Iris Clark (Host): Hi, everyone. Welcome back to For the Girls podcast by the Valentina Campaign. I'm Iris Clark, your host. And today we have Grasyn back again from our episode last week. And we are so excited to have her on again. We just love her having her as a guest. This week we're going to talk about a little something different than we did last time which is mental health.

And we're just going to kind of talk to Grasyn today about, you know, her mental health journey, what she's gone through, that kind of thing, and how she's kind of dealt with some mental health challenges in the past. And yeah, I'm really excited to get to talk to you again today, Grasyn. And we'll just get right into it. Okay. So kind of just jumping right into the topic. Mental health, it's such like a blanket statement. It's just like, oh, like mental health, such like a broad thing to kind of discuss, but, I'd love to hear from you kind of your journey with mental health and like how it's shaped you as a person, what things you've dealt with in the past, that kind of thing.

Grasyn Peeples: So, I grew up kind of like, normal family, like mom, dad, little brother and then when I was younger, my mom kind of dealt with her own mental health situation, you know, like depression, anxiety, all of the big words that I feel like are so normal in mental health.

But she kind of dealt with it in a way of like abusing alcohol, abusing all of those things. So when I was younger, back in like elementary school, she went off to rehab. And then afterwards my parents kind of decided to split. And when you're like, seven or eight years old, that's a huge thing to go through and kind of try to understand.

And then having, my brother and I are like five years apart, so me being eight years old, he's like three and that's so hard to help him understand. But it was a rough journey and I kind of dealt with it on my own for a long time, not really knowing 100 percent of what was happening, not really having the full story, not understanding at all, being that young.

And then up about until a year ago, a year and a half ago, I finally started going to therapy, having somebody to talk to and now I have, like, bi-weekly meetings with my therapist, and I honestly think without her, I would not be where I am today. Having that person that has no idea what's going on really in your life and is just there to hear you and help, is such an amazing thing and I think everyone that has the opportunity to do it needs to do it, that has dealt with anything in that mental health field.

But yeah, that's kind of a little bit of like my backstory. Like I said, like without my therapist, I do not know where I would be because I was kind of dealing with it and shutting down and not really speaking at all. And I think that's the normal. People really just shut down and they don't know how to advocate themselves and speak for themselves.

And she's taught me, like, natural, normal ways to kind of speak and not feel afraid to talk to anyone about it. And I think that's why I'm so open about it today because before, I was so quiet about it. I was like, I don't want to talk. That's embarrassing that I've been through this. And honestly, it's not.

Everyone goes through so many things and they're so scared to talk about it because they don't want to feel like people are judging them. But at the end of the day, everyone goes through their own situations on their own. And I think being there for one another is a really big thing because a lot of people don't have the opportunity to go to therapy and have somebody to talk to.

So I think being there for friends, even just peers that you're not necessarily friends with, and just being there to listen is like a big thing and that's kind of how I got started. You know, I would talk to Ellie and, you know, talk to people that were my best friends, but not really getting into depth about it.

And now, after starting therapy, I feel like I can sit down with my best friends, and especially Ellie, and just like pour it out and not feel like she's going to judge me. Like, you know what, maybe people will, but it doesn't really matter because it's what I've been through and that's it. Like, you can't be ashamed of what you've been through and your mental health because it's just the way you feel at the end of the day.

Host: No, I love everything that you said and just like your honesty around everything. I can tell how like clear headed you are about it and you're like so able to share, which is literally so rare. Like, you're like so young and like even people that I'm friends with, like, still shut down and don't know how to talk about anything that they've gone through when everyone's gone through their things.

Like, everyone has their things and I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I dealt with the same thing not too young in life. It was more recently, but dealing with that and dealing with like a family kind of issue like that can be really hard and not talking about it can be even harder. And I feel like it makes you like, kind of internalize all these feelings and like, carry this weight in a way until you like, get the help you need and then like, talk it out and really get to work through it and actually start to move on.

