Iris Clark (Host): Hi everybody, I'm Iris Clark, the Social Media Manager and the Director of the For the Girls podcast. So excited to have you here today. So today we have Ellie Hardy on the podcast again, one of our reoccurring guests who we love so much. So today we're going to talk about mental health and just kind of have an open discussion on like, the latest in Ellie's life and kind of like the ups and downs of mental health in college and all that kind of stuff.

So Ellie, if you just want to kind of give us like a background on like what's happening lately? Like we know that you're new in college. It's November now. So we're getting closer to the holidays. So how have you been feeling about everything?

Ellie Hardy: It's definitely been very stressful recently obviously, just with finals and stuff like that. But, I will say that mental health in college is definitely way more difficult you know, you don't kind of have that support system that you had in high school. I came back for Thanksgiving break and right now I'm just kind of deciding whether to go back or finish the semester online right now just because so much has been going on and literally I'm just kind of letting myself like, just like do what you need to do to get yourself back on track.

But I just think right now, just taking time to myself and being back home is definitely leading me in the right direction. Obviously, it's hard, like, not to be around my friends. But one thing that I realized is I definitely got carried away with college and like the parties and going out and hanging out with your friends; that it took time away from me doing schoolwork and my grades are starting to be affected by that. So that's definitely something that I've had to learn the hard way. And it has not been easy at all these past couple weeks just trying to deal with that. Plenty of mental breakdowns. I'm sure we're all, we've all been there.

Plenty of mental breakdowns, but just I'm taking it each day at a time and it's it feels good to be back home because you know I have my mom and my dad and my sister just like all kind of around me helping me so that's made it a lot easier.

Host: Yeah, I think that having a support system is so, like important and you have it your entire life so close to you and then if you decide you're going to move away to college, it's so hard to kind of like go without that for a while and in a way you can struggle, like a lot of people struggle with that.

I know I struggle with that going to college and moving away and just not having those people around you anymore to kind of help keep you on track because you're fully self sufficient when you go to college. That can be so hard when you kind of start to get down on yourself for not being able to balance all these things.

And like from schools to from school to being social, to like all the different aspects of college, I feel like it's so easy to kind of fall into the trap of focusing on one way more than the other. And I did the same thing about focusing on my social life way more than school. Iy's definitely give and take. You have to find your balance.

And that can be hard, especially for your mental health to be like, why am I having such a hard time in school when like, maybe I was doing better in high school and like, why? It's just like hard to kind of figure it out, but it's just, there's so many new aspects to college that it's hard to balance.

 I love that you said that and you were just so honest about the fact that like balancing it is hard and like it's not, it's not just, it doesn't just like come naturally to like change everything and like try and balance all these things. It's hard. So, I love that you're making that decision for yourself to maybe stay online for the rest of the semester. It's hard to kind of choose that kind of different path than other people are doing. So, how has that been for you? Like, kind of trying to decide that and navigate that?

Ellie Hardy: It's definitely been difficult. It's still something that I'm just trying to like process and work through because, you know, at the end of the day, no matter if my friends are still going to be at PBA, like, it's my journey, and like, I need to do what's best for me at the end of the day. As much as I would want to go back, I just gotta make sure that, like, I put my priorities first, and I feel like I've, like, this semester, in the past, I've just put everyone's priorities before mine.

And I think that's definitely what's gotten me into this position that I'm in right now and why it's so difficult for me to make that decision. Cause I'm definitely easily influenced. If you ask me to go out and get food or go out and party, oh, I'm there. I will be there. I love it. I'm like, uh, I'm just, that's the best thing.

But once you start, it kind of becomes a habit, and then you look back on it, or you get to a point, and you're like, Oh, God, what did I do? Like, now I'm, like, stuck here with 20 missing assignments, and 15 absences, and, like, all this stuff, and you're like, whoa, what just happened? So it was definitely a lot for me to take in, and something that me and my mom have had to talk about, but as long as you're open, like, there was definitely a part of me that did not want to tell my mom that I had not gone to class, and missed so many assignments, but it definitely helped to get it off, like, my chest because then she was able to be like, okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna email your teachers and, you know, we have done that.

We've made the most of what we can do, and we've done as much as we can do, and I definitely wouldn't be in this position without, I just chose to go out and, like, not do my schoolwork. So, it kind of depends, you know, if I want to go back next semester, I'm definitely going to need to buckle down and, you know, get a job, focus on school, but most importantly, I need to put myself first because I just haven't done that.

And that's always something that I've wanted to do for myself because I feel like even in high school, I was very selfless and like, okay, I need to make sure I get this done for that person, and like, literally even in college, like my friends are like, hey, can you help me with this assignment? And even if I'm struggling in my assignment, I'll still stop and like help her with that. So I just need to definitely work on making sure I have my priorities set, and doing what I want to do with my life. And if that means, moving back home and doing online classes and getting a job. That's what it takes, but I'm not gonna like beat myself up about not going to college. You know what I mean?

Host: Totally. And I love your whole thought process behind this. Like I feel like you're so level headed and clear headed about like what you feel like you need to do to get back on track. And like, you have to just forgive yourself. Like everyone gets caught up in college, especially freshman year. And that was something I was going to kind of touch on is the fact that freshman year, I'm gonna say probably 99 percent of people get swept up in the college life, and like, that's as you should. It's fun. Like, you're learning this new life.

And so, beating yourself up about it, it just doesn't do any good. And, once you get past the freshman year kind of shock, I have to say, like, sophomore year was literally like brought down 50 notches from freshman year. You just kind of get more grounded. You did all these fun new things freshman year and then sophomore year, you really kind of level out and you really kind of get, everyone kind of starts to get jobs and like, you start to figure out what your major wants to be.

So you kind of like buckle down sophomore year. So I think that it's fair for freshman year to be like fun. And you are going to make mistakes. You're going to have times where you're going to be like, shoot, like what, what was I doing and why did I do that? The first semester goes by so fast. It's like, oh, I show up in August and then, oh, it's November.

Ellie Hardy: It's insane how much it flew by.

Host: b It literally goes by like this. And then you're like, wait, I have I've gone to two classes.

Ellie Hardy: That's exactly what I, I looked back on and I was like, oh my gosh, I only went to my math class twice. I was like, wow okay.

Host: Yeah, it was like, and you kind of don't realize it in the moment because you get swept up in everything. So, really good. You got to forgive yourself and you got to move on. All you can do is just decide what your next move is going to be that's best for you, that prioritizes yourself. And I'm glad that you're doing that.

And I'm also glad that you're honest with your mom who can obviously help you so much and just kind of make a game plan. And that's another thing for all the girls out there that are kind of struggling in college or even high school. Like, you're allowed to tell people and you're allowed to ask for help.

Like, you don't need to be self sufficient when you're 18. You don't have to be self sufficient when you're 26, guys. Like, you're still so young. So, I'm glad that you're asking for help. It's really important to get help from the people that love you and support you, and, obviously your mom's the best, so she's got your back.

So continuing with this, what do you feel like you've been struggling with the most mental health wise? Do you think it's been like being anxious about your current state? Do you think it's been like, you're just feeling really down? Like, what do you think you're dealing with the most?

Ellie Hardy: It's definitely, uh, both, in a way. Obviously, like, I've always struggled with anxiety. Like, the littlest things give me anxiety. Like, walking into a room with a bunch of people, I get anxiety. Like, going to class, taking a test, doing a quiz, like, I still get anxiety. Like, just, like, the little things, and I've tried to work on that. It's definitely more like situational anxiety. It's not just like, I have anxiety when literally nothing's going on. It's just like certain situations will definitely, like, bring my anxiety to a T. And also, I definitely think, like, in this situation, you know, there really is no one else to blame but myself, and it's made me obviously feel bad, like, just like, I just feel like, down like, as a person, and like, I definitely feel like I didn't do what I came there to do.

And so that's just disappointing. I feel like obviously, like I let my parents down, but like I let myself down. And, like, that's a different type of like hurt, you know what I mean? Cause it's almost just like, you wanna do something so bad, and when you don't do it, and it was all in your control, it's just like, why did I do that to myself? So that's definitely something that I'm trying to like, process and work through is like I just feel like, so guilty and like, I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I let myself down. Like that's the last thing that I want to do, and the last thing that I want to do is obviously let my parents down, too. But, yeah, I definitely think, you know, since I've been home, the anxiety and just feeling down has I've gotten really bad at times, so I've made sure like okay, when it gets bad, either like take a shower, do a face mask, or go for a drive. Like, I have made sure, like, okay, I call up my best friend, Grace, and I'm picking you up, we just need to go drive around and get food, like, I need that. Definitely just making sure, like, if you're down or if you're feeling like, really upset, talk to someone. It's not something, like, in the beginning when I started to feel like this, I was like, I don't want to talk to anyone. Like, why would I do that? Like, I don't want to bother anyone else about it. But, like, at the end of the day, like, just getting a new perspective on things and if you really talk to someone and open, like, open up to them, they can give you a whole different outlook on it, and you could, it could really help you.

And I think, telling my mom about the position that I was in and helping her understand what was going on. Now she was able to, like, contact my teachers and get them to unlock past assignments for me and, like, my mom has genuinely been like, the best help I could ever ask for. Like, she has just like, completely put aside everything else and only focused on what has been going on with me and like make sure you tell like,if you feel down or you feel like something's going on, just tell someone or tell your mom or your dad because your mom and your dad are your biggest fans. They're your number one support system, and those are the people that no matter what, like, how bad the situation is, they're always gonna, like, get you out of it and always lead you in the right direction. Literally, no matter what.

Host: Oh, I love your honesty too. I just like really appreciate you sharing that and just the fact that, you know, you had to open up because you were just in this low point and you were like, you know what, I need to do something about it. I need help. And you got to the point where you were like, yes, like, do I feel so guilty and do I feel so bad saying something? Yes. But I'm not going to wallow in that. I'm just going to get help and kind of try and solve it from here, which is such a healthy thing to do. And I just, it's such good advice overall, just telling someone about when you're going through something like that and just getting help, getting guidance.

Again, if you feel like you don't have anybody to talk to, try to get into therapy if you can, like anyone who can kind of help you, guide you, create a plan of action to kind of get past the like hard times, the low times, is the best thing you can do for yourself. Um, because really, a lot of things are out of your control. That is one of the things that is in your control. If you're honest, if you tell someone, if you ask for help, because you can't solve everything on your own, and that's something that I think we all need to learn. So asking for help is not a bad thing, and it's not weak, it's strong to ask someone for help.

It's hard. So yeah, that's really interesting everything you said just about like, you know, your anxiety and everything that you've been dealing with since you're at college and it's very normal. So just so you know, it's very normal to go through ups and downs. Have to make decisions that are hard about, you know, if you're going to be at school, if you're going to do online, whatever it is, it's, it's a different journey for everyone.

Not everyone is meant for one specific path, and I think that that's something obviously you're learning, and I've learned that in the past too, and for everyone, like, it's normal to feel like you're kind of fluctuating in and out of like wanting to be at school. You don't want to be at school.

Wanting to be, like, work, whatever it is, like, that's all normal stuff that you are going to deal with in your 20s. Oh, it's just so good. I appreciate your vulnerability so, so much because it's so many people deal with this, like so many people deal with this, and nobody talks about the crisis of college.

I said, like nobody talks about it.

Ellie Hardy: Exactly! Yeah.

Host: And it's so normal because I've seen so many of my friends go through things, and same thing with me, I've dealt with it too, just kind of feeling like, do I fit in here? Do I want to be here? Whatever. And if school's your thing, that is awesome. Like that is great. But it's not a lot of people's, like, natural way. I know it's not my natural way. Like I'm currently just back at home, like taking a break because my mental health got so bad at school. So it's just important for everyone to know, like you're allowed to make decisions for yourself and you don't have to live up to everybody's expectations of you because you'll live in misery if you do that, so.

Just to kind of close out, do you have any finishing thoughts? You kind of talked about your self care and how you make sure to call your friends when you're feeling down and go on a drive and kind of get out. Do you have any like, final, like we could even make a list of things that people can do to kind of get out of their funk, change up the energy, like things that they can do to kind of get out of that space.

Ellie Hardy: When it started to get, like really bad, like when I was in Palm Beach, I made a routine on days that I would get up and go for a power walk. I would walk for miles, I'd walk to the beach, and just on the beach, and I'd go to the gas station, get a water, and then walk back to campus. Like, I would just, walking was kind of like my therapy. And like, obviously, West Palm is gorgeous, so it's just like, it's just looking around and, like, it makes you appreciate where you are. That's the one thing that I've made sure I've done. Second thing, like getting into a good book. I just started getting into a good book, and that has honestly helped me, like, it's like an escape in a way. The book is called Ice Breakers.

It's so good. Definitely just like getting into a good book where you can just kind of sit and be in your own little world is definitely very relaxing and I learned that from my mom because my mom, she's always reading. She's always doing something with a book or something. But then, you know, just talking to someone too. You know, when I was in middle school, I was dealing with so much. I can't remember like, everything that was going on, but, like I knew that just girls were being mean and boys and all that stuff.

And so I decided to go and talk to someone and that really helped me, like, she genuinely, like, just to be able and like to go and like sit in front of someone and really open up and get like I mean this person literally knows nothing about you so, like you're having to retell everything and like you can get a whole new outlook on it and like I hate when people are like oh my gosh like you have a therapist like that's weird. Like that's healthy that is not weird. Like that is something that like needs to be completely normalized and should not be looked at as, like, oh my gosh, like, you're screwed up if you have a therapist. Like, no, you are doing the best thing for yourself if you have someone to talk to. There should be no shame in like, going through mental health stuff in the first place. There should be no shame with it. There should be no like, oh my God, like, that's so, like. No, it's normal. Everyone goes through it. So that's one thing that I'd say is definitely, if it gets to that point where you feel like you need to talk to someone, I would.

And then, the last thing is just no matter how low you get don't stop taking care of yourself. Making sure, you know, get out of bed. Like, don't rot in your bed. As much as you want to, as much as you don't want to get up, force yourself to get out of bed. Make your bed, eat something, go for a walk, do some schoolwork, journal, just like, do that. Cause like, that should be your escape. And like, one of my friends, she recently just got broken up with. All the girls, you know that feeling. It's awful and I told her, I was like give yourself a week to like, rot in bed and feel sorry for yourself. And after that week, get up and just be like, alright, this is my time. It's, you know, be happy that you have this time to yourself and you're able to grow, independently. And I was like, you're gonna have times where, like you're gonna be sad and you're gonna wanna just like bawl your eyes out and not move but just keep going. Like get out of bed every single day and do something no matter if it's, like, literally going for a walk around the block.

Like, you're still doing something like, and, like, I definitely think that that's helped her. And she literally did that. She gave herself a week to be sad and feel sorry for herself and now she's like, I can tell, like, she's starting to get happier. And so definitely that. Just making sure you're taking care of yourself. No matter what's going on in your life. Literally no matter if you have nothing going wrong, still take care of yourself, do what you need to do. That was a lot. That was just a lot. That was just a lot of word vomit.

Host: I love that. That is such a good list. Yeah, I think that finding someone to talk to is always so important. Therapy is normal and therapy is good. It's truly, therapy is self care, just having someone on your side at all times that's completely disconnected from your life, that will listen, that will help you. So that is great advice, taking a walk, getting outside, just making sure you get up and out and do any possible achievement will make you feel better. Even if you make your bed, you did something.

Ellie Hardy: You're still doing something.

Iris Clark (Host): Anything you can do just to feel a little bit better about yourself or just build that confidence a little bit, because you build confidence by doing things over and over again that make you feel good.

So anything that makes you feel good will help build you back up. And eventually you'll get back to where you want to be. But, in the meantime, just try and do little things. And I love what you said about books. Books are so great, from like self help books to magazines to like romance.

Love it all. It's always good for you. So that list is so good. I don't even think I have anything to add. That was so perfect. I think that that kind of concludes our episode for today.

Touching on mental health in college and the ups and downs, what you can do to help it. So, thank you everybody for listening and thank you so much Ellie for coming on and sharing. And we always love having you. Thanks girlies for watching today. We'll see you in our next episode of For the Girls.

Bye, guys!