Caitlin Whyte (Host): Welcome, dear listeners, to another compelling episode of in their words, the podcast proudly presented by UPMC in Central Pennsylvania and the UPMC Pinnacle Foundation. Today, we embark on an extraordinary journey, one filled with courage, compassion, and the remarkable spirit of giving.

Meet Mary Oliviera, a beacon of selflessness and resilience. In this episode, we unveil Mary's awe-inspiring tale, a journey that began with a profound act of kindness, igniting a chain of events that would change lives forever. Mary's story isn't just about her own triumphs. It's about the lives she touched and the legacy she built. Her journey took an extraordinary turn when she chose to become a living organ donor, offering the gift of life to save a friend's daughter. It's a testament to her courage and compassion, a decision that echoes the depth of her character. Today, she stands as a beacon of inspiration, holding the reigns as the CEO and President of the Whitaker Center for Science and the Arts in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. So, sit back dear listeners and prepare to feel the extraordinary power of In Their Words.

Mary Oliviera: So, my name is Mary Oliviera, Central Pennsylvania native, wife, mother, community active, volunteer, someone who just tries to do good by doing good. And my story really starts with this simple kind of three or four sentence, I guess, boilerplate, you would call it. So, I have a friend, she has a daughter, who had a problem. And I think the most important part of that three-statement platform is the last verb tense. She had a problem.

So, being a mother of two beautiful human beings myself in August of 2020, when my friend reached out in a small group chat to say, "Help, I'm a mom trying to save her daughter." The tears are going to start welling up as these words come out. There was no hesitation in my mind and in my heart. I was literally in a car driving with my own 17-year-old daughter at the time. I remember where we were, I remember the weather, I remember the music on the radio when I saw that text come across my phone. And immediately said, "Wow. I need to donate my kidney." And my daughter said, "What? What are you talking about?" And I didn't want to alarm her in the moment, so I just covered it up, but immediately went home to my husband and said, "How would you feel if I got tested to donate a kidney?" You can imagine his immediate response was certainly, "What are you talking about?" And so, we talked it through when I told him who, how, and why this had come into our life. He was right behind me immediately. "I know you. You have a heart of platinum, not gold. You just want to save everyone you can and fix everyone's problems, and this is just who you are. So, we're with you. What do we have to do?"

We happen to be going away for my birthday a few weeks later. Now, mind you, remember I said August 2020, so this is while the world was still in the midst of COVID. "What is this? When are we done? You know, what happened to that initial two-week timeframe of getting back to life being normal?" So while we're still trying to figure all of that out, I'm throwing this monkey wrench into our daily lives by saying, "Oh and by the way, I'm going to go get tested to see if I can be a donor." I'm 49 years old, fairly active, fairly healthy. So hey, why not? You know, that's just kind of been my attitude in life. Why not? If I tell my kids, "You never know unless you try, so eat the broccoli casserole. You never know unless you try." I had to at least see if I could help.

So, we were down in Deep Creek, Maryland for my birthday. And I made the call to the UPMC Transplant Office. Left a message on a Friday afternoon, giving them my information and saying I wanted to schedule an appointment. Fortunately, O negative, so that was the first green light, where they got really excited a few weeks later saying, "Okay, you know, that's a hurdle." I called my friend and I said, "Hey. I don't know where this is going to go, but I signed up. I'm getting tested. I passed the first hurdle here and we'll see where it goes." And we just had a great conversation mother to mother. And then, I came and I met the team here at the UPMC Harrisburg Hospital in the Transplant Office and felt like I was coming home to a family immediately. You know, the coordinators, the entire team just immediately, not only did I feel from them, "Wow, you're doing this great thing for another human being. But we also have your back." And I think that helped my husband kind of relax a little bit because, every step along the way, so the journey started in September with that initial blood test, and I get very excited every time. You know, of course, my pop up in the portal showed, and then I went in and I'm Googling what that meant versus, you know. And of course, my coordinators kept saying, "Stop Googling your portal announcement until we call you." But to me, being unremarkable for the first time in my life as a designation was a little unsettling at first, until they told me that being unremarkable in medical terminology is a really good thing.