Because once it's just festering inside of you, it's hard to move on, you know? Like, it's hard to like, actually heal from it until you like, get the help and talk to somebody who's like, knowledgeable on how to help and that kind of thing. So, I love what you said on that end. And I love that you're an advocate for therapy because so am I.

I tell everybody how important therapy is because so many people just don't know, like so many people are like, you know, it's so scary. I don't want to tell somebody about all this stuff I've been through because like, I don't want to feel judged. Like you were saying, and their whole point is they don't judge you.

Like, that's the best part of it, is like, they don't judge you. So, I think therapy is so important, and yeah, I mean, I'd love to kind of hear more about, like, how you feel like therapy has helped you in different ways, because I feel like it's so important for girls, like, of all ages, to realize you're allowed to go to therapy, like, at any age, if you feel like that could help you and benefit you, and just kind of like, if you want to talk about like how your therapist takes on situations or like how you've learned to kind of deal with certain situations from that, I'd love to hear that.

Grasyn Peeples: So, my therapist, I think her main focus is not only the mind, but also the body, and how to not only get your mind in shape, but also make sure that your body. You can be extremely full of anxiety and just think it's in your head, but your body's carrying that too. And I think people don't realize that.

But you have to not only take care of your mind, but your body is your temple. Like that is your, I mean, you live inside of your body. Like you have to take care of yourself. And she's taught me that it's not just about having a clear head, but it's also making sure that her main thing that she has taught me is every morning I go outside and I touch the ground and I'm with nature and making sure that my body is relaxed to start my day because today is Monday.

Nobody likes Mondays and I have to wake up and be like, okay, it's Monday. This is a long week ahead of me and I need to go outside, go drink a cup of coffee on the porch and just be with nature and just be with my thoughts and say, this is how I'm going to approach the week. This is how I'm going to whatever's coming.

And I have to do that with a clear mind and a clear body. Another thing that I think she's kind of taught me to do, I have always been like a big exercise person growing up, playing volleyball. That was just a part of my life. Like just even like walking on the beach, that's a big thing that I normally do.

 She also got me back into like enjoying to go horse riding. I did that when I was little a lot and being with an animal, like animals are therapeutic too. And I don't know if a lot of people know that, but being with an animal that can sense your emotions, it's such a nice thing. Like you have something that's not, it can't even, the horse can't speak to you.

It literally can't, but it knows that you need it. And that's what it's there for. I mean, horse riding is fun, but it's also like, that's what you're, you're there to ease your mind and ease your body. That's what it's there for. And then also a big thing that I've gotten into is yoga. I love to do yoga.

It relaxes your body. It makes you feel good, and I don't think I've ever been in a yoga studio where I come feeling like stressed out. Like you just feel so at ease, and I think that's another big thing. But just making sure that you're taking care of your body. A lot of people, especially before I started therapy, I was such a bad fast food eater.

Like I'd come home, I'd be like, you know, I want to go get Chick-fil-A, like whatever. That's fine. You can eat that in moderation. But when you sit there and you just put a bunch of crap into your body, it's going to make it harder for you to feel good about yourself. And I think that's another thing is with mental health comes confidence and when you're sitting there and you're not taking care of your body, you're not taking care of your mind, you don't feel great about yourself. And I think that's a big, big thing. You have to not only take care of your mind, but your body. Like those are the two big things. Like those. That's what you need to do when it comes to getting your life back on track, going to therapy. You need to find a therapist that fits for you and not everyone can just have one therapist. Like, they will switch and there's nothing wrong with that. You just have to find the person that you feel at ease talking to and feel comfortable with.

And it's not always easy. I mean, like, especially growing up, like school counselors, you just, they're there for you because they're at school and if you need somebody to talk to, but they're not always comfortable going to. I actually found my therapist. She was the mental health coordinator at my high school.

 She started her own business and then I just started going to her and I feel like from talking to her in school to her own business was a completely different switch. I didn't feel like I had to just speak about school rated things. Like, I could just be completely open and not feel judged in the school environment, which is a big thing.

