Scott Webb (Host): Welcome to UK HealthCast, the podcast from UK HealthCare. I'm Scott Webb. Many of our kids are sounding boards for their friends, whether it's their relationships, amount of homework or today's topic, mental health issues that they might be experiencing. And joining me today to give us some suggestions on how we can help our kids help themselves and their friends is Dr. Alissa Briggs. She's a licensed psychologist and a locally and nationally-certified school psychologist with expertise in assessing and treating neurodevelopmental and mood disorders.

Host: Dr. Briggs, thanks for your time today. We're going to talk about, you know, parents and children and mental health issues and really rely on your expertise today. So, at what age should parents begin talking to their children about mental health issues?

Dr. Alissa Briggs: Really in preschool. You're never really too young to kind of learn about your emotions and learn how to be a social person. Obviously, your conversation with a preschooler is going to be a lot different than your conversation with like a middle schooler or a high schooler. But even as young as preschool, kids can learn important skills for how to regulate their emotions when they're upset.

Host: Yeah, I see what you mean. I have a couple of kids myself. One is 15 and 19, and I definitely talked to them differently today than I did when they were little. So, absolutely all parents, I'm sure, understand exactly what you're saying. Do you have any advice for parents as far as explaining to their kids how they can recognize potential mental health issues in their friends?

Dr. Alissa Briggs: Yeah. So, this issue, you know, starts to come up for kids, maybe around the middle elementary school years where friends start talking to each other and relying on each other for support. And then, you know, that really develops into middle and high school, of course, where kids are going to primarily go to their peers for support and not their parents.

And I think it's important, you know, for parents to reassure their kid that, if they're having conversations with their friends that are difficult or touching on mental health topics, if they need to have an adult sounding board to talk through that with them, that, you know, the parents are there and open to that. And I think it's also really important for parents to respect the peer boundaries. So, you know, the child has to understand that their parent isn't going to like run off and text the other parent or call the other parent about what's going on with their friend. They need to understand that their parent is going to kind of keep that information confidential and provide guidance for how they can support their friend and only step in if there's concern for safety or a serious condition that hasn't been addressed.

Host: Yeah. So, let's maybe talk about stepping in then. You know, if our child tells us that they're worried about a friend's mental health, what are some of the steps we should take?

Dr. Alissa Briggs: I mean, I think, you know, you can kind of ask the child what the friend is talking to them about or, you know, talk to your child about, "Well, have you encouraged your friend to talk to their parents or talk to their counselor?" Kind of see, you know, where things are at in terms of what conversation your kid and their friend has had in terms of encouraging the friend to receive help.

I think that it's also important too to have the conversation with your child to make sure that they are not taking on too much when it comes to their friends' feelings. You know, it's important to be a supportive friend, right? But also, it's not healthy to be your friend's therapist. And so, I think it's also important to have a conversation with your kid about what kind of conversations they've had with their friends, how often their friend is reaching out to them for support, and are they comfortable for that or do they need to set some boundary around that.

Host: Yeah. Our children, as far as I know, definitely are not therapists themselves, and there's probably only so much they can take on because they have their own lives and mental and physical things going on as well. Are there some things that we should avoid doing or saying if our child expresses that concern, doctor, about a friend's mental health?

Dr. Alissa Briggs: You know, of course, we don't want to dismiss anything, right? So, you know, if our child is coming to us with concern about a friend's mental health, we don't want to say anything like, "Oh, I'm sure they're fine," right? So, we want to validate how our kid is feeling, that they're feeling concerned about their friend and validate that their friend may be going through a hard time. We don't want to dismiss it outright or, you know, like say something like, "Oh, my gosh. That friend is always causing so much drama," right?

Host: "Oh, they're so dramatic."

Dr. Alissa Briggs: You know, that would not be productive.

Host: Yeah. Right, right. Yeah.

Dr. Alissa Briggs: Right. So, that would not be productive. So, we want to make sure we're validating, we're open, we're providing support in a non-judgmental way.

Host: Yeah. And it makes me wonder, you know, again, with kids, myself and a 15-year-old daughter, that she often tells me stories about conversations she's had with her friends, and some of it does involve some mental health concerns, right? And I often wonder, and I'm sure a lot of parents do, you know, are they pretending this is a friend, but it's really their concern? Do you have any insight as to how we can tell what's really going on? Is this our kid sort of reaching out for help, but they don't want to say it, so they attribute these things to a friend. Like how do we sort of navigate that?

Dr. Alissa Briggs: That's a really good point. And I think, you know, you navigate that, by responding to your child with validation that, gosh, what they're going through must be really hard. And, you know, I hope they really have trusted adults in their life that can support them. And here are some people that friend can reach out to and it's never too late to reach out for help, and you hope that friend is safe, and those kinds of things. It's important even if you may be screaming on the inside, you know, not to overreact or go into judgment, right? Because then, you know, your kid will take that as a sign that you may not be a safe person to come to with that.

Host: Definitely. Yeah. At what point should an adult get involved and what steps should be taken once they reach the point where obviously some intervention is needed? Like when do we know and what do we do?

Dr. Alissa Briggs: The obvious step where we should get involved, where there is a clear safety concern, right? So, a friend, you know, has mentioned abuse or assault or suicide, we need to step in. And I think sometimes teens, you know, are afraid of their friend being upset with them. And my response to that is it's a lot easier to deal with a mad friend than it is to deal with a dead friend, right?

Host: Yeah, for sure.

Dr. Alissa Briggs: We have to step in and safety's number one. I think, you know, another thing to take seriously and step in would be eating disorders. The longer an eating disorder goes on, the harder it is to treat and it's actually the deadliest mental health condition. About 20% of people with eating disorders eventually succumb to the disease, so that's also, you know, something that we have to take seriously.

And then, if the degree of concern is getting to the point really where your kid is feeling trapped, their friend's distress is affecting your kid's own mental health, and the friend is like being resistant to encouragement to get help from an adult or a trained professional, that may be time to step into, right? You want to give time for that friend to kind of reach out and get the support they need. But if it just seems to be dragging on, then that may be time to step into.

Host: Yeah, absolutely. And I certainly appreciate your expertise and compassion today and, you know, oftentimes, at least in my experience with my kids, when they're telling me about their friends and some of the issues they're having, I've known these kids since they were little. You know, in some cases, I've known these kids since kindergarten or montessori school, and I care about them as well. And I'm sure a lot of parents are in that same boat where, "It's not my kid, but I care about this kid and I want to help them, and I want to, you know, get this right and not react too quickly or too severely." But also, as you say, we want them here. It's okay. You know, if they wanna be mad at, you know, at my daughter, that's fine. If they want to be mad at me, that's fine. But at least they're here, and we've done what we could to keep them here. So, doctor, really appreciate your expertise, your compassion, your time today. Thanks so much.

Dr. Alissa Briggs: Oh, thank you very much.

Host: And for more information, visit the Kentucky Children's Hospital website. And that wraps up another episode of UK HealthCast from UK HealthCare. Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast and all the other UK HealthCare podcasts. I'm Scott Webb. Stay well.