So, we go into October, we're doing more testing. And again, it's also first year of the COVID pandemic, so things are probably taking a little bit longer than they normally would have in different circumstances. And then, I am told, "Okay, you know, the next one is a big investment of time. You're going to come in for two whole days. Psychiatric evaluation, you know, incredible analysis of everything within your body that we can possibly poke, prod, and pull out of you." And it goes back to that initial feeling I had in September when I met the team for the first time. Not only did they want to do their best medical intervention with my gift of life proposal for someone, but they also wanted to make sure that the outcome for me was equally successful that even though I was healthy and I was in a good fit state, that post surgery, should we get to that ultimate end state, everything was a good outcome for me as the donor as well.

My husband came in and he talked with the surgeon. And he was able to express his concerns and his fears. We finally shared it with my children who were 17 and 21 at the time. And that was a great dinner conversation around the table, hundreds that we've had over the years. And there were some, you know, apprehension, some tears, but ultimately a big group hug. And they're like, "Yeah, mom, this is you. It makes sense. You do you. Go save the world." So, it was their confidence.

And then, as we were moving forward, the subject of paired exchange came up. And that wasn't something I really knew much about. But given some physiological differences between me and my intended recipient, it made sense to look into it. So, the paired exchange was a unique scenario at first that I was hesitant about because this was my friend and this was her daughter, and that's who I wanted to save or help live a healthier life. And then, my 17-year-old daughter turned to me, again, vividly in the kitchen on a Sunday morning as we're making pancakes, and she said, "Mom, you're not saving one person, you're saving two this way." Like, how my 17 year old, you know, knock on wood, just had that much ability to see through my blindsidedness. And I said, "You're right, why am I even hesitating to do this?" So, we get the results back from the two days of poking and prodding and evaluation. And they said, "Okay, we're ready to put your profile together and submit it to committee." And this was right before Thanksgiving, and it was amazing.

And along the way, I hadn't really been giving a lot of information to my friend. I didn't want to get their hopes up, not knowing where this was going to go. We're talking about a young woman in her early adult stages, mentioned already my biological age, and you just still wasn't sure. You just never know until the ink is on the paper. But my team said to me, "We don't put a folder in front of the committee for them to say no. We do our best to not do that."

So, I was going to be on the calendar for December of 2020, so after all of those months of everything. So, I finally told my extended family, my parents, my siblings at Christmas dinner. Again, a lot of hugs, a lot of tears, a lot of trepidation. But ultimately, still, you know, it always takes a village. Everybody said, "This is you. We know it, we believe in you, and we're here for whatever you need."

So, fast forward, waiting, you know, holidays to see what the committee says. And I get the call mid-January. It was the Friday before Martin Luther King weekend. And I'm working from home because, again, we're only January of '21, still figuring this pandemic thing out. I'm working at home and I get the call from the coordinator from the transplant team. And she said, "Great news, you've been approved." Here we go, the tears, they just started rolling down my face. And I just could not imagine the magnitude of the gift that I had been given for the gift I was about to give. And she said, "Would you like to call your friend and would you like to share this news with her?" So, quick text message, "Hey, are you free?" She calls me and I said, "Guess what? I've been approved." And she says, "Approved for what? What are you talking about?" And I said, "Oh, that's right. It's been a minute." I've been approved to donate my kidney for her daughter. There's a loud crash in the background. And, you know, our story locally has gotten out and then lots of tears shared between these two moms, because this had been a journey they had been on for years and years and had gotten horrifically challenging with her health and the obstacles that she was facing. And you know, it just paled in comparison to what, you know, I had learned I'd be going through. I've lived a great life. I've been married now 25 plus years, two great human beings as my children, a loving family, a good career, good education. I've been so blessed to never really have any serious medical issues as a challenge, and yet I have this young woman who is the same age and trying to live the same life that I've been able to get my children on the path of, not for nothing that she's done or chosen, it chose her. So, some more poking, some more prodding, some more testing. I think I gave up more blood over the course of this time in little vials that I knew I had inside of me. And then, we got the call and my counselor said, "Okay. How does March 17th look to you for surgery day? And I said, "Well, this Irish girl says that's a lucky date. That's the best date that we could choose." So, fast forward to about a week pre-surgery, we come in, finally coming together. My recipient, my friend, me, we're riding up in the elevator together for our final poke and prod visit to make sure one week out that we're ready to go.

And the paired exchange was really the route that seemed most advantageous. So, what that meant was our medical files got uploaded into the national database. There's a few different organizations that I'm sure the foundation will be sharing with you, that put my file out to see is there a more compatible match somewhere in the United States that my kidney could help someone. But because I'm donating on my intended recipient's behalf, that makes her eligible to receive one through that same database that is more of a compatible match than mine might have been for her. So again, focused on the best outcomes for everyone involved every step of the way. That was something that came across crystal clear from the transplant team.

So, they found her a donor as we step off the elevator. My friend's excited. They didn't ever think this day would come. She's like, "Oh my, God. My heart's going to leap out of my chest." I remember turning to her and saying, "I've only got one of those. You can't have it. So you got to calm down." And we just had a good chuckle that kind of, you know, broke the tension. We get what we think is our last appointments, drive home. One week out, we're all going to meet up in, you know, our caps and our gowns and our little footie socks that they give you in one week and we'll be ready to go.

Host: But in the world of living organ donation, not every step is without its challenges. In this case, there was a complication and unforeseen twist in her journey that tested the resolve and resistance of both parties.

Mary Oliviera: And then, I get a call as I'm driving home. "We have some unfortunate news. Your recipient's donor, unfortunately, has a medical issue. So, there's going to be a delay for her to receive hers next week. Would you still like to go through with your scheduled donation on March 17th?" Now, not only had my donation through the paired exchange, you know, ultimately found out that my kidney went to Minnesota, so I'm somewhere out in the Midwest, but it actually ended up triggering four paired exchanges in the system. So, I said to my counselor, "So if I say no, I want to wait for my friend's daughter so we can do this on the same day, those other families will get the same call that she just got?" And they said, "Yes." And I said, "I can't do that." As long as I know she will get her kidney and this is not a bait and switch and she said, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Rest assured."

Well, you know, they say, fortuitously, things happen for a reason. Unfortunately, she couldn't go through immediately with her surgery for March 17th to receive her new kidney. I went through with my donation. So, luck of the Irish, coming into the hospital, waking up in the recovery room with my husband's face hovering over me, just making sure everything went okay. I spent a few days here at UPMC Harrisburg Hospital with such an incredible team. My surgeon, who had to come in and kind of let me know that I needed to take the pain meds as directed and not try to be a trooper and warrior through this. I had the most angelic nurse in the three days that I was in the hospital. I think I nominated her for a DAISY award. I hope she got it. Everything went off wonderfully and I was able to go home and recover on my sofa with my husband and my children and amazing friends and community and support as the story started to get out. Well, that original donor from the database that my recipient was supposed to be paired with just couldn't quite come out of her medical issues, so they went back into the database.

Host: In the world of living organ donation, there are often questions that echo through the minds of both donors and those who care for them. One of the most common inquiries that revolves around the donor's health post-surgery. For Mary Oliviera, the answer is clear and resounding. Despite the complexities and challenges that accompanied her journey as a living organ donor, she is doing remarkably well.

Mary Oliviera: I'm so happy to report that on June 9th, so it took a little longer than we had hoped, she ended up with a 10 out of 10 instead of maybe a nine out of 10 match for her. So, it happens for a reason, and patience is a virtue. And here we are getting ready to celebrate two years post-donation. I believe March 16th, I go in for my two-year checkup and graduate, have maintained. Good health, no issues, no worries, no fears. I have tried to find every outlet possible through written word, now, you know, here with this to just encourage people to learn. This was not something that was on my bucket list of life. I ran a marathon before, that was on my bucket list of things to do, traveling, you know. It never really occurred to me, although on my driver's license, of course, I'm an organ donor should I not be here. I just never knew much of anything about living organ donation, and finding out through this process that over 100,000 people in the United States are waiting and hoping and praying for someone to just step up and learn about it and see if they can give the gift of life. I was almost ashamed that I hadn't learned more about it prior to this scenario, but I'm a firm advocate for wanting to share the story in any outlet made available.

Here I am two years later, you know, doing fine, doing fine. My body is good. It is still healthy. It is chugging along. And when I see my recipient, my friend's daughter thriving, moving through life now as she should as a young adult, living a life of goals and a career, and giving back to the community, and not being hooked up to a machine every night. Would I do it all over again if I had a third kidney? Yes, I would. So, I don't and I can't, but I would encourage and I would meet with anyone and give up any time of any day to share this experience to say, "She got a new kidney, but I got a gift that I can't put a bow on." So, that's my story.

It was a two-pronged emotional catalyst, I guess. It was definitely that, as I shared, getting that immediate plea "I'm a mom trying to save her child" as I'm sitting next to my own daughter next to me and my son, a few years older. Back in 2015, I lost my biological mother to liver cancer. And that was the very first time I had possibly heard and learned of potential donation as she was patient at another hospital in the region that I thought to maybe donate some of my liver to help her through her medical issues. And unfortunately, it wasn't an opportunity. So, that was the very first thing. So, it was both being in the seat of the mother, hoping that if my children ever encountered anything, that somebody would step up and help. And then, it was also as a daughter, not being able to save my own mother. So, call it a shero complex if you want to. It's not. You know, my friend and her daughter have said time and time again, "Oh my God, we can never repay you." And I have shushed them time and time again. There's no debt here. You just live the life you were supposed to live before this awful disease decided to come visit your doorstep. That's all I need you to do. That is all I need to see.

So, she was a thriving athlete, full ride for college for basketball. So, incredibly physical and healthy, going off to college, knowing this was an issue she was dealing with. But being told and thinking you've got at least 10 years before the progression would really cause a higher level of intervention medically. And four years later, she's graduating, there she is already. So, as a young adult having to face getting up, going to work, still trying to carve out the life that she had imagined for herself and then coming home to hook herself up to a dialysis machine to be able to give her body what it needed since it couldn't give her what she needed. What has been shared is it was a female patient. So again, very much something that is meaningful to me as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter, as a wife, not that I wouldn't give otherwise. And what the family was comfortable sharing is that both of us, because again, my donation surgery was early morning of March 17th, 2020, flown to Minnesota. She received it that afternoon, that having this happen on St. Patrick's Day was meaningful to their family as well. So, those little things that the universe drops for us to just let us know that it's meant to happen. I like to think no news is good news, and I'm sure that the transplant team here at UPMC Harrisburg is monitoring her in the capacity needed, and they would be aware. So, I hope that kidney's going strong for her for a long time to come.

Host: Amidst Mary Oliviera's journey, as a living organ donor, she was fortunate to have a team of experts guiding her every step of the way.

Mary Oliviera: Oh, Dr. Ladie was great. Between her and Dr. Yang, it was a combination of a tag team approach to just, you know, let me know I was in great hands. And again, you think about medical profession, male-dominated, especially at such a technical, surgical level. So to have a female surgeon doing this, not trying to sound like this grandiose feminist in any way, but again, all of those things matter. And as I mentioned, I struggled a little bit with the post-op medicine, probably more just a psychological fear of taking more than I needed. As I shared with my mother's own journey, my biological mother who had addiction issues, fear of that. And Dr. Ladie came into my room and said, "Mary, we're not turning you into an addict. We're taking care of you. Trust us. We know what you need. Trust us. Now, let us take care of you."

And so, yeah, I've seen her a couple of times since then. And as long as I get the thumbs up from her, I guess we're good. I got back into the gym a little too soon, too quick. So, I had to get another little lecture about three months post-op about slowing down and, giving myself some space and grace to heal. And last summer probably, put on a two-piece bikini at the beach and I have this beautiful little two-inch badge of honor right there that shows me every single day and reminds me of what I was chosen and honored to be able to do for some other human being. And I get to see that every day when I'm getting dressed or in the shower, looking in the mirror, and I get to show it off to the world. And I put that two-piece on, because I wanted people to ask me about it. So, I have another opportunity to tell this story anyway, anywhere that I can and get people to just learn about it.

Host: Recovery from living organ donation is a journey that unfolds over time, encompassing both short-term and long-term phases. For Mary Oliviera, this journey was no exception.

Mary Oliviera: Well, it's actually short term. So, immediately post-op, you have a six week checkup that you come back for. Then, you come back six months later. And then, you come back on your one-year anniversary. And so far, flying colors at all of those followups. And as mentioned, on March 16th, I'll go in for my two-year post-op. And everything's still going well with all of my numbers and functionality, I graduate. And it's one of those bittersweet moments where I know the team has said, "This is something that we look forward to and hate for the day to come, because we really don't have a need to see you even if we want to." but I've joined the transplant team as a mentor for other patients, either considering it, that maybe want to hear, you know, a story to help them cross that line to make the commitment, or those who are starting off the process and just want to talk through all of the unknowns, not from the medical side, but from someone who's experienced it.

There's a Relay for Life in Philadelphia every April, so I did that last year to raise funds and awareness. I'm joining the team again this year. So while I won't have to actively participate with the transplant family as a patient, after I graduate in a few weeks as a volunteer, as a supporter as an ally, as an advocate for donor donation, I'm all in forever.

Host: When asked how her journey as a living organ donor has changed her and how it has impacted the lives of her family, Mary Oliviera's response encapsulates the profound depth of transformation that accompanies such a selfless act.

Mary Oliviera: I wouldn't say changed them so much as, you know, we raise our children trying to be great examples of community involvement. So when my husband and I serve on boards, when we go out into the community, they grew up as young children into young teens and young adults right beside us. If we were volunteering at an event, they were there with us, they were volunteering. If we were giving back in some way, their birthday presents from their grandparents were, "Here's a gift for you and here's a gift to give." So even learning from a financial, time, talent, and treasure, how do they do that? Our daughter has chosen a career in nursing. She's actually studying out in Pittsburgh at UPMC's Mercy School of Nursing right now. So, could it have had some trigger for her to think about that?

I think probably the best lesson for me, my husband, and my children were those first few weeks post-op because as the mother, as a strong female figure, I've always been that driving force behind our family. And my husband and I are great partners, but anyone who knows us would say, you know, Mary drives the bus. So, the words of Dr. Ladie, "Trust us to take care of you," really resonated with me, and as I mentioned, my beautiful angel nurse, Olivia. When I got home Letting my family take care of me, again, this is March of '21, so my son was home doing his senior year of college from home. My daughter's home from high school, her senior year of high school. So, I needed help. I needed help moving around. I needed help bringing me meals those first few days, making sure I took my medicine. Leaning on them for a change, which I think was a big reward for them to finally be able to take care of me, as they felt I've done their whole life. So, I think the dynamic of our family deepened even more so as an unexpected gift for all of us.

 Learn about organ donation. There's just so many people out there in this world who need you to just visit the website, ask a question, pick up the phone and just find out if you can save a life. Do it, because you're saving your own in some way, shape, or form at the same time, even if an unexpected consequence. It's the best thing you could ever think to come out of it.

Host: As we draw to a close on this poignant episode of In Their Words. We extend our heartfelt gratitude to Mary Oliviera. Her selflessness, courage and unwavering spirit have touched our hearts and inspired us all. As we commemorate Donate Life Month, let us heed Mary's powerful message and consider the vital importance of organ donation. It's a gift that has the power to transform lives and offer hope to those in need by spreading awareness, fostering compassion, and embracing the spirit of giving. Together, we can make a difference one selfless act at a time. Until next time, this is In Their Words.