 Yeah, and I think that that's really important just to find somebody that you connect with and that can not only make your mind feel good, but your body feel good too.

Host: Agreed. And I think finding a outlet, like what you said, like horseback riding and yoga and like getting outside and getting grounded. All of those are such great outlets to self care, get yourself in your right mind, like know how you're going to take on the day. My therapist would love everything you're saying because she always tells me to do things like that too.

But yeah, I think finding an outlet is so important. And, like you said, normalizing the fact that finding a therapist isn't always easy, like, and that's something a lot of people don't realize is like, oh yeah, okay, like, they decide one day, okay, I'm going to go to therapy, and then they try a therapist, and they're like, I hated it, like, therapy was so weird, and they were so awkward, it's like, well, that was only one therapist, like, that's not therapy as a whole, it's like, you have to find that, like, person that you really feel like you can be honest with and get you on that level, and some people you won't click with and some people you will.

It's a trial and error process and you finding your therapist through your high school, like, it's such a great way to find someone. And I would recommend any girl who's in middle school or high school to like, reach out to the counselor. Even if you don't get along with the counselor, say, do you have any referrals of other people?

Like, those are resources for you to use for the purpose of being your own advocate. And I think it's so important to normalize the therapist hunt, because it is real. Like, you have to hunt, because it's, you know, it's hard, and, you know, you don't click with everybody on a day to day basis, so you're not going to click with every therapist.

Like, that's just the truth of the matter. Another thing I wanted to talk to you about that I think would be interesting to hear from you is when other people that you're friends with, and you were kind of touching on this earlier, like, when other people are going through a hard time mentally, and like, you're having to be there for them, how do you go about being there for somebody while also setting your own boundaries so that it doesn't start to impact you?

Because I feel like there's so many different situations where, like, your best friend is, like, going through this really hard time, and you want to really be there for them, but then they can start to kind of, kind of take your mental health down with them because it's totally unintentional, they're not trying to do it. But just because you're thinking about all their stuff and it's kind of starting to become a weight on you. Have you learned any techniques to kind of help those around you that are like needing that help while also like setting a boundary?

Grasyn Peeples: I think, my main thing is, I, my therapist has always I'm more of like an empath where I feel other people's emotions and that is a really, really difficult thing to be. It really is. I think the main thing I've learned, especially, the past few years being in high school, like I said, like everyone is going through their own thing and you don't, you learn that it's not just you going through something and it kind of makes you feel like you're not alone.

That's a big thing. And I think my number one thing when it comes to helping out my friends is knowing that they can call me anytime, they can text me. Like I'm just a phone call or a text away. And if they need to sit there and call and cry on the phone or talk, that's amazing. Like, that's what I'm here for.

If they don't have that person that's a therapist for them, like, that, I will be there as your friend. But you also have to realize, like, after that phone call is up or that text exchange is over, you have to learn that you can't carry their problems with you. You can't think on it all day and say, okay, what can I do in the future for them?

Like, you just have to know that you're there for them in that moment and you give them the best advice that you can. But you can't necessarily carry their problems around with you all day because, like I said, everyone goes through their own things. But on top of that, you don't want to add somebody else's problems on top of yours because then it just drags you down even more.

Host: Yeah, no, I totally agree. I love that and I think that it's so important to be there for everybody that needs you to be there for them, and kind of put yourself in a position to not take on those feelings and just say, you know I'm putting a like wall between their feelings and my feelings, but I'm still going to help them through it. I'm still going to give them advice if they want it. I'm still going to kind of guide them along the journey but I'm not going to allow myself to take in those feelings because that can be really hard and it's really something that you have to work on.

It's a skill. Like I feel like when I was young, I would talk to all my friends about all their stuff and be like thinking about it and like, how can I fix it? How can I help them? And then I'd realize like I feel so drained by the end of the day. And like, I don't even know what's going on in my own life anymore because it's like, I'm thinking about everybody else.

But I think it's important to set that boundary while also being there for your friends, because you know, friends show up. I would love to hear more about, if you have any examples of like friends being really helpful to you when you were going through a hard time and then like how what they did to kind of help you through it.

