Maybe he isn’t coasting through life. The expectations placed on him may be so great that he’s under pressure. He may not feel like he can reach those expectations, so he flies under the radar. Trying hard and failing reinforces negative feelings.
Of course, you’re going to worry about your son. You want him to prosper. If you yell and scream at him too much, you’ll only push him to do less.
It’s important to let your child fail in certain situations in order to learn. It’s okay not to know everything. Teenage failures don’t typically ruin lives. Be there as the safety net, but let your son take the lesson.
Help Your Son Thrive
- Encourage your children by focusing on processes instead of achievements. Compliment them when they work hard so they feel more competent.
- Provide autonomy for your child with accountability. Let your child decide to stay up late on a school night but send him to school the next day. This is a safe way for him to learn that actions have consequences.
- Connect with him. People do better when they know others care about them. End power struggles with your teen. Listen empathically and understand where he’s coming from. You don’t always have to agree with him.
Adam Price, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author, has worked with children, adolescents, and their families for more than 25 years. He is an expert in learning disabilities and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD).