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Prakash Chandran: This Healthy Hero COVID-19 Podcast was recorded on October 21st, 2020. When life gets busy, certain things get put on the back burner. And one of those things is typically self-care. When you take time to establish a good self-care routine life and stressors can definitely become easier to handle. We're going to talk about it today with Ronnie T. Davis, a Positive Psychology Practitioner and Life Coach and Workshop Facilitator at UM UCH. This is the Healthy Hero Podcast from UM Upper Chesapeake Health. I'm Prakash Chandran. So Ronnie, thank you so much for joining me today. I wanted to start by asking you just how you're handling this time, and if it's impacted you at all?

Ronnie T. Davis: Well, it definitely has impacted me. I have my adult daughter and son-in-law and their five-year-old twin girls who I'm teaching kindergarten. So it has impacted me, normally my husband and I we've been empty nesters for years.

Host: Wow. What an adjustment that is. So tell me how you're going about adjusting to going from an empty nester to now a full house and teaching kindergartners?

Ronnie T. Davis: Well, luckily, I'm a former teacher, but I would never have taught kindergarten. And those teachers that teach kindergarten deserve something special. One thing I did is I've always been an early riser and I make sure I get up and before it was started to get dark, I get out and I walk and I make sure I'm part of nature and I breathe and I watch the sunrise. And that gives me hope that today will be a good day.

Host: Absolutely. I love that advice. There's something about getting up early and getting moving that just helps you just set the tone for the day and set that intention for the day. Wouldn't you say?

Ronnie T. Davis: It absolutely does. And as I said, my husband's not thrilled that I'm walking in the dark in our neighborhood, but you know, he's afraid I'm going to trip or something, but there's something special about watching the sunrise while you're walking. And I, at that time, I say affirmations and I tell myself today is going to be a good day today. We can do anything we put our minds to. And so it really helps me to set me up because teaching five-year-olds, like I said, I just, their kindergarten teachers are really special doing it virtually has really been a challenge, but that has helped me. And when I'm unable to take my walk. It really impacts my day.

Host: Absolutely. And that kind of gets into the routine of things, which I definitely want to get into. But you know, we're covering self-care and mindfulness today. And I wanted to ask you, what are some of the things that you're seeing people go through and how might they recognize when it's maybe time to take some time for themselves?

Ronnie T. Davis: I think first of all, everyone needs to take, do some self-care every day and some mindfulness, whether things are perfect in our world or not. And so I think when people are realizing when they're number one, I know a lot of people are drinking way too much, or they're losing their temper or they're feeling stressed. And the heart's racing a lot. It's time for them to sit back and say, well, I need to take care of myself. I need to be compassionate to myself. I need to not be so hard on myself because we have a tendency to be very hard on ourselves. And especially women. We have that negative voice in our head. So we need to turn that negative voice off. One of the things that I used to do when my husband used to travel and I had little kids, I would actually lock my bedroom door, go in the bathroom and lock that door and sit on the floor. And just for five minutes, just breathe. And that's something I think we all forget about. It's one of the things that's so easy for us to do is to just breathe. And sometimes the most important part of breathing is the rest that we have in between the breaths, just breathing in and counting and breathing out can help alleviate a lot of attention that we're feeling now, that almost everybody I speak to is feeling.

Host: You know, I want to bring up something that I think you're touching on here. I think that so many of us just get caught up in the rhythm of life and we forget to stand still and take care of ourselves and all of our emotions and our feelings are now compounded in the middle of this pandemic. We're in that we really aren't taking the time to take care of ourselves. So I really love the advice of forcing yourself to stand still and breathe. Just to take a moment to recognize that things are going to be okay. And you're in control of the situation. What other things might you recommend to help people take control of their days and their lives? If they're feeling a little stressed out?

Ronnie T. Davis: Well, as you mentioned about self-care, self-care is really important and it can be anything, like I said, from five minutes, sitting on the bathroom floor alone without having anybody call for you and mommy, or in my case, Nana, to breathing, to doing a yoga class, to getting up. If you can't get out in the morning, do some yoga, do some stretching. There's so many different things that you can do for self-care. And it's so important. Do your nails, take a shower, take a nice hot shower or a cold shower to wake you up, whatever is best for you. Make sure you take that time because you can't pour from an empty vessel. And if you're depleted, which so many of us are at times during the day, you will not be productive in any way. And I know a lot of people are not only teaching their children at home virtually and dealing with everything else, but they're also dealing with their job and work and spouses and family and all of those things that normally you have a routine and the routine has gone right now.

And so, it's really difficult for people to figure out what to do. And so if they take care of themselves, it's the first one. I know seven to eight hours of sleep would be great, but I have to tell you, I haven't been able to get that. I wake up and I'm stressed about different things and things that I have to do. But one thing I found if I get up and I also, before I get out of bed, I write in a journal and I write down some of the things that went well, the gratitude journal of things that went well the day before, and also make a list of goals that I need to accomplish. Like maybe just three major goals. And I feel better. Everything is down on paper. I can do this and it's self-affirmation. And I'm not saying, you know, look in the mirror and go oh, I'm beautiful and wonderful. You can do this. I can do this today. Say your name. So for me, I always look in the mirror sometimes in the morning when I'm getting ready to go for my walk, Ronnie, you've got today. This day is going to be great and I'll make it the best I can. There are times where I have little children that are crying and carrying on.

I have a daughter who gets frustrated sometimes with her job or a son-in-law who's, you know, gets frustrated with being her husband who wants everything to be perfect and can't make it perfect. Take a couple of deep breaths and move on and you can do it. Everybody has the ability to be able to deal with it. Now I have to say, there are times where we need somebody, more of a professional, a therapist, if there's a real blockage and you can't get past it, and you see that you're going down that rabbit hole. First of all, we do have permission to be human because we are human beings. And the first positive psychology teacher I ever had, Dr. Todd, BenShahar said, you have permission to be human, but if you find yourself going down that rabbit hole, you need to find professional care, you need help. And that's something that's really important because, and I know that a lot of the therapists are busy out there because of all of this. Yes. There's things we can do. But if you find yourself going down that hole, please go out and find a therapist to take care of you and to help you with the needs that you have.

Host: Now, Ronnie, I actually want to talk to you a little bit about that rabbit hole or that downward spiral. I think part of the issue that I've seen at least with my friends is that they don't, I think recognize when they're going down that hole. And even if they kind of do it almost feels like there's a stigma around reaching out for help. So I would love for you to address number one, how they might recognize when they need professional help? And number two, how they might get over this hurdle that you don't have to be at your wit's end before you reach out for help, you can do so sooner?

Ronnie T. Davis: When you find yourself going down that rabbit hole and you find yourself that you're always upset about things that are going on. I always say, give yourself a deadline, say, okay, you know, I'm going to be able to deal with this. I can't deal with this, but I'll start to deal with it and give yourself a deadline of a day or two. And I've even talked to some clients when they've had breakups with boyfriends or girlfriends, give yourself a date, not too far in the future, maybe a week. And if it's really bad, if it's something that you're really dealing with, and if you find in the week that you haven't been able to overcome it, and I mean a deadline with a date and a time and everything, specifically, right down to the minute, then it's time to look for help. If you feel you can't overcome it. The other thing is so many of us have friends and yes, we may not be able to see them and be with them and sit down and have a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with them. But you can reach out to them.

In fact, tonight I have a friend, a group of friends from high school who I haven't seen in many years, but we're going to reach out to each other. And we have been, to deal with some of the things and issues that each of us is dealing with in life right now. And it just helps to talk. Even if it's somebody saying to you, I understand, and not necessarily giving you advice, but just listening to you sometimes just saying it helps get it off our chest. And it helps make us feel better. We hold so many things inside and just getting it out, and it's venting really, or it is it's venting, but that venting sometimes just releases all of it. Unfortunately though, some people just like to vent. It's nice to be able to, if a friend says to you, okay, I understand what can you do to be proactive about it? But if you really feel like you can't get over it, and even after venting to a friend, it's okay. In fact, we have an issue going on right now with somebody and it's okay to go and speak to a therapist. In fact, it's best if you do, because the earlier you do the better you will be, the better you will be and the better everyone else around you will be.

One other thing I, you know, I always do in my workshops, it's funny, it's called a flourish and cocktail. And one thing we don't recognize how important it is. And even if you're alone is hugs, that skin to skin contact. And it's difficult now to get the hugs that we used to get. So you can also kind of hug yourself and it's close Havening, where you can rub your arms, cross your arms and rub it up and down to give that. And that does make you feel better knowing that you're not alone. And some people are suffering from loneliness now, which is really sad, but you can also hug your animals if you have an animal. So those are some things that you can do, but if you feel yourself that you can't get over feeling like you're going down that rabbit hole, then please reach out for somebody to talk to. And most of the therapists now are doing zoom calls. There shouldn't be a stigma. There should not be a stigma. And I think we're starting to move away from that in our society. I certainly hope so because I know that I've gone through things where I've had to go see a therapist to help me overcome and be able to, because I felt I was going down that rabbit hole.

Host: Such wonderful advice there. I could talk to you for a very long time about this topic, because it is extremely important and something that I think all of us are going through just as we start to wrap up here, one of the things we wanted to touch on was mindfulness. And I'd love for you to expand a bit more on what that exactly means.

Ronnie T. Davis: Oh, you know, it's funny because mindfulness, a lot of people think is just meditation and meditation is great, but you don't have to be sitting in a Lotus position saying um, to meditate, you can do what they call beditate, which is before you get up in the morning, just lay there and just concentrate on your breathing. Mindfulness is also taking that walk in the morning and being aware of nature. Mindfulness is standing on the grass in bare feet and feeling part of the earth, feeling that energy that comes. Mindfulness is listening to a tape of music that you have a playlist. Mindfulness is prayer. In fact, I always say to some of my friends that are Catholic it's rosary because they say I don't have time for mindfulness and meditation and all that because, you know, I say my rosary, which is wonderful, but that is mindfulness. Saying your morning prayers, saying your evening prayers, that's mindfulness as well. It's kind of freeing your mind from all the worries and stress and letting yourself become more relaxed and at one with yourself and at peace. Even if it's for a few minutes.

Host: You know, today we've talked about a lot of important things. You know, we talked about the importance of self-care and what that means to different people and it's whatever works for them. You know, for some people that's standing still painting their nails for other people, it might be playing a video game. It's just whatever works for you. Take time for yourself. We talked about, self-affirmation just saying that you can do it. You can tackle the day and whatever you might be going through. That is something that you can get through. Reaching out to someone is so important, right? If you're going through something, reaching out to a friend and especially if you start going down that rabbit hole, reaching out to someone professional, to help you get through whatever situation you're in. And then finally this mindfulness aspect, whether that be breathing, whether that be beditating, whether that be listening to music, it's different for everyone. But I love that rosary analogy. It's taking the time to just count the things that maybe you're thankful for and the things that you have and the things that are around you just before we wrap, besides all of what I just mentioned. Is there anything else that you would like to leave our audience with today that can help them be more self-aware and more mindful and take care of themselves better during this time?

Ronnie T. Davis: The big thing is to take me time and also to have self-compassion, which is turning off those negative voices in our heads. What would we say? If we were talking to our best friend, be kind to ourselves many times, we're not kind to ourselves and we need to, especially during this time. So that's my big takeaway is make sure you're kind to yourself.

Host: Well, Ronnie, I think that is the perfect place to end. Thank you so much for your time today. That's Ronnie T. Davis, a positive psychology practitioner and life coach and workshop facilitator at UM UCH. For more information, please visit UMUCH.org/hero. And if you found this podcast helpful, please share it on your social channels and be sure to check out the entire podcast library for topics of interest to you. This is The Healthy Hero Podcast from UM Upper Chesapeake Health. Thanks, and we'll talk next time.