Grasyn Peeples: It's a lot harder, when you're at like the younger ages, especially when I was younger, I lived in this very small neighborhood community. We were all like a golf cart ride away from each other. And I remember growing up, especially when I was young, and I was having a hard time with my parents. Like my friends would pick me up, whether that was on the back of their golf cart or I sat on the handlebars of their bike. And they're like, this is what we're going to do. We're going to have a girls weekend. We're going to watch movies, eat popcorn. Like we're going to feel good about ourselves and we're going to try to distract ourselves for as much as we can while still making sure that we're okay.

 And then the older I got, it was like, if I was really down, my friend would pick me up and say, we're going to get coffee and we're going to the beach and we're going to sit here until you're ready to either express yourself or you're saying, okay, I'm feeling a little bit better after silence. And a lot of my friends, I really am thankful for them because they don't make me feel like I have to talk if I don't want to.

They're just there if I needed a shoulder to cry on or if I need somebody just to be with, like have somebody around me and not feel so alone. And I think that's one of the best things you can do as a person being there for somebody that needs it. Like, picking them up, making sure they're okay, sending them a text, sending them anything that they need and making sure like, hey, I am here and I don't want you to ever feel alone because there have been times where I have felt alone and I have felt like I haven't had anyone.

So it's nice to have people make sure that I'm here for you, but I'm also not going to take your emotions with me. Like, I'm here when you need me, and I'm going to be there for whatever you need. If you need me to come bring you food, if you need me to come bring you a book to read, like that, I will do that.

But I also can't carry your feelings, like, with me. Like, when I need you, I need you, but when you don't, like, I will be here, like, no matter what. And I think that's really a good thing that my friends have always done for me. They've always picked me up after a boy problem, always picked me up after family problems, after anything, school problems.

They've always been there. And I know it can be hard sometimes, like making sure you're there for that person, but it's not a constant thing necessarily. Like you don't have to constantly feel like you have to be there for that person. Like you can still be their best friend and be their friend and be there when you need it.

And then just be a friend when they, when they don't, I feel like that's, the main thing, like they're there when you, when you need them, no matter what, but they don't necessarily carry your problems around, if that makes sense.

And

Host: Totally. Like, these things have ebbs and flows, and there'll be times where your best friend might need a lot of help, and then there'll be times where you need a lot of help, and then neither of you need a lot of help, and you guys are just like, both vibing and everything's good, but everything comes in ebbs and flows. And I love that you said, like, when you were younger and you were going through, like, your parents divorce, and you remember when your friends would come and pick you up, like, that was something you literally were like, they would just pick me up, either like on the bike or on the golf cart and we'd just go and have girls weekend.

Like those are the things that you remember is like those efforts, like just a small effort can really, really help someone. And I think that it's so important to remember, like it doesn't have to be the biggest thing ever, like the biggest gesture to make somebody feel better. It can literally be like a text that said, I was thinking about you today a lot, like, if you're free in like 10 minutes, we can chat.

Like, something like that. I know that makes my day, when somebody says that to me. Like, when I was going through a hard time and like, a friend actually noticed and said something and was like, hey, like, I've noticed you haven't been coming around as much lately. Like, are you okay? That's all you have to say.

Like, all you have to say is just reach out. Like, allow somebody to, the opportunity to tell you if there's something wrong if they're not speaking up about it, because a lot of times people don't want to speak up about it. So, yeah, I love everything that you said about those efforts because they really are important.

 Making efforts for your friends are really, is really important and if you're going through a hard time you're not alone and your friends are always there for you. Let's see, is there any other pieces of advice that you would give either to somebody who's going through a really hard time right now and feels like there's like no light at the end of the tunnel, or a friend who's feeling like their friend is having a really hard time and they don't know what to do?

Is there any like pieces of advice you would give, and you've already given so many, but if there's any like other pieces of advice you'd give them, I'd love to hear what you think.

