Caitlin Whyte (Host): Welcome to In Their Words, where we explore the transformative journeys of individuals whose lives have been touched by compassionate care. Today, we meet Ashley Fox, a mother who's story of resilience and growth is deeply intertwined with UPMC Women's Behavioral Health.

Ashley Fox: All right. So, my name is Ashley Fox. I'm a talent acquisition partner with Carlyle Construction Materials, but I'm also Grayson's mama now. He is an 11 month-old little guy who ultimately was the beginning and the reason that I really started the journey with UPMC Women's Behavioral Health.

I think it was 2019, is when it all started. I had asked someone at random that I worked with if they had ever heard of anyone that could help me get off of a medicine I was on. You know, at that time, I didn't know what psychiatrists were, what psychologists were. I was kind of very much so, like, "Don't talk about it. It doesn't matter." So, I found out about Dr. Silver, who is the practice that I attend. And within that, she started to treat me, to help me get off of a medicine so that I could have a baby one day. And it was the worst journey of my life. Absolute worst journey. It took over two years to get off. I was required to some degree to do therapy. And I thought, "Well, I've tried that once or twice, it doesn't work." so if you're going to make me do therapy, then it's going to have to be your therapist, which it was. So, I ended up going to therapy there through the practice, did all the steps, stayed super dedicated and we're in 2023 now and a totally different outlook. A hundred percent different outlook on everything, including the doctors, the help, the program, the therapy, just the dedication.

So, oh, it's all so emotional. I might cry, I don't know. So again, journey started with coming off of a very high anxiety medicine that was not promoted for women getting pregnant. And then, switching off onto another medicine that was going to allow me some stability throughout pregnancy and postpartum, but also get me to a mentally healthy place that I don't think I didn't know I wasn't in, if that makes any sense. So, very uneducated in the whole process of what this medicine does, what it's for, how to use it safely. And the big part for me is the fact that the medicine isn't the fixer. The medicine helps stabilize, but you putting the work in is what is going to ultimately change the way you think, the way you process, all of it.

Host: Ashley's path to motherhood was far from straightforward. It began with a quest for change and led her to the doors of UPMC Women's Behavioral Health. Here, she found more than just medical care. She discovered a team dedicated to nurturing both her physical and emotional wellbeing.

Ashley Fox: So when I first started in therapy with Virginia, one of the things I noticed that I really liked was in this program, I'll call it a program because it really was for me, she did not ask me about my mother and my relationship with my mother in the first session, which is something that I feel like is a big, big thing. And it just drove me off a few different times. So, she would ask about, you know, why I want to be a mom, how my job was, which was horrible at the time, by the way, it was a horrible job. She walked me through all of that, the motivators for getting off the medicine and changing things within myself.

So after a few months, I really started to-- I don't know, Virginia just had a presence of I want to be here to help you. It wasn't driving toward anything. It wasn't pushing an agenda. Within a year, I was struggling with panic attacks. Definitely, moments of not certain that this was going to be worth it. Like, this journey could not possibly be this important for me to almost lose my life over, right? It couldn't be that big. So, lots of times talked off the ledge, lots of times where Dr. Silver had to tweak the program or tweak the medicine and help me. And there were definitely days and moments where I thought to myself, "Oh, my God. Why am I even doing this?" Nobody understood me. Nobody understood me except my husband. He was there through it all. And man, is the spouse a trooper or anyone who lives in the household during that cycle of life?

Host: In the guidance of Dr. David Silver and the empathetic support of behavioral health therapists, Virginia Getz, Ashley found the courage to challenge her preconceptions about mental health. Her journey reminds us that true healing often requires us to embrace unfamiliar paths.

Ashley Fox: So, 2019 is when I started the program. Around 2020, 2021, I think I realized that I was, you know, in a stable place and I'm like, I'm ready to try for the child. So, we did. Quick process. Grayson was here very fast. So, I was extremely blessed because my biggest fear was, "What if I can't have children? I'm getting older. Is this going to be worth it? I did all of this for potentially nothing. What will that look like?" So, I can truly say that since Grayson has come here, the therapy really made sense to me even more. The reparenting myself, understanding that how I was raised or what I did when I was younger, it does not necessarily define who I am and also really wasn't who I was. So, just identifying that some of the big key points were being kind to myself, finding my capital S self, learning who I am, who do I want to be and regulating emotion. So, not always living up here, which is where I lived all the time, especially on the medicine I was on, but really understanding that while medicine can help, me becoming emotionally, I'll call it stable, even though that's such a harsh word, emotionally stable was the most important factor.

And that could not-- she'll disagree with this statement-- that could not have happened without therapy. Just breaking down so many years of what I will call trauma for this, but in essence, I mean, I didn't have a traumatic childhood. I really didn't. I had a great childhood, great parents. But who I was and who I wanted to be, which I really found in my husband, were just two very different people, right? I wanted to see the world differently. I wanted to live a lot bigger than I had grown up. And all of it was terrifying to me. So, all of that work in therapy really hit it home for both of us. I could talk about this for days.

Host: Ashley's story illuminates a profound truth about mental health recovery. That it's a harmony of professional support and personal dedication.

Ashley Fox: Yeah. Yes, confident. Yes, there's something about her I believed in. And also, the husband as well. I've seen them both now. So, they're both great. Kudos to them for being able to do this to help people. But yeah, she was comforting. She didn't remind me of a gritty white coat, like a doctor that is very like all white, right? It's like very sterile. It's very uncomfortable. She definitely had a side to her that reminded me of a therapist, but in a really good way. I will say that throughout the journey, I didn't always feel that way, right? There were times where I'm like, "I do not like her. I do not want to do this anymore. I am frustrated. This is not working for me. What does she know? Lots of times, lots of times, I experienced that. But again, her practice, how she treated me coupled with her requests. Again, I don't want to say it was forced, but it was definitely requested, encouraged that I did therapy. That coupled together, it changed everything. I don't know that I would have stuck through the journey with just her. I don't know. I don't know that I could have. So, it was important that they were together.

Honestly, it doesn't have to be similar. Like literally, I've told anyone that I've met who is struggling through, whether it's medicine, truly like medicine, not wanting to go on antidepressants, wanting to have babies, not being able to have babies, I'm always, always like "UPMC." I can't give you any other gift in this life other than UPMC Women's Behavioral Health. Go there. See them. Try to get into their therapist and everything will change. I don't even know if I can put words around it, but I'm always advocating that, look, I went through a really big journey where I hated doctors, right? I mean, In the middle of this detox, I'm like, "Who was my doctor that put me on this? It was her fault." Very much so a blame game. So, I'm like, "I hate medical providers. I won't go to any hospitals. I won't go to doctors. I don't trust anyone with my healthcare at this point." I mean, Virginia knew that deeply. There were times where I'm like, "I will not take that medicine that Dr. Silver prescribed," because I was becoming this anti-all medical. I don't even know how to explain it. I was like really scaring myself, because I'm like, "You kind of have to go to a hospital. You know, you have to sometimes." But anyone who I feel is in those moments where they're like, "Look, I'm terrified. I have panic attacks or I feel this certain way or I'm having really strong emotions." Mine was rage and anger. I don't know how I necessarily approach it, but I've always found a way and I just kind of entered into the conversation. I mean, I genuinely don't think there's words for it. It's just like this moment you feel like when someone comes to you and you're talking to them, you're like, "You know what? I think I need to tell you something. I need to tell you my story. I think this is going to help you. And in this new world of, you know, this culture that we try to create at work where your sense of belonging and feeling inclusive, I feel like this is my story that I'm able to give to others who maybe don't even realize that they need it.

So, I would say that it took me a minute to find the centerpiece where it's like, "I love my parents, I love everything they gave me, they did absolutely everything they could, but I want to do different," and then be so proud. If you would have met me at the beginning of my journey, there was not a lot of positive self-speak. There was a lot of like, "Ugh, I hate the way I look. I hate this. I hate that." It was just very negative and I didn't know that's what it was. Oh my gosh, when you start being nice to yourself, you change on the outside. So, I am proud. I'm immensely proud of myself. I am thankful every single day that I didn't have Grayson younger. Like, it was supposed to be later in life, it was supposed to be with Andrew, it was supposed to be Grayson. Like, this was what it was supposed to be. And I hope most people can feel that because Grayson is way more special than I ever thought a child could be. And every day, I'm so proud that he's going to get raised in an environment that is emotionally intelligent and allows him to understand that he can have these feelings and how to work through them versus covering them or it not being okay or not manly enough, right? He's not going to have that. And it's great. It's very great.

Host: As Ashley speaks. Her words resonate with the urgency of someone who has walked through darkness and found light. Her impassioned plea for support of UPFC women's behavioral health. Is a rallying cry for all who believe in the importance of women's mental health. It's worth noting that the UPMC Pinnacle Foundation is proud to support women's behavioral health programs and providers at UPMC in Central PA ensuring that this vital care continues to be available to those who need it most.

Ashley Fox: Again, I know that Virginia would be mad at me for saying this, but she saved my life. Dr. Silver and Virginia saved my life. Had I not been told about them, I don't actually know that this journey would have happened. I mean, could I still had a kid on the medicine? Yeah, sure, maybe. But I wouldn't be this person that is authentically real and I'm proud of every single day. I mean, just zero to 60 over the last three or four years through this journey and to not have those resources or not be able to advocate and share those resources like I do with all my friends, I don't know.

I guess what I would say is that for any woman who struggles to have a baby or is on a medicine that doesn't allow them, there's so many different reasons, right, that you could go to UPMC Women's Behavioral. No matter what they are, just put yourself in that position and just think like, "Wow, this could be me." So if I had the financial resources, I would give them everything. I would give them everything to keep that practice going real. Because believe me, many times I was terrified because it was a small practice. I mean, I've cried at least once or twice because I've lost Virginia and then I've been able to go back, you know, had a baby. So, I got to see Virginia again, but that relationship was crucial for me to get to where I am today, and it's going to be crucial for Grayson and any other children that we're blessed enough to have.

So I would certainly hope that, if you were going to put your stuff somewhere, your money, your finances, your help, or support, that it would be something like this, that not enough people know about, or care about, or talk about, so that we can become educated as a society and help women. Bless these people. And Virginia, I'm always going to remember Virginia. I'm going to have another kid just so I can come back to the practice and see Virginia again.

Host: In Ashley's closing words, we hear the echoes of countless women whose lives have been forever changed by the care they received. Her story is a beacon of hope. Illuminating the vital work being done at UPMC Women's Behavioral Health and inspiring us all to support this crucial mission. Through the continued support of organizations like the UPMC Pinnacle foundation, these life-changing services can reach even more women in our community. Join us next time for another inspiring episode of In Their Words.