier. How about this? Should parents address puberty in both genders when speaking to their children or only address puberty changes that child will experience?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: I think it depends on your level of comfort. I personally recommend focusing on your child's gender. Now, with that being said, a parent that has boys and girls in their household, if they feel comfortable addressing both children at the same time, that is completely appropriate as well. But in general, I recommend to focus on your child's gender.
Joey Wahler (Host): How about helpful resources that may be out there for parents to use when explaining puberty to their kid?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: For younger children, I really like It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie Harris, as well as What's The Big Secret? is great for younger children. For older children, I like What's Happening To Me: A Guide To Puberty from Peter Mayle and It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health by Robie Harris.
My other child, when she was eight years old, I purchased a book called The Care and Keeping of You. It's broken up into volumes one and two, and it's by the American Girl Doll Company. And it was great for her and I highly recommend that as well.
Joey Wahler (Host): Excellent. So in closing here, doctor, since as we've covered, this can be a little overwhelming for parents depending upon their own comfort level to bring up with their kids, so what's the main message based on what we've discussed for a parent out there to keep in mind if they're about to take this step?
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Conversations should occur early regarding puberty and sexual health, so that children feel comfortable discussing their feelings and their emotions with their parents or guardian. You will be so surprised what children learn from their peers at school at a very early age. So the sooner you talk about puberty and sexual health with your child, you are actually protecting them from learning incorrect information.
Joey Wahler (Host): Well, some very worthwhile advice. We really appreciate it. And we hope, folks, that you're now better prepared to talk to your child about puberty, Dr. Tawnya Pleasant. Thanks so much again.
Dr LaTawnya Pleasant: Thank you. I appreciate it.
Joey Wahler (Host): Same here. And for more information, please call the UK Healthcare General Pediatrics Program at 859-323-6211. That's 859-323-6211. If you found this podcast helpful, please do share it on your social media. And thanks as always for listening to UK HealthCast, a podcast sponsored by UK Health. Hoping your health is good health, I'm Joey Wahler.