Grasyn Peeples: The main thing that I've always listened to, my grandpa, and I have always been really close. I mean, he's always been like one of my best friends, and he has always told me no matter how hard you think this situation is, or no matter what rock bottom you've hit, there's no reason to stop. Whether that's going, believing that everything's goning to be fine, like, there is always something that will end up picking you up.

There's no reason to just say this is, like, I can't do this anymore because your life is just as important as everyone else's and I know that your situation is hard and you feel like you can't talk about it. But at the end of the day, like, there are going to be times that you feel like you've hit rock bottom and that you feel like there's nothing else that can help, but those people are always there for you, whether you don't feel like it or not, they are always there, like, you said, like, a friend just reaching out, like, people notice.

And I know you feel like necessarily they don't, but there will always be those people that will make sure that you're okay and you don't have to feel like, I don't have anything that's making me feel good. Especially in like a long rough patch, because I know that those rough patches can be long and they can be like, they're lasting for so long, but that doesn't have to feel like this is, I don't have anything else that's good in my life, because you do. You have your family, you have friends, you have school, you have so much going for you, and just because you're having a little lull of happiness doesn't mean that this is just done. Like you keep going for yourself and for others and you slowly pick up your pieces and say, okay, I'm going to do this.

I know it's hard and I know it's draining, but I have got to get myself back together, whether that's very slowly or very quickly. It's your path that you take. But yeah, like, just making sure that no matter what rough patch you go through, you are still saying, okay, I've got this. Like, I can do this.

I can come back from this. Like, I know it's hard right now, but it won't be in a few months, or a few weeks, or even a few days. Like, I've got this. Growing up as a girl can be very hard. I mean, there's a lot of stuff, especially the switch from elementary school to middle school and then to high school and then college.

Like those are big switches and you feel like I'm so alone, but everyone else is also dealing with that too. And you don't ever have to feel like I'm so alone that I don't have anything. I don't have anything good. There's always like little small good things in each day, whether you notice them or not. So I think that's like the main thing that I've learned throughout all of this. And like the biggest piece of advice that I have from that.

Host: No, I love that advice. It's so true and I think just remembering that no matter if you feel so alone, and you're going through friend troubles or relationship troubles or family problems, like, there's always something. There's always something that's important to you, or that you feel like will give you some sort of purpose.

There's always something, even if you feel like you're so alone, there is always a light. There's something at the end of the tunnel, and like, just don't give up, like, don't allow those dark patches to really weigh you down, because I'm sure we can both speak from this, like, we've both hit different rock bottoms in our lives, I'm sure, and like, you always bounce back.

Like, you do. You always bounce back, and that is something to remember, is like, every single hard time you've had until this point, you've gotten over it. Like, you've overcome it every time. Like, there's never been a time where you've hit that rock bottom and you just never came back from it. Like, right now, you've come back from it.

And that's just something to remember, is like, if you are going through a hard time, like, you will bounce back. You will. That is just guaranteed. Like, no ifs, ands, or buts. You will, even if it you feel like you won't, you will. Truly. And I love that you said that, because it's such an overarching theme here.

And I think it's so important to remember, just like, you know, such a simple statement. Don't give up, like it's not over, this is not the end, like, continue and things will bring you joy again, like, you will be happy again, that wasn't the last time you'll ever be happy. But I just love everything that you said and I appreciate how much honesty you had around everything and just like your clarity around these topics and I can just tell you're such a great friend to those going through a hard time and it was so great to talk to you again, I absolutely love talking to you about this topic.

Grasyn Peeples: Thank you. I had such a good time.

Host: Yes, me too. And, again, reminder, if you feel alone, you are not alone. And if you need help, reach out for help. Get a therapist. Reach out to a hotline. Anything you need, you have resources. So that's just a little reminder, but Grasyn, thank you so much again. It was so fun to talk today and I hope you all enjoyed this episode on mental health and helping your friends with mental health challenges and all those types of things. So thank you guys so much for coming on today and have a great rest of your day. Bye guys.