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INTRO: Another informational resource from UK Healthcare. This is UK HealthCast featuring conversations with our physicians and other healthcare providers.

Caitlin Whyte: Welcome to UK HealthCast from the University of Kentucky Healthcare. I'm your host, Caitlin Whyte. There is nothing quite like a toddler's tempered tantrum, whether it's at home or a public location. In the end, everyone in the family is upset. So how should parents address toddler temper tantrums? Joining us for this conversation is Dr. Angela Houchin, a pediatrician at Kentucky Children's Hospital. So Doctor, first off, thank you so much for being here today. Let's start our conversation today with what causes those temper tantrums?

Angela Houchin, MD: So the short answer is children throw a temper tantrum when they don't get what they want. For younger kids, that might be because they have less developed verbal skills, and so the parent or caregiver doesn't understand what they're asking for, and the child gets very frustrated and throws a tantrum. They also do tantruming for getting attention or to get what they want. Let's say you're at the store in the toy aisle and they want something and you're telling them no, but they really want it, so they're gonna throw a tantrum. It can also occur from just their basic needs needing to be met. So they may be hungry or they may be tired. So lots of reasons for them to have a tantrum, but we can work on trying to fix that.

Caitlin Whyte: Well, that leads me into our next question. How can we prevent temper tantrums?

Angela Houchin, MD: So the most important thing you can do to help prevent them are. First off, make sure their basic needs are met. Make sure they're getting enough sleep. If you're about to run an errand, don't do it at nap time. They are hungry. Make sure you always have some snacks on hand if you're gonna be out and about, so that if they do get hungry, you can. Be ready and provide a snack so they won't throw a tantrum because they're just hungry.

Another important aspect of preventing temper tantrums would be to set clear expectations, and most importantly, do not give into the tantrum. If you give into the tantrum just to quiet them down, they're gonna learn that the louder they are, the quicker and easier it is to get what they want.

Caitlin Whyte: Gotcha. So let's talk about dealing with temper tantrums, and I guess this is a two part question. You know, a temper tantrum is happening. What should you do in the moment? And then also long term, how can we deal with temper tantrums in that way?

Angela Houchin, MD: Yeah. So the advice I always give moms in the clinic setting is ignore, ignore, ignore. The more attention you give the tantrum, the more they're going to do it, because that is what they want is attention. So when I say ignore, I want you to survey the area where they're throwing their tantrum. Make sure it's safe, and then don't talk to them. Don't look at them. Don't give them any inkling that you were paying attention to them in any way. Cause again, they want that attention.

Long term, again, it's back to setting expectations and not giving into them so they can very quickly learn who they can manipulate and who they can't. So oftentimes we have one parent that is soft and one parent that sticks to their guns. When they really want something, they're gonna go to the soft parent every time. So if you want to prevent temper tantrums long term, you just got to be firm. Even if they're in the store throwing the tantrum because they want that toy, don't get them that toy.

Just go about your business. Yes, you're gonna get looked at by everyone in the store, but in the long run you're doing the best thing for you and your child.

Caitlin Whyte: Well, It sounds like temper tantrums are a pretty standard part of having a toddler. So how normal are temper tantrums, really, and how frequently should parents be expecting them?

Angela Houchin, MD: So temper tantrums are very normal. Every child is unique, so the exact timing of the tantrums is gonna be different for each child. You've probably heard people talk about the terrible twos because, Temper tantrum age, but I have seen many kids start before age two. And that often is because they aren't able to speak and their caregiver know exactly what they want and so they get frustrated and throw a tantrum. But I've also seen it happen in three year olds.

It can wax and wane in that age range, one to three. In general, you live through it once and then you may have an occasional temper tantrum here and there, but it's not gonna be like an everyday basis.

Caitlin Whyte: So are there any signs though, that your child's tantrums could indicate a bigger issue underneath?

Angela Houchin, MD: So if the tantrums are extreme and they're frequent, happen multiple times a day, despite handling them, as we've discussed, that would be a reason, I would say, to bring it up to your child's pediatrician. So when I say extreme, like they get almost violent. They actually hurt themselves while they're throwing their tantrum. It's happening no matter what you do. It's happening multiple times a day, every day.

That's a bit extreme for temper tantrums. Another thought is, if it's a school age child and they're all of a sudden starting to throw temper tantrums again, that's also not normal. So that would be another reason I would say. Probably ought to think of something bigger and professional help probably is needed.

Caitlin Whyte: Absolutely. And wrapping up here, doctor, I mean, when we seek that professional help, if the tantrums do get to that extreme level like you're saying, what would that look like and how can UK Healthcare help?

Angela Houchin, MD: So the biggest thing is identifying why the child is having the temper tantrum, you know? Kids are very sensitive to emotion, and so if the family is having struggles, whether it be financial or partner problems, where there's tension in the home, the kid might be responding to that. The kid may have had some type of trauma that needs to be figured out, so that we can stop it from happening again and help him or her work through that trauma. So most of the children that would reach this level, we would request or refer to psychology or a social worker that would be able to do like play therapy and help figure out what exactly is at the root of all these tantrums.

So Kentucky Children's Hospital provides great avenues for us to get children better care, providing education similar to this podcast, so parents know what to expect in their child's normal development and know when it goes beyond the normal realm and they should seek help.

Caitlin Whyte: Well, thank you so much, Doctor. I know this information will help so many parents and guardians calm their children down. For more information, you can visit the Kentucky Children's Hospital webpage to learn about our abundant pediatric services. And that wraps up another episode of UK Healthcare with the University of Kentucky Healthcare. Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast and all of the other University of Kentucky Healthcare Podcasts. I'm Caitlin Whyte. Be well.