Leaving Your Abuser

Aside from personal safety, a significant concern when leaving an abuser is financial well-being.
Victims of abuse (physical, sexual, verbal) are often fearful of leaving the abuser for a number of reasons. Aside from personal safety, a significant concern is financial well-being. Many times, the "bread winner" of the household is the abuser, making it problematic for the abused to leave the relationship. 

Rosemary Lombardy is a financial advisor with over 35 years of experience. Although her professional expertise is in financial matters, her perspective on marital abuse, divorce, and recovery is deeply heartfelt and holistic, having gone through her own abusive situation.

Rosemary has some helpful tips for anyone who is in a dire situation and needs to seek help:

  • Personal safety is the number-one priority. If you believe physical abuse is imminent, you have to protect yourself and your children.
  • Never leave your children behind. This could be considered abandonment or be perceived as the abused falsifying accounts of the abuse.
  • Before you leave or alert your partner you're filing for divorce, set aside cash and get a credit card in your name only. Transfer half of any jointly-held funds to another account, and have those bank statements sent to a PO Box or an address that is not your home.
  • Make copies of bank statements or any other important documents. Store this "evidence" somewhere safe outside the home.
  • Prepare a go-to bag, with cash, driver's license/passport, clothes, toys for kids, birth certificates, marriage certificate, medical and immunization records, prescriptions, insurance information, legal documents, and a restraining order if you have one.
  • Document the abuse, take photos, and write down the name of any law enforcement officers you speak with. Keep "incriminating" emails, such as threats from your abuser or evidence of infidelity.
If you're unable to afford legal help, shelters often provide a lot of assistance, such as free or reduced cost legal counsel, therapy, and job assistance if you've been out of the workforce. If you can, Rosemary suggests getting the advice of a financial expert in addition to your attorney.

Listen in as Rosemary joins host Melanie Cole, MS, to learn more about the "right" way to get out of a bad situation and additional resources for those who are suffering abuse.

Additional Info

  • Segment Number: 1
  • Audio File: lifes_too_short/ts95.mp3
  • Featured Speaker: Rosemary Lombardy, Author
  • Organization: Breaking Bonds: How to Divorce an Abuser and Heal - A Survival Guide
  • Book Title: Breaking Bonds: How to Divorce an Abuser and Heal - A Survival Guide
  • Guest Website: Rosemary Lombardy
  • Guest Facebook Account: www.facebook.com/xbreakingbonds
  • Guest Twitter Account: @xbreakingbonds
  • Guest Bio: Rosemary LombardyRosemary Lombardy is a financial advisor with over 35 years of experience. Although her professional expertise is in financial matters, her perspective on marital abuse, divorce, and recovery is deeply heartfelt and holistic. She draws on decades of personal experience, as well as the experiences of others who have gone through similar situations, to help inform abused women so that they will become empowered to leave their abusers and begin to heal.

    Her former background in law, as well as being both a Catholic who has studied the Kabbalah and a Reiki master, have enabled her to provide practical guidance and spiritual techniques that women can use when they most need them. Her intention with Breaking Bondsis to offer a comprehensive plan to foster self-awareness, self-responsibility, empowerment, and critical thinking so that women can break the cycle of abuse in their families and truly heal to transform their lives.
  • Length (mins): 17:15
  • Waiver Received: No
  • Host: Melanie Cole, MS
Published in Life's Too